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Yesterday, Clyve Bernard, a local fisherman, ran a hundred foot extension cord from an electrical socket at his apartment club house to the community pool. Bernard connected a radio to the electrical cord and then threw it into the pool killing a dozen people and injuring fifteen more.
"I didn't know what was happening," said Tiffany Gossam of Memphis, Tennesee. "Everybody was having a good time, and then there was all this screaming and popping and stuff. I didn't even know people were dying."
Preliminary investigations indicate that Bernard was apparently upset after having his fishing boat repossessed. Police offered the small comfort that most of the victims probably died instantly, but a few eyewitnesses report seeing victims struggle weakly underwater before presumably drowning.
The Extension Cord Control Society released a statement almost immediately. "Electrical deaths are a growing problem in the U.S. Clyve Bernard had a prison record. If stronger regulations had been in place, we wouldn't be talking about this tragedy today."
ECCS has long suggested improvements to the electrical cord regulation system. Some of their older solutions include mandatory background checks for all wishing to purchase an electrical cord, removal of longer electrical cords (cords of a hundred feet or more) from the private sector, and mandatory electrical cord registration.
With the new prominence of complex yet cheap technologies, the ECCS has even come up with new forms of cord control. A fingerprint ID scanner on the male end of the cord ensures that only the owner of the electrical cord can activate it. With this safety mechanism, no stolen electrical cords can be used for nefarious purposes. Despite these safety additions, some proponents of electrical cord ownership have argued that the federal government has no right to regulate electrical cords, and they point out that the Constitution gives the federal government no authority over power cords. However, these are generally considered extermeist views.
"In Britain," Britta Sampson of the ECCS stated, "All electrical cords are locked up at the local police precinct until civilians sign them out for use. Britain's electrical deaths are way down because of this. Now, we aren't asking for that kind of change, but we do insist that steps must be taken to ensure the safety of our nation's children from electical cord violence."