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#1 Edited by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

This is the first match in the first round for the Fan-Fic Versus Tournament. Here we have @batkevin74 vs @betatesthighlander1. You can either put your vote here, or PM it to me if you wish to remain anonymous.

Let the voting begin!


Batkevin74
- Crom

I think I will change my follower.

Though he is an excellent advocate for me; the way he bellows my name makes my skin crawl!

At least five times a day that homicidal, sword wielding, muscle bound, would-be-conqueror yells my name at the top of his lungs and several times just as a muttered prayer when things don’t go his way. I live in a giant cave, and that heavily accented voice reverberates like thunder THROUGH MY HOUSE!

I don’t go shouting his name whilst he’s asleep! Inconsiderate lummox! This is part of the reason I don’t answer prayers, I just want to be left alone. But still this maniac yells my name from Hyboria to Zamboula; from the Western Sea to the Desert Steppes. He roams about yelling my name like a retarded child who has just learnt a curse word.

I gave the boy a riddle, the riddle of steel, hopefully to shut him up for a while but that only enflamed his passion for yelling my name. I am an ancient god who needs his sleep. How am I supposed to cast silent disapproving judgement upon people when I am sleep deprived?

At least I am not plagued with Set’s followers with that constant hissing.

Seven hells! I am in a good mind to make my prescience known by coming down from my mountain and smiting him, pulling out his tongue and choking him with it. But he does send many to their deaths in my name.

I wish…for just one day, without bugging me, without his yelling my name.

Gods I’m tire…

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........


Betatesthighlander1
- Batman: Knight of Hell

The sun was setting over Gotham. It was shaping up to be a pretty lousy night. There was a shipment of something new coming, and it was already eight hours late. Labrazio was just getting out of the little bedroom he had set up, nothing fancy, just a mattress and some blankets, but he could get anhour of sleep here or there when he was stuck waiting (usually though, the shipment would arrive just when he started drifting off). Labrazio usually considered himself a pretty patient boss, his gang on the other hand, could get a bit testy. That being said, they still seemed pretty relaxed.

“-Keep in mind Frankie, this girl was no rocket scientist” said JT, “she didn’t suspect nothing”. “yeah right” said Franky, the shortest of the man looking up at the tallest, lankiest member of the gang

“Last week you told me you got it on with Power Girl”

“I did” said JT “but I can’t reveal her true identity”

“hey” said Labrazio “you two okay?”

“yeah” said little Franky “pedo-stache is just trying to convince me he’s ever gotten a full grown woman.”

Labrazio looked down, “what was that about facial hair?”

Franky smirked “oh yeah, like yours looks good, either grow a beard or don’t”

“other crime bosses in this city would kill you for saying that” Labrazio so kindly pointed out, lightly tapping his ever-so-trim mustache

The three of them shared a laugh

In the corner of the warehouse, the twins were playing poker while Arnold’s brother watched. For his own life, Labrazio could not remember the guy’s name. Arnie’s brother was just watching “hey twins” called Labrazio “why not let the kid in on your little game?”

“no thanks” said the young man “never been very good at poker, always more of a blackjack man myself”

Labrazio almost started a conversation on cardgames, but still had one guy to check on. “where’s your brother” he ask

“Haven’t seen him sonce you went to bed” said Arnie’s brother

L:abrazio still needed to make sure the last guy was still there. Arnie was in his usual spot, listening to the phonograph record player, some recording of some old boxing match was on. Arnie was just kind of siting against a wall “hey, Arnie, I was thinking that this hole thing seems pretty suspicious” said Labrazio

“ya thinkin’ they got some kinda ambush planned?” said the giant man, two inches shorter than JT, but the broadest of any member of this little gang

“maybe” said Labrazzio “maybe we could all bear some arms, stand ready by the door”

“won’t that make ‘em mad if they was really planning on exchanging and not killing us, they’d get pretty steamed”

Labrazio repeated a little maxim of his “better to err on the side of caution”

The gang all gathered together under their leader’s call, gathering their weapons. Frannky held a Thomson submachine gun, the sturdy weapon feeling right in his callous hands. The twins were using MP40’s, one for each of the identical guys, who were standing on opposite flanks of the gang. Next to them was Arnie, nonchalantly shouldering his Browning Automatic Rifle. JT was holding a pistol in each hand, while Arnie’s brother held a rifle of some sort like he didn’t really know what a weapon was; and Labrazio was standing firm with his .45, feeling confiudent as ever. They were just about to sit down and start relaxingl, when the skylight burst open.

No one was entirely sure what was going on, but they saw the skylight open, and they saw a black figure descend. Immediately all of them opened fire on the black figure. He he had done this plenty of times before, but the bullets colliding with his armor knocked him off balance. The floor was about forty feet down, and his landing was not very gentle.

Batman woke up damnig himself. He’d done this plenty of times before and had never done anything so klutzy or idiotic. But there was no time for self-deprecation now; he needed to find his bearings. His vision was still coming into defocus, but he could feel. Something was smeared on his face. His arms and legs were both chained to something, and he was in a cold chair, strange that he could feel them. Then he realized it, it was hard to look his problem in the face, he’d never been in this situation before. His costume was off

“Guy’s wakin’ up” said franky “JT, take some a’ those precautions you were talking about”

“I’m getting’ there”

Batman needed a plan, he could see four men in front of him, he didn’t have time to do that, he needed to figure out how to escape his bonds. He looked down, there were good chains and redundant handcuffs, pulled tightly enough that they were cutting into his risks. His utility belt was off. So was his mask. “No” he though, he needed to figure out how to leave and how to get these guys away from him before he could start worrying, he knew he could think of something.

“I got some friends in Bialya” said an unreasonably gruff voice” we could kill him right here, go lay low with those guys for a little while”

The lanky man with the mustache was holding a sledgehammer. He smiled. A huge swing from over his right shoulder came down and collided with the back of Batman’s left palm. Batman expected the arm of the chair to break, but it was made of a good material, and only his hand broke. JT proceeded to take the same precautions with Batman’s right hand.

“Try picking your way out of that now!” said JT

“you only broke the palms” said Franky “locks are usually picked with fingers”

“He needs his palms to use the fingers” said JT, putting the hammer “without the palms it’s like, his fingers can’t get any…leverage..uhmm” JT was scratching his chin “They can’t get the foundation right without the palm bones”

“how can you know that if you don’t even know what to call it!” yelled Franky

“Fine” conceded the lanky man in the spiffy suit, who proceed to pick the hammer back up and smash the fingers of the bound man with the front of the hammer

“what about his thumbs?” asked franky

“what the hell do you expect this guy to do with just his- whatever, fine” and he broke the guys thumbs to”

Labrazio walked up “we were gonna do that when you were still asleep, but we figured you deserved some pain” said the boss “well, mainly the big guy, seein’ as ya caused the death of his dearest sibling”

“Don’t sweet-talk the brother killer” Arnie phonated, managing just barely to not scream “we need to just take the guy out, seven or eight hours before hand, but take him out”

Batman spoke “I don’t kill”

“yeah” said Labrazio “tell that to the three corpses out there who croaked trying ot get that suit off of ya”

In the corner three men were laid out, two of whom were almost identical, wearing the same suits, the third was shorter, thinner, and younger than the other two

Batman didn’;t think that his defenses would evr kill anyone, most of the primary suit defenses were made to just disable people. But there were more, designed to fend off Bane, Solomon Grundy, Despero, stuff that would just knock out people like them, but against a regular humnan…

“now, Mr. B, we’ve figured out a few things about you” said Labraizzo, pulling up a chair and sitting in it backwards “that mug of your belongs to Matches Malone, Frankie recognized you even without the mustache after that twin died getting your mask off”

“I played poker with you, ya cheater”

Matches was saying nothing

“Guy’s a sociopath, he’s never gonna respond” said Labrazzio “anyways, that’s why we painted a little mustache with shoe polish on your face, to make up for that mustache you took off, to see if you really looked just like the guy or we were just seeing things” he got out of the chair and walked behind Malone, putting his hands on the man’s neck “but then, I suspected something even more disturbing, I remembered A newspaper I was reading the other day, there was a picture of some heir, well, an inheritor now, real lazy guy. Never did nothin’ to earn his money, lives off his late parents’ fortune ” he said, getting into a whisper, but still keeping his head far enough from Malone that he couldn’t hit Labrazio’s face with the back of his head (this wasn’t his first rodio) “ever hear of a guy named Bruce Wayne

Everyone in the room started laughing, even as Batman was totally stoic.

Labrazzio went back to his chair, turned it around, and leaned back in it “Now, what’s your deal here?”

Batman didn’t speak, and for a solid minute the only sound was Arnie grumbling

“well” said JT “ as I recall, Bruce Wayne’s parents were killed by Joe Chill, way I heard it his parents had some debts to the guy’s boss; gambling, drugs, corporate duress. Now, I don’t see how a coupla billionaires would not be able to pay for what they bought. Now, keep in mind guys, what I’m about to tell you is from some people who might have known some people, but I heard the cops were watching the Wayne family real close when the guy demanded his money, so they decided they’d never dealt with the guys in the first place. Anyways, far as I can figure, this guy’s a lone crazy, using his family’s massive fortune to get some kinda twisted revenge on guys he thinks are like the guys who killed his family”

“My parents were folks by a couple sophisticates” said Arnie “guess that means I got two counts of revenge on the Bat”

“We’ve been over this Arnie, we’re not killing him until we’ve talked this out”

“Hey guys” said Franky, urgent to talk “now that pedo-stash has given his stupid theories, let me tell you guys what’s really going on. This guy’s part of some secret club, when rich people get board, they prey on us little folk, figure if they go after criminals than no one would ever think twice about it. No, no, no, these guys have to keep their bloodsport clean, or else the cops will be on them, in a big enough way that they couldn’t just pay them off. Hell, this guy ain’t even the only Batman, the whole damned club gets to be Batman, Bruce Waynes takes Monay nights, Tuesday gets Ted Kord, Wednesday is Oliver Queen, every Thursday Lex Luthor puts on this stupid costume-“

“hey” said JT “Lex Luthor is a legitimate businessman and politician”

Arnie smirked at the idea of a legitimate businessman or politician

“And what about all those crazy schemes he executed?” asked Franky

“That was the Luthor of Earth-2, observe any current events every once in a while” replied JT

“guys, shut up” said Labrazio “I heard some noise outside, Arnie, guard Bruce, you other two come with me”

The three walked out while the largest one took his eyes on Batman

“his death was a mistake”

Arnie walked a bit closer, and batman had already built up every possible variation of this dialogue, and was ready for the blow that would most likely take place

Arnie hit him on the head with a pair of pliers, breaking the skin and knocking his head to the left, he made it look good, make Arnie fell like he’d cause some major damage

Then Arnie punched him in the mouth, then held it open with his hand, then put the pliers in, and pulled on Bruce’s tongue until it was entirely taut. “your just a brother killer, why should I listen to you?”

Outside, the JT and Franky had their guns drawn, but there weren’t any people near the building

“probbly just machinery boss” said JT “we should go back in”

“there was never nay noise” said Labrazzio “ I just need to get some consensus on what to do with the bat in there”

“Behind Arnie’s back?!” screamed an indignant Franky

“Arnie already had his vote, kill the Batman. That’s why I left him in as a guard, guys devoted enough that he’s not going to change nay views from this conversation, and he’s certainly not getting any clever ideas about siding with batman against us. Now, us guys should also get some ideas of what to do with the Bruce, wand what the consequences would be”

“well” said JT “couldn’t we just ransom him back to the Wayne family, get ‘em to give our little front for a billion dollars, the four of us can retire on some island somewhere”

“well, the Wayne family might not respond very good to our threats” said Labrazzio “guy’s clearly got close connections with Robin and that Bat-chick, not to mention his connections with the Justice League”

“wait, what about Superman?” asked Franky “I hear the guy can hear clear across state lines, what if he know’s what we’re doing, what if he comes for us?

“Franky” said JT “if the guy was really as omniscient as you say, you think any guys like us could exist on Earth?”

Labrazio needed to break this up “Good point both of you. I doubt anyone’s coming now, but time is of the essence, before someone comes for Batman, not just the Justice League, but any of Batman’s enemies could want a piece of him”

“Yeah” said JT “ and not just the Earth-bound ones, I mean, how long before Maxima comes down from the Warworld and Boom Tubes all of us right into the central Gold Volcano”

“Well” said Franky “couldn’t we just offer batman to some of them?”

“Well, ya gotta remember that most of Batman’s old enemies aren’t serious businessmen like us, their just a bunch of psychopaths, likely as not they’ll offer us a couple of million dollars, than kill us and take the Bat”

“My point exactly” said JT “his family would offer us a lot more anyways”

“Even ignoring his friends” said Franky “wouldn’t Batman just come for us immediately afterwards?”

JT thought for a bit “couldn’t we just cripple him first?”

“We can’t be sure that would work” replied Labrazio “guys crippled him a while back, he just came back in a robosuit”

“well” said JT “how do we know that was even the same guy, like what franky said, maybe it was someone else who wore the suit before the Bat was broken”

“yeah” said Franky, his sarcasm palpable “maybe it was the Bruce Wayne of Earth 2: Electric Bugallo”

Labrazzio looked at him, and franky got real quiet

“fact of the matter is, someone is going to come for us if we sell Batman” said Labrazio “we need to mediate that”

“well” said Franky “none of those guys ever kill anyone, like, not even the guys whpo threaten to wreck the Earth every other month, what’s the worse they could do?”

“Never kill anyone?” questioned JT “what about the giant grey guy in Metropolis?”

“That guy wasn’t even capable of thought, that’s like killing a rabid dog” said Franky

“Yeah” said JT “but we’d still go to jail

“Well, think about it, if we went to jail, and all the other inmates knew that we were the guys who took down the bat, we could live like kings”

“Guys” said Labrazzio “we’re not turning ourselves in for any gamble like that, I got other ideas”

They both looked at their boss

“We torture him real bad, bad enough that any revenge is considered taken, make him fear us, seriously fear our power. Once we’re absolutely sure he’s got the fear of God in him, we have him take us to his house, give us some of his stuff, and we leave. Now, by then he should abused enough that he’ll think we’re friends, won’t tell any of his super friends that we’re just some guys he pissed off and gave him what he had coming, won’t tell anyone what really happened. Then we’ll take whatever money he gave us, and just go live like kings for a little bit”

“Seems pretty ballsy” said JT “I like it”

The three went back in to tell Arnie what was going on

When they got there, Bruce was still on the chair, his neck limp (guy was still pretty clearly breathing) blood dripping out of his mouth and covering his chest. Behind Him Arnie was standing tall, a cut on his head and a jar in his hands

What’s in the jar?” asked Labrazzio

“Batman’s teeth, I was thinkin’ a makin’ a necklace out of them”

“And the cut?”

“Guy tried to convince me to fight you guys, ‘course I didn’t listen, anyways, I accidently got to close and he caught my head with his”

“Oh, guys still fighting, JT, take some more precaution” Jt picked up the sledgehammer agin

“What was the noise?” inquired Arnie

“It was nothing. said Labrazzio “Nowwe came up with a little plan, just let me explain the whole thing and I’m sure you’ll love it” the last word was punctuated by the sound of Bruce’s knee getting smashed

The next four hours were pretty much just JT, Franky, and Labrazzio trying to convince Arnie to go with their plan, nothing way to interesting, no serious trouble from Bruce

They hadn’t exactly convinced hi at the nd of those four hours, but they managed to agree that they were going to torture Bruce” they’d just gotten one handcuff and chain off when the wall exploded.

“Sorry boys” said an all-too-familiar voice in Gotham’s underground; there he was, wearing his Purple suit and smile that was at once idiotic and deviously knowing. “Your shipment was interrupted en route”

“Wait, is that Batsy’s suit on the ground, Batsy, where are you?”

Bruce Wayne knew that what he was about to do was wrong, but he did it anyways “I’m here Joker” he said, managing to cover his face with his broken hand, knowing he sounded stupid talking with so many teeth missing “They tried to take me from you”

The Joker was stunned; rage began to creep across his face. Then a red circle appeared over his head, then the back of his skull exploded out, leaving purple hair and pieces of brain scattered across the floor.

"I am here to do business” said Labrazio “anyone else who’s not interested in business can kindly leave.” JT came with a shotgun, and Arnie with his B.A.R., and they pretty easily mowed down the three henchmen that the Joker had with him.

Franly was looking for his Tommy gun, when he saw Bruce getting up, maybe he was thinking of all of the stories that he’d heard about Batman’s amazing escapes, or maybe he was just freaking out from all of the gunfire. But he pointed at the hobbling mass of human, and he squeezed his trigger until nothing was coming out of the barrel.

“What the hell was that? Said Labrazzio, coming to Batman’s body

“I don’t know, he spooked me” said Franky

Labrazzio began to speak, then changed his mind “whaever, before we make any new plans, we should make sure he’s dead”

“I don’t know” uttered JT, that’s at least a dozen holes that I’ve counted in his torso, not sure if he could survive those”

Arnie picked up Bruce by the hair, and pulled him up to shoulder level “that look like a live man’s face?”

Labrazzio took a step back and put rubbed his chin in cogitation, looking downwards

Franky took his hat in his hand “look, boss-“

“No, it’s fine, better to err on the side of caution” said Labrazzio “but we don’t have much time, I think someone heard the explosion, JT, get the suit, there should be about three million dollars worth of equipment in there, Franky, go get everything all of our savings, Arnie, call your friends in Byalia.”

And those people did those things.

They were driving away from the scene “you know guys” said franky “I killed Batman tonight”

“Yeah, ya did, and boss here killed the Joker” said JT

Arnie started laughing “yeah, maybe I’ll kill Superman next year”

“Yeah” said Franky “and maybe JT could actually get lucky with Power Girl”

He had a plan, he had friends, and he had a large sum of money. Labrazzio was on top of the world. The sun was rising over Gotham. It was shaping up to be a pretty awesome day.

#2 Edited by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio
#3 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam:

sorry to bother you, and I'm not sure how big of a deal this is, but you left the last sentence of mine exposed even when spoilers are down

@batkevin74 that was pretty funny

#4 Edited by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio
#5 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio
#6 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio
#7 Edited by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: thanks, I tried (I have no idea what the status quo is here)

I guess my thought process was that was pretty much the only Batman story that hadn't been done( as far as I know), the one where Batman makes a little mistake and cautious, resourceful people manage to take full advantage of it

was that you voting for me?

#8 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@betatesthighlander1: That was me saying good job. You put a lot effort into it, so I am voting for you though.

#9 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio
#10 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1649 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: I'm going short and funny over long and error-filled!

eg:probbly just machinery boss” said JT “we should go back in”

there was never nay noise” said Labrazzio

Though I did like the Batman story the errors detract, like diving you lose points for over-rotating & splash! My vote goes to batkevin74

#11 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson: Honestly, I would've deducted points, but it's pretty hard getting everything right on a long story.

#12 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1649 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: That's what a spellcheck is for, if he (I'm assuming he...my apologies if you are a girl @betatesthighlander1:) put all that effort in, a simple spellcheck would've clinched the deal. It's a very good story, but when I have to WORK to read something, then my enjoyment level decreases. Plus this is a competition, the stakes are often higher, judgements harsher. It's back to diving, it looked good in the air but as he approached the water, feet apart, hands flat and the splash! A good dive, but nowhere near medal contention, when the Chinese diver (in this case @batkevin74 ) does a simple pinpoint dive to clench victory.

#13 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson:

oh yeah, boy here

I spellchecked it, the problem was "nay" is a word, and "probbly" was a deliberate choice on my part to show the guy's accent, any mistake I made was a mistake that would be noticed by no spellcheck (the rest were deliberate)

#14 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson: My vote goes for effort. I do care a lot about spelling and grammar, but this isn't a professional competition, it's really just for fun. I agree on the spellcheck though.

#15 Edited by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam:

believe me, I spellchecked this

#16 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1649 posts) - - Show Bio

@betatesthighlander1: Okay maybe I was a tad over critical of the spelling, but grammar eg “hey” said Labrazio “you two okay?”

“yeah” said little Franky “pedo-stache is just trying to convince me he’s ever gotten a full grown woman.”

Hey has a capital and often an exclamation point. You has a capital, yet you managed to put a question mark. Yeah has a captial, as would Pedo-stache (though not a word, I get what you mean)

It's the little things that made me vote away from you. Yes batkevin's was short (and funny) and yours was entertaining, I had to concentrate (which isn't the right analogy but it is fitting) on what you'd written. I can see the effort you put in, but back to diving you did a complex dive with a high degree of difficulty which you didn't land cleanly, getting you a solid 7. Batkevin went an easier dive but nailed it, getting an 8.5.

If you'd just polished it my vote was yours, this time around it wasn't.

#17 Posted by batkevin74 (10587 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: That's what a spellcheck is for, if he (I'm assuming he...my apologies if you are a girl @betatesthighlander1:) put all that effort in, a simple spellcheck would've clinched the deal. It's a very good story, but when I have to WORK to read something, then my enjoyment level decreases. Plus this is a competition, the stakes are often higher, judgements harsher. It's back to diving, it looked good in the air but as he approached the water, feet apart, hands flat and the splash! A good dive, but nowhere near medal contention, when the Chinese diver (in this case @batkevin74 ) does a simple pinpoint dive to clench victory.

I'm Chinese??????

Thanks for the vote

Hey @awesam since its a two horse race and I don't want to vote for myself and I don't really want to vote for my opponent as it would suck if he won by a vote and that vote was mine, what should I do?

@betatesthighlander1: Good story by the way :)

#18 Edited by Myrmidon_ (5080 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: I vote for Betatesthighlander1 , Brilliant Effort. (This counts as Pyro's Vote)

#19 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: You wait and see. Voting will last for a good while.

#20 Edited by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: @anthony_stark: thanks, also, whats going on with Pyrogram?

@betatesthighlander1: Okay maybe I was a tad over critical of the spelling, but grammar eg “hey” said Labrazio “you two okay?”

“yeah” said little Franky “pedo-stache is just trying to convince me he’s ever gotten a full grown woman.”

Hey has a capital and often an exclamation point. You has a capital, yet you managed to put a question mark. Yeah has a captial, as would Pedo-stache (though not a word, I get what you mean)

It's the little things that made me vote away from you. Yes batkevin's was short (and funny) and yours was entertaining, I had to concentrate (which isn't the right analogy but it is fitting) on what you'd written. I can see the effort you put in, but back to diving you did a complex dive with a high degree of difficulty which you didn't land cleanly, getting you a solid 7. Batkevin went an easier dive but nailed it, getting an 8.5.

If you'd just polished it my vote was yours, this time around it wasn't.

okay then, I din;t put an explanation point because it was supposed to be a casual "hey" and as for the capitalization, I'd made sure to do that with all the lines in the original version(in word) but when I control V'd it in they were all changed to lowercase.

#21 Edited by Myrmidon_ (5080 posts) - - Show Bio

@betatesthighlander1: This is my alternate account, as I RPG a-lot and I am using this for a while because of a big event happening.

#22 Edited by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio
#23 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump

#24 Posted by joshmightbe (24876 posts) - - Show Bio

I vote for @batkevin74 the other story was good but I was chuckling the whole way through Batkev's and I have a soft spot for Conan related stuff.

#25 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

I vote for Batkevin! I enjoyed the other one but I definitely think it was a bit too long. Well done both though

#26 Edited by wildvine (8918 posts) - - Show Bio

I vote BatKevin

Moderator
#27 Edited by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: what's the score right now?

@mediumflyer7: how long should these things be ( I asked earlier but no one answered...)

#28 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@betatesthighlander1: I don't think I should reveal the score. I'll reveal who advances later.

It can be as long as you want it to be. 1,000-2,000 words is always best.

#29 Posted by dngn4774 (3011 posts) - - Show Bio

Batkev displayed better skills but I think betatest had the better story. My vote is for @betatesthighlander1

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#30 Posted by Delphic (1468 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam I place my vote for@batkevin74's story, I found it very entertaining, and I chuckled the whole way through it. It was a bit short though, and though I do praise how BatKev had fun with it, but my one issue is how it was less of a story and more of a joke. That's not entirely a bad thing though, but I think the purpose of all fics are to tell stories, and not so much random funny slices of thought, which this seemed more like to me.

As for @betatesthighlander1. The story was executed pretty well, and I found it interesting but, I had to read through it twice before I could actually appreciate it. Seriously though, there is no excuse for that many typos. It doesn't take long to look over what you've written, and spot the obvious errors. You put forth a great effort in telling a story, but next time put in a little more effort and check your work enough to at least fix the obvious.

#31 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@delphic:

waht typos are uyou talking about? seriously, what typos are you even talking about?

I spent two hours looking over this deciding what to do with every word, please tell me exactly what your problem is before you just up and call me lazy; what was in the story that you felt was wrong?

#32 Edited by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio
#33 Edited by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio
#34 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1649 posts) - - Show Bio

@betatesthighlander1: I think @delphic is along the lines I was (possible due to the changed format between what you wrote and what got posted, with the capitals eg "why" etc) I don't think you're lazy, the format was your downfall. The story is good

#35 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson:

what are you trying to say?

what's your problem with the formatting?

why do you consider that more important than the story?

what was in there that made it so impossible for you to understand what was going on?

#36 Posted by joshmightbe (24876 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm kind of bummed that I didn't get to have mine voted for. Winning by default doesn't really feel like winning.

#37 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio
#38 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1649 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson:

what are you trying to say?

what's your problem with the formatting?

why do you consider that more important than the story?

what was in there that made it so impossible for you to understand what was going on?

1) I think I've covered all I needed to say in my previous comments but...

2) Your story, presented as is, looks C Grade like you wrote it in an hour and hoped for the best! Yes I know you explained the CV shunted your formatting, that is an issue to take up with AweSam or staff/bug reporting.

3) When I have to overly concentrate to read your story, then yes it becomes an issue

4) It wasn't impossible to understand, I said earlier I liked your story.

But this is a COMPETITION! You will be judged on sometimes the most minor of things which make the difference between winning and losing. Your story while good, wasn't the polished product that was your opponents. I think that is all I need to say without this spiralling into something else. Your story: good, batkevin story: better!

#39 Edited by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson: At first I was surprised people made such a big deal about it, but it's actually really awesome that people care about grammar and spelling here.

#40 Edited by joshmightbe (24876 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: I hope so, I think I'd rather lose honest than win by default

#41 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1649 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: Ultimately isn't the goal to get everyone (eventually) to a standard where fan fic looks so much like comic books that comic book people (hopefully) come to pluck you to stardom like the lady who wrote 50 Shades. Competitions SHOULD be harder, harsher, not to the point of bloodshed or terse words but a slight higher standard to make people BETTER.

Not to the point of scaring people off (@betatesthighlander1 sorry if I have offended you, never my intention) but a higher of scrutiny will be employed by myself. Some of the stuff here on CV COULD easily be in comics (@joygirl and @ravager4 are excellent examples) and a comp should have that, well I feel this way anyway. That is my rant over.

#42 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio


1) I think I've covered all I needed to say in my previous comments but...

2) Your story, presented as is, looks C Grade like you wrote it in an hour and hoped for the best! Yes I know you explained the CV shunted your formatting, that is an issue to take up with AweSam or staff/bug reporting.

3) When I have to overly concentrate to read your story, then yes it becomes an issue

4) It wasn't impossible to understand, I said earlier I liked your story.

But this is a COMPETITION! You will be judged on sometimes the most minor of things which make the difference between winning and losing. Your story while good, wasn't the polished product that was your opponents. I think that is all I need to say without this spiralling into something else. Your story: good, batkevin story: better!

1)...okay

2) the story or the formatting?

3) I'm not really sure why you'd have to concentrate that much, there weren't really any major grammatical errors

4) so, you could actually understand it?

what do you mean it wasn't polished?

and, just so I can be sure, in your mind competitions are all about taking off points fro circumstances beyond the competitors' control?

@awesam: Ultimately isn't the goal to get everyone (eventually) to a standard where fan fic looks so much like comic books that comic book people (hopefully) come to pluck you to stardom like the lady who wrote 50 Shades. Competitions SHOULD be harder, harsher, not to the point of bloodshed or terse words but a slight higher standard to make people BETTER.

Not to the point of scaring people off (@betatesthighlander1 sorry if I have offended you, never my intention) but a higher of scrutiny will be employed by myself. Some of the stuff here on CV COULD easily be in comics (@joygirl and @ravager4 are excellent examples) and a comp should have that, well I feel this way anyway. That is my rant over.

well, comics use words spelled phonetically to represent accents all the time, and their never really snobs for formatting, so I'm not sure how mine looked that much less like a comic book


#43 Edited by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam said:

@4donkeyjohnson: At first I was surprised people made such a big deal about it, but it's actually really awesome that people care about grammar and spelling here.

are you being sarcastic?

#44 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam said:

@4donkeyjohnson: At first I was surprised people made such a big deal about it, but it's actually really awesome that people care about grammar and spelling here.

are you being sarcastic?

No. The majority of people I see on the internet have terrible grammar and make a lot of spelling mistakes. It's always good to see people put effort into writing.

#45 Edited by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam:

well, I'm not really sure why people should care so much about the arbitrary, inconsistent rules of a language that was never that beautiful to begin with

and are you honestly saying that attention to grammar when writing is the same thing as putting effort into writing?

#46 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@betatesthighlander1: Yes, I am. Some people are too lazy to put any effort at all and end up with improper grammar and bad spelling.

#47 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam:

but why does that even matter?

shouldn't it me more about the actual story than how well it fits the incoherent rules of the English language?

#48 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@betatesthighlander1: When you're in a competition, people are going to look at all factors. The story itself is actually less important. If you write a decent story with flawless grammar and spelling, then it's a 90%+. If I handed in a hand story to my school with bad grammar, then they would return it to me without even reading the whole thing.

#49 Posted by Betatesthighlander1 (7462 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam:

but this isn't a school assignment, I mean, yeah, if I turned that story in in my school I'd probably get kicked out for writing something to violent

are we really till just judging things as we are because our English teachers would have done the same thing?

because this is really starting to look like the contest was never about telling a good story, but a story that is short and grammatically correct, and that doesn't make any sense tot me as a contest

#50 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

@betatesthighlander1: This is a writers contest. It's about having a good story, proper grammar, and good spelling. It's simple. This is for fun. I'm not asking for a lot. Your story should have proper spelling and grammar. Not for you, or for the contest, but for the reader. It's unprofessional to make it complicated for the reader. You're lucky they even gave it a chance.