#1 Posted by deadpoolspidey877 (113 posts) - - Show Bio

first off I do not own any of marvel entertainments characters (captain america, iron man, etc) "Michael Bancisco" is a created character and the story is my own idea. rated M. enjoy

my name is Michael Bancisco and i come from a planet far away (excuse the cliché please). I come from the great planet of Budania, a place that may be hostile to any uninvited guests. the reason i say that is because we are born with......ablilities. Abilities that any human would give their life for. We are born with many powers at birth such as immortality, a healing factor that is about triple as fast as deadpool's is, (i research what i need to for each of my "assignments") and the power to create any power i want to. About four billion years ago, i was notified by my father, ruler and royal king of my planet that my next intergalactic peace mission was to save earth from one man who is said to have the capability to destroy every thing: Reed Richards.

4 months later

The day was Tuesday, August 27th. Reed Richards had just gotten up and had already found himself creating new machines. The newest machine he had created was called the nullifier,and this new and terrifying machine"s purpose was to destroy any planet or race that reed saw as a threat, and his first target was the newly discovered planet of Budania, and as Reed was about to put the finishing touches on his new weapon, he heard a knock on his door. "Please do not come in i am very busy right now!" Reed then heard a voice on the other side say to him "Reed how could you already be working, you haven't even had your cup of coffee yet, please come out dear!" said a worried sue richards. Reed responded angrily "Susan, enough of this crap! Every day you always ask me for the dumbest things and for favours that dont matter for anything! i honestly don't think you deserve to be called "darling" anymore! now just go and leave me alone, there are people to sa-" and just before Reed could finish telling his wife off, there was a huge rumble outside, causing all of New york to rumble.

"We will finish our conversation later Susan" said a worried Reed. "O-Okay Reed" said a half upset, half worried sue. "Ben! Johnny! Get in the Fantasti-car NOW!" screamed Reed. "We're here now genius....."said a sarcastic Johnny. Once the Fantastic Four reached the huge crater, they saw a man, who looked about nineteen years old looking around New York's shattered ground "nice place they've got here" he thought to himself. He then noticed four people in spandex suits staring at him, all with a confused look on their faces. "So, what have we got here? lets see, a grandpa, a living rock, an idiot who looks like he needs a few fire extinguishers, and a......beautiful woman? what the hell is she doing with these idiots? Well, lets see where this goes." just as this young man finished his thought, Reed stretched out his hand about halfway between the four and him and said "hi ,my name is Reed Richards and my three associates here call ourselves the fantastic four. The young man then proceeded to stretch out his hand and said "Hi, I'm Michael Bancisco and I'm your new best friend."

so, what did you all think about issue/part one? please leave feedback and maybe some tips for me when i put part two up. :) thanks for reading!

#2 Posted by batkevin74 (10415 posts) - - Show Bio

@deadpoolspidey877 said:

first off I do not own any of marvel entertainments characters (captain america, iron man, etc) "Michael Bancisco" is a created character and the story is my own idea. rated M. enjoy

my name is Michael Bancisco and i come from a planet far away (excuse the cliché please). I come from the great planet of Budania, a place that may be hostile to any uninvited guests. the reason i say that is because we are born with......ablilities. Abilities that any human would give their life for. We are born with many powers at birth such as immortality, a healing factor that is about triple as fast as deadpool's is, (i research what i need to for each of my "assignments") and the power to create any power i want to. About four billion years ago, i was notified by my father, ruler and royal king of my planet that my next intergalactic peace mission was to save earth from one man who is said to have the capability to destroy every thing: Reed Richards.

4 months later

The day was Tuesday, August 27th. Reed Richards had just gotten up and had already found himself creating new machines. The newest machine he had created was called the nullifier,and this new and terrifying machine"s purpose was to destroy any planet or race that reed saw as a threat, and his first target was the newly discovered planet of Budania, and as Reed was about to put the finishing touches on his new weapon, he heard a knock on his door. "Please do not come in i am very busy right now!" Reed then heard a voice on the other side say to him "Reed how could you already be working, you haven't even had your cup of coffee yet, please come out dear!" said a worried sue richards. Reed responded angrily "Susan, enough of this crap! Every day you always ask me for the dumbest things and for favours that dont matter for anything! i honestly don't think you deserve to be called "darling" anymore! now just go and leave me alone, there are people to sa-" and just before Reed could finish telling his wife off, there was a huge rumble outside, causing all of New york to rumble.

"We will finish our conversation later Susan" said a worried Reed. "O-Okay Reed" said a half upset, half worried sue. "Ben! Johnny! Get in the Fantasti-car NOW!" screamed Reed. "We're here now genius....."said a sarcastic Johnny. Once the Fantastic Four reached the huge crater, they saw a man, who looked about nineteen years old looking around New York's shattered ground "nice place they've got here" he thought to himself. He then noticed four people in spandex suits staring at him, all with a confused look on their faces. "So, what have we got here? lets see, a grandpa, a living rock, an idiot who looks like he needs a few fire extinguishers, and a......beautiful woman? what the hell is she doing with these idiots? Well, lets see where this goes." just as this young man finished his thought, Reed stretched out his hand about halfway between the four and him and said "hi ,my name is Reed Richards and my three associates here call ourselves the fantastic four. The young man then proceeded to stretch out his hand and said "Hi, I'm Michael Bancisco and I'm your new best friend."

so, what did you all think about issue/part one? please leave feedback and maybe some tips for me when i put part two up. :) thanks for reading!

Okay you have some grammatical errors. Mainly missing capitals and spelling mistakes (copy it onto a word doc before posting it here will eliminate these errors easily)

I like that your immortal has a normal type name, that's kinda well normal :) Not all aliens are K'th D!quok 7

Michael would probably know the name of his father, which for a reason you didn't use when he brought him up

He may have a healing factor but he wouldn't know who Deadpool is yet, so maybe just saying he heals rapidly would suffice. Also be careful with his power to create any power he wants. There's no challenges for him if he imagines himself smarter than Dr Doom & Reed Richards combined, stronger than Thor and faster than Quicksilver whilst having Magneto's, Professor X, Scarlet Witch and Spider-Man's powers PLUS his immortality & healing factor!

It's an interesting idea, keep going

#3 Posted by deadpoolspidey877 (113 posts) - - Show Bio

thank you for the feedback :) i kknow i made some grammatical errors and the reason i want him to have those powers are more for story's sake and to give the antagonist more of a challenge for the final fight and add a lot of intensity to the final battle between them again thank you for the feedback, and i will try to adress these errors next part/ issue :)

#4 Posted by deadpoolspidey877 (113 posts) - - Show Bio

#2 will probably be up tomorrow if not sunday :P