DC Zombies Infectious Insanity Part Three

#1 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (10405 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

Black Mask heaved the huge metallic door to a close.

As he did Crane looked around at their new surroundings.

Dingy walls made of bricks surrounded them at either turn. There was yet another door at the end of the room which was appeared to made of wood but also had metal plates grafted to its body.

Drip

Drip

Drip

Droplets of water descended through holes in the celling.

A tall wardrobe overshadowed a corner of the room,it looked so old it was hard to tell exactly what it was made out of.

A long basic bed filled up space in another place in the room.And there was a desk,on the desk was various implements, many covered in blood.

The table was accompanied by a swivel chair,which had ropes tied to it.The chairs arms where riddled with scratch marks.

"Sorry I didn't have enough time to clean up,most guests I have dont usually mind the mess" Sionis said.

Crane looked onwards toward the door.

Sionis went over to the wardrobe and pulled it open.It contained numerous hand held weapons and ammunition.He began to check his weaponry and tossed Crane a couple of clips as well.

He took some tape and strapped a torch on to his weapon and then threw one to Crane to do the same.

After re stocking up on supplies they left the safe room and made their way into the sewers.

Sorry this part is not that long,all been well upcoming parts should be lengthy or certainly longer.

Disclaimer all character belong to DC Comics

Tell me what you think

#2 Posted by wildvine (3269 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

Good entry. As you said, a tad short, but otherwise no complaints.

#3 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (10405 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

@wildvine said:

Good entry. As you said, a tad short, but otherwise no complaints.

Thanks

Yeah I just wanted to get something out to continue it,I was going to write more but didn't feel the urge to do so.

#4 Posted by Lvenger (8228 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

A creepy chapter. Good work mate!

#5 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (10405 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

@Lvenger said:

A creepy chapter. Good work mate!

Thanks

#6 Posted by batkevin74 (5202 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

@mrdecepticonleader: Good but short

#7 Posted by xxxddd (2962 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

@mrdecepticonleader:

THE GOOD

It's good that you indent whenever new dialogue or action occurs, it allows for me flow through the story instead of feeling overwhelmed(I would feel this way if every story was just one large paragraph).

THE BAD

My only complaint is how you describe the water dropping. When I read it, it felt like dialogue, when it should feel like there is water right beside me dripping on the ground as loud as nails being dropped.

*Drip*Drip*Drip*. Each droplet of water hitting the ground has the booming sound of a thousand bombs going off."

-Do you agree or disagree with my complaint and why?

#8 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (10405 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@mrdecepticonleader: Good but short

Thanks,upcoming parts will be longer.

@xxxddd said:

@mrdecepticonleader:

THE GOOD

It's good that you indent whenever new dialogue or action occurs, it allows for me flow through the story instead of feeling overwhelmed(I would feel this way if every story was just one large paragraph).

THE BAD

My only complaint is how you describe the water dropping. When I read it, it felt like dialogue, when it should feel like there is water right beside me dripping on the ground as loud as nails being dropped.

*Drip*Drip*Drip*. Each droplet of water hitting the ground has the booming sound of a thousand bombs going off."

-Do you agree or disagree with my complaint and why?

Thanks

Disagree,its just the way I wrote it in.

#9 Posted by xxxddd (2962 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio

@mrdecepticonleader:Keep writing stories.

It's good content, but lacks length.

#10 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (10405 posts) - 6 months, 19 days ago - Show Bio
#11 Posted by lykopis (6154 posts) - 6 months, 17 days ago - Show Bio

Good to see you continue --- and I agree about getting what you have out there, no sense in hanging on to it. A good addition overall. :)

#12 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (10405 posts) - 6 months, 16 days ago - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

Good to see you continue --- and I agree about getting what you have out there, no sense in hanging on to it. A good addition overall. :)

Thanks,true.

The more I write the more I want to continue it.

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