Idie: Come in Mr. Summers! I'm busy doing something but I'll be there in a minute!
(Scott Summers rubs his hands)
Cyclops: Oh Idie, you can light my fire any day. (Sees Chris Hansen). No. NO.NONONONONO. GTFO!
Chris Hansen: For the LOVE OF GOD SCOTT SUMMERS. WOULD YOU STOP CHASING AFTER UNDERAGE GIRLS!?
Cyclops: Actually...this was the whole reason behind our little Schism.
Chris Hansen: Say what now?
Cyclops: You see it all started one day after the Sentinels attacked, Emma got bored and decided to telepathically take control of people on the island. She made Logan do the safety dance wearing Psylocke's costume, which apparently he liked wearing anyway, she made Hellion act like a duck, and she made me act like an angsty version of my dead wife. I even started slitting my wrists. But she also made all of the new mutants come after me and we had a giant sleepover.
Chris Hansen: You're making this up aren't you? You're just abusing your power.
Cyclops: Oh, maliciously. I just like younger girls. And Logan wasn't too fond of that because he found out that I had been chasing after the young ladies since before Jean died and even before I cheated on Jean with Emma.
Chris Hansen: What would Professor Xavier say to you if he heard all of this right now?
Cyclops: He'd high five me! He lusted after half of the X-Men ladies as well, especially Jean. By the way, that clone of Wolverines? I told him that she had a cute ass as a joke. And well...Logan wasn't too happy about that.
Chris Hansen: You probably weren't joking. How have you not gone to jail over this?
Cyclops: Because, I'm awesome. So in your face.
Wolverine: Goddammit, Summers! I'm taking Idie with me.
Cyclops: No! I'm keeping her with me!
Wolverine: Yeah right, ass! I'm taking her with me to save her from your stupid child molesting---
Cyclops: I've never actually touched any of them!
Wolverine: I'm sure you would have given the chance. What's the matter, Emma not good enough? Jean wasn't either?
(The two of them begin to fight and Emma enters the room with a resurrected Jean)
Emma: I'm sorry I ever slept with him.
Jean: Unfortunately I am too. I've never slept with Logan before though.
Emma: Really? I would have, those claws are hot, to be quite honest.
Jean: Ahh well, boys will be boys. I'm off to go die now. (Dies again).