#1 Edited by New_World_Order (12338 posts) - - Show Bio

Marvel Earth 616-Rise Of The Hell Lords Part 1.

In Asgard

Odin-Why brother..why did it have to be this way? All of us could have been great kings, and allies! What do you think father would say of this?

There was no answer..only the echo of Odin's voice could be heard throughout Asgard.

Klishklashklishklash

Odin-Who dare come to the house of Odin?

klishklashklishklash.

The sound drew nearer.

Hahahaha, A laughter so evil, and dark came out from the shadows

Odin- Pluto? What are you doing here. Begone!

A figure came out from around the corner.

Odin-*Grits teeth*...Hela

Hela-Hello grandfather. You have something of ours that we would like. Give it too us, and thou shall be left unscathed.

Odin-You dare threaten me, fiend?

Hela-Yes I do. Although not alone. Come forth my allies.

2 figures sprouted out from around the corner.

Odin-Hmph, retched one. I recognize this one. The son of the evil Mephisto. What be tho name?

Hela-Oh, how rude of me. I forgot to introduce you to my friends.

Figure 1-I am Blackheart, son of the evil Mephisto, and the rightful king of hell.

Figure 2-I am Damian Hellstrom, son of Satanish, and the rightful king of hell.

Blackheart-Hahaha, we shall deal with this later Hellstrom.

Hellstrom-*Sneers* Verily.

Pluto-*Gives Odin evil look* You already know me from past experiences.

Hela-We are the Lords Of Hell! We all have something in common. We all plan to over throw our parents. Although I have done this to my father, Loki many years ago. Just look at him. A trickster god, who faces defeat every time from you, and his dare brother Thor. While I am the queen of the underworld, and can control the dead in my domain with a snap of my finger.

Hela-That is not all we plan on doing though...we plan on killing our fathers too. Than we shall rule the underworld together.

Blackheart-That's what you think.

Hela-We shall see Blackheart.

Hellstrom-You guys are all going to be my slav-

Odin-SILENCE ! I have heard enough! Why do you need my dead brother? Tell me swiftly or tho shall face dire consequences. Especially you Hela for bringing these fiends to my home.

Hela-He is going to help us against the "Fear Lords".

Odin-Thou is asking for trouble, mixing thyself with those fiends.

Pluto-They have great power, and are too much for us to handle alone. That's why we need him. The Serpent is incredibly powerful.

Hellstrom-Once we defeat them, we will become more powerful by stealing their very life essence with a ancient ritual.

Blackheart-*Glares* So hand him over..now!

Odin-I will die before I do such a thing. Plus he is dead..

Hela-Until now.

Hellstrom-You think we were stupid enough to fight you for the Serpent?

Aughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Odin yells out in great pain. He looks down to see himself impaled on a long snake like blade.

Odin-*Cough cough*

A mysterious smokey figure appears before Odin.

Odin-*Cough* Who are thou? And where did you come from.

Mysterious Figure-It does not matter, because you will die here. Although since i'm felling nice today i'll tell you. My name is Kevin Grant. But I have gotten the name Shadow Streak, and here is why. I was bestowed the power of the Shadow Force. A very powerful entity that corrupts the heart. I used to be a normal human, until the Shadow Force showed me humanity's true ways. Now I am Shadow Streak, fully capable of moving through shadows. The blade I impaled you with, is called the Shadow Blade. A blade that cancel's out any magical entity's durability or magical defense. No matter how powerful it is. Although the blade is new to me, you made it quite assuring that it can pierce anything.

Odin-Damn you! Asgardia will come. Thor will come. He will slay thy.

Hela-If you, the all powerful all-father couldn't stop us. What luck does your arrogant son have?

Blood was running down Odin's body quickly, and he was dying.

Hellstrom-End this quickly Shadow Streak.

Shinggggggg

Auggghhhh......

The pain was over. Odin was impaled this time through the heart. Blood was everywhere. He dropped to his knees, and fell foward. Odin was dead, and much worse was going to come.

Hela-The old man had it coming.

Shadow Streak-Now with the blood of Odin we can complete the ritual. Everyone gather around.

A pentagram was made, and Odin's blood was spread on every corner, and every edge of the pentagram. The Serpent's lifeless body slumped in the middle of the pentagram. Ritual words were spoken of by Shadow Streak. Some the other's never heard of. Everyone gasped, except Shadow Streak who sneered.

Shadow Streak-It's done. The master has been revived, and phase one is over.

Hela-Awake master, your time to spread fear has come again.

Wind was blowing hard, and the sky was becoming dark. Evil was coming and their is no one powerful enough to stop it.

The Serpent's eyes opened.

Serpent-It feels good to be back.

To Be Continued...

#2 Posted by New_World_Order (12338 posts) - - Show Bio
#3 Edited by 18hunt (2891 posts) - - Show Bio

I like it, have u just started making stories? If so you've had a great start, keep it up. Hela and her team are pretty beast :)

A few gramatical errors, but no big deal. I suggest, to make sure instead of just saying Odin- I have come to stop you, you could do something like "I have come to stop you" and to make sure everyone knows its Odin say 'Odin was glaring at Surtur, screaming at the top of his lungs' but that is my style, and everyone's is unique. Do it however u want

#4 Posted by New_World_Order (12338 posts) - - Show Bio

@18hunt: Thanks ! The feedback is well appreciated.

#5 Posted by New_World_Order (12338 posts) - - Show Bio

@vance_astro Can you move this to the Fan-Fic forum please?

#6 Posted by Vance Astro (91067 posts) - - Show Bio
Moderator
#7 Posted by 18hunt (2891 posts) - - Show Bio
#8 Edited by batkevin74 (10365 posts) - - Show Bio

@thundergodswrath: The idea is good but you're stuck between a script and a story. A story would maybe go like this:

Klishklashklishklash

Odin rose from his high backed throne, his hand instinctively going to his sword hilt "Who dares come to the house of Odin?"

Klishklashklishklash.

The sound drew nearer as it echoed through the halls of Asgard. Odin's working eye blinked rapidly as a laughter errupted from the shadows; so dark and deep the ir rippled in fear.

Pluto?” Odin asked as he drew forth his sword “What are you doing here? Begone!”

**

As for script, well I'm not the best script writer @innervenom123 is probably your best bet for script advice

Storywise: Earth's going to Hell! Nice idea, do like the two claim to Hell, excellent early setting up of subplot!

#9 Edited by Killemall (18173 posts) - - Show Bio

Pretty cool, the first fan fic i have read and i find it cool :)

Was the very recent X-factor: Hell On Earth your inspiration for this?

#10 Edited by New_World_Order (12338 posts) - - Show Bio

@killemall:Thanks, and nope, lol. Wait until part 2 comes :) Although i'ma fix this one first.

#11 Edited by New_World_Order (12338 posts) - - Show Bio
#12 Posted by Killemall (18173 posts) - - Show Bio

@thundergodswrath: So i cant expect a random character like Guildo to come out all of a sudden and exploit plot to actually be the ruler and the winner of hell on Earth?? dammit.

:p

Well pretty cool idea.

#13 Posted by New_World_Order (12338 posts) - - Show Bio

@thundergodswrath: So i cant expect a random character like Guildo to come out all of a sudden and exploit plot to actually be the ruler and the winner of hell on Earth?? dammit.

:p

Well pretty cool idea.

Didn't say that ;) There is going to be a twist.