#1 Edited by X35 (5981 posts) - - Show Bio

Rightio, here we are. First off, I did this all in a really professional screenplay style but this bastard thing won't let me use TABBED text so nothing was indented making it hard to differentiate between speech and stage actions. I've italicised the stage directions but it's not great for telling them apart...

Secondly, be careful when reading because the names Andreas and Andrea are so close it's easy to misread one of their names and read something as being said by the wrong twin or whatever...

Thirdly, if you're affected by racism - you might want to proceed with caution - the first scene is pretty brutal and horrible to read......but don't worry, i've got it all planned out.......and Joaquin will get his revenge one day :D

SWORDSMAN

Issue #1: The Shape of Things to Come

Featured characters:

Andreas Strucker/Swordsman (first appearance)

Supporting characters:

Andrea Strucker (first appearance, dies)

Joaquin Pennysworth (first appearance)

The Cannon (first appearance, dies)

Baron Von Strucker (mentioned)

The Sons of the Serpent (mentioned)

HAMMER (mentioned)

SCENE 1 - NEIGHBORHOOD ALLEYWAY CIRCA 90S - DAY

The sequence is presented in black and white as two teenagers, Andreas and Andrea kick a slightly younger and clearly already beaten up kid. Why you ask? Oh, I forgot to say he's black. And his name is Joaquin. Joaquin, bruised and badly beaten grunts and groans from the ground as the twins continue to kick him.

ANDREA

Have you learnt the lesson yet, you piece of dirt?

ANDREAS

Nah, his kind don't know how to learn. Taking in information is all too much for their tiny little brains!

The duo kick Joaquin in the gut some more as the twins continue to laugh and berate Joaquin.

ANDREAS

Come on you little rat! Say it! SAY IT!

ANDREAS

I think we're gonna have to give him a more hands-on lesson if he's ever going to be educated in social etiquette.

Andrea grabs Joaquin by the hair and pulls him up off the ground and brings him closer to Andreas. Andreas begins rolling up his sleeve on his right arm to reveal a swastika tattoo on his shoulder.

ANDREAS

Careful, sis, watch where you get that thing. Don't want to get his dirty blood on my boots.

(to Joaquin)

Alright, you see this?

(points to tattoo)

Since you refuse to say it, maybe it'd be best if you do it.

Joaquin, looking worse than hell, still refuses to acknowledge his tormentors. Merely staring down Andreas with his one non-lumped over eye. Andrea pulls out a switchblade and levels it at Joaquin.

ANDREAS

Alright, here's the deal... they say actions speak louder than words, so we'll let you off... if you kiss it.

JOAQUIN

F*ck you!

ANDREA

Oh, it knows how to talk!

ANDREAS

Too bad, too late. If this thing could have found it's voice 20 minutes ago, he would've saved us a lot of time. All we ever wanted was for him to give us twenty or thirty Sieg Heils. But, no, he had to go be difficult.

ANDREA

Aw, damn it, can I just stick him, bro?

ANDREAS

Nah, not yet, I want to see the little freak pay respect to the anchor that will rise again and crush his stupid people.

Andreas and Joaquin grapple for a bit as the former tries to force the latter against his shoulder. Joaquin is in no shape to fight back following his beating. Andrea assists her brother in pressing Joaquin's face up against the tattoo.

ANDREAS

Now lick it! LICK IT!!

After hesistation and some limited grappling, Joaquin eventually surrenders and licks the tattoo as the twins break out in laughter and let go of their victim whom falls against the wall barely able to stand from his beating. Spitting blood from his mouth, he turns back to his tormentors.

JOAQUIN

Laugh while you can, because that stupid little anchor of yours is going to weigh you down until you drown and you and all your stupid--

Before Joaquin can finish his sentence, Andrea without a moment's hesitation stabs him in his side causing her brother to laugh even more.

SCENE 2 - DARK MOTEL - PRESENT DAY - NIGHT

A lone figure, an older Andreas, sits on the end of the bed. He is holding his right shoulder which is wounded and seeps blood from underneath his grasp. Behind him on the bed we see a sword with a bloodied tip.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

I've made too many mistakes. Guess I can add this to the list.

Andreas grabs a torn shirt and wrapping his wound makes a rather rushed tourniquet from it.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

I was hoping it would feel good. You know, the symbolism and stuff? Like it would be my big rebirth. I was hoping for something enlightening or momentous. But it just hurts.

Andreas having shoddily tended to his cut begins wiping down his sword.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

Kinda wasted my time believing in the wrong kind of crap. Dad thought Hitler and his reich was just about the surest thing in the world. Even after his favorite Führer blew his brains out when he realised he'd f*cked up.

Andreas begins a prolonged "gearing up" sequence, putting on his costume- starting with a grey bodysuit.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

I suppose the only thing Adolf was right about was wanting to better the world. It's a shame he completely missed the mark and began blaming the Jews and the blacks for everything that's wrong. It's not something as simple as appearance or religion that's ruining this world. God, I wish it was. It's our own nature. It's good and evil.

Andreas continues to dress up, placing purple body armor over his jumpsuit.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

Villainy breeds heroism and heroism breeds villainy. The only way the world can actually be better is without the heroes and the villains to ruin it.

Andreas is finished tooling up, he's now wearing his Swordsman outfit. He takes his sword and places it into a sheath.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

I guess dressing up like an idiot won't help things.

SCENE 3 - NEW YORK ROOFTOP - NIGHT

A yellow costumed man, named The Cannon, perches on the rooftop, presumably having his own thought-box discussion to himself. He is aptly punched in the back of the head and knocked out by Swordsman who crept up from behind him.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

But I suppose I could look stupid and be this loser.

SCENE 4 - ABANDONED WENDY'S DINER - NIGHT

The Cannon slowly opens his eyes. He discovers he's lying against a wall, he's also been roughed up since we last saw him. He takes a quick look around to see a largely empty and dilapidated restaurant. Sans a few stray chairs, knocked over tables and Wendy's menus lying around the place. He tries to move but can't quite move his legs. The Swordsman watches him from the opposite end of the diner, in the shadows - not quite in the "light".

SWORDSMAN

Don't waste your time. I broke your legs.

The Cannon continues to try to pick himself up before realising it's true and gives up trying to move and begins to look worried and looks around as Swordsman moves in out of the darkness.

SWORDSMAN

Cannon is it? Cannonball? I can never remember your names and I don't want to.

THE CANNON

Who the hell are you and what the hell do you want?

SWORDSMAN

I'm the Swordsman. And what I want is to make the world a better place.

THE CANNON

Then what am I doing here?

SWORDSMAN

We've all got to start somewhere. I'm starting by eliminating the villains of this world. The people like you.

THE CANNON

What the hell are you talking about?

Swordsman takes out his sword from it's sheath, The Cannon tries to back away - even though the idiot is already against a wall and has nowhere to back away to.

SWORDSMAN

My sister. She died not too long ago. It was a clown like you who caused it. See, she was with this group called The Sons of the Serpent? Have you heard of them? They're an extremist group. Get a lashing in the Bugle. Deservedly so. They're a bunch of idiots. HAMMER sometimes contract them. It's funny actually, I almost joined them. But I grew out of the whole "white is right" bullsh*t. Maybe if I hadn't, I'd have joined and been able to save my sister.

THE CANNON

Dude, if you- if you let me go-- we can go together and-- take down the Serpents or HAMMER or whoever killed your sister. What the hell do you want with me?

SWORDSMAN

What I want is for you to die a slow and painful death in the name of a better world.

THE CANNON

(panicked noises)

Oh god, oh god, oh god...

SWORDSMAN

It's not the Serpents I blame, it's your sort. You people disgust me. Don't you idiots realize it's a circle? My father used to bore me and my sister with his idealistic idiocy. One of the things he thought was deep and philosophical was this kinda little "motto" he came up with... "cut off one head and two more shall take it's place". Do understand why I've got to kill you now?

THE CANNON

(panicked)

No!! God no! You're making no sense. What did I do? I didn't kill your sister!! Please, don't kill me. I only became the Cannon the other day. I didn't hurt anyone!!

SWORDSMAN

I don't care about you. I don't care about your back-story. You might have a dying Aunt in Queens or a super model girlfriend you come home to every night for all I care. Whatever you have... whatever you think you have... you are destroying them and the world around them by putting on this costume. They are normal people. They are like my sister. Then you people come along. Bring about nothing but death and destruction. So let me save your loved ones for you.

THE CANNON

(panicked)

Dude, please, let me go. My father's rich, he can pay you. Pay you a lot.

SWORDSMAN

I've got to admit, so far you've been disappointing. I was expecting more conversation before you started begging... maybe I should just gut you now?

Swordsman advances on his captive who raises his hands in a gesture of "hey, bro, back-up!"

THE CANNON

(panicked)

Wait wait wait wait!! Wait!! Don't kill me!! Please! We can talk!! DO THE WHOLE SUPERVILLAIN MONOLOGUE THING. PLEASE!!! Just don't kill me!!

SWORDSMAN

I am not a supervillain.

THE CANNON

(panicked)

OK! You're not a supervillain. Yeah, you're not a supervillain. And you're going to let me live because you're not a supervillain.

SWORDSMAN

No, I'm going to gut you because you're a supervillain.

THE CANNON

(panicked)

Dude, listen! Please! I have no idea what the hell you think I am but... just let me live please.

SWORDSMAN

I wish I could say I was sorry... but I'm not. I'm proud of what I'm about to achieve.

Swordsman lashes out in a frenzy at The Cannon repeatedly bludgeoning and stabbing the cannon in the chest with his sword. SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT (ok, that's not the sound a sword makes, what noise does a sword penetrating skin make?). The Cannon is left lifeless with a repeatedly pierced body. Not an inch of life in him, as Swordsman - face splashed with bits of blood - regains his cool and calmly brushes his hair aside with his hand.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

Damn, that felt good.

Swordsman begins wiping down his sword with a newspaper.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

Just a shame the kid didn't talk much. I had a whole monologue planned about how I became Swordsman. Oh well, the knowledge wouldn't've done him any good anyway.

Swordsman discards the bloodied newspaper, throwing it towards The Cannon's dead body. He leaves the scene of the murder as we focus on The Cannon's body and we see the newspaper draped over his legs: the headline reads "LOCAL HERO FOILS BANK ROBBERY, SAVES SMALL CHILD" with a picture of the Cannon next to it posing and grinning.

NARRATOR (ANDREAS)

Maybe the next ones will be educated in social ettiquiette.

FIN

Next issue: Swordsman pays respects to his sister as we discover the origin of the Swordsman!

#2 Posted by nickthedevil (13261 posts) - - Show Bio

First to comment! Whooo! And i read this in the PM, and liked it. Keep it up :)

#3 Edited by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

FANTASTIC! My favorite part is when he kills Cannon. :D

#4 Posted by batkevin74 (11000 posts) - - Show Bio

@X35: Ummmm did you use a user in your story an kill him as a subtle dig or are you genuinely being nasty? Because I like the story but if this is fuel to a fire

#5 Posted by X35 (5981 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: It was an in-joke, but thanks for reminding me... i accidentally left in a bit that made it seem real obvious/nasty, d'oh.

#6 Posted by CapFanboy (5332 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@X35: Ummmm did you use a user in your story an kill him as a subtle dig or are you genuinely being nasty? Because I like the story but if this is fuel to a fire

But he was a hero! He saved a child!!!!

@X35: Brilliant!

#7 Posted by X35 (5981 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks for the nice comments, you lovely people :)

#8 Posted by moviegeek17 (1489 posts) - - Show Bio

Cool first chapter! My favorite scene was scene two personally. That scene had some badass narrating.

#9 Posted by TheGoldenOne (38849 posts) - - Show Bio
Agreed. scene two was pretty good. Nice work!
 
@primepower53 said:
FANTASTIC! My favorite part is when he kills Cannon. :D

Same here.
#10 Posted by X35 (5981 posts) - - Show Bio

Now with cover art by the spectacular !

#11 Posted by The Impersonator (5555 posts) - - Show Bio

I just got stabbed by the Swordsman. Great chapter!

#12 Posted by Project_Worm (3461 posts) - - Show Bio

@X35: Just saw your little "plug" (for lack of a better word) in the new writers thread, and man am I glad I did! It's a little hard to read in some parts (for me at least) but a REAL GREAT JOB none the less.

#13 Posted by X35 (5981 posts) - - Show Bio

@The Impersonator: @Project_Worm: Thank you, lovelies! xD

And don't worry, Worm, it's going to get a lot more depraved and grotesque... I mean, this one doesn't even have any incest in it haha xD

#14 Posted by Project_Worm (3461 posts) - - Show Bio

@X35: I don't even... How did you know I wanted more nasty -_-... Am I that transparent ;P

#15 Posted by MsMarvel22 (166 posts) - - Show Bio

I loved this. I have one question however. Why did you call the person that was killed by Swordsman Cannon? With how he sounds, shouldn't it of been a corny name like "the Star?"

#16 Posted by X35 (5981 posts) - - Show Bio

@MsMarvel22: Hehe, thank you, let's just say there's a certain member of this forum who annoys me and called me a bitch... so... I had to kill him.

#17 Posted by MsMarvel22 (166 posts) - - Show Bio

@X35 said:

@MsMarvel22: Hehe, thank you, let's just say there's a certain member of this forum who annoys me and called me a bitch... so... I had to kill him.

You mean TheCannon? I have seen him on the site, but I have never talked to him. He responded to my giving two points to Batman: Mask of the Phantasm by saying "If it's a war you want, it's a war you get!"

#18 Posted by batkevin74 (11000 posts) - - Show Bio

@X35: Casual bump :)