#1 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

Yeah, first issue of DC Re-Imagined: Green Lantern. Please read and give thoughts below. Constructive criticism only please.

DC Re-Imagined: Green Lantern #1

NOTE: I do not own this image. I found it in a google search, thought it looked cool, and decided "Why Not?"

Green Lantern Hal Jordan is in space fighting an unseen enemy. His costume is torn, his ring is almost out of power, he is bleeding in several places, has a cracked skull, and his arm is broken.

“I don’t care how many of us you’ve murdered or what your plans are, I will stop you here and now.” said Hal.

“Your ring is almost out of power, your skull is cracked, and you are bleeding to death. Even if I cannot stop you, you will soon die anyway.” said the man, “But it does not matter. I will end your existence now, Jordan.”

The man creates a green, glowing sword made out of energy, and cuts Hal Jordan’s head off. Hal’s ring then flies off his hand.

<Lantern Corps member 2814 deceased>

In Las Angeles California.

A bald, black man wearing sunglasses is sitting in a bar. He has a mug of beer in his hand and is wearing a trench coat. A waitress walks up to him.

“Excuse me,” said the waitress, “do I recognize you from somewhere?”

“I don’t think so.” said the man “My name’s John. John Stewart.”

“I do know you. You’re that social activist person I’ve heard about.”

Suddenly, a man pulls out a gun and points it at the cashier.

“Give me the money or I’ll shoot!” the man says.

Johns gets up and quickly punches the man in the mouth. He grabs the gun out of the man’s hand and places it on the counter. He then uppercuts the man then repeatedly punches the man in the gut. John punches him the nose, causing the man to fall to the floor and have blood pour out of his nose.

“Get the Hell out of here you son of a b*tch.” John says.

“Thank you.” says the waitress. “Where did you learn to fight like that?

“US Military.” says John.

“I had no idea you were in the Military. Why aren’t you fighting in the war going on right now?”

“I... had a bad day.”

John takes money out of his pocket and puts it on the counter.

“Look, I have to get going. Here’s the bill and keep the change.”

“Thank you sir. Y’all come back real soon.”

John goes to walk towards the bus stop and the end of the block, and sees a bus there. He attempts to run to the bus, but it takes off before he gets there.

“Ugh. That was the last one for the next hour. Guess I could walk.”

Suddenly, a green ring flies towards John.

<John Stewart of Earth. You have great will power>

“What the Hell?” John said to himself.

The ring then flies onto his finger, and gives him a green and black costume.

<Welcome to the Green Lantern Corps>

To be continued...

#2 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome. Can't wait for issue 2.

#3 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout: Thanks.

#4 Posted by CaptainLantern76 (584 posts) - - Show Bio

Decent issue - writing could use a little work, but other than that, this is just plain excellent,

#5 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaptainLantern76: Thank you.

Could you be a little more specific when you say the writing needs work though? Am I not doing enough detail? Is the dialogue poor?

#6 Posted by Pyrogram (41269 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCannon: This seems..All very script like. It is not like reading a novel or comic its like reading a script for a movie, The story is solid, just the format lets it down a lot for me, sorry dude. But the actual story is brilliant.

#7 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: Yeah, I'm trying to change my script-like writing. I can't say I was successful here, but I can tell I'm headed in the right direction (read some of my previous fics. Now THOSE were scripts). Thanks.

#8 Posted by Pyrogram (41269 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCannon: I can tell you the problem, its the constant He did this, HE did that, HE picked up the gun and he shot batman..That is the reason.

#9 Edited by FalconPuuunch (942 posts) - - Show Bio

Great story and dialogue however this does seem almost script like. (Which is not a bad thing. there are plenty of script FFs on this site, most of which are awesome)

I actually prefer to write and read script format myself because it's easier to read. You should look up some it and the way they are formatted, you might like it.

EDIT:

Also like the usage of John Stewart. Big props on that.

#10 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@FalconPuuunch: Thanks for everything.

#11 Posted by FalconPuuunch (942 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCannon: No problem and looking forward to the next installment.

#12 Posted by JamesKM716 (1995 posts) - - Show Bio

I second everything Pyrogram said! But nonetheless this was a good opening issue. Interesting to see John so easily defeat a mugger

#13 Posted by TommytheHitman (3451 posts) - - Show Bio

Yeah I do have to agree with Pyrogram. It was still good though! Also I'm glad Hal is still around in this universe! Even if he just got his head cut off by... SOMEONE

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#14 Posted by dtschemmel (504 posts) - - Show Bio

It seemed very, New Guardians-ish. But overall well told.

#15 Posted by ekrolo (436 posts) - - Show Bio

Pretty good but I agree with the others, the script like writting does have alot of He did that He said this and so on, still I hope you can make that format work man I have faith in your abilities.

#16 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@JamesKM716: Thanks.

@TommytheHitman: Thanks. John may be the GL of Earth in this Universe, but I just felt I had to have Hal in here somewhere.

@ekrolo: I'm going to try and make it less script like in future issues, but thank you.

#17 Posted by heroesgold (602 posts) - - Show Bio

Great.

#18 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@heroesgold: Thanks.

#19 Posted by wildvine (10367 posts) - - Show Bio

I would say it needs more details. Otherwise it was good.

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#20 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: Thanks.

#21 Posted by batkevin74 (11212 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCannon said:

Green Lantern Hal Jordan is in space fighting an unseen enemy. His costume is torn, his ring is almost out of power, he is bleeding in several places, has a cracked skull, and his arm is broken.

“I don’t care how many of us you’ve murdered or what your plans are, I will stop you here and now.” said Hal.

“Your ring is almost out of power, your skull is cracked, and you are bleeding to death. Even if I cannot stop you, you will soon die anyway.” said the man, “But it does not matter. I will end your existence now, Jordan.”

No real need to tell us his injuries twice, but other than that, not bad. Always good to start with a death, keeps people guessing considering you killed Hal Jordan!

#22 Posted by TommytheHitman (3451 posts) - - Show Bio

Hey is there any chance we'll ever see Guy Gardner and Kyle Rayner?

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#23 Edited by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Sorry. Didn't even see the man described what I just wrote until you pointed it out. Thanks.

@TommytheHitman: That's for me to know, and you to find out.

#24 Posted by Nightflash (713 posts) - - Show Bio

Great dialogue, the words fit the characters well! The only problem is my favorite GL Hal appears to have died (or?) but thats just my liking for the character. Job well done!

#25 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@Nightflash: Thanks. And sorry about Hal. I like him too (second favorite GL after Kyle), but I decided to use John instead of Hal and I felt I couldn't just have Hal not exist. But his death will play a big part of the story in the long run.

#26 Edited by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCannon Awesome issue.

#27 Posted by Mr_Stagger_Lee (174 posts) - - Show Bio

I dunno, this story is kinda lacking in something, any sort of way to put Greeny ahead of anyone else.

punches a guy in the nose = dies

I don'r read comics, but that's not how a superhero works.

#28 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@WhiteSGPlayer said:

I don'r read comics, but that's not how a superhero works.

Then.. uh... why are you here on Comicvine, exactly?

#29 Posted by TommytheHitman (3451 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout: Good point!

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#30 Posted by Mr_Stagger_Lee (174 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout: Writing forum.

#31 Posted by Pyrogram (41269 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout said:

@WhiteSGPlayer said:

I don'r read comics, but that's not how a superhero works.

Then.. uh... why are you here on Comicvine, exactly?

Beacuse he wants to be...Since when did reading comics become a need lol xD

#32 Posted by TheCannon (19430 posts) - - Show Bio

@WhiteSGPlayer said:

I dunno, this story is kinda lacking in something, any sort of way to put Greeny ahead of anyone else.

punches a guy in the nose = dies

I don'r read comics, but that's not how a superhero works.

Why are you even on Comic Vine if you don't read comics (no offense)?

Also, the guy didn't die. John punched him in the nose and it started to massively bleed.

#33 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram said:

@GR2Blackout said:

@WhiteSGPlayer said:

I don'r read comics, but that's not how a superhero works.

Then.. uh... why are you here on Comicvine, exactly?

Beacuse he wants to be...Since when did reading comics become a need lol xD

#34 Posted by TDK_1997 (15075 posts) - - Show Bio

It's good!I want to see what are you going to do next with John.

#35 Edited by dngn4774 (3504 posts) - - Show Bio

I liked the story and your main character. John Stewart is by far my favorite lantern. The formatting was a little stiff but it certainly wasn't bad.