"Hush little baby, don't say'a word, Momma would kill for you the whole damned world. And if they don't laugh at our jokes, Momma's gonna stab out their throats...." Harley sang softly, and rubbed her round belly. She had not got that big, not surprisingly. She always was on the small side. It kinda looked like she had eaten a basketball.
This was her first pregnancy, and it was going well, all things considered. She'd had cravings for spicy potato chips, and chocolate chip ice cream. And had eaten an alarming amount of each. But since she had become pregnant, Joker had stopped hitting her and only occasionally yelled at her. It was wonderful for everyone.
"So boss, what we gonna name our little puddi'n?" She asked him as he paced about the hideout. She tried to reach the container of half-melted chocolate ice cream on the floor, but her belly was in the way. She grunted, and stretched her arm down, but could only brush it with her finger tips. "C'mon baby, Mama needs chocolate goodness." She told her belly. To Joker she said "Maybe Punchinello? Or Joker Jr? Maybe Harley if its a girl?" She asked hopefully.
Joker paused and raised an eyebrow at her. "His name is going to be Batman. It will be the best joke ever." He grinned. He was usually grinning. But this was a genuine grin. She rarely saw one of those. Joker's impending fatherhood had really put him in an exceptional mood, and rather then being a distraction, it had inspired him to greater joke crimes. "So, what's the ETA Harley? Are you ripe or what?" He asked and resumed pacing again.
"Nother couple days I think." She paused, hands held protectively on her belly. "Uh, What if its a girl Mistah Jay?" She asked quietly. "That wouldn't be so bad, right?"
"If its not a boy...." He shrugged. "We'll just have to start over."
"Uh huh." She suddenly forgot the ice cream at her feet. "I uh, mmph" She struggled off the couch to her feet. "I just remembered. Pammy's giving me a baby shower. So I should get going to that...." She wobbled toward the entrance.
"Harley!" He called, making her freeze in her tracks.
"Yeah boss?" She winced, expecting the worst.
"Pick up some toilet paper. We're running low."
"S-sure thing Mistah Jay." She walked to their van as fast as her pregnant body would allow her to move.
* * *
Gotham city park.....
"Ivy? Hello?" Harley walked to the first bench, and sat down. "Jeeze, who knew having a baby took so much outta ya?"
"Anyone who paid attention in health class." Ivy called down from the tree across the path.
"I always found biology more fun in practice, then in teachin'." Harley replied, a little winded.
"So, Joker kick you out again? He must have. That's the only time you come running to me." The tree branch lowered Ivy gently to the ground. She sounded a little offended.
"Oh no. He's just thinking of going pro-choice if our lil puddi'n is a girl." Her voice trailed off like she was embarrassed by the whole affair.
Ivy was horrified and enraged at the same time. Just when she thought Joker couldn't be more depraved...."Well, you can't stay here. Not in your condition. Maybe Selina would let you crash with her for a while?"
"Oh yeah! Kitty loves me." Harley struggled to get off the bench until finally Ivy helped her up. "Hey, do ya think we can stop for ice cream? I'm starvin'." Just then the baby gave a hard kick. "Ivy!!" She squealed.
"What!? Whats wrong?" Ivy looked alarmed.
"The baby just kicked me." She grabbed Ivy's hand, and pressed it to her stomach. "Already takin' after its daddy." She sighed.
"Uh, yeah Harley. Babies kick. Hasn't it kicked before?" She was worried about her friend for more then on reason. Harley was excited about being a mother. But in a lot of ways, Harley was a kid herself.
"Nope." She shook her head, making her pigtails swing. "Its been a quiet little scamp."
"Why don't you let me drive Harl?" Ivy asked as she helped Harley into the passenger seat.
"Tell me have you seen the marvelous breadfish? Swimming in the ocean waters?" Harley sang to her belly. "Have you seen the marvelous breadfish, he's like an inverse sandwich....for fishermen and sharks."
"Harley...." Ivy said through gritted teeth.
"Its a long drive. Lets not make it longer..."
* * *
Joker watched as Harley and Ivy drove out of the park, his gloved hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. He was not smiling as he drove after them.
Ivy saw the car out the corner of her eye, at the last minute. But it was too late to do anything, it slammed into Ivy's side of the car, and drove it into a light pole. It happened so fast. The sudden impact, the crash and scream of metal. Then it was over. Ivy's left arm felt broken, and she had been cut by flying glass. Her door was dented inward, and her left leg was numb, possibly broken. "Harley? Are you okay?" Ivy asked, dazed.
"I....I don't think so Pammy." She cried, tears rolled down her face as she held her stomach. Blood dripped from her lap to the floor.
"Hang on Harley." She wrestled with her seat belt which had locked up. "Just don't move." Trapped in a car, and not a seed or plant to her name. Why didn't she carry a knife or something?
"Harley-poo, time to come home now." Joker said, his voice dripped with menace as he pulled her door open.
"Joker! Wait!" Ivy yelled. "She's hurt! Call an ambulance if you ever loved her at all!" Ivy pleaded, still trapped by her seat belt. Joker paused for a moment. Then hauled Harley from the car by her arm. Ivy watched helpless as he pushed her into the backseat of his car and sped away.
* * *
Gotham General. A few days later....
Ivy laid on an uncomfortable hospital bed, her arm in a cast and hung on a sling. A brace on her injured leg. A blond nurse walked in with a lunch tray. "I wouldn't eat nothin' but the jello. Its the only thing on this tray that's actually food, I think." She commented.
"Harley?" Ivy pressed the button to elevate her bed into a sitting position.
"Surprise Pammy!" Harley spun around with a flair. She was wearing red scrubs covered in black smiley faces. "Ya know the best part of havin' a baby? Getting it outta ya." She hugged Ivy tightly.
"What happened? I thought he was going to kill you. Wait," She paused. "What happened to the baby?"
"Oh, he's fine. Little Batman Quinn." She sat on the side of Ivy's bed. "He's at home with his daddy, of course. After Mistah J took me home--"
"He kidnapped you."
"Tomato, tomahto. Love makes ya do crazy things Pammy. Mistah J was just scared I was gonna leave him." She purposefully avoided Ivy's stare. "Anyway, Puddin' had a doctor back at home waiting on me. Lil Batman was a few days early, but otherwise healthy. I lov'a happy ending, don't you Red?"
Ivy was speechless for a moment. then, "He threatened your child. Almost killed us both. And kidnapped you when you were hurt. And you're going to give him another chance??"
"He needs me Pammy. And it would break his heart if I took Batty away. He loves our baby."
"I....I can't believe that Harley." She shook her head. "When are you going to wise up to Joker's act?"
"Get out." Ivy said. "I'm done with you."
"Out!!" Ivy roared.
* * *
They wouldn't speak again until the battle at Gotham city park.