#1 Edited by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

Peter Parker was a cop chasing down a criminal named Michael Morbius.

One night, he was able to corner him in an abandoned warehouse.

Morbius tried to run but fell into a vat of toxic waste.

Peter tried to grab onto him, but was unable to keep him from falling in.

Morbius was presumably dead. One night, Michael Morbius came out of the vat of toxic waste, alive but mutated beyond belief. He had his sights set on one man: PETER PARKER.

On that night, Peter was on a date with Gwen Stacy.

Morbius stalked them until Peter saw him. Morbius charged at Gwen, but Peter pushed her out of the way and was bitten by Morbius.

Morbius left Peter laying there, dying, so Gwen took him to a hospital

He was infected with radioactivity and toxic waste was flooding his bloodstream.

They said he would not live through the night.

In the morning, however, he awoke... kidnapped by Morbius! He tried to escape and had to fight some of Morbius' thugs, and discovered his new powers.

He had super strength, agility, the ability to detect danger, and the ability to stick to walls.

He defeated the thugs, but Morbius got away.

Peter decided to keep his powers a secret from his fellow cops and goes after Morbius.

He tracked him down to an abandoned church, and defeated him with his powers. He decided to make a costume to protect his identity and his loved ones from any more danger. Now he protects the city as... THE SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN!

COMING SOON: GR2Blackout and TheCannon Creating Thor

#2 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

Crap, clicked publish too early.

#3 Posted by TheCannon (17910 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout said:

Crap, clicked publish too early.

It's okay. You can edit it.

#4 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

Anyone?

#5 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

It's an interesting take, to say the least :) I like how you chose Morbius out of Spidey's rogues gallery for this piece. Always liked that character.

#6 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1622 posts) - - Show Bio

It is better than Stan Lee creating Batman! It's a little jumpy, I know its a super person world but falling into acid 99.7% kills people, might need to explain that and also why he bit Gwen, as opposed to killing/shooting/bashing her and Peter; I'm assuming that I have to guess he's still vampiric! The framework is good, but you need to fill in the gaps a little more. Between the two of you I think you can.

#7 Posted by TheCannon (17910 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump.

#8 Posted by batkevin74 (10415 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout said:

Peter Parker was a cop chasing down a criminal named Michael Morbius.

One night, he was able to corner him in an abandoned warehouse.

Morbius tried to run but fell into a vat of toxic waste.

Peter tried to grab onto him, but was unable to keep him from falling in.

Morbius was presumably dead. One night, Michael Morbius came out of the vat of acid, alive but mutated beyond belief. He had his sights set on one man: PETER PARKER.

On that night, Peter was on a date with Gwen Stacy.

Morbius stalked them until Peter saw him. Morbius charged at Gwen, but Peter pushed her out of the way and was bitten by Morbius.

Morbius left Peter laying there, dying, so Gwen took him to a hospital

He was infected with radioactivity and toxic waste was flooding his bloodstream.

They said he would not live through the night.

In the morning, however, he awoke... kidnapped by Morbius! He tried to escape and had to fight some of Morbius' thugs, and discovered his new powers.

He had super strength, agility, the ability to detect danger, and the ability to stick to walls.

He defeated the thugs, but Morbius got away.

Peter decided to keep his powers a secret from his fellow cops and goes after Morbius.

He tracked him down to an abandoned church, and defeated him with his powers. He decided to make a costume to protect his identity and his loved ones from any more danger. Now he protects the city as... THE SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN!

COMING SOON: GR2Blackout and TheCannon Creating Thor

It's an okay idea, but you need to fill in some details IF this is going to be a story. Because at the moment it's just a basic outline. I do like Morbius but him giving Peter his powers...not entirely sold on.

#9 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

He became Spider-man because there's acid in his bloodstream? Shouldn't he become Acidman?

#10 Posted by TheCannon (17910 posts) - - Show Bio

@AweSam said:

He became Spider-man because there's acid in his bloodstream? Shouldn't he become Acidman?

No, because he has the powers of a spider.

#11 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCannon said:

@AweSam said:

He became Spider-man because there's acid in his bloodstream? Shouldn't he become Acidman?

No, because he has the powers of a spider.

You guys should probably give it some more thought. You would get away with it 40 years ago, but these days, people want stories to make more sense.

#12 Edited by wildvine (8361 posts) - - Show Bio

Sorry guys but is right. Getting spider powers from a guy who fell into some toxic waste does not make a lot of sense.

#13 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@AweSam said:

He became Spider-man because there's acid in his bloodstream? Shouldn't he become Acidman?

this

#14 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson said:

It is better than Stan Lee creating Batman! It's a little jumpy, I know its a super person world but falling into acid 99.7% kills people, might need to explain that and also why he bit Gwen, as opposed to killing/shooting/bashing her and Peter; I'm assuming that I have to guess he's still vampiric! The framework is good, but you need to fill in the gaps a little more. Between the two of you I think you can.

@wildvine said:

Sorry guys but is right. Getting spider powers from a guy who fell into some toxic waste does not make a lot of sense.

It isn't neccasarilly (I know I spelled that wrong) Spider-powers. Its not really acid just toxic waste. I guess I should put that in. And as I was saying the toxic waste didn't give him spider-powers, just the ability to stick to walls, and that being his main power, he calls himself Spider-Man.

#15 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout: Why does the toxic waste give him powers?

#16 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

Thor's gonna be more of a story then just sentences.

#17 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

First off, this story needs more detail. It has a great idea but needs more context, emotion, and plight. For example, when Peter Parker was left to die, Gwen should’ve been emotionally stricken. I am not too familiar with Spider-man, but I know how someone who sees their loved one bleeding to death would react. Instead of skipping into the next scene, add more details, which will provide a sense of depth and feeling into your story.

Paragraphs are meant to provide details, and without them, you lack substance. Combine those sentences and let your imagination run wild. When Pete enters the church, describe the fight. Show it and don’t tell. It provides a gateway of being engaged.

Spider-man dodges a fist, and then, “Wham.” He strikes a counter-attack with a reverse backhand.

This is the nature of comic books: storytelling fused in a synergy of words and pictures. But without pictures, words must convey the emotion and action. I’d say combine the sentences together, break it down into sections of time or paragraphs, and then add more details.

#18 Posted by TheCannon (17910 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxYoungFatexx Thank you for the comment. When we originally wrote this, I thought it was going to just be an origin, then we would work on an actual story.

But Thor and Flash are more of an actual story than just sentences.