#1 Posted by MasterJohn (2471 posts) - - Show Bio

This is rated T. I do not own Gandalf or the Death Eaters, they are owned by Lord of the Rings and Harry potter.

It is bright in the plains of Middle Earth, the butterflys are flying, the birds are chriping, and the horses are running. Gandalf cleaning his white horse and enjoying the day.

"It is a lovely day" Gandalf said. Middle Earth is such a beautiful place", Unknown to Gandalf, a group of Dark beings are planning to invade Middle Earth, and destroy it and all of it's inhabitants.

In another universe, underground, a group of dark beings gathered, discussing plans for a future invasion of Middle Earth.

Voldermort stood infront of a crowd of all his death eaters

"Today is the day" Voldermort snarled. "Today is the day we take over Middle Earth, and turn it into our own realm of darkness".

Voldermort looked down at his crowd of death eaters, as they all clapped in agreement with him, however, one was not so sure.

"I agree, my lord. However, there is a threat in our way" Snape chirpped.

Voldermort turned to him

"This threat can not be as powerful as all of us combined!" voldermort screamed. Snape looked at the Dark Lord and dared to protest against his statement. "Sir, we are up against a unknown enemy, said to be very powerful in the arts of magic. More powerful then us" Snape said. Voldermort turned to him.

"Whoever this unknown enemy is, I will break him, I will it!" voldermort then shoots a red energy up at the ceiling, and then looks at his death eaters.

"Does anyone wish to defy this!?" Voldermort snarled.

The death eaters all shook there heads.

"Good. Now, here's what we first plan to do..We plan to invade Middle Earth by sun-down, blacken it with our mark. We will pour into the city of Rohan, once rohan is under our control and their King is dead, we go into Gondor and kill anything in our sights!" Voldermort protested "After this, we will conduct our biggest ritual yet, and we will flood the realm of Middle Earth with our presence, it will consume everything and everyone" Voldermort proclaimed. "We will destroy the realm of Middle Earth, and we will achieve victory and pour our darkness into other worlds!" Voldermort yelled. "Now let us go! Let us proclaim our victory!" Voldermort screamed in passion.

A dark portal opens in the middle of the room, as they all dissolve into dark energy and go through the portal. The portal having a black hole in the middle of it along with purple swirls around the hole.

Meanwhile in Middle Earth, a dark hole with swirls like a Hurricane opens in the sky, and massive amounts of dark energy pour into the green grasses and plains of Middle Earth. The sky blackens and the automosphere dampens. Gandalf feels like a black hole has been ripped in his heart. He quickly gets his staff, gets on his horse and gallops to the nearest city: Rohan.

As middle earth blackens, the cows, horses, pigs, butterflies, birds and bumblebees die out. The darkness is so thick, that no one can see infront of them in parts of Middle Earth. A "Gah! this smoke is very deadly indeed!" Gandalf scrowls. Gandalf then puts his staff in the air, and the crystal on it lights up. Guiding the path for him and his horse to get safely to Rohan.

As Gandalf reaches Rohan, the alarms have already been sound, and the defense barricades are already up.

"I'm glad this city is still standing" Gandalf said in relief. "It looks like I got here in the nic of time" Gandalf jumps off his horse, grabbing his staff, leading his horse and himself into the city to the palace.

Gandalf reaches the Palace and sees the House of Eorl in panic.

"Ahem" Gandalf says, as his deep voice echos across the room. "Kings of Rohan, you have nothing to fear..I am puzzled on what or where those dark energies are and are coming from. However, I am sure- "THREAT POURING INTO THE CITY!" A guardsman cries. The guards quickly scramble for the palace, only to be overran by the energies

The threat of darkness then bursts the doors of the throne room open, and the energies then are discovered to be Lord Voldermort, Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and the rest of the death eater army. Voldermort walks further into the room, and looks at the kings

"Hmm..What a disappointment, you are all going to die. And there's nothing you can do about it". "Not unless I have something to say about it!" Gandalf yelled as he walked from behind the throne, and put himself infront of the kings. "You are never getting any of them!" Gandalf proclaimed. "You must be the threat I was told about...I am going to break you...AVADA KEDARVA!" Green energy then rockets across the room to Gandalf, Gandalf quickly puts up his staff and absorbs the spell. "Dark lord, this is your first warning, LEAVE!". Gandalf demanded. "You don't order me around pest!" Voldermort quickly moves his left shoulder his with wand, powered up with blue energy. "ABRA KADABRA!" the energy fires at Gandalf, gandalf then takes the energy in with his staff, then powers up a fire spell. He then sends the fire spell, amplified by Voldermort's magic-appearing as a blue ball of fire, at Voldermort.

Voldermort quickly swirls his wand and makes the fire explode in the room, however, Gandalf's shield of Istari protects himself and the Kings.

"Dark lord, you shall not harm these Kings!" Gandalf then withdrawls his Glamdrig, shining with a white aura. As gandalf mutters a language in a unknown tongue, the light only gets brighter and stronger. As the Death eaters are knocked to their feet, their essence starts dissipating. Gandalf then walks over to the fallen Voldermort.

"You dark lord, your time is up...." He raises his sword, channels lightning, then strikes voldermort right in the heart, electrocuting him, and overpowering his body with electricity, making it explode.

As Voldermort exploded at the blade of the sword, the death eaters quickly escaped, dissipating into green fire, or dissipating into dark essence.

"Sigh..We've averted a disaster" Gandalf says. Gandalf walks outside, and sees a sign the Death Eaters have left in the sky, wrote in green fire "We will be back"

To be continued..

#2 Posted by JamesKM716 (1992 posts) - - Show Bio

Well, you've got a TON of problems with this.

Lots of grammar issues, wrong formatting for dialogue, switching from past tense to present tense during the story, literally the wrong words being used, and further this is incredibly short.

From a story stance, this is incredibly confusing. Why is Gandalf riding around talking about beauty of Middle Earth? how did Voldemort find out about Middle Earth? how did he get there? Why does he want to conquer Middle Earth? what happened to the Potterverse people? So many questions....

And i say all this because the first time i wrote a legitament story, it had even worse formatting than this, you can improve.

#3 Posted by MasterJohn (2471 posts) - - Show Bio

@JamesKM716 said:

Well, you've got a TON of problems with this.

Lots of grammar issues, wrong formatting for dialogue, switching from past tense to present tense during the story, literally the wrong words being used, and further this is incredibly short.

From a story stance, this is incredibly confusing. Why is Gandalf riding around talking about beauty of Middle Earth? how did Voldemort find out about Middle Earth? how did he get there? Why does he want to conquer Middle Earth? what happened to the Potterverse people? So many questions....

And i say all this because the first time i wrote a legitament story, it had even worse formatting than this, you can improve.

Well, this is my first fan-fic...Thank you for your opinion...

#4 Posted by JamesKM716 (1992 posts) - - Show Bio

@MasterJohn: I know, and i'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to be constructive. I was going to rbeak it down point by point, but i couldn't get hte quoting to work right.

#5 Posted by Jnr6Lil (7693 posts) - - Show Bio

@JamesKM716 said:

Well, you've got a TON of problems with this.

Lots of grammar issues, wrong formatting for dialogue, switching from past tense to present tense during the story, literally the wrong words being used, and further this is incredibly short.

From a story stance, this is incredibly confusing. Why is Gandalf riding around talking about beauty of Middle Earth? how did Voldemort find out about Middle Earth? how did he get there? Why does he want to conquer Middle Earth? what happened to the Potterverse people? So many questions....

And i say all this because the first time i wrote a legitament story, it had even worse formatting than this, you can improve.

This

And I doubt Voldemort could die that quick, nor would the Death Eaters even want to come back with their leader dead.