Final Version of Prince Namor Declares War On the World (Fan fic)

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theik2

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Edited By theik2

Apologies for formatting problems. Yomiko Readman was vacationing at the beach and waded in to the surf. Suddenly an octopus latched on to her and began to tickle her. The Fantastic Four were at the beach and came to her rescue. The Human Torch scared the octopus away. Yomiko blushed, said she was fine and thanked Johnny for rescuing her without hurting the octopus. She introduced herself to the FF and Mr. Fantastic said “Yomiko, aren’t you famous for being able to do incredible things with paper?” She blushed a little and said “They call me The Paper.” Mr. F said “It is a great honor to meet you!” Johnny said “Aren’t you the one who can make an airplane out of paper and fly in it?” She said “Maybe I will be able to show you.” Suddenly Prince Namor waded out of the ocean with a stormy look on his countenance and confronted Mr. F. Namor said “I demand that all humans leave the oceans. They can’t use boats or even fly aircraft over the ocean! I, Prince Namor, will give you two weeks. If you do as I order you we can meet here in two weeks on the dot!” Mr. F asked why he was so angry? He said “I will tell you more in two weeks!” Ben Grimm , The Thing, said after Namor left “Gee, I'm a sensitive guy, he hurt my feelings, I'm gonna cry!” Yomiko said that her organization has been monitoring Namor closely for the last several years and that his behavior had become more unstable in the last three months. She said they were not completely sure but thought that Skrulls had replaced Namor, and were preparing to invade Earth again. Yomiko added that several years ago some agents from her organization had planted a tracking device on Namor so they can follow him. If he is held prisoner by the skrulls they should be able to find him. The Fantastic Four went to the White House and the UN to get all humans out of the oceans. It took thirteen days to complete the process. During those 14 days all superheroes from around the world were put on the alert for a possible skrull invasion. At the appointed hour the FF plus Yomiko Readman reported to the beach. Namor and some of his people emerged from the water. He said "I see you have obeyed my orders." Mr. Fantastic asked Namor what he wanted. The prince said he wanted to take over the world. Mr. F said "we can't let you do that and you know it!" The prince snarled "Let the war begin!" Suddenly the Avengers and the X-Men emerged from hiding and along with The FF they quickly overwhelmed Namor and his party. Just as suddenly Namor said "We can't let you capture us." And they killed themselves. Everybody was stunned, Prince Namor would never do that! Slowly the corpses returned to their skrull form. Yomiko broke the silence and said that a team of her operatives rescued the real Prince Namor from imprisonment on a small island on the British Columbian coast. They also captured some skrulls. Now they shifted to search mode to see if they could find anymore skrulls. Prince Namor and his people assisted searching under water for skrulls. No more were found. Johnny asked Yomiko if she were planning to go back to the beach. She said the octopi were too amorous for her.

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batkevin74

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#1  Edited By batkevin74

@theik2 said:

Apologies for formatting problems.

Yomiko Readman was vacationing at the beach and waded in to the surf. Suddenly an octopus latched on to her and began to tickle her. The Fantastic Four were at the beach and came to her rescue. The Human Torch scared the octopus away. Yomiko blushed, said she was fine and thanked Johnny for rescuing her without hurting the octopus. She introduced herself to the FF.

“Yomiko, aren’t you famous for being able to do incredible things with paper?” said Mr. Fantastic

She blushed a little and said “They call me The Paper.”

Mr. Fantastic said “It is a great honor to meet you!”

Johnny said “Aren’t you the one who can make an airplane out of paper and fly in it?”

She said “Maybe I will be able to show you.”

Suddenly Prince Namor waded out of the ocean with a stormy look on his countenance and confronted Mr. Fantastic.

Namor said “I demand that all humans leave the oceans. They can’t use boats or even fly aircraft over the ocean! I, Prince Namor, will give you two weeks. If you do as I order you we can meet here in two weeks on the dot!”

Mr. F asked “Why he was so angry? He said “I will tell you more in two weeks!”

Ben Grimm aka The Thing, said after Namor left “Gee, I'm a sensitive guy, he hurt my feelings, I'm gonna cry!”

Yomiko said that her organization has been monitoring Namor closely for the last several years and that his behavior had become more unstable in the last three months. She said they were not completely sure but thought that Skrulls had replaced Namor, and were preparing to invade Earth again. Yomiko added that several years ago some agents from her organization had planted a tracking device on Namor so they can follow him. If he is held prisoner by the Skrulls they should be able to find him.

The Fantastic Four went to the White House and the UN to get all humans out of the oceans. It took thirteen days to complete the process. During those 13 days all superheroes from around the world were put on the alert for a possible Skrull invasion. At the appointed hour the FF plus Yomiko Readman reported to the beach. Namor and some of his people emerged from the water.

He said "I see you have obeyed my orders."

Mr. Fantastic asked Namor what he wanted.

The prince said he wanted to take over the world.

Mr. Fantastic said "We can't let you do that and you know it!"

The prince snarled "Let the war begin!"

Suddenly the Avengers and the X-Men emerged from hiding and along with The FF they quickly overwhelmed Namor and his party.

Just as suddenly Namor said "We can't let you capture us." And they killed themselves. Everybody was stunned, Prince Namor would never do that! Slowly the corpses returned to their Skrull form.

Yomiko broke the silence and said that a team of her operatives rescued the real Prince Namor from imprisonment on a small island on the British Columbian coast. They also captured some Skrulls. Now they shifted to search mode to see if they could find anymore Skrulls. Prince Namor and his people assisted searching under water for Skrulls. No more were found. Johnny asked Yomiko if she were planning to go back to the beach. She said the octopi were too amorous for her.

It's a little disjointed. It's alittle bit like you've tried to cram too much into some sentences and paragraphs. Bit more description, space it out a bit and this would be great. Keep writing! :)

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evilvegeta74

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#2  Edited By evilvegeta74

Sounds good, very descriptive, I would probably shorten out some of the sentences and more or less try to get to the point , you don't wanna take your readers for a trip around the world just to describe weather for example, my teachers stayed on my case about that. Always try to be specific and direct, never beat around the bush with your stories. I wasn't concearned abut the structure of the story, but it make the story easier to read , I did the same thing in my -Kidpool Kills the Marvel Universe! Threads- check those out if you get a chance!

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theik2

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#3  Edited By theik2

Thanks for the feedback.