Gotham Hearts #4 (Rated M)

@batkevin74@Ravager4@wildvine (I can't remember everyone else's handles right now, I'm forgetful, SUE ME)

Find the entire story here!

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“Okay. What do we know?” Riddler stood in front of a massive blackboard that he had, supposedly, pulled out of his hat. Heaven knew Selina didn’t keep one in the apartment. On the billboard were a few crudely drawn images: Joker, the Red Hood, and the group of Penguin, Two-Face, and Deadshot.

“Well, you’re here, and Kitty, and me. We make a great team!” Harley exclaimed quickly.

“Allow me to rephrase, you insufferable simpleton. What do we know that’s in any way important?” Eddie rapped the blackboard harshly with the silver tip of his cane. His leg seemed to be doing a bit better, and he was much more animated with the little accessory, as opposed to using it like an actual cane.

“The Red Hood is trying to take down a trio of high-profile villains.” Selina said helpfully. She was laying on the bed with Isis on her lap, still in her black silk pajamas – a sharp contrast from Harley’s red cotton nightdress.

“Aaaaaaand why is he trying to prevent the death of one of the world’s most despised and reviled villains?”

“Hey!” Harley yelped, looking up from her bowl of Cookie Crisp, accidentally dropping the spoon and immediately coating it in cat-hair.

“I stand by it,” Riddler said firmly.

Catwoman took a deep breath before screwing up her face, picking a small burr off of the scrawny black cat’s neck. “I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense to me – didn’t Harley say that the Red Hood is an old Robin that was murdered by Joker?”

“He has such a way with kids…” the clowngirl sighed dreamily, wiping the spoon off on one bare, chalk-white thigh and squeaking at the cold metal against her skin.

“Oooh, you’re getting warmer… why would someone who should hate the Joker try to save the Joker?” Edward Nigma twirled his cane around his fingertip, leaning against the blackboard with a bored expression. “Come now, we haven’t got all day.”

Selina took a deep breath. She hadn’t told the others about her meeting with Bruce last night – hadn’t mentioned his warning. When it came down to Batman, and specifically, his meetings with her, she had a tendency to be decidedly… private. But Bruce had been concerned, even worried about a group of three convicts and psychotics (well, Harley and Riddler were psychotics, anyway).

“He wants to kill the Joker himself.” Catwoman finally said, her voice low and quiet.

Harley’s head whipped around, her face disbelieving. “Huh?”

“He wants to kill Joker, the Red Hood does. It’s always been about Joker. He wants to stop Two-Face and his gang, and maybe scavenge whatever plans they’ve made. If he had his hands on Oswald and that wretch Sionis, then who knows how far he may have already come?”

“Bravo!” Riddler cried out, leaning his cane against the wall and clapping his hands snobbishly. “You’ve finally come up with the answer that I figured out as soon as Dent revealed his plan. You should be proud.”

“Go sit and spin, Ed!” Harley snarled. “I’ve worked on plans with a man who’s far smarter’n you!”

The cocky grimace never left Riddler’s face. “Oh? And who might that be, Harley?”

“The only man Bat-brain could never figure out!”

“Harley…” Selina said softly, sitting up on the bed.

“Harley what? We’re supposed to be a team! Teammates are nice to other teammates!”

“You call the way Joker treated you “nice”, then?” Catwoman could control this, if she was careful. She knew Harley after the time spent with her – she could be manipulated, as long as you remembered that she wasn’t as innocent as she seemed.

The pigtailed villainess opened her mouth to retort, letting out a long, strained grunt before relenting, her mind drifting to a very different place. “Yeah… I guess we weren’t much of a team, huh?”

Riddler rolled his eyes. “If you two are through sorting out Harley’s ex-love life with a psychopath who’s soon to be killed by another psychopath who’s back from the dead, maybe we should make some kind of plan regarding the situation at hand.”

“Why are we even getting involved at this at all? This is a group of extremely dangerous and extremely volatile people that we’re trying to get involved with for no good reason.” Selina finally hopped up off of the bed, pointedly not looking at Harley Quinn, who was now silent and staring into her cereal bowl, pushing the miniature cookies around with her spoon.

“Either way we win. If the team kill Joker, Joker’s dead. If the Hood kills Joker, Joker’s dead.” She dragged one bare finger over the blackboard, smearing a lazy white X over Joker’s crudely-chalked face. “And with Joker dead, Gotham becomes a better place. So why in the world would we take any sort of action to save his life?”

Riddler let out an exasperated sigh. “Dear, sweet, whimsical Selina. You aren’t much of a chess player, are you? You can’t look at the obvious moves to make. Letting Joker die is like pushing a pawn forward to take a knight, ignoring a chance to get rid of the queen and inadvertently putting ourselves in checkmate.”

“Explain yourself,” Selina retorted.

“This Hood fellow… he’s driven. Motivated in a psychological fashion. He was wronged, and he wants revenge – but he’s proven that simply having the Joker die is insufficient. He wants to do the deed himself.”

“Right.”

“If he can be prevented from reaching his goal, his ruined ambitions could cripple his mind, make him a wreck. More importantly, make him leave Gotham. The Joker is a menace, and he’s a thorn in everyone’s side. But he doesn’t hunt villains. The Red Hood was able to take down Clayface, one of Batman’s more physically challenging foes, in a matter of seconds. He almost killed me. What do you think he’ll do to you and Harley, especially when he’s seeking you out?”

Selina slumped down, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at Riddler. He had a good point. Joker was violent, but Red Hood was violent against villains. A new, more vicious brand of vigilante that she really didn’t need as part of her night life.

“Then you’re right. We have to make a plan. And that means we have to know what the Hood knows… which means we need to pay a visit to the Iceberg Casino.”

Bump cuz this thread am lonely.

@Joygirl: Very cool!

@Joygirl Okay this is the best issue yet.

Oh, you'll make me blush. :P

@Joygirl said:

He had a good point. Joker was violent, but Red Hood was violent against villains. A new, more vicious brand of vigilante that she really didn’t need as part of her night life.

The lesser of two evils. Very nicely done Joygirl, always a good read

Bump! Where all my boys at? I desire homage.

smart and sexy is the image in my head in this chapter. good job.

@Joygirl: I'm loving this fan-fic! please keep me in the loop!

Also, I love the shout outs to Harley's past. You've obviously read your comics ;)

Thanks guys! And yeah, I've read a ton of Harley, working on gettin her solo series and graphic novel now to have like, the biggest collection ever.

@The Poet: @Strafe Prower: @Trodorne: @batkevin74: @wildvine: @Ravager4@tmacximas

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“Waugh! I’ll never talk! And ya’d best get outta here before I call security!”

“Never talk, hm?” Selina said quietly, stalking in slow circles around the Penguin, her goggles down and her face set seriously. “Funny, that. Because a little bird told me you squealed for the Red Hood. Told him all about your little scheme with Two-Face… and Deadshot.”

Oswald Cobblepot narrowed his eyes, gritting his filed fangs together and glowering at the cat-themed villainess. “I didn’t wanna call Deadshot into this. He’s scum. No manners, either! Waugh!” He flopped backwards into an overstuffed chair behind his desk, laying his umbrella menacingly over his shoulder. “You know what we’re trying to do has to be done. That clown has been the scorpion on the back of the duck for decades now, and it’s a matter of time before he stings us all! Waugh!”

“Oh, I know,” Catwoman agreed, tilting her head to the side and observing Penguin casually. “And under any other circumstances, I would fully support you in killing him. Actually – I do support you in killing him. But we can’t let the Hood get what he wants. If he does, he could shack up in Gotham permanently. Clayface hasn’t been seen in over a week.”

Oswald offered a high-pitched, nasal little snort, grumbling to himself. “You’re right, of course. But it’s out of my hands now! This is Harvey’s gig, and it always has been. Deadshot never backs down from a contract and it’s a coin-toss with Harvey, like always. Even if it’s suicide, he’ll go head to head with the Hood if it means getting the Joker.”

“So, are you going to cooperate, then? We need to know what he found out from you.” Riddler stepped in from behind the door, grimacing. “I get the little villain game, you don’t trust her, she doesn’t trust you. But if we’ve come to an agreement, maybe you can get it into your insignificantly small mind that we may need your help to prevent Gotham from burning.”

“Dammit, Gotham will never burn, waugh! Just because the Hood may have goons like you and Clayface around his finger doesn’t mean nobody will fight back! You think Joker will just offer himself up? He’ll turn the Hood into birdseed, if someone like Azrael doesn’t do it first!”

“You’re still avoiding the question, Oswald. What does he know that we can use against him?” Riddler closed in. With Catwoman behind the fat, suited man now, and Eddie leaning in close, Penguin wiggled uncomfortably, trapped between them.

“I didn’t tell him nothin’, ‘cause I don’t KNOW nothin’! Harvey was the thinker, the organizer. I provided the money to hire Deadshot in the first place, and a place for us to convene. I squawked on Two-Face and that was all he needed from me. Ya want plans, ya go to him.”

‘Two-Face ain’t gonna tell us anything, Ed, ya know that doncha?” Harley spoke now, licking the stray sugar from her fingertips and stuffing the wrapper of her pixie stix crudely into her pocket. Up until now, she had been occupied with the treat Selina’d given her. “I just got an idea, though, but ya won’t like it much.”

Riddler sighed heavily and turned his head, still leaned in against the Penguin. “From what I’ve seen from you, this idea has an approximately fifty percent chance of making me want to strangle you, Harley. What is it?”

“Well, everyone keeps sayin’ that… that he may not even be able to get to Joker in the first place. What if we warned Mistah J? Have him take the offence instead’a us?” Harley Quinn twirled one of her pigtails – the red one – around one finger casually, one leg crossed over the other. “Say Ozzie, ya got any chips or gum or somethin’ in this place? I’m feelin’ a little munchy.”

“…You punched me in the nose.”

“That was me? Gee, I thought penguins were supposed to have a two second memory or whatevah?”

Penguin’s eyes widened with fury, baring his teeth again. “That’s goldfish, you nincompoop!”

“Yeesh. Look who’s a trivia geek?”

“Why you little--!” Penguin reached forward with his crude little flippers, bumping Riddler out of the way as he lunged for the little group’s resident clown. His progress was suddenly halted by a certain someone’s whip around his midsection.

“Now, now, Oswald. Everyone wants to strangle Harley sometimes—“ Selina began, eliciting a little ‘Hey!’ from the other villainess. “—But we’re trying to be civil here, aren’t we?” She tugged back swiftly, the whip yanking Penguin back into his seat and holding him fast, the little man grumbling.

“You love your clown so much, why don’t you try her plan? It’s better than anything I’ve got right now. Let Joker deal with his own problems and slaughter the baby bird himself. Unless Two-Face survives and finds me here, I’m washing my hands of the whole damnable thing. It’s been my neck on the line this whole bloody time, waugh!”

“Actually, the Hood bombed Harvey’s hideout,” Riddler corrected annoyingly, his reward for which was a futile offhand swat from Penguin.

“Get outta my casino, all of you! Go find Joker and set him loose on the Red Hood, see what it gets you. Maybe he’ll kill Harley while you’re there.”

Eddie smirked lightly, rapping Oswald gently on the head with his cane before turning on his heel and striding from the roof, Selina and a still-hungry Harley close behind. “Thanks for nothing.”

@Joygirl: A great job, once again! I can't wait for more!!

I love it. I also liked the Azrael reference.

@Joygirl First, the adoration you demanded. It is awesome. Fantastic. Song worthy. Etc. @wildvine said:

I love it. I also liked the Azrael reference.

A hint perhaps?

Eeee. ^_^ Hmm, you never know, do you...? Though now that Gotham Hearts is part of DC Genesis (yeah!) I'll have to ask and see if he's available. :D

@Joygirl No. You've been assimilated. D :

@Joygirl said:

Eeee. ^_^ Hmm, you never know, do you...? Though now that Gotham Hearts is part of DC Genesis (yeah!) I'll have to ask and see if he's available. :D

It took them this long to ask?

@Joygirl: very cool!

and congrats at joining DC genesis...seems more like a Legacy FF, but whatever...what's the difference? :P

Not sure, to be honest. :P Not positive as to what the benefits are yet, either.

@Joygirl: What is DC Genisis?

A fan continuity here on ComicVine. We make sure we don't get in each other's way and invent a new DC. Gotham Hearts was allowed in retroactively.

@Joygirl: Sweet! I didn't know the fan-fic community was that big here at CV.

I love it

Thanks, always nice to see a new reader. ^_^ Consider checking out the new Secret Six fic as well, cowritten with IrishLad!

@Strafe Prower: @tmacximas@The Poet@batkevin74@Irishlad@wildvine

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“Do these leering clown faces ever stop scaring any of you? I know I’m petrified every time I come through one of these damnable carnivals,” Riddler complained as the little trio pushed a small purple gondola through what looked (and smelled) to be a river of sewage. Around them was a cave of sorts, spraypainted with erratic “ha”s and psychotic faces and eyes, most of them self-portraits done by the Joker himself.

“Aw, I always thought they were really comforting. It’s like an old, familiar wallpaper,” Harley said wistfully, leaning her chin on her palm as she let Selina and Eddie row, sighing as she re-experienced so many old memories. Part of her missed Joker, of course – part of her always would. But, despite the others telling her she was dense or pitiful, she had learned from her mistakes… maybe. Despite her doubts about her own mettle, she had brought her warhammer along, the massive slab of steel sitting on the floor of the gondola, with the crimson handle laying on her knee. She wouldn’t be taken advantage of again.

Selina glanced across to the clowngirl, twisting her lips slightly in a concerned expression. Going to Joker, while suicidal, seemed like their best option to keep the Red Hood out of Gotham. She just hoped that they all got out of this alive, with Harley’s soul more or less intact. The things that man did to her were astounding, he made her a different person – and even in his absence, Harley carried the shadow of his twisted personality in a corona around her heart.

The tunnel led onward, a light appearing at the end of it. Rather apropos, considering who they were going to meet. The hysterical laughter that was also growing louder, however, was significantly less symbolic.

“Well at least he’s home,” Riddler growled. “Saves us from having to use his answering machine.”

The slim boat bumped gently when it hit the makeshift dock. An old phonograph was playing some jazz song from the 20’s, and the man himself, the clown prince of crime, was waltzing in circles (despite the song being in 4:4 time), his arms wrapped around an invisible partner as he laughed and laughed and laughed, his voice going hoarse.

Selina’s eyes widened slightly, the majesty and horror of the Joker’s mere presence not at all lost on her, while shivers ran up Ed’s spine. Harley sighed again, biting her bottom lip as she watched the man she loved – just watched him, watched him dance and wished, in her deepest heart, that he were holding her, erratically dancing to a song that didn’t fit. The song never mattered to Joker; when he was by himself, when he was with Harley, he loved to dance. He always laughed like that when he did, and the sounds of his mirth were always more musical to her than whatever was playing on the phonograph.

She glanced down at her pointed boots, a tear slowly wetting one of her big blue eyes. She couldn’t think that way, not anymore. Whether or not she wanted it, whether or not she… she wanted him… whether or not she thought it could work, she knew now that she was wrong. Joker would never love her the way she loved him, and to be near him was to risk her life daily. The problem was, it was almost worth it.

“…Puddin’?” Harley said softly, the first to stand. She took a step forward onto the dock that led into Joker’s psychotically furnished cave, pushing aside a thin curtain that felt like it had been fashioned from thinly-sliced human skin.

Joker paused, mid-step, and held the position for a while. The song continued on, and finally the clown dropped his arms and stood straight, still facing away from his old squeeze. “Harley…” his grating, sing-song voice finally rang out, after a silence which threatened to kill Riddler and Catwoman. “I didn’t think you’d come back.”

“I… it ain’t like that, Mistah J. I just need to talk to ya… okay?” Harley put her hands behind her back, her heart racing violently in her chest. Her knees felt weak, her breath caught in her throat. It was him, her love. His voice.

“Talk away, poo,” he chirped, slowly turning to face his ex-henchgirl. His vibrant green eyes bore into hers the second he came into view, and his stretched, red-lipped rictus grin was fused the same way it had been when she had left. The same way it had been when he left her in that building… filled with dynamite he had left there.

“Sorry, pumpkin!” he had said. “Hope there’s no hard feelings? The feds shouldn’t rough ya up too bad – that is, if you survive the blast! Ahaha! Ah, but you’re a tough girl, eh? You’ll be fine.” He had been on the helicopter when he said that, already pulling away from the bank and the timebomb he had left with her. That bomb had nearly killed her.

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a moment, trying to speak past the lump in her throat. “We… w-we just wanted to… w-warn you… Mistah… Mistah J, that….”

“That there’s a madman coming after you. He’s calling himself the Red Hood – your old name, yes?” Selina laid a hand on Harley’s shoulder and the clowngirl melted into her, a solitary tear streaming down her cheek. She tilted her face so that Joker wouldn’t see.

“Ooh, that wouldn’t be the Bat’s little brat, would it?” Joker said excitedly. “I already had the pleasure of killing him once, I think about that every night when I say my prayers! I’d just LOVE to murder him once more!”

“Go for it,” Catwoman replied, holding Harley tightly against her. “He’s out in the wild now, attacking villains. We still haven’t seen Clayface and he almost killed Riddler and Harley. He’s been hunting down Two-Face to find you, and Harvey can’t handle him. We need you to take the offensive if we’re going to get him out of Gotham.”

“Aw, he wants little ol’ me? I can’t imagine why,” Joker said casually, gazing at his gloved fingers as if he were checking his nails for blemishes.

“Maybe because you killed him?” Riddler said, stepping up to Harley’s other side.

“Ooh, the girlygirl has a couple of friends now. Big strong villains to keep her safe from the big…” his smile began to widen. “…Bad…” he ran his tongue along his teeth suggestively, sliding a revolver from his belt.

“Get down!” Selina screamed, dragging Harley to the cave floor.

“…Joker.” He pulled the trigger, causing a massive red flag proudly stating “BANG!” to pop harmlessly out of the barrel. That laughter began to echo through the chamber again, washing over the trio that had come to meet him, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. “Ahahahahaha, heheheheeheheahahhaha, heeheeheeheehee, ohohoho, hohoohohoh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE OLD BANG TRICK! YOU FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME! AHAHAHA!”

“Come on, Harley,” Catwoman whispered to the sniffling clowngirl, knowing she was doing everything in her power not to weep openly. “We’re getting out of here.”

“Oh, and don’t worry about that Todd kid! I’ll wear the skin of his feet as my socks! – say, I wonder if they come in argyle? – and his guts as my new necktie! The hunt is on! HAHAHAHAHA!!!” Joker’s voice rang out behind the trio as they crawled back into the gondola, each one of them shaking and trying to paddle away. Even Harley, at the prow, tried to push the boat through the water with her bare hands, not having an oar.

“I’ll find you, Harley! I’LL FIND YOU! AND THIS TIME, MY LOVE, YOU WON’T SURVIVE! YOU’LL JOIN THE BAT’S PARENTS IN HELL!!!”

Magnifico :)

Wow......just wow.

Thanks guys. ^_^

@Joygirl: I'm in awe of your take on the Joker. Absolutely stunning writing girl!

*bows deeply* Thank you, good sir. :D I suppose now would be a good time to publically announce that I have, in the works, an ongoing fanfic titled "Joker - He Who Laughs Last"?

@Joygirl said:

YOU’LL JOIN THE BAT’S PARENTS IN HELL!!!

So Joker knows that Bruce is Batman? Wow, that'll shake everything up!

Now to be honest I hated Public Enemies but the music works so well with your story. Great job Joygirl

I hated Public Enemies too. :P But that was the only good link to Ella Fitzgerald - Am I Blue. And maybe he knows Bats is Bruce... maybe he's known all along... or maybe he just knows, somehow, that his parents are dead? Maybe he just made a lucky guess? Who knows? It's Joker. >:3

Bump?

@Joygirl Well done once again. You perfectly wrote the joker. The line about the bats parents is enigmatic. Can't wait to see what comes from that.

@Jakesully1981: @tmacximas: @batkevin74: @Strafe Prower: @Irishlad: @Avenging-X-Bolt: @Jakesully1981: @The Poet@Ravager4@wildvine

Short piece that will segue into the next three-section chapter. Get ready for a bumpy ride.

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“He said he loved me, Selina! He said “my love”, didn’t ya hear that?! He wants me back!”

“Harley… please don’t tell me we’re having this discussion. He said ‘my love, you won’t survive’. You’d think that would be somewhat off-putting.” Selina clapped her hand over her eyes, sighing deeply. “He’s bad news.”

“Yeah, I guess so…” Harley muttered lowly, picking up a round, lumpy rock and tossing it at the lake in front of the two women, causing it to plunk to the bottom unceremoniously.

“You need the flat ones if you want to skip them, you know.”

“Yeah… I know.” Harley grumbled, throwing another rock into the lake.

“You two aren’t still sulking, are you?” Riddler said, laying his hands on the back of the park bench the two girls were sitting on, leaning his hips against it casually and tilting his hat down, keeping what little sun leaked through the canopy of trees out of his eyes. The three had stayed at Selina’s last night, after which it had been obvious that if Harley didn’t have ice cream in a stunningly short time, someone wouldn’t survive.

Now, they were at the park. Harley had finished an entire half gallon of cotton candy flavored, slow-churned ice cream on her own, and had ended up taking a few scoops out of Selina’s personal-sized chocolate. Eddie had gotten away with a single buddy bar.

“M’not sulkin’,” Harley sulked, picking up another rock and flinging it as hard and far as she could. It cleared the small lake, landing with a muffled thud on the other side.

“She never does well when she sees him,” Selina whispered, turning her head to face Ed with a small frown of her own.

“If it makes you feel any better, Harley, a building is burning down a few blocks away?” he tried, turning to look at the smoking rising up over the trees not too far away. “You could loot something? I think it’s a record store?” He slowly forced his lips to curl, something that did not generally occur often, not when he wasn’t sneering at some inferior opponent or other. The result distinctly resembled a lowercase U that was trying to crawl out of its skin.

Harley sniffled, glancing up that the man with a half-smile of her own. “A… a record store?” she whispered.

“A record store,” Eddie confirmed.

____________________

A few minutes later, the three had suited up and were cruising towards the little burning shop, Harley riding behind Catwoman on her motorcycle and Riddler riding what appeared to be the most manly alternative to a power scooter that he could find. He had difficulty keeping up, but he managed.

“Alright, punks, this is a lootery!” Harley proclaimed proudly when she somersaulted into the burning building, her massive mallet in one hand as she posed dramatically for the few quivering victims still inside.

And, of course, Azrael and the Red Hood.

@Joygirl: I hope it's Empire Records that's burning down, or even High Fidelity :) Another quality chapter leaving me hanging for more. So in the words of Kevin Bacon : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm7D5VRfaTI

@batkevin74: You ain't seen nothing yet. The next three chapters will be in first person -- Eddie's story, Selina's story, then Harley's story. ^_^

Finally got caught up on this. Fantastic, as always :)

And am I the only one who finds the notion of Joker saying prayers disturbing?

I mean... who does he pray to?

He prays to himself. O.O Maybe.

@Joygirl late comment. First chapter: love it. Second chapter: i don't know what was funnier, the ice cream scene or Riddler on a scooter. Azrael and Red Hood? Oh snap.

@wildvine said:

@Joygirl late comment.

no, this is a late comment :P

@Joygirl: very amusing! :D

Amusing...? O.o Ah, I suppose the end a little.

@Joygirl think he ment entertaining.