Posted by xxxddd (3593 posts) - - Show Bio

I've decided just to release chapters and not my plot summary(don't want any spoilers).

I'm revamping Hawkeye entirely, having him start off on a new foot.

Here it goes

Classic Hawkeye

The night is pitch black. The stars shine bright in the sky. Clint Barton looks up, wondering if it's possible to really achieve anything one imagines.

"BOOM!" Suddenly, it sounded as if someone was shoved into a wall.

Clint turns around and runs out of his bedroom(surrounded by posters of galaxies) and runs into the kitchen. There, he sees something that will change his life forever.

Clint's mother is on the ground, with a bloody nose and crying, Clint's father has his fists clinched on his belt buckle, about to loosen it.

"Mom! No! Get away from him!" Clint screams as he heads towards his mother and picks up her head, crying.

"So-so-so-son, go away, this is how normal parents resolve issues." Clint's mother says, stammering while having a semblance of fear hidden, both for herself and her child.

"No, I'm not leaving yo-"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Clint's father says as he yanks Clint away and throws him towards the wall. Clint hits the wall hard, feeling a numbing feeling the back of his head. Clint's father turns to Clint, with a scowl on his face, dripping sweat pouring down on the floor with a strong finger pointed at his son. "You know nothing! And you will never be nothing! You understand? NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Clint's father turns around, getting ready to violate clint's mother.....in front of Clint himself.

Clint knew being hit in the face and beaten when having done nothing wrong was his family's way of a good time, but this had never occurred before...and Clint was fed up with the abuse.

Just as Clint's father removes his belt, he gasps loudly "AAAAHHHH!" He looks down at his stomach, peering at a seeping hole of blood-Clint's mother had just stabbed clint's father with a kitchen knife.

"I-WILL-NOT-BE-ABUSED-ANY-MORE!" Each scream followed by a stab in Clint's father. She drops the knife and falls to her knees, now sobbing uncontrollably.

Clint's father, with his last remaining breath, picks up the same kitchen knife and stabs Clint's mother in the chest, right before he falls to his death.

With his eyes open and blood on the ground, a dark and gloomy cloud of death surrounds the cowering Clint Barton.

Clint, shaking violently, walks over to his mother. "It'll be all right, mom, we'll get a doctor to patch you up."

"No, son. This time, there is waiting for it to be over. Mommy....has to go away, to a far away place. You hear me?"

"NO! Don't say tha-"

"Shhh. I know you have been through things which many do not even know is possible, but know this: no matter has happened, no matter what your father has done to you, I have always loved you. You hear me? I.............have always loved. you." With that last word, a large but short sigh comes from Clint's mother as her head turns over, she dies in Clint's arms.

"Mom? MOM?" Clint starts sobbing, realizing the hell he has just witnessed(which made his abuse seem like paradise--For he had lost the only person who ever showed him affection while at the same time regret. But he just realized, it wasn't regret his mother showed, it was a promise-a promise that no matter what happens, he has always been capable of something great.

Clint, looks at the blood on his hands, and realizes if the police catch him, he'll be locked up in a mental institution for the rest of his life.

Fearing for freedom, clint runs out of the house.And into the woods, he runs even when his side starts hurting, he runs even when his head is throbbing with pain, he runs even when his chest starts tightening from his asthma. And he runs until he meets a group of people he always knew of but not about-people at the circus.

He goes up to a old man and tugs his arm. "Please, help me," Clint stammers, "help.......me." And with that last word, Clint falls into the old man's arms, unconscious.

#1 Posted by Deranged Midget (17965 posts) - - Show Bio

Not bad, interested to see where the next chapter leads.

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#2 Posted by The Poet (8167 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd: pretty cool

I definitely like this more than the plot summaries if I can be honest :P

Interesting use of present tense in a story. I have often found it hard to use present tense (seems odd to me when I write I supose), but if it works for you that's good.

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#3 Posted by Overseer (404 posts) - - Show Bio

........ Jesus.... this is almost Elfen Lied level of "Oh My God...". Good stuff.

#4 Posted by Xanni15 (6758 posts) - - Show Bio

Pretty powerful stuff.

#5 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (18714 posts) - - Show Bio

Good start.

#6 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (18714 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

Good start.

There are other chapters.

Yeah I know.I will give them a read too

#7 Posted by Overseer (404 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd: Elfen Lied is a rather dark anime/manga series that takes concepts from X-Men, Love Hina and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A cult classic, Highly recommended but warning nudity (non-sexual), ultraviolence, discusion of rape and very VERY bloody (especially the opening).

#8 Posted by Overseer (404 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd: It is one of my favorite animes so...

#9 Posted by Overseer (404 posts) - - Show Bio

Oh definatly.

#10 Edited by RazzaTazz (8968 posts) - - Show Bio
@xxxddd

From a technical standpoint you should stick to a descriptive every time for the speech or never, not sometimes yes and sometimes no.  I would recommend always myself. 
 
Just to be clear I mean you are doing this: 
 
"We need more potato chips" Frank said. 
"Why?" 
"Because he is hungry and he wants salty fried potatoes" Jessica said motioning towards Frank.   
"I understand, but why me?" 
"You are the only one with a car, and you also have enough money," Sean interrupted so that he could abruptly end the conversation. 
 
As you can see from my example every second sentence has no identifying speaker.  I understand you are trying to write comics and they rely on a visual component (speech bubbles) to convey who is speaking and are not as dependent on the descriptive.  A comic script reads like a movie script though (which I am not proficient with writing) but it would look something like this.  
 
Frank:  We need more potato chips (looks suggestively at Arthur) 
Arthur: Why? (puts up his hands out of exasperation) 
 etc. 
 
If you want to get into comics I would write it the second way, but if you are going to be later interested in novel writing I would recommend the first way.  The format of fan fic is generally the novel format though, so if you are going to be doing fan fic then I would get used to this.   
 
As for the story, it is fine.  It is a little cliched I suppose, but I think aspiring writers have to get a lot of cliches out of their system by writing a bunch to start with and find what works well for them.  On the surface though, the story bears a bit of a resemblance to the Bana version of the Hulk.  Overall I liked it, but if you are looking for feedback there it is.  
#11 Posted by batkevin74 (11209 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd said:

The night is pitch black. The stars shine bright in the sky. Clint Barton looks up, wondering if it's possible to really achieve anything one imagines.

"BOOM!" Suddenly, it sounded as if someone was shoved into a wall.

Clint turns around and runs out of his bedroom(surrounded by posters of galaxies) and runs into the kitchen. There, he sees something that will change his life forever.

The brackets arn't needed. Other than that, what a bleak horrible night in Clint's life. Let's have part 2 :)

#12 Posted by RazzaTazz (8968 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd: Sure why not? Other people here do it.

#13 Posted by Pyrogram (41269 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd: This is very good man, and a full script version will be interesting.

#14 Posted by RazzaTazz (8968 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd: I can't remember, I remember seeing it sometimes here.

#15 Posted by batkevin74 (11209 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd: I've done script form occassionally (A Good Plan Gone Wrong for example) but I 90% of the time write as a story where 1st or 3rd person. Script is at times hard to read, most people including me want a story, given a script I want to see a film or a play :)

#16 Posted by cbishop (7432 posts) - - Show Bio
Online