Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio

2018

"Hush little baby, don't say'a word, Momma would kill for you the whole damned world. And if they don't laugh at our jokes, Momma's gonna stab out their throats...." Harley sang softly, and rubbed her round belly. She had not got that big, not surprisingly. She always was on the small side. It kinda looked like she had eaten a basketball.

This was her first pregnancy, and it was going well, all things considered. She'd had cravings for spicy potato chips, and chocolate chip ice cream. And had eaten an alarming amount of each. But since she had become pregnant, Joker had stopped hitting her and only occasionally yelled at her. It was wonderful for everyone.

"So boss, what we gonna name our little puddi'n?" She asked him as he paced about the hideout. She tried to reach the container of half-melted chocolate ice cream on the floor, but her belly was in the way. She grunted, and stretched her arm down, but could only brush it with her finger tips. "C'mon baby, Mama needs chocolate goodness." She told her belly. To Joker she said "Maybe Punchinello? Or Joker Jr? Maybe Harley if its a girl?" She asked hopefully.

Joker paused and raised an eyebrow at her. "His name is going to be Batman. It will be the best joke ever." He grinned. He was usually grinning. But this was a genuine grin. She rarely saw one of those. Joker's impending fatherhood had really put him in an exceptional mood, and rather then being a distraction, it had inspired him to greater joke crimes. "So, what's the ETA Harley? Are you ripe or what?" He asked and resumed pacing again.

"Nother couple days I think." She paused, hands held protectively on her belly. "Uh, What if its a girl Mistah Jay?" She asked quietly. "That wouldn't be so bad, right?"

"If its not a boy...." He shrugged. "We'll just have to start over."

"Uh huh." She suddenly forgot the ice cream at her feet. "I uh, mmph" She struggled off the couch to her feet. "I just remembered. Pammy's giving me a baby shower. So I should get going to that...." She wobbled toward the entrance.

"Harley!" He called, making her freeze in her tracks.

"Yeah boss?" She winced, expecting the worst.

"Pick up some toilet paper. We're running low."

"S-sure thing Mistah Jay." She walked to their van as fast as her pregnant body would allow her to move.

* * *

Gotham city park.....

"Ivy? Hello?" Harley walked to the first bench, and sat down. "Jeeze, who knew having a baby took so much outta ya?"

"Anyone who paid attention in health class." Ivy called down from the tree across the path.

"I always found biology more fun in practice, then in teachin'." Harley replied, a little winded.

"So, Joker kick you out again? He must have. That's the only time you come running to me." The tree branch lowered Ivy gently to the ground. She sounded a little offended.

"Oh no. He's just thinking of going pro-choice if our lil puddi'n is a girl." Her voice trailed off like she was embarrassed by the whole affair.

Ivy was horrified and enraged at the same time. Just when she thought Joker couldn't be more depraved...."Well, you can't stay here. Not in your condition. Maybe Selina would let you crash with her for a while?"

"Oh yeah! Kitty loves me." Harley struggled to get off the bench until finally Ivy helped her up. "Hey, do ya think we can stop for ice cream? I'm starvin'." Just then the baby gave a hard kick. "Ivy!!" She squealed.

"What!? Whats wrong?" Ivy looked alarmed.

"The baby just kicked me." She grabbed Ivy's hand, and pressed it to her stomach. "Already takin' after its daddy." She sighed.

"Uh, yeah Harley. Babies kick. Hasn't it kicked before?" She was worried about her friend for more then on reason. Harley was excited about being a mother. But in a lot of ways, Harley was a kid herself.

"Nope." She shook her head, making her pigtails swing. "Its been a quiet little scamp."

"Why don't you let me drive Harl?" Ivy asked as she helped Harley into the passenger seat.

"Tell me have you seen the marvelous breadfish? Swimming in the ocean waters?" Harley sang to her belly. "Have you seen the marvelous breadfish, he's like an inverse sandwich....for fishermen and sharks."

"Harley...." Ivy said through gritted teeth.

"Yes Pammy?"

"Its a long drive. Lets not make it longer..."

* * *

Joker watched as Harley and Ivy drove out of the park, his gloved hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. He was not smiling as he drove after them.

Ivy saw the car out the corner of her eye, at the last minute. But it was too late to do anything, it slammed into Ivy's side of the car, and drove it into a light pole. It happened so fast. The sudden impact, the crash and scream of metal. Then it was over. Ivy's left arm felt broken, and she had been cut by flying glass. Her door was dented inward, and her left leg was numb, possibly broken. "Harley? Are you okay?" Ivy asked, dazed.

"I....I don't think so Pammy." She cried, tears rolled down her face as she held her stomach. Blood dripped from her lap to the floor.

"Hang on Harley." She wrestled with her seat belt which had locked up. "Just don't move." Trapped in a car, and not a seed or plant to her name. Why didn't she carry a knife or something?

"Harley-poo, time to come home now." Joker said, his voice dripped with menace as he pulled her door open.

"Joker! Wait!" Ivy yelled. "She's hurt! Call an ambulance if you ever loved her at all!" Ivy pleaded, still trapped by her seat belt. Joker paused for a moment. Then hauled Harley from the car by her arm. Ivy watched helpless as he pushed her into the backseat of his car and sped away.

* * *

Gotham General. A few days later....

Ivy laid on an uncomfortable hospital bed, her arm in a cast and hung on a sling. A brace on her injured leg. A blond nurse walked in with a lunch tray. "I wouldn't eat nothin' but the jello. Its the only thing on this tray that's actually food, I think." She commented.

"Harley?" Ivy pressed the button to elevate her bed into a sitting position.

"Surprise Pammy!" Harley spun around with a flair. She was wearing red scrubs covered in black smiley faces. "Ya know the best part of havin' a baby? Getting it outta ya." She hugged Ivy tightly.

"What happened? I thought he was going to kill you. Wait," She paused. "What happened to the baby?"

"Oh, he's fine. Little Batman Quinn." She sat on the side of Ivy's bed. "He's at home with his daddy, of course. After Mistah J took me home--"

"He kidnapped you."

"Tomato, tomahto. Love makes ya do crazy things Pammy. Mistah J was just scared I was gonna leave him." She purposefully avoided Ivy's stare. "Anyway, Puddin' had a doctor back at home waiting on me. Lil Batman was a few days early, but otherwise healthy. I lov'a happy ending, don't you Red?"

Ivy was speechless for a moment. then, "He threatened your child. Almost killed us both. And kidnapped you when you were hurt. And you're going to give him another chance??"

"He needs me Pammy. And it would break his heart if I took Batty away. He loves our baby."

"I....I can't believe that Harley." She shook her head. "When are you going to wise up to Joker's act?"

"Pammy...."

"Get out." Ivy said. "I'm done with you."

"But Pammy--"

"Out!!" Ivy roared.

* * *

They wouldn't speak again until the battle at Gotham city park.

#1 Posted by joshmightbe (24937 posts) - - Show Bio

Great Job, I still think Batman Quinn is at the same time weirdest and most appropriate name possible for the child of the Joker

#2 Posted by Pyrogram (40931 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine *gulp* Seriously one of the best Fics I have read on this board.

"He needs me Pammy. And it would break his heart if I took Batty away. He loves our baby."

Soooo mannnyyy feeelllss O_O


I honestly cannot say anything more than you wrote this so well, I have never felt so like...sad for a character. Not even in a real comic.

Please, Link me when you do more!

This was amazing.

#3 Edited by TommytheHitman (3305 posts) - - Show Bio

Very interesting and funny like usual. Also:

"The baby just kicked me." She grabbed Ivy's hand, and pressed it to her stomach. "Already take'n after its daddy." She sighed.

Lol.

#4 Posted by feebadger (1445 posts) - - Show Bio

This is absolutely brilliant, wildvine. Absolutely. Your knack with dialogue is wonderful and hilariously spot on. Why you aren't part of the New 52 is beyond me. And did you make up the Breadfish bit or is it something that already exists? Either way, incorporating that little bit of madness into the story is pure GENIUS. You're a helluva writer, Ms wildvine.

#5 Edited by AweSam (7375 posts) - - Show Bio

@joshmightbe said:

Great Job, I still think Batman Quinn is at the same time weirdest and most appropriate name possible for the child of the Joker

I know, right?

You got Harley down pretty well, but she doesn't come off as playful as usual. Perhaps it's on the count of her pregnancy. I also think she ran out on the Joker too early. Still, very good.

#6 Edited by batkevin74 (10985 posts) - - Show Bio
@wildvine said:
And if they don't laugh at our jokes, Momma's gonna stab out their throats...." Harley sang softly, and rubbed her round belly.

Motherhood seems to suit Harley :)

@wildvine said:

"If its not a boy...." He shrugged. "We'll just have to start over."

That's just scary and very Joker!

I was at first worried about the timeline but if Batman Quinn was born 2018, he's 16 when the purge occurs in 2034 and Joker gets killed by Batman which would give him and Ravager a 10yr window to get together and have Deranger who'd be 20-25-ish in 2065!

Very nice! I'm glad you swooped on Harley, Batman Quinn, Poison Ivy and the Amazons, they're in good hands :) Let's see some more!!!!

#7 Edited by dngn4774 (3220 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine

"He kidnapped you."

"Tomato, tomahto. Love makes ya do crazy things Pammy. Mistah J was just scared I was gonna leave him." She purposefully avoided Ivy's stare. "Anyway, Puddi'n had a doctor back at home waiting on me. Lil Batman was a few days early, but otherwise healthy. I lov'a happy ending, don't you Red?"

One of my favorite moments. A good example of Harley just being Harley. Good job!

Edit: I liked this so much I decided to throw in a smile. :)

#8 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1703 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: I'm just curious on which hospital would let these, well freaks (I like Harley & Joker but white skin, etched on smiles, reputations as big as anyone) into their hospital???? Excellent writing!

#9 Posted by AweSam (7375 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson said:

@wildvine: I'm just curious on which hospital would let these, well freaks (I like Harley & Joker but white skin, etched on smiles, reputations as big as anyone) into their hospital???? Excellent writing!

Hospitals can't actually refuse patients.

#10 Edited by Pyrogram (40931 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: Unless they feel they are in danger.

#11 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio

@feebadger

I actually found that song on you tube and its been stuck in my head ever since.

@4donkeyjohnson

You could ask how does Joker get released from Arkham ever? The idea was Ivy wasn't wanted at the time, hence she was admitted. Harley snuck in wearing a nurse outfit. I forgot to mention was not wearing make-up.

#12 Posted by Delphic (1504 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: Interesting. I enjoyed reading this. Looking forward to the next part of the story.

#13 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio
#14 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1703 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: So just like Dark Knight, Joker in a nurses outfit :)

#15 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1703 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam said:

@4donkeyjohnson said:

@wildvine: I'm just curious on which hospital would let these, well freaks (I like Harley & Joker but white skin, etched on smiles, reputations as big as anyone) into their hospital???? Excellent writing!

Hospitals can't actually refuse patients.

In the real world yes, DC Joker and Harley come through the doors and cops, SWAT and Batman turn up! :)

#16 Posted by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio

It's a good thing I read through the comments because this...

This is absolutely brilliant, wildvine. Absolutely. Your knack with dialogue is wonderful and hilariously spot on. Why you aren't part of the New 52 is beyond me. And did you make up the Breadfish bit or is it something that already exists? Either way, incorporating that little bit of madness into the story is pure GENIUS. You're a helluva writer, Ms wildvine.

...is pretty much my take on this. Phenomenal set up and my heart was in my throat for poor Harley. Gawd, I want to ram my fist down Joker's throat and rip out his kidneys.

Bravo!

#17 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio

Ba-bump!

#18 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump?

#19 Posted by Pyrogram (40931 posts) - - Show Bio

Re-read this. I still love it!

#20 Posted by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio

Gah -- I read this before Part II but I wanted to make sure I told you amazingly talented you are as a writer. And I still want to rip out Joker's kidneys via the esophagus.

#21 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump

#22 Posted by SpideyIvyDaredevilFan26 (6503 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome job. You clearly understand your characters really well and have pieced together a great piece of writing! Keep it up!

#23 Posted by TommytheHitman (3305 posts) - - Show Bio

@spideyivydaredevilfan26: Not really since Corrupted is now dead... except for Sharpshot. Sharpshot is too much of an asshole to die....

#24 Edited by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio

@spideyivydaredevilfan26: Not really since Corrupted is now dead... except for Sharpshot. Sharpshot is too much of an asshole to die....

I actually I intend to finish out my story.

#25 Posted by TommytheHitman (3305 posts) - - Show Bio
#26 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio
#27 Posted by SpideyIvyDaredevilFan26 (6503 posts) - - Show Bio
#28 Posted by TommytheHitman (3305 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: ...kind of. But if you've been reading his series recently you'd know he's in SpideyIvy's Doomhound universe and tearing stuff up.

#29 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio

What about my stories? Couldn't you check them out? :"(

I'll do one better. I'll give you a review next week. Does the Doomhound series begin with Psycho's judges?

@wildvine: ...kind of. But if you've been reading his series recently you'd know he's in SpideyIvy's Doomhound universe and tearing stuff up.

I don't really keep up. I'll check it out soon.

#30 Posted by SpideyIvyDaredevilFan26 (6503 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine said:

@spideyivydaredevilfan26 said:

What about my stories? Couldn't you check them out? :"(

I'll do one better. I'll give you a review next week. Does the Doomhound series begin with Psycho's judges?

@tommythehitman said:

@wildvine: ...kind of. But if you've been reading his series recently you'd know he's in SpideyIvy's Doomhound universe and tearing stuff up.

I don't really keep up. I'll check it out soon.

Yeah, it begins with Psycho's Judges. :) I also did a Wolf-Man screenplay that is at least worth checking out.

#33 Posted by Delphic (1504 posts) - - Show Bio

bump

#34 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio

Bumper

#35 Edited by SpitfirePanda (890 posts) - - Show Bio

You did a great job of capturing the characters and their relationships. It was a fun read :)

#36 Posted by wildvine (10329 posts) - - Show Bio
#37 Posted by tomdickharry1984 (837 posts) - - Show Bio
#38 Posted by cbishop (8706 posts) - - Show Bio