#1 Edited by deadpoolspidey877 (129 posts) - - Show Bio

rated m. feedback and suggestions for the next issue would be greatly appreciated :) hope you enjoy!

here is the link to part one for those who haven't read it yet. http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/marvel-disbelief-1/693949/#3

"My best friend?" A startled Reed Richards asked. "it was a joke..." said Michael disappointedly. "Anyway I'm Reed, this is my wife Susan" "Hopefully not for long", Michael thought to himself "the orange man is my friend Ben and this young man on fire is Johnny." "Hi, nice to meet you all" said Michael. Once Michael shook Susan's hand, she felt an odd feeling. A feeling of both comfort and friendliness, which automatically made her think that since the rest of her family got this feeling, she would probably be seeing a LOT of this new character. Reed then stated "Michael, I hope you don't mind me asking, but where exactly are you from? And why have you come to earth?" "Jackass." Michael thought to himself before answering the question "Well Reed, i come from the great planet of Budania and I have been sent to earth to save you all from a huge calamity that threatens to destroy all of earth." "Bullsh*t! " screamed Johnny "Shut it Johnny." said a co ordinated Reed, Ben, and Sue. Just as they finished screaming at the matchstick, Reed Richards began to worry about this visitor and how he actually had the ability to destroy all of the earth. "Michael, maybe you should stay with us while you visit our planet" "No way ass hole, i'm not staying with you so you can kill me" Michael thought to himself. He then addressed the offer by saying " No thank you. I've got hero-ey stuff to do" he then heard a woman behind him say "Please come with us Michael. It would be marvellous for you to stay with us" he then turned around and heard a woman say "Please join us Michael. it would be an honour to know more about you." Michael then turned around and accepted by saying "I can't deny the beautiful woman's demand. I guess I will stay with you guys." Once the five got back to the Baxter building Michael decided to settle in while the Four decided to discuss what to do with this new visitor. "Since i just got that job at mid town high, he should stay with me on the weekdays so that me and Peter (Parker) can watch him." Reed then replied with "Good idea Susan let's go with that. Thankfully that means I wont have to deal with either of you and I can focus on my work." Johnny chuckled quite a bit, and Reed's comment would be funny, except it wasn't a joke. Susan then thought to herself " I might as well just ignore Reed from now on, because I think he might actually hate me." Susan shed a small tear as they walked out of the room to see what Michael had been up to, and to their surprise, he was actually bonding with Franklin and Valeria and playing games with both at the same time. Valeria then proceeded to say "Mommy! Dad! Michael has been teaching us all about space and places you haven't been! He's so cool!" Johnny then smirked and said "See that, Reed? He's been here for ten minutes and he's already a better father than you." Reed somehow already knew Johnny may have been right, but ignored his comment, and said, "Michael, from now on, you will be going to school everyday with Susan so that you can become accustomed to earth customs." Okay, but will i be in all of her classes or something?" Michael asked both excitedly and curiously. "Both semesters will have you enrolled in three classes with Susan and one with a family friend named Peter." "Sounds good, I guess" he replied cautiously. Reed, Johnny,and Ben then left the room and in the way out Susan said to Michael "Thanks for keeping the kids company. I guess we will be seeing a lot of each other in the next year or so." Michael then replied "For sure, Sue. You can bet I'm looking forward to it too.: Michael flashed her a smile and left the room.

Meanwhile, in Latveria, Doctor Doom had been watching the five ever since they stepped in to the Baxter building, and said to himself " It looks like i,Doom, will be getting acquainted with Richards' new friend very, very soon."

so, what did you guys think? leave me any feedback please and if you want, tell me where the story should go next. thanks for reading!

#2 Posted by mpc570 (1 posts) - - Show Bio

This was reaaly good congrats! i hope the next few issues are just as good :)

#3 Posted by batkevin74 (12234 posts) - - Show Bio

@deadpoolspidey877 said:

Rated M. Feedback and suggestions for the next issue would be greatly appreciated :) hope you enjoy!

Here is the link to part one for those who haven't read it yet. http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/marvel-disbelief-1/693949/#3

"My best friend?" A startled Reed Richards asked.

"It was a joke..." said Michael disappointedly.

"Anyway I'm Reed, this is my wife Susan"

A thought crept in Michael’s head -Hopefully not for long-

The orange man is my friend Ben and this young man on fire, is Johnny."

"Hi, nice to meet you all" said Michael. Once Michael shook Susan's hand, she felt an odd feeling; a feeling of both comfort and friendliness.

Reed then stated "Michael, I hope you don't mind me asking, but where exactly are you from? And why have you come to earth?"

-Jackass- Michael thought to himself before answering the question "Well Reed, I come from the great planet of Budania. I have been sent to earth to save you all from a huge calamity that threatens to destroy all of earth."

"Bullsh*t! " screamed Johnny

"Shut it Johnny!" said a coordinated Reed, Ben, and Sue. Just as they finished screaming at the matchstick, Reed Richards began to worry about this visitor and how he actually had the ability to destroy all of the earth. "Michael, maybe you should stay with us while you visit our planet"

-I’m not staying with you so you can kill me!-

Michael addressed the offer by saying "No, no thank you. I've got hero-ey stuff to do"

Okay here's my edit of the first part of your story. The stuff in bold is corrected typos & grammatical stuff. It's good but it needs formatting better because it looks at first glance a large wall of text and when people see the LARGE WALL OF TEXT, they usually move to the next piece

Also, your next bit "he then heard a woman behind him say "Please come with us Michael. It would be marvellous for you to stay with us" he then turned around and heard a woman say "Please join us Michael. it would be an honour to know more about you." Michael then turned around and accepted by saying "I can't deny the beautiful woman's demand. I guess I will stay with you guys.

Doesn't make sense?? Is it Sue Storm? This beautiful woman has just appeared...if it is in his head, like I think it might be, it's not that clear. Either way that bit is a bit ummmmm-okay

It's good, keep writing, you're getting better!

#4 Posted by deadpoolspidey877 (129 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks for the feedback! And yes, the woman talking to Michael was Sue and I intend to fix it, considering I just realized you're right and I guess I'm going to have to change it when I edit this and for part three. Thank you again for giving me a compliment on my writing and a few more tips! :) if you or anyone else wants, you/they can leave a suggestion on what they want to happen in the series/universe that I will be building around this storyline :)