THE FLASH - DEAD! - Rated M
Pandora overseeing The Flash running through a vortex of universes merging (from FLASHPOINT).
CAPTION: THE WATCHER: A catastrophic disturbance in the cosmos was corrected in this parallel sect of the omniverse.
CAPTION: THE WATCHER: Several universes were merged.
An Earth very much like New Earth, cosmic view.
CAPTION: THE WATCHER: But one universe remained.
CAPTION: THE WATCHER: Somehow untouched by the colossal EVENT.
The sky above a deserted area, a forest around a lone concrete road. There is a sign on one side of the road that we can’t make out, it’s just out of panel. The sky is stormy.
CAPTION: THE WATCHER: However… the omniverse operates on a balanced system.
A body falling from the sky. It’s on fire.
CAPTION: THE WATCHER: A system that allows entities such as GALACTUS to exist.
CAPTION: THE WATCHER: This universe was not meant to be.
A burning crater next to the road on the side opposite the sign. THE WATCHER stands behind the crater, looking down into it.
THE WATCHER: I am UATU, THE WATCHER.
THE WATCHER: My duty has forced me to take this journey, and for that I must witness a terrible miracle. But I will show you, too.
THE WATCHER: So that you may appreciate what good fortune you have to be alive.
THE WATCHER: Together…
Wade’s mutilated hand raised, as if reaching for the sky, with the inside of the crater as a backdrop.
THE WATCHER: We will witness the miracle of DEATH.
DEATH herself standing in front of a horribly mutilated Wade Wilson, who’s strapped to an operating table in a place half laboratory and half butcher shop.
CAPTION: UNIVERSE #616.1 – KILLBREW’S WORKSHOP.
SUB-CAPTION: ONE HOUR AGO.
CAPTION: WADE: death? babe?
DEATH: Darling. You can’t talk. But it doesn’t matter. I can still hear you.
CAPTION: WADE: yeah, i know. what is it?
DEATH: The last few months have been… I’ve never felt this way.
CAPTION: WADE: …
DEATH: You make me feel…
CAPTION: WADE: alive?
Death stands next to Wade, her hand on his head. Her head is lowered. She’s almost in mourning.
DEATH: Yes… alive.
DEATH: And I can’t…. you…
CAPTION: WADE: … what is this… i’m so close… are you…
DEATH: I can’t feel alive.
DEATH: I am not allowed, darling.
Wade’s bloodshot, pus-encrusted eyes.
CAPTION: WADE: but i’m sooo close
CAPTION: WADE: the heart monitor will stop so soon
CAPTION: WADE: so soon, please. we can work this out.
Death raises her scythe. The blade is glowing black.
DEATH: I’m sorry.
DEATH: You cannot be allowed to die. You will haunt me.
DEATH: But I can’t stand to see you live like this.
CAPTION: WADE: but-
DEATH: Wade. Dear. It’s over. I’m kicking you out.
CAPTION: WADE: please--
DEATH: No. I’m sorry.
Death is shoving a costume into Wade’s lap.
DEATH: Take this. Remember? It’s the uniform Killbrew made for you.
CAPTION: WADE: when i was the death pool’s team mascot…i remember…but… please…
DEATH: Live a long, demented life, my ugly little pincushion.
CAPTION: WADE: …i loved you.
Death slashes Wade with the black scythe. Wade’s entire body is glowing black.
DEATH: I know.
Back shot of Wade’s mutilated back. The top of the suit is sliding down over it as he puts it on.
THE WATCHER: In 616, Wade Wilson’s healing factor activated just before his destined date with the reaper.
The Watcher looking down at the crater.
THE WATCHER: In 616.1, Death activated Wade Wilson’s healing factor herself by casting him into the void.
Wade’s gloved hands reach for the muddied Deadpool mask. It is now raining.
THE WATCHER: She viewed this as an act of love, and mercy.
An angry DEADPOOL stands at the crater’s edge, looking toward the road sign we saw, but were never able to make out before.
It reads KEYSTONE CITY – 40 MILES.
THE WATCHER: She could not have been more wrong.
A cop in the driver’s seat of his car with a hot cup of coffee in his hand, he’s sipping it while he drives. It’s bright outside, no longer raining.
RADIO: THE FLASH has once again defeated CAPTAIN COLD!
Back shot of Deadpool’s ankles as he stands on the road. The cop car is approaching.
RADIO: The heroic bout took place outside of a Starbucks Coffee not 15 minutes ago!
DEADPOOL: She loves me.
Back shot of Deadpool, he has his arm out with a hitchhiker’s thumb up. The cop car is a good 45 feet away from him, and starting to slow down.
DEADPOOL: She loves me not.
Deadpool stands to the side of the now pulled over cop car, his stance hasn’t changed. The cop is out of his door, which is left open, and standing on his side of the car.
COP: Hey, buddy, you alright?
DEADPOOL: She loves me.
COP: What? You sound…
DEADPOOL: She loves me not.
DEADPOOL: She loves me.
COP: SMALL TEXT: Is that… smoke?
The cop is approaching Deadpool with caution, he’s at arms-length with him.
COP: Hey. Hey, guy, I’m gonna need you to cooperate with me here.
DEADPOOL: She loves me not.
COP: I’m sure she can make up her own mind, pal, now, just--
Deadpool’s hitchhiker thumb jammed into the cop’s right eye, it’s jammed in deep enough that Deadpool’s entire thumb isn’t visible, blood and white fluid erupt and flow down his cheek.
DEADPOOL: She loves me.
RADIO: As someone who’s just moved to this great city, I still can’t express my wonder enough, so I’m sorry if I gush! Here’s our requested single on the hour!
Shot from the inside of the driver’s seat. Deadpool is looking toward the driver’s seat.
RADIO: ♫ Strangers in the night, exchanging glances! Wandering in the night, what were the chances… ♫
DEADPOOL: That crazy broad loved me.
Deadpool inside the cop car, driving over the dead cop’s body.
RADIO: ♫ We’d be sharing love before the night was through? ♫
DEADPOOL: She loved me so much she gave me a stress ball.
Shot of the road. Deadpool driving down the road in his new car.
RADIO: ♫ Something in your eyes… ♫
DEADPOOL: A whole world just for me… oh, baby honey pie dollface baby, I won’t let your gift go to waste.
RADIO: ♫ Was so inviting! ♫
Deadpool inside the car.
RADIO: ♫ Something in my heart told me I must have you! ♫
DEADPOOL: BECAUSE I AM GONNA SHOOT!
Back shot of the car practically flying down the road.
Deadpool walks out of a paint store. There is a bloody smear on the glass door of the shop. Deadpool himself is carrying two buckets of paint.
DEADPOOL: The Deadpool finds itself in a hostile new environment, and it must scavenge for necessary materials.
DEADPOOL: For you see, dear viewer, the Deadpool is a creature of habit. Of conformity.
Deadpool heaving the entire bucket’s supply of red paint onto the front of the cop car.
DEADPOOL: Conformity to non-conformity. A creature committed to doing one thing and one thing only.
DEADPOOL: Acting really, really stupid.
Deadpool dipping his hand into the black paint bucket.
DEADPOOL: However, sometimes, just once in a blue moon, the Deadpool will start to do things methodically. With precision.
The dead shopkeeper is jammed face first into a bucket of paint inside of the store. Deadpool is placing the now empty paint buckets on the counter.
DEADPOOL: There’s always a reason for what the Deadpool does when it gets into this mood.
Deadpool drives his newly painted DEADPOOL-MOBILE down a busy street. It’s the exact same cop car with an horribly painted rendition of Deadpool’s logo all over the front of the car. The windshield wipers have barely managed to wipe away the paint.
DEADPOOL: See? Nature documentaries don’t always have to be violent animal sex!
DEADPOOL: Sometimes they can be about fast cars! VROOM!
DEADPOOL: Ah, she purrs so nice.
Deadpool with a serious look inside of the Deadpool-Mobile.
DEADPOOL: … Still, I… feel empty inside.
DEADPOOL: Could it be that assembling a car that Billy Mays himself would envy cannot replace the woman of my dreams?
Deadpool looking up at the ceiling, with a sudden look of depression.
DEADPOOL: My sweet, anorexic cosmic entity…
Deadpool’s grabbed by a red, blurry hand around his neck from the outside of his driver’s side window.
Deadpool is shoved toward the passenger’s seat by the red blurry figure.
Deadpool’s head slammed against the dashboard of the car as the car comes to a stop.
DEADPOOL: Whoa… pretty colors…
THE FLASH sitting in the driver’s seat, yelling at Deadpool.
FLASH: ARE YOU NUTS!?
DEADPOOL: Are you my papa?
DEADPOOL: Papa, don’t leave me.
Flash is confused.
FLASH: … what?
Deadpool kicks Flash out of the car.
DEADPOOL: PAPA, FOR GOD’S SAKE!
Flash is on the ground on his butt, looking over at Deadpool, who’s stepping out of the car and shaking as if drunk.
DEADPOOL: PAPA, THE GUN IS NOT A PACIFIER!
FLASH: How did you—I couldn’t-
Side shot. Deadpool aiming the cop’s pistol at Flash’s head.
DEADPOOL: “Wade, for God’s sake… the electrical socket is not your girlfriend. Stop sticking your fingers in it.”
DEADPOOL: Man, papa, you sucked.
DEADPOOL: But that one will always stick with me.
Flash is running toward Deadpool. Things are moving in slow motion right now.
Black panel with red blood splatter.
Deadpool stands in front of The Flash. The Flash’s head is bleeding out into the street.
DEADPOOL: …. Oh… my… God….
Deadpool looks around, panicked, his hands to his face (gun still in hand).
DEADPOOL: SOMEBODY CALL 911!!!
The Deadpool-Mobile speeds away from The Flash’s corpse, tires screeching. A crowd of people starts to gather, panicking and in sad hysterics.
Deadpool is panicking while driving, grabbing his face and shaking, in general hysterics.
DEADPOOL: OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY
DEADPOOL: NO NOT OKAY NOT OKAY NOT OKAY
DEADPOOL: WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO!?!?!?
DEADPOOL: WHO WAS THAT!?!
Close up on the Deadpool-Mobile’s radio.
RADIO: THE FLASH HAS BEEN SHOT! I REPEAT, THE FLASH HAS BEEN SHOT!
RADIO: SNFF. THE MONSTER RESPONSIBLE FLED IN A REPAINTED POLICE CAR, IF YOU SEE HIM, CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES… OH, THIS IS AWFUL!
Deadpool grabbing his heart, his eyes wide, even more freaked out. And it’s hilarious to watch.
DEADPOOL: I THINK I KILLED THEIR GOD!!!!!!
The Deadpool-Mobile swerves into a large alley.
Deadpool is sitting on the edge of a bed in an apartment that is clearly not his. Next to him is a man who is hogtied on the bed and turned toward the TV so that he can watch with him. He has duct tape over his mouth.
CAPTION: SEVERAL HOURS LATER
DEADPOOL: Okay… okay, Steve, so… that was a superhero type. A big’un.
DEADPOOL: Oh, boy, Steve.
DEADPOOL: What the f**k did I get myself into?
Deadpool looking down at Steve.
DEADPOOL: It’s not my fault, Steve. I was having a FLASHBACK. That, and I had just not-died a few hours earlier.
DEADPOOL: Hell, I didn’t even know what I was doing till five minutes ago! I was on autopilot from SHOCK!
DEADPOOL: You think they’ll take that into consideration, or just flat out murder me?
Steve is shaking and sweating and looking at Deapool.
CAPTION: HIS NAME ISN’T ACTUALLY STEVE.
Deadpool patting Steve on the head.
DEADPOOL: Shhh, my pet.
DEADPOOL: Daddy has an idea.
Deadpool standing, making a grand declaration.
DEADPOOL: I REFUSE TO BE HUNTED DOWN AGAIN!
DEADPOOL: I, WADE WILSON, AKA DEADPOOL, AKA ITTYBITTYTITTYTITTY@YAHOO.COM, WILL KILL ALL THE SUPERHEROES!
Deadpool looking down at Steve modestly after his big speech.
DEADPOOL: So they can’t catch me, you see.
Deadpool waltzing out of Steve’s apartment door.
DEADPOOL: I feel better.
Deadpool walking down the hall from Steve’s door.
An explosion rips out of Steve’s apartment, fire bursting from the door.
Deadpool driving away in a new car. Steve’s car. There’s a huge plume of smoke coming from Steve’s apartment complex. It’s night out.
DEADPOOL: Oh, Steve.
DEADPOOL: May angels sing thee to thy rest.
Batman and Superman are standing on a skyscraper’s roof, overlooking Keystone city.
SUPERMAN: What are we going to do about this?
BATMAN: This could be the start of something bigger.
Batman looks toward Superman.
BATMAN: You should prepare the rest of the team.
BATMAN: Raise morale, get them ready.
Superman looking toward Batman.
SUPERMAN: And you?
Batman’s eyes. The batglare.
BATMAN: I’m going to find the murderer.
Superman looks concerned.
SUPERMAN: Are you sure? I could just--
BATMAN: I’ll find the killer.
Shot of both of them on the roof.
BATMAN: Whoever did this is probably a master of weapons technology, stealth-ops, and has vast resources and knowledge.
BATMAN: Sounds like my territory.
The Deadpool-Mobile parked on top of an old lady in front of a seedy neighborhood. He’s looking toward the window.
DEADPOOL: It’s been a while since I used an old lady as a parking spot.
DEADPOOL: Ah, I’m sure I can find a loveable rapscallion to give me an arsenal in THIS neighborhood, what-what.
Deadpool looking down at his lap.
DEADPOOL: I appear to have spontaneously soiled myself.
Deadpool cocking his head back.
Deadpool walking into an alley.
DEADPOOL: Oh hello hello hello?
DEADPOOL: Children? Gangbangers? Scummy scumbags?
A thug with a gun pointed at Deadpool’s head pops out from the side.
Deadpool turns to look at him.
DEADPOOL: I’m Deadpool.
DEADPOOL: I’m not sure why I named myself Deadpool, it just sounded cool.
DEADPOOL: I need guns. Swords. Grenades.
DEADPOOL: Y’know, 90's stuff!
The thug staring at Deadpool. He hasn’t moved his gun yet.
THUG: Y'know how crazy you sound?
DEADPOOL: Y'know how thugalicious you sound?
DEADPOOL: Awkward silence.
THUG: Follow me.
Deadpool following the thug through a dark part of the alley.
DEADPOOL: So, what’s your name?
DEADPOOL: Neat. I’m Deadpool.
THUG: I know.
Deadpool staring at a huge room full of weapons. Lester is behind him, hanging up his gun.
DEADPOOL: Holy balls.
LESTER: Lucky for you. We intercepted this shipment for a mister Wilson.
Deadpool looking at Lester.
DEADPOOL: Wait… Wilson?
Deadpool walking toward the display of swords.
DEADPOOL: Note to self: plot point.
Deadpool holding a set of twin katanas.
DEADPOOL: I’m in love again.
Deadpool looking toward Lester.
DEADPOOL: Hey, so I spent a good five minutes on Wikipedia, and I realized… I’m gonna need some kryptonite.
DEADPOOL: Any in here?
LESTER: You kidding? Those swords ARE Kryptonite.
Deadpool looking at the swords.
LESTER: Yeah. They’ve been painted over. That’ll chip eventually.
LESTER: But better than annoying glowing swords.
Deadpool has the swords on his back in holsters now. He’s looking around, toward Lester.
LESTER: So, what’ll you have?
18.1 Splash Page
Deadpool proudly doing a hands-at-the-hips Superman pose.
DEADPOOL: ALL OF IT!
Deadpool skewering Lester through the chest with a katana.
DEADPOOL: For free, por favor.
Deadpool walking past Lester, taking the sword with him as he goes.
DEADPOOL: Now I need a truck.
Lester’s fallen to his knees, holding his gut.
LESTER: someone… help….
Lester’s fallen over, splattering in his own blood puddle.
20.1 Splash Page
The Watcher stands over Lester’s body.
THE WATCHER: And the worst is yet to come.