#1 Edited by Irishlad (545 posts) - - Show Bio

Author's Note: Feel free to be as nice or as harsh as you like in the comments either way I'd really appreciate the feedback.(special thanks to primepower53 and CapFanboy for the help)

Prologue: Fair Game

It flew like a shooting star and its light covered the night sky, it was beautiful but as I watched closer the light had dazzled me.

I couldn't see but all I could hear was an explosion and children screaming.

The blast had shook the ground beneath and its force was felt all through Asgard.

Hordes of people charged to gather around and see what had happened.

I was still dazed from the light and I could barely see. However I rushed towards the crowd gathered around the blast.

All I could hear was whispers and murmuring amongst the crowd as I made my way through.

"IT'S A STORM!", "IT'S AN ATTACK" all of these words had worried me but none of them struck the fear into my heart as much when I could see clearly that it was none of these...it was a GODDESS!

Her helmet was crushed into pieces, the only thing left was a chunk lodged into her chin and as the blood trickled from her head down along her armor I looked towards her hand, there was a note. I couldn't quite make it out because the blood had faded the writing, but as I looked closer and tried my best to wipe away the blood it was clear what it had said, "Fair Game."

Odin's Throne Room, Asgard

All father, Odin who could have done such a thing who would want to kill one of our own so brutally like this?

Odin glances at me with his one eye, as he inhales he gives a sign of discomfort "what was her name Sif? the Goddess who fell?"

"Eir" I said.

Odin's throne room fell silent I never saw an Odin without words before, he always has something to say.

What is it? I say hesitantly.

Give me your hand Sif.

Why?

Just give it.

Odin pierces a blade through my hand and a piece of blood splatters on the golden plated ground.

The pain is indescribable but I bite my tongue and ask

What is it? I've never bled so easily before.

No... Odin pauses in disbelief.

Odins hands start to tremble and his face begins to turn pale white. Odin has lived for thousands of years he has fought the most powerful beings in all of the nine realms what could make him act like this? I don't know what to say so I yelp out a question that I fear I already know the answer to.

What is it what's the matter?

Odin glances back in my direction and yells.

Don't you understand what this means? Eir was the goddess of healing.

NOW THAT SHE HAS BEEN KILLED WE ARE NO LONGER INVULNERABLE, WE ARE NO LONGER......IMMORTAL!

Chapter 1: The Warrior's Three

Court of Asgard

I'm surprised I even got a seat hear in the Asgardian court.

Hundreds are cramped in just to see what happens next.

3 men are being charged with a massacre and an array of war crimes.

Odin has sent me here to retrieve the three men for my quest to find the person responsible for killing Eir.Things were so much simpler when I was younger, before you were told where to swing and you swung now we must be careful not to breach any treaties just by stepping foot on land that isn't your own. I don't know much about the three men other than they were once close friends with Thor. They aided him in most of his adventures and they seemed alright but if they really are the monsters the charges are claiming then I will have to travel alone.

Chancellor Fa--

Fandral: Ah ba ba my good man Allow me. I AM!

Fandral: This lovable little fellow is...

Fandral: And Finally we have...

Fandral: ahem....grim.

Hogun stares daggers back at Fandral who is snickering to himself.

Chancellor: Silence you are aware of these serious charges that face the three of you.

Fandral:Yes abou...

Chancellor:You are charged with a massace of 125 people, robberies of Asgards most sacred objects such as and not limited to Bodn,Gjoll...

Fandral: Yes, as I...

The chancellor continues

Chancellor: Gelgja,Elfen Beam and as it says here...eating the King of the frost giants dinner.

Volstagg leaves out a little giggle as the chancellor takes a deep breath after the long list of charges.

Chancellor:How do you plead?

Fandral:Not guilty, y'see it was sort of an exaggeration.

Chancellor:An exaggeration?

Fandral: Yes we kind of didn't kill 125 men we have no clue where those objects are and Volstagg....may have eaten the King of Frost Giants dinner.

Hogun: The point is chancellor we are innocent and there are no witnesses to these charges because it never happened.

Chancellor:No witnesses? You told my daughter.

Fandral: Yes but that was different chancellor.

Chancellor:Different how?

Fandral: I only did it to get r..n..b...d

Fandral mutters something under his breath.

Chancellor:To what?

Fandral:To get her in bed.

The whole court gives a collective gasp and the only noise that can be heard is me hitting my hands of my face in disbelief.

Chancellor:How dare you? you three clearly have no respect for anything or anyone but yourseleves.

I hereby send you to execution and....

Sif:Hold it.

Odin didn't send me to fight with a chancellor but he must really be over his head if he thinks he's sending these three to jail.

Next Chapter: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/marvel-genesis-the-warriors-three-2/684969/#1

#2 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad: I swear I've read this before... :P

Great work!

#3 Posted by Irishlad (545 posts) - - Show Bio

haha thanks :)

#4 Posted by Jonny_Anonymous (27350 posts) - - Show Bio

Ha this is pretty good, like the accompanying art as well 

#5 Posted by Irishlad (545 posts) - - Show Bio

thanks for the kind words I appreciate it!

#6 Posted by Project_Worm (2872 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad: Good start man! Definitely going to keep an eye on this.

#7 Posted by TheAnnihilator (1056 posts) - - Show Bio

Nice stuff

#8 Edited by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

You need to put those quotations around those sentences in the prologue. I know you were trying to be more neat, but I would suggest to place more details next to the dialogue. It's quick, easy to read, but lacks any substance the way it is.

I edited the prologue, and I will bold some of the changes that I made later so it is easier to see. Also, you do something many people do, use contractions. They are not bad, but whenever you write a formal paper, it is always best to write the contraction completely out, unless it is part of dialogue.

_________________________________

It flew like a shooting star and its light covered the night sky, it was beautiful but as I watched closer, the light had dazzled me.

I could not see but all I could hear was an explosion and children screaming.

The blast had shaken the ground beneath, it and its force resound all through Asgard.

Hordes of people charged to gather around and see what had happened.

I was still dazed from the light, and I could barely see. However, I rushed towards the crowd, gathered around the blast.

All I could hear was whispers and murmuring amongst the crowd as I made my way through.

"IT'S A STORM!", "IT'S AN ATTACK" all of these words had worried me but none of them struck the fear into my heart as much when I could see clearly that it was none of these...it was a GODDESS!

Her helmet crushed into pieces, the only thing left apiece (another word would be better here, reading again, a piece was meant to be something else. Maybe, a chunk or some other word), lodged into her chin and as the blood trickled from her head. Down along her armor I looked towards her hand, there was a note. I could not quite make it out because the blood had faded the writing, but as I looked closer and tried my best to wipe away the blood, it was clear what it had said, "Fair Game."

Odin's Throne Room, Asgard

"All father, Odin, who could have done such a thing who would want to kill one of our own so brutally like this?"

Odin glances at me with his one eye, as he inhales he gives a sign of discomfort "what was her name Sif? the Goddess who fell?"

"Eir" I said.

Odin's throne room fell silent. I never saw Odin without words before, he always has something to say.

“What is it?” I say hesitantly.

“Give me your hand Sif.”

“Why?”

“Just give it.”

Odin pierces a blade through my hand, and a piece of blood splatters on the golden, plated ground.

The pain is indescribable but I bite my tongue, and then ask, “What is it? I've never bled so easily before.”

“No...” Odin pauses in disbelief.

Odins hands start to tremble and his face begins to turn pale white. Odin has lived for thousands of years he has fought the most powerful beings in all of the nine realms what could make him act like this. I do not know what to say so I yelp out a question that I fear I already know the answer to.

“What is it, what's the matter?”

Odin glances back in my direction, yelling. “Don't you understand what this means? Eir was the goddess of healing”.

"NOW THAT SHE HAS BEEN KILLED, WE ARE NO LONGER INVULNERABLE; WE ARE NO LONGER...IMMORTAL!"

#9 Posted by Time_Phantom (522 posts) - - Show Bio

I liked this it was an easy read.... I have to agree with Play around with putting in more setting, throw in some description after dialogue. Good work, keep practicing write every day and believe it or not reading other peoples stuff helps a lot. You see how different writers do different things with words and all that.

#10 Posted by feebadger (1336 posts) - - Show Bio

I absolutely love The Warriors Three so i had high expectations reading this. But this is a really good start to your story and i look forward to reading more (though i'd love to hear more from Volstagg and Hogun). Good work, IrishLad.

#11 Posted by UnderDogs_OverBoard (1137 posts) - - Show Bio

Nice !!!

ahahaha I enjoyed it

I want to read mooore!

#12 Posted by UnderDogs_OverBoard (1137 posts) - - Show Bio

Oh I just realized this was your first fan-fic...

ahhh I still remember my first...

I loved it man keep it up!

#13 Posted by TheCannon (16073 posts) - - Show Bio

Cool.

#14 Edited by Irishlad (545 posts) - - Show Bio