#1 Edited by TDK_1997 (15085 posts) - - Show Bio

Green Arrow #1

Hundreds of people in line in front of a nightclub and two big African americans standing in front – the security guards. A limo arrives from which Oliver Queen steps out with a big smile on his face. And after him a beautiful young lady who is supposed to be his partner for the night.

As quick as light the paparazzi come and start taking photos of Oliver and his ‘girlfriend’. But the problem for them is that Oliver enters the club and they can’t take anymore pictures. As the others still wait in the line Oliver enters and a blonde with a short skirt and a small singlet offering him champagne and smiling seductively. As the music bangs around the club and everyone is dancing Oliver is trying to make himself some place through the crowd. He finally manages to get to the office in the back behind the DJ and leaving his girl in the crowd to dance.

********************************************************

As he entered the office he spread his arms wide enough so he can greet the people in there cheerfully and then shouted ‘’HOW is it going Frank?’’. In the office there was a man in his fourties who was smoking a cigarrete and two buff men standing right next to him.

‘’Sit down Oliver.’’ The man in the chair commanded and put a briefcase on the desk. ‘’Are you going to buy more or are you here to see me?’’ He asked gently even though his face was more than serious. He looked like he was ready to kill off Oliver.

Oliver sat down on the chair peacefully and took his tie off. ‘’I just came here to tell you that I will be stopping this business of ours. I don’t want to be involved in this anymore’’ Oliver wasn’t really confident in his words and sounded really scared and Frank had noticed that. His bodyguards moved forward to Oliver and stood behind him with their arms crossed.

‘’Oliver, once you become part of this business you can’t go out. You either die with it or you never start dealing, you know?’’ Frank opened the briefcase. ‘’Look. This thing is making you and me so much money. Your club is the first in winning money after mine and the attendance of your group has grown after you started selling. Don’t bail me on Ollie!’’ Frank took out one of the bags inside and started looking at Oliver.

Oliver stood up but the men behind him put him back on the chair. He sure was frightened and they knew that. He turned his head back at them but couldn’t see their faces well because of the light. The light was too bland and he sure couldn’t recognize who they were or what they were even wearing. ‘’Look Frank, I know we had a deal and I told you that I will never bail and I will be with you till the end but ….. I just can’t continue selling drugs to people. It ruins their lives.’’ Oliver was concerned for both his life and the life of his clients but the fear was getting over his body with every second.

‘’Oliver that means only one thing. You should be taken out of the picture.’’ Frank closed the briefcase, put it back in the drawer and waved his hand at his men. They picked Oliver up and put his head on the desk. Frank took out a machete and was ready to cut Oliver’s head off. ‘’Frank,Frank! Don’t do anything stupid man! I am still your friend!’’ Oliver was screaming out of fear that he would die. Frank seemed like he was thinking things through but then he put his hand back up and told Oliver peacefully ‘’You WERE my friend but now there is nothing that I can drag out of this friendship.

Frank put his hand down with the machete almost cutting Olivers head off right when Oliver’s girl walked into the office. Frank stopped and looked at her and that was the moment when Oliver could run away unharmed. He pushed one of the men back and punched the other. Then punched Frank and kicked the other man. ‘’Patricia run!’’ Oliver tried to save his girlfriend but she was too drunk. He started running, grabbed her by the hand and headed to the exit.

********************************************************

Oliver and the girl sitting in the car in a parking lot. Oliver has put his head back on the seat and is looking at the roof of the car. The music is loud, the girl is still partying while Oliver is sighing and thinking about his next move. He closes his eyes and then puts his head on the steering wheel.

Outside another car arrives. It’s an Audi R8 and it is the same as Oliver’s – black with white rims. The car stops right next to Oliver and from her a ginger man comes out. ‘’Oliver what is going on’’ the man yells caringly and goes and opens the car. Oliver winds out and hugs the guy and with a smile on his face says ‘’Roy, I’m glad you came man!’’

********************************************************

Oliver and Roy are sitting in a café somewhere and are drinking lattes and Roy seems concerned. ‘’This is some serious business Oliver. I told you it was a bad idea to make business with Frank Conway. The guy is dangerous and for him it doesn’t matter if you are the most famous person in the world or if you are his brother even…… He will kill you off in cold blood. No time for thinking about it. He’ll just pull the trigger and you are out and then your family.’’ After Roy finished the sentence Oliver took a little drink from the latte and then smiled while he was trying to keep himself from crying.

‘’Roy Harper, that is why you are my best friend. A brother to me. I know I’m screwed and I should have listened to you, you still manage somehow to stay clear on things even though you didn’t say much. I have always been called the Boy Wonder because of my genius intellect but you have always been smarter than me on things like this.’’ A moment of silence between them and right when one of them wanted to say something Oliver’s phone rang.

‘’Hello!’’ Oliver answered the phone. On the other side someone was crying, it was Oliver’s mother ‘’Ollie, I have to tell you something!’’ After hearing those words Oliver seemed even more concerned about his family’s lives and replied ‘’What is it?’’ No one actually answered and then after a couple of seconds his mother answered……

‘’Ollie, it’s your father. He’s found dead.’’


To Be Continued…………………………………………………………………………………..

#3 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1716 posts) - - Show Bio

@tdk_1997:

What I liked: Cool pic, cliffhanger ending (though it should be "He's been found dead" He found dead, well actually it could be a...this is going to come across as racist, that is not my intention, the speaker could be black. Either way...wow there's no proper way to say this without seeming like a bigot...)

What I didn't like: the odd formatting itallics for speech, the jumping around between scenes that don't quite gel, Roy being almost the same age as Oliver (well that's how I read this)

It is only the start, everything starts somewhere, lets see where you go from here

#4 Posted by NeonPheonix (650 posts) - - Show Bio

@tdk_1997: I'm not into the judging thing but lose the italics unless you want emphasis on it, other than that it's pretty good and like me you forgot Rating, post it.

@tdk_1997:

What I liked: Cool pic, cliffhanger ending (though it should be "He's been found dead" He found dead, well actually it could be a...this is going to come across as racist, that is not my intention, the speaker could be black. Either way...wow there's no proper way to say this without seeming like a bigot...)

What I didn't like: the odd formatting itallics for speech, the jumping around between scenes that don't quite gel, Roy being almost the same age as Oliver (well that's how I read this)

It is only the start, everything starts somewhere, lets see where you go from here

That's not racist just politically incorrect, but still possibly offensive

#5 Posted by RedHood13 (153 posts) - - Show Bio

I like it!!!! Glad it's finally up!

#6 Edited by TommytheHitman (3400 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome job!

#7 Posted by wildvine (10334 posts) - - Show Bio

@tdk_1997

Italics should be used to designate thought. Example: 'What am I going to do now?' He thought to himself. I also saw a few places where your story could be streamlined for better flow. I'll send you a PM later.

Good things, Awesome image. Nice set up. Nice to see the real world Oliver instead of starting him out on a rooftop clad in green. Its a good start, just a bit rough.

Moderator
#8 Posted by wundagoreborn (389 posts) - - Show Bio

Nice. I'm new to fan-fic, so I don't have context for many comments yet, but this has me interested.

#9 Posted by TDK_1997 (15085 posts) - - Show Bio
#10 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1716 posts) - - Show Bio

@tdk_1997:

Regardless, it is only the start and I am curious to see where you go with this new version on GA

#11 Posted by TDK_1997 (15085 posts) - - Show Bio
#12 Posted by RulerOfThisUniverse (6364 posts) - - Show Bio

Good work!

#14 Posted by cbishop (8918 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine said:

@tdk_1997

Italics should be used to designate thought. Example: 'What am I going to do now?' He thought to himself. I also saw a few places where your story could be streamlined for better flow. I'll send you a PM later.

Good things, Awesome image. Nice set up. Nice to see the real world Oliver instead of starting him out on a rooftop clad in green. Its a good start, just a bit rough.

What wildvine said.

#15 Edited by TDK_1997 (15085 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: I will take some notes for the next time.

#16 Posted by cbishop (8918 posts) - - Show Bio

@tdk_1997: That's great, but you should edit the first chapter, so more people want to read the second one. It's a decent story- it deserves good editing. ;)

#17 Edited by TDK_1997 (15085 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Okay.I will edit it when I have the chance because I am limited with time these days.

#18 Posted by cbishop (8918 posts) - - Show Bio
#19 Posted by TDK_1997 (15085 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Yeah,it's really hard for me to organize my days between school,training,studying,writing fan-fics and reading comic books.

#20 Posted by cbishop (8918 posts) - - Show Bio

@tdk_1997: Figure it out now! It only gets harder when it's work, paying bills, relationships, writing fan-fics and reading comic books. lol ;)

#21 Posted by TDK_1997 (15085 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Yeah.I don't want to grow up. :P