PREVIOUSLY: DEADPOOL KILLS THE DC UNIVERSE #2 - (Script)
THE REST - DEAD! - Rated M
The Watcher stands in the corner of a laboratory and workshop. Lex Luthor is hard at work on a suit of armor that is fully formed. It is shadowed.
THE WATCHER: It is done.
LUTHOR: I noticed.
THE WATCHER: Now, you must summon the chosen wearer.
Luthor turns to Uatu.
LUTHOR: What? I thought I was-
THE WATCHER: You are the architect.
THE WATCHER: However, only SLADE WILSON may wield this armor.
The Watcher points to an assortment of raw materials scattered on a table.
THE WATCHER: Construct the mask with these.
THE WATCHER: And then, summon him.
LUTHOR: But why?!
THE WATCHER: Only Deathstroke can save the universe, from the omniversal cancer known as…
Deadpool jams a taser duct taped to a wooden cane into Aquaman’s chest.
DEADPOOL: Funny how you just feel like shouting your own name for dramatic effect, ain’t it?
Aquaman slams his trident into the side of Deadpool’s head. Deadpool drops the cane-taser.
AQUAMAN: I know who you are!
Deadpool’s on one knee, looking up, bleeding from his head. Aquaman has his trident at Deadpool’s throat.
DEADPOOL: Who am I?
AQUAMAN: You killed The Flash. You killed Batman.
DEADPOOL: You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale… if somebody told you I was your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world…
Deadpool has pulled out Mr. Freeze’s gun and is aiming up.
DEADPOOL: Somebody lied.
Deadpool fires a shot, but Aquaman just moves to the side.
DEADPOOL: Aw crap.
Aquaman tries to stab Deadpool, but Deadpool rolls out of the way.
DEADPOOL: IF YOU WERE FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE YOU COULD APPRECIATE THAT REFERENCE!
Aquaman pressing his fingers to his ear.
AQUAMAN: Hal, I have him. The Gotham docks.
Deadpool runs for the dock’s end, freeze gun in hand.
Deadpool jumps from the dock, while aiming the gun down and firing.
Deadpool belly slides on a trail of ice that he fires in front of him, moving pretty fast and far.
Aquaman glares at Deadpool on the ice trail.
DEADPOOL: YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME!
DEADPOOL: HA… OH!
A giant shark at the end of Deadpool’s ice trail, mouth open.
DEADPOOL: Technically this isn’t you catching me so much as-
The shark chomps down on the ice where Deadpool was.
Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and Supergirl are standing next to Aquaman.
HAL: Where is he?
AQUAMAN: In the stomach of a shark.
SUPERGIRL: … He got what he deserved.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I can hear thoughts from the ocean.
Supergirl looking at Martian Manhunter.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: He’s saying…
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: “Wow, I can’t believe this worked.”
SUPERGIRL: What does that-
A frozen solid shark, the entire front now a large sharp icicle, leaps from the ocean. Aquaman pushes Supergirl out of the way.
AQUAMAN: LOOK OUT!
The shark crushes Aquaman.
Supergirl, Martian Manhunter, and Green Lantern are horrified at what they see. Deadpool kicks a foot out from the frozen shark, which is parked on Aquaman’s body.
DEADPOOL: Wow, I can’t believe this worked!
Supergirl’s eyes are glowing red, she’s pissed.
Deadpool is crouched beside the frozen shark, covered in gorey slush. And reaching for a katana on his back.
DEADPOOL: What? I’m just saying.
DEADPOOL: It totally worked.
Supergirl rushes Deadpool, fists at the ready.
Deadpool slashes Supergirl’s head off with the kryptonite katana.
DEADPOOL: Snappy quip!
Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern stand together, facing Deadpool.
DEADPOOL: Antagonizing dialogue!
DEADPOOL: Look, I was just thrown in a shark’s stomach. I’m low on steam.
Hal’s ring, glowing black.
HAL’S RING: UNIVERSAL CANCER LOCATED. DIRECTLY AHEAD.
HAL’S RING: DESTROY IT.
HAL’S RING: DESTR—GSHZK—OY IT—GHHHZZZ--
HAL: It’s… it’s overloaded!
Hal holds up his fist. A giant hammer, bent backward, at least 50 feet tall hovers overhead.
HAL: SO THAT’S HOW!
HAL: THAT’S HOW WE HAVEN’T BEATEN YOU YET!
DEADPOOL: Talk about overcompensation.
DEADPOOL: … and I’m back on track!
Deadpool runs past Hal, up the dock, leaving his truck behind. The giant green hammer is coming down toward him.
DEADPOOL: Hey, wasn’t I supposed to fight Wonder Woman?
HAL: THIS IS FOR ALL OF THE HEROES YOU KILLED!
The giant hammer crashes down on the harbor.
HAL: FOR OA!
HAL: FOR KYLE!
Hal, glancing toward the area, the construct is gone now.
HAL: No one could have survived that.
A bullet goes through Hal’s forehead.
Deadpool stands a few feet to the right of the impact crater of the hammer.
DEADPOOL: Yellow bullets, dude!
DEADPOOL: I swear, we should re-title this “Wikipedia kills the DC universe.”
Martian Manhunter runs past Hal.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: ENOUGH!
Deadpool runs toward Martian Manhunter, toward his truck.
DEADPOOL: Movie reference!
Deadpool jumps over Martian Manhunter, who looks back as Deadpool does.
DEADPOOL: PRETEND I’M DOING THIS IN SLOW MOTION.
DEADPOOL: IT’S SO COOL.
Martian Manhunter’s transformed into a green dragon.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING, OR I--
Deadpool’s standing in front of the back of his truck, which is now open, and he’s holding a bazooka.
DEADPOOL: Can we just take a second to appreciate how I have a t-shirt cannon in my truck?
Martian Manhunter’s dragon form is ripped apart by a fired wad of flaming t-shirts going through his chest.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: GHAAH!
Deadpool moonwalking to the front of his truck.
DEADPOOL: Fire t-shirts.
DEADPOOL: T-shirts on fire.
DEADPOOL: Exposition joke.
The truck drives away from the devastated harbor.
DEADPOOL: Now I just have Wonder Woman left.
Martian Manhunter is weakly calling out.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Diana… he’s coming…
The sun on a TV monitor. There is a black spot forming in a small section of it. The Watcher is pointing toward it.
THE WATCHER: There.
THE WATCHER: That is what will destroy you.
LUTHOR: Is that… a tumor? A tumor in the sun?
THE WATHCER: The omniversal cancer is aptly named, Luthor.
Side shot. The Watcher looking at the TV monitors.
SLADE: So, I’m going to save the universe?
THE WATCHER: Possibly even more.
Deathstroke steps out of the shadows. He’s wearing the DCnU version of his costume, the armor Luthor was building.
DEATHSTROKE: Sounds good for business.
Deadpool and Wonder Woman in a dramatic swordfight in the middle of Metropolis. Deadpool is using one of his kryptonite katanas. The other is sheathed on his back.
DEADPOOL: Hey, so, just wondering, how do you feel about sandwich jokes?
Wonder Woman slashes Wade across the chest with her sword.
Deadpool looks up at Wonder Woman.
DEADPOOL: I was just askin... ow...
WONDER WOMAN: Enough.
DEADPOOL: You seem hostile. Is it your time of the-
Wonder Woman punching Deadpool in the jaw.
WONDER WOMAN: HRA!
Deadpool on his back, looking up at Wonder Woman standing over him.
DEADPOOL: Oh… I get it.
DEADPOOL: You're trying to seduce me!
Wonder Woman punches down, off panel. Chunks of debris fly up.
Wonder Woman stands on Deapool, her foot on his face.
WONDER WOMAN: Are you finished?
DEADPOOL: Almost there. Really close, actually.
Wonder Woman’s hand grabbing Deadpool’s neck.
Wonder Woman holding Deadpool up by his neck.
DEADPOOL: Hey Tumblr, pretend I'm Scott Lobdell.
DEADPOOL: SMALL TEXT: Forgive me yet?
DEADPOOL: SMALL TEXT: This really hurts.
WONDER WOMAN: You killed my friends.
Deadpool jamming a knife into Wonder Woman’s ribcage.
DEADPOOL: I love it when you talk dirty.
Wonder Woman looks down at the knife.
DEADPOOL: Now spit on me and call me Liefeld.
WONDER WOMAN: Do you think this will-
Wonder Woman lights up like a flare, her bracelets glowing particularly bright, Deadpool is released.
DEADPOOL: One million volts.
Wonder Woman falls to the ground, a deformed corpse.
DEADPOOL: The metal bracelets probably didn’t help ya out.
The TV monitor. The black tumor is growing. The Watcher and Luthor are looking at it. Luthor has an ear-piece to talk with Deathstroke. The other monitors show Deadpool standing over Wonder Woman’s corpse.
THE WATCHER: The more he kills, the worse the damage will be. And the damage is almost terminal. Slade Wilson is our last hope.
THE WATCHER: If Deadpool kills anyone else, your sun will cease to be.
LUTHOR: Slade. Move in.
Close up on Deathstroke holding his sword from the DCnU with two hands, moving fast enough that his background is blurred.
DEATHSTROKE: On it.
Deadpool’s head flies up in the air, surprised. It’s several feet above his body, flipping in the air straight up.
Deathstroke stands behind Deadpool, looking toward him.
Deadpool’s head lands back on the stump of his neck in perfect position. Backwards.
DEADPOOL: AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! A PERFECT 10! THE JUDGES ARE IN TEARS!
DEATHSTROKE: No f**king way.
Deadpool’s hands on his head, adjusting it to the right way, he’s now turned around facing Deathstroke.
DEADPOOL: Frankly, I'm just as surprised as you are.
DEADPOOL: In case you were wondering.
DEADPOOL: So what's your deal?
Deathstroke stands there, facing Deadpool.
DEATHSTROKE: I’m Deathstroke. I’ve been hired to kill you.
DEATHSTROKE: Before I do… personal question.
DEADPOOL: DEATHSTROKE? That’s … wow.
DEADPOOL: I don’t take questions. You’ll have to talk to my probation officer, Miles Morales.
Deathstroke rushes at Deadpool.
Deadpool looks at his side in surprise as Deathstroke chops his right arm off.
Deathstroke stands to the side of Deadpool. Deadpool is looking at his arm.
DEADPOOL: Not cool!
DEADPOOL: I explore my body with that arm…
DEATHSTROKE: Deadpool. Why?
DEADPOOL: I’m a growing boy.
Deathstroke facing Deadpool.
DEATHSTROKE: No, you idiot.
DEATHSTROKE: Why this? Why come here?
Deadpool re-attaching his right arm.
DEADPOOL: It all started with my manic pixie dream girl...
DEADPOOL: Who happened to be literally the grim reaper.
DEADPOOL: We were flirting for a couple months, then she went crazy and threw me into an alternate dimension. Apparently made it so I can’t die on accident or on purpose.
DEATHSTROKE: Do you even realize what you’re doing?
DEATHSTROKE: The entire universe is falling apart because of you.
Deadpool looking at his arm.
DEADPOOL: I know.
DEADPOOL: The voices in my head told me so.
DEADPOOL: They also recommend I watch Cannibal Holocaust.
DEADPOOL: But you know what, Stroke?
Deadpool, serious and angry.
DEADPOOL: I don’t care about this place. I want to tear it down. Then I can find her again.
DEADPOOL: Then we can be together.
Deadpool unsheathes his kryptonite katana.
DEADPOOL: Look up “Star Wars Music – Duel of the fates” on youtube right now and listen.
DEADPOOL: Seriously. Do it.
Deathstroke readies his sword.
DEATHSTROKE: Who the hell are you talking to?
Deadpool runs at Deathstroke.
DEADPOOL: YOUR MOTHER!
Luthor is working on a different project now, welding a bit of metal, wearing black goggles. Uatu is watching the fight.
LUTHOR: Uatu, I’m going to help him.
THE WATCHER: No.
Luthor keeps working.
LUTHOR: Yes. It’s my home.
LUTHOR: I can’t be expected to help humanity with this in the way.
THE WATCHER: Hm?
LUTHOR: Deadpool killed Superman. He must be stopped.
LUTHOR: Then, I can finally get to work.
THE WATCHER: You pathetic fool.
Luthor turns around.
LUTHOR: What did you just-
The Watcher grabs Luthor by the shoulder. Luthor is in visible agony.
THE WATCHER: You cannot interfere.
Luthor looks in horror at The Watcher. The Watcher is glowing black.
THE WATCHER: This world must die.
THE WATCHER: The mirror must be the last to die.
Luthor, in agony.
LUTHOR: WHAT ARE YOU? REALLY?!
Luthor’s face starts to age rapidly. He’s becoming a skeleton.
THE WATCHER: I am…
Luthor is now skin and bone, dead on his work bench. The Watcher is glowing black still.
THE WATCHER: Sweet release.
20.1 Splash Page
The Watcher is no longer standing there. Death stands in his place, looking toward the TV monitors.
DEATH: And my darling will put an end to this wretched plane.