Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio

Rated T.

 Page 1/

Panel 1:

Show a Professor standing in his office, gesturing toward the “camera”, with a broad smile on his face. Artist’s discretion on Professor’s appearance/gender.

PROF: Gentlemen, I’m glad you could make it. You’re my two most promising students.

Panel 2:

Close up on the Professor’s grinning face.

PROF:   Now, I know there’s a year’s difference between the two of you, but I’m certain that won’t amount to anything, as you’re both well beyond your peers.

Panel 3:

Large shot of two young men standing just inside the doorway. One has shoulder-length light brown hair, is tall, and has a confident stance. He has a smug grin on his face and is wearing an open-collared shirt and jeans. The other man has short black hair, glasses and is leaning gawkily against the wall. He is wearing a jacket that’s too big for him, dark pants and a white, buttoned shirt.

PROF (OP): Victor Von Doom, meet Reed Richards. I have a feeling you’ll do great works together.

Page 2/

Panel 1:

Show an angled topographic view of a massive, single-story building, on a large stretch of open land.

CAP: 5 Years Later. Boulder, Utah. Cosmic Industries.

Panel 2:

Close up shot of an ugly, blue gelatinous plant, Reed is in the background, studying the planet with various examination equipment. Reed is wearing a standard white coat, with a blue undershirt. He is hunched over the desk examining the plant.

REED: Victor! Victor, come see this! This plant’s molecular structure is amazing! It can stretch and modify its shape, with no adverse effect on its inherent constitution. It’s just...Fantastic!

Panel 3:

Reed continues to study the plant.

VICTOR (OP): Reed, you throw that term around so often it’s lost all meaning.

REED: Well, please forgive me for my lack of cynicism and get in here.

Panel 4:

Shot of Victor Von Doom standing in the doorway. Unlike Reed, who is hunched over at the desk, Victor is standing tall, and has his arms crossed. He has a bored look on his face.

VICTOR: You know Reed, when you and I developed the Portal, and gained the ability to travel to other dimensions, I thought we could use it to study the technology of other worlds, not steal their weeds.

Panel 5:

Reed is adjusting his glasses and turning to face Victor.

REED: When will you learn; my friend, that life is the ultimate technology?

Page 3/

Panel 1:

Topographic shot of Reed Richards asleep on his bed. His room is bare, comprised only of a bed, wardrobe and small bedside cabinet.

CAP: 1 Week Later; Cosmic Industries.

SFX: BANG

Panel 2:

Same shot.

SFX: BANG

Panel 3:

Reed’s eyes open quickly.

REED: Whh-what the?

SFX: BANG

Panel 4:

Side on shot of Reed sitting on his bed, preparing to get up. He is wearing blue, full length pyjamas with a headshot of Einstein printed on the chest.  

REED: What in the world is Victor doing?

SFX: BANG

Panel 5:

Shot from the hallway; Reed’s head is poking out of his room.

SFX:   BANG

Page 4/

Panel 1:

Show Reed walking through the halls of Cosmic Industries.

SFX: BANG

Panel 2:

Reed is standing in front of the room labelled “PORTAL TECH”

SFX: BZZZZZT

Panel 3:

Reed enters the room, and surveys it. There is an open door extending from the wall. The Portal itself is positioned against the wall; it is a large circular object, as one would expect; with numerous cords, wires and electrical equipment stemming from it.

REED: Victor...

Panel 4/ Reed walks through the door.

 

Pages 5 & 6/

Panel 1:

SPLASH. Back shot of Reed staring, in shock, with three clear cells in front of him. There are three humanoid beings in each cell. One is a large, orange rock creature, who is unconscious and smoking. He is approximately 8 feet tall, though his body is sprawled across the floor. In the second cell a young woman with blonde hair is trying to break down the cell wall by throwing her body forward; a shaky force field is emanating from her. There is a male youth in the corner of the third cell, with blonde hair, crying in a heap. His cell has traces of ash throughout it.

REED: My God...

Page 7/

Panel 1:

Reed is standing in front of the woman’s cell. His hands are pressed against.

REED: What’s happening? Why are you in here?

WOMAN: Help me. Please.

Panel 2:

Reed turns his head, looking around the room.

REED: I will, just, who are you?

WOMAN: Mm-My name, it’s Su-Xan. A man, he kidnapped me, the child and the rock creature. I’ve not seen either before I was brought here. Where is here?

Panel 3:

Reed is rummaging through various desks.

REED: Here? Here is, um, Boulder, Utah. Sorry, I’m just searching for some kind of key.

Panel 4:

Close up of a shocked Reed. A man’s silhouette is visible behind him.

VICTOR (OP): You were right, Reed, you know. Life is the ultimate technology, and I found new technology on other worlds.

Page 8/

Panel 1:

Reed is standing in front of Victor, his hands in the air as he desperately trying to comprehend the situation.

REED: Victor... Why is there a child and woman locked up? And what’s the rock man?

VICTOR: Do you like them? I found them very interesting. The young woman in particular.

SU-XAN: You-you know our captor?

Panel 2:

Reed turns to face Su.

REED: He’s my partner...

VICTOR: You know Reed, that twelve year old over there? He is capable of manipulating fire, even turning it into a secondary exoskeleton.  And he can fly too, I guess Santa really liked him.

Panel 3:

Reed faces Victor again. Victor is elevated on a step, and still oozing confidence in his stance. The dishevelled Reed looks like a confused child in comparison.

VICTOR: And what’s truly fantastic Reed? He is not the only one who can do it. His entire world has these abilities.

REED: So you captured him? For what? As a trophy?

Panel 4: Victor moves closer to Reed. His hand is raised in the air; preparing for a monologue.

VICTOR: Do you know what his world is? It’s not alien. It’s Earth. Just another Earth in another dimension. And he can do all that. What can we do, Reed? The Rock man, that Thing, is several centuries old and can move mountains. The woman? She can bend light.

Panel 5:

Victor is staring at the youth.  

VICTOR: She can turn herself invisible and forcibly control light as a physical construct; giving her the ability to move objects with her will alone. And again; this is a species-wide ability. She can hear better than any human being on this Earth, as she has had to accommodate for her enemies always being invisible.

Page 9/

Panel 1:

Victor is punching the young boy’s Cell wall.

VICTOR: WHERE DO THE GIFTS END, REED? I woke up and realised my species was a pathetic puddle of inequity, of mediocrity. No matter how hard we try, these things were simply born better. Despite all that though, Reed, you and I; we are smarter.

REED: Victor... How did you get these people? Did the Doombot Rover bring them back?

Panel 2:

Large panel; it’s speech time. Side on view. Victor’s hand is now open and his arm is outstretched; he’s leaning against the cell. His other hand is partially covering his face in exasperation. Reed is standing before him; while Su is between them; staring angrily at the two.

VICTOR: No. I was using the Rover to survey other worlds, looking for your precious plants, when I discovered the Rock creature’s home. I knew its strength would destroy the Rover; so I developed an electrical device that would incapacitate it. I journeyed to the other Earth, and returned with my prize.

REED: But Victor; the Portal was never designed to transport sentient creatures, the enhanced Cerebral activity isn’t compatible.

VICTOR: Do you take me for a fool? I adapted the Portal technology to accommodate such issues.

REED: Damnit, Victor. I do the Math; you build the thing. That’s how we do it. You’ve risked their lives and your own!

SU-XAN: You helped bring us here? You helped steal us from our home?

Page 10/

Panel 1:

Reed is standing in front of Su-XAN; staring directly at her.

REED: I had no idea Victor would do this, I promise you’ll be let go immediately. And I’m sorry for all of this.

Panel 2:

Reed is staring menacingly at Victor.

REED: Victor, let them go, and get them home; now.

VICTOR: Well, look who grew a spine! I’ll send them home when I’m done with them, Reed, and not before.

Panel 3:

The rock creature is slowly getting to its feet. Victor is visible in the background, he is gesturing toward the creature.

VICTOR: Welcome to the discussion, stone thing.

ROCK CREATURE: My name is Bender; son of Crusher, and you had best let me out of here, before I break you in half.

VICTOR: Clearly, civility goes wanting on your Earth. Such a shame.

 

Panel 4:

Reed has grabbed Victor by the throat. Victor is holding his hand over his breast pocket.

REED: Victor; let them go. NOW. And then, we’ll get you some help too.

VICTOR: Release me, Reed, or I’ll have you in a cell as well. My convictions are greater than yours.

Panel 5:

The room goes red, as an alarm system activates.

CAP: DANGER. EVACUATION NECESSARY. PORTAL SYSTEM MALFUNCTION. EXPLOSION IMMINENT.

REED: DAMNIT, Victor! I told you the Portal couldn’t facilitate a sentient and conscious being.

Page 11/

Panel 1:

Reed has grabbed a device from the inside of Victor’s jacket, while Victor was distracted (Victor should be looking around the room as the commotion occurs).

Panel 2:

Reed pushes a button on the device and the cells open.

Panel 3:

The three captives burst from their cells; the youth is on fire and Bender is lunging forward towards Victor.

BENDER: KILL YOU!

Panel 4:

Victor leaps backward and activates a button on his belt; causing a series of Doombot rovers (7 foot tall,silver, humanoid robots) appear between Victor and his captives.

DOOMBOTS: Protect Creator. Defend Creator.

Page 12/

Panel 1:

SPLASH. Victor is fleeing as the Doombots are destroyed by the captives. Reed is following Victor. Su is destroying a Doombot with her force field attacks, while Bender smashes  them; and the youth incinerates them.

Page 13/

Panel 1: Victor is typing away at a computer. Reed is approaching him.

VICTOR: We have to save the Portal technology, I refuse to lose my life’s work because of you, Reed.

REED: Victor; you’ve bastardised our work; and turned us into monsters. It’s time to let it go.

Panel 2:

Victor punches Reed in the face.

VICTOR: You damn worm! I knew you lacked the will to truly pursue progress. Why do you think I didn’t tell you about those three? You were too busy with your plants to realise that we were just God’s joke; that they’re the real dominant species of Earth.

Panel 3:

Reed is holding his chin as he pleads to an increasingly deranged Victor.

REED: Victor; you need help. The Portal, I think it damaged you when you went through it. It’s ok, my friend. I’m here.

Panel 4:

Victor and Reed look up startled.

SU-XAN (OP): You two. Get us home. Now.  

Page 14/

Panel 1:

An enraged Bender, Su-Xan and the youth stand before Victor and Reed, the alarm is still active.

REED: I don’t think we can. The Portal... It’s about to compress into a dimensional singularity, and release a wave of explosive energy. We have to leave; now.

Panel 2:

Victor smashes a glass container, the one with the Blue Planet from earlier, over Reed’s head).

VICTOR: Stay down, Reed. I can’t have your morality sacrificing my research. Progress is never victimless. I’m sorry, my friend; but this is bigger than you.

Panel 3:  

Victor flies across the room as Su-Xan blasts him. He crashes into the wall.

SU-XAN: Come on, let’s get out of here.

Panel 4:

The Blue plant is being absorbed by Reed’s skin; and his body begins to lose its shape as he transforms into a puddle.

Panel 5:

Bender, Su-Xan and the youth, look down at Reed; who has now become a jelly-like substance. Su-Xan is holding the youth’s hand.

BENDER: What about him?

YOUTH: He’s not the bad guy.

SU-XAN: He’s the reason we’re here.

REED: Ssssssaaavvvee yoourrrrssssssssssssseelvvvveeessssss. Ruuuuuuun.

Page 15/

Panel 1: Victor is lying on the ground, a Doombot stands before him.

DOOMBOT: Protect Creator. Defend Creator.

Panel 2: Reed, still a blob, is being carried out in a large bubble of light by Su-Xan, with Bender and the youth beside her, as they run from the building.

Panel 3: Topographic shot of a huge explosion that engulfs the Cosmic Industries Building.

Panel 4: The captives and Reed are thrown forward.

Page 16/

Panel 1: Su-Xan is driving a car, with Cosmic Industries tattooed across its side, with Bender and the youth in tow. Side on view. Bender is in the back seat, looking toward the trunk of the car.

BENDER: You think he’ll be alright in there?

SU-XAN: Better than he would be if we left him back in that building.

Panel 2:

Same shot.

YOUTH: So what do we do now?

SU-XAN: You stay with me, young one. I’ll take care of you. As for the big guy; your choice. Something tells me you won’t fit in here though. The creatures of this Earth look more like me and the boy than you.

Panel 3: Same shot.

BENDER: I’ll be fine. I’ll find somewhere quiet; I’ll survive.

SFX: Bump.

Panel 4The car stops on the side of the road.

SU-XAN: What was that noise?

Panel 5:

Shot from the trunk of Su, Bender and the youth; they all look shocked.

BENDER: H-how?

Panel 6: Over the shoulder view of the trunk. It’s empty.

BENDER: Where’d he go?

REED (OP): Hey, guys; check this out.

Page 17/

Panel 1:

SPLASH. Reed is stretching several feet in the air, and spreading his arms and legs about in a variety of positions. One leg is extended as a small stretch of body extending from the car’s trunk. Reed has a large grin on his face.

REED: Fantastic.

Page 18/

Panel 1: Topographic view of the wreckage of the Cosmic Industries’ Building.

Panel 2:

Zoom in to the building itself, where a large amount of smoke and fire cover the more intricate details of the devastated facility. The outline of a Doombot is visible.

DOOMBOT: Protect Creator. Defend Creator.

Panel 3:

Close up shot of a hideously scarred Victor Von Doom. He is meaning both his right and left arms, and is lying in a crumpled heat. He has severe burns all over his body.

DOOMBOT: Protect Creator. Defend Creator.

Panel 4:

The Doombot removes its arms and attaches them to Victor.

VICTOR: ARGH!

Panel 5:

Silhouette of the Doombot working more on Von Doom.

Page 18/

Panel 1:

SPLASH. Victor now, with metal-prosthetic arms, and a silver exoskeleton; and a mask taken from the face of a Doombot, throws his arms in the air.

VICTOR: RICHARDS!

 

END Issue #1

#1 Posted by rogue_mar1e (19833 posts) - - Show Bio

That was great! :D

#2 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio
This is the single best fan fic I've ever read!!!
#3 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@primepower53: Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it ^_^
I was a bit wary about it, so your support is greatly appreciated.
#4 Posted by InnerVenom123 (29510 posts) - - Show Bio

This is f**king awesome!!!!!! Keep it up! 

#5 Posted by MrUnknown (1700 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome stuff!
The professor reminded me of Professor Oak lol
And Doom's lines were great. That part about Santa was hilarious.
Also liked the name twists that you made with Su-Xan and Bender. Good thing is that Su-Xan would still sound like Susan XD

#6 Posted by CapFanboy (5359 posts) - - Show Bio
@FadeToBlackBolt: Great first script. Doom's such an awesome character
#7 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@InnerVenom123: Thanks, mate ^_^ 
 
@MrUnknown
I'm glad you liked it. Doom is such a great villain, it's always fun to write him.  =]
The next issue has the 4 adapt into human society, and their names become more Westernized, while the youth gets the most common name Reed could think of ;)
 
@CapFanboy
Thanks, it's taken me long enough lol
#8 Posted by Avenging-X-Bolt (13637 posts) - - Show Bio

simply.......  
 
*puts on suglasses* 
 
Fantastic.
#9 Posted by White Assassin (204 posts) - - Show Bio

This fan-fic was amazing and i cant wait for more..............  There will be more right?  PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS MORE!!!!!!
#10 Posted by InnerVenom123 (29510 posts) - - Show Bio
@Avenging-X-Bolt said:
simply.......   *puts on suglasses*  Fantastic.
  
#11 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@White Assassin: Thank you ^_^ And yes, there will be more. Mad Thinker appears in the next issue, though he's similarly reimagined :) 
 
@InnerVenom123
Nice =P 
I intend to check out your entire back catalog of issues that I'm yet to read over the next few days, sorry that it's taken me so long, mate.
#12 Posted by Morgaine_Levesque (2095 posts) - - Show Bio

LOVE IT. WRITE MORE NAO!

#13 Edited by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@Morgaine_de_Bourbon: Thanks ^_^  I'm working on #2 atm =] 
I'm happy you enjoyed it =D
 
Btw, love your new character's avatar ;)
#14 Posted by InnerVenom123 (29510 posts) - - Show Bio
@FadeToBlackBolt: It's alright! ^_^ I happily await your input. :P
#15 Posted by stikfigureman2 (32 posts) - - Show Bio

dude, awesome. 
these guys need a revamp badly and seriously you have done it 
'nuff said!

#16 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@stikfigureman2: Thanks ^_^
#17 Posted by Avenging-X-Bolt (13637 posts) - - Show Bio

freakin awesome,as was expected . i almost missed it because i thought part 2 would be in a seperate blog.

I still have some catching up to do on your Sentry fan-fics

#18 Posted by moviegeek17 (1489 posts) - - Show Bio

great first issue! i love how you reimagined everyone, very unique stuff.

#19 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@moviegeek17: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it ^__^
#20 Posted by sentryssj4 (433 posts) - - Show Bio

BADA**ERY!!!!

#21 Posted by feebadger (1445 posts) - - Show Bio

Really, really nice work sir. But where's number 2?

#23 Posted by batkevin74 (11144 posts) - - Show Bio

@FadeToBlackBolt: Nice!

#24 Edited by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio

I did read this first before the second, but I was too excited I commented on that one before this one. (You should add a link to this first part at the top of your second -- for convenience's sake like you did for Black Widow and Hawkeye's Budapest romp.)

I don't quite know how to begin expressing how Fantastic (<---see what I did there...no? ahem, moving on...) this is. The re-imagining of the Fantastic Four in such a way is just too perfect, their origins being singularly derived from the idea of other Earths...and Victor's reaction to their existence and his fury over it -- all fits perfectly with the character despite this new take on him

As for Su-xan (love the names -- Bender, son of Crusher? Awesome) thank you for making her be more of a bad@ss. Being one of the most powerful beings on Earth (in the 616 timeline), it's great you had your interpretation of her coming out swinging right from the get-go.

Amazing stuff, this.

(Edit -- You posted this on my birthday so I shall consider it a belated gift - one year and a half later but still.)

#25 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1716 posts) - - Show Bio

This is quite good.

Scripts I usually avoid but once again I was sucked in and rewarded! Good job