#1 Posted by joewell (6401 posts) - - Show Bio

Rated M for vilonce, exstream epicness, and the possabliaty that Chuck Norris will come after you.

Disclamer: i own nether Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee or anybody else I use in this story

A long, long time ago when Earth had 8 contadents, and 2 moons, Chuck Norris was sitting at a bar in Algamone( the 8th contadent) when suddenly Bruce Lee walked though the door. He was about to make history, by challenging Chuck Norris to a dual to the death. Bruce went over to Chuck who was sitting there in all his epicness,

Bruce said " Chuck Norris, i challeng you to a dual, TO THE DEATH!!!!"

Chuck was offended by this small man even challenging him, "The mighty Chuck Norris" and laughted. He then grabed Lee by the neck and slung him out the door, then went outside to take him out. Bruce was already up and ready to fight. Chuck tried to punch him but Bruce grab his fist, and threw Chuck into a near by field. Chuck laughted it off. They then ingaged in combat, one throwing punches, the other blocking, and vice versa. Then after about 30 minates Lee landed a upper cut on Chuck. He rocketed in the air, then Bruce jumped up and foght him in aireal combat, but then Norris pulled a move that Bruce Lee didnt exspect, the chin fist! Chuck punched him as he rocketed in to the ground, THEN THRU IT!!! Lee ended up in the earths core, coverd in lava, But yet some how he surrived he jumped out as Chuck was walking away and lunged at him, Lee grabbed him behind the neck and threw him so hard he went around the world 3 times, then Norris hit the ground. Bruce went over to see if Chuck was down and he appeard so, Bruce came closer, then BOOM, Chuck hit him with the chin fist. Chuck jump into the air and round house kicked into the ground. He hit the ground so hard that he blew up the whole contadent( witch was only slightly smaller then Alstralua). Then Chuck followed him tru the ground. They were going so fast that they came out the other side of the earth and went into space, where they landed on the second moon, Laura. They were both bloodyed, scarred, and brused but they could not give up. They looked at each other with pure hatred, this just got personal. With out saying a word they started to fight again. Bruce Lee gave his most powerful punched and Chuck Norris gave his most powerful round house kick and the attacks hit each other! The second moon, Laura, exploded and the combatents came speeding, like a comet, to the ground. They landed some where in the destert. The dust started to clear, only one person was standing, It was..............BRUCE LEE!!!!!!!!!!!! He stould in victory, looking down at Chuck's life less body.

About 1 month later, Bruce was chatting with his friends in japan. They were at a bar, chatting about Bruces fight. Suddenly a knife started to float in the air, Lee could see Chucks Ghost, and he wanted revenge. He doged the first couple slashes, but he couldnt hit the ghost, in time Bruce Lee tired and was stabed to death.

Now, since nether of them could go to hell or heven(they would get in fights and reck the place), they had there own univerce create for them, where they could fight forever, spawning what ever they needed to fight, like a video game with what ever cheats you wanted, but in real life!!! Now only the most BAMFs could go there to fight with them.

The End.

Did you like it? Be brutaly honest. This is my first story and I'm only 12.

#2 Edited by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Well, it is nice to see young writers getting involved with writing. Keep writing and you will improve every word or sentence that you write. Now, the positive note aside, I am one of those people who will not read something when there are too many spelling errors. I may give this story another look over when I have more time. However, I gave the story an edit that should remove the majority of the grammatical errors.

Also, please check out my guide to writing fight scenes, if you have not. It may help you with writing them.

http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/writing-fight-scenes-fan-fic/685520/#10

In addition, I don't want to leave without giving some feedback. One thing that I noticed while reading is that you do a lot of telling and not showing with words. If you showed more, your story will leave the reader with a solid image, which differs from each person. This keeps readers coming back for more and more.

I suggest that you divide the changing of scenery with lines or some form of indication. Sometimes it can be messy for a reader when the location shifts and they are suddenly thrown into the area.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A long, long time ago when Earth had 8 continents, and 2 moons, Chuck Norris was sitting at a bar in Algamone( the 8th continent) when suddenly Bruce Lee walked through the door. He was about to make history, by challenging Chuck Norris to a dual to the death. Bruce went over to Chuck, who was sitting there in all his epic-ness,

Bruce said, “Chuck Norris, I challenge you to a dual, TO THE DEATH!

(Note: Consider rewording this sentence. The laugh seems out of place. Maybe, if you wrote, ",and he laughed." would fix it.) Chuck was offended by this small man even challenging him, "The mighty Chuck Norris" and laughed. He then grabbed Lee by the neck and slung him out the door, then went outside to take him out. Bruce was already up and ready to fight. Chuck tried to punch him, but Bruce grabbed his fist, and threw Chuck into a nearby field. Chuck laughed it off. They then engaged in combat, one throwing punches, the other blocking, and vice versa. Then after about 30 minutes, Lee landed an upper cut on Chuck. He rocketed in the air, then Bruce jumped up and fights him in aerial combat, but then Norris pulled a move that Bruce Lee did not expect the chin fist! Chuck punched him as he rocketed in to the ground, THEN THRU IT! Lee ended up in the earth’s core, covered in lava, yet somehow he survived, and he jumped out as Chuck was walking away and lunged at him, Lee grabbed him behind the neck and threw him so hard he went around the world 3 times, then Norris hit the ground. Bruce went over to see if Chuck was down and he appeared so, Bruce came closer, and then BOOM; Chuck hit him with the chin fist. Chuck jump into the air and roundhouse kicked into the ground. He hit the ground so hard that he blew up the whole continent, which was only slightly smaller than Australia. Then Chuck followed him through the ground. They were going so fast that they came out the other side of the earth and went into space, where they landed on the second moon, Laura. They were both bloodied (Note: Watch out for passive voice), scarred, and bruised, but they could not give up. They looked at each other with pure hatred; this just got personal. Without saying a word, they started to fight again. Bruce Lee gave his most powerful punched, Chuck Norris gave his most powerful roundhouse kick, and the attacks hit each other! The second moon, Laura, exploded and the combatants sped like a comet to the ground. They landed somewhere in the desert. The dust started to clear, only one person was standing, It was..............BRUCE LEE! He stood in victory, looking down at Chuck's lifeless body.

About 1 month later, Bruce was chatting with his friends in japan. They were at a bar, chatting about Bruce’s fight. Suddenly a knife started to float in the air, Lee could see Chucks Ghost, and he wanted revenge. He dodged the first couple of slashes, but he could not hit the ghost, in time Bruce Lee was tired and stabbed to death.

Now, since neither of them could go to hell or heaven, they would get into fights and wreck the place. They had their own universe create for them, where they could fight forever, spawning whatever they needed to fight, like a video game with whatever cheats you wanted, but in real life! Now only the most BAMFs could go there to fight with them.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

P.S. I had no clue if you meant continents or "contandents was something different.

#3 Posted by batkevin74 (10872 posts) - - Show Bio

@joewell: @xxYoungFatexx said:

Well, it is nice to see young writers getting involved with writing. Keep writing and you will improve every word or sentence that you write. Now, the positive note aside, I am one of those people who will not read something when there are too many spelling errors. I may give this story another look over when I have more time. However, I gave the story an edit that should remove the majority of the grammatical errors.

Also, please check out my guide to writing fight scenes, if you have not. It may help you with writing them.

http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/writing-fight-scenes-fan-fic/685520/#10

In addition, I don't want to leave without giving some feedback. One thing that I noticed while reading is that you do a lot of telling and not showing with words. If you showed more, your story will leave the reader with a solid image, which differs from each person. This keeps readers coming back for more and more.

I suggest that you divide the changing of scenery with lines or some form of indication. Sometimes it can be messy for a reader when the location shifts and they are suddenly thrown into the area.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A long, long time ago when Earth had 8 continents, and 2 moons, Chuck Norris was sitting at a bar in Algamone( the 8th continent) when suddenly Bruce Lee walked through the door. He was about to make history, by challenging Chuck Norris to a dual to the death. Bruce went over to Chuck, who was sitting there in all his epic-ness,

Bruce said, “Chuck Norris, I challenge you to a dual, TO THE DEATH!

(Note: Consider rewording this sentence. The laugh seems out of place. Maybe, if you wrote, ",and he laughed." would fix it.) Chuck was offended by this small man even challenging him, "The mighty Chuck Norris" and laughed. He then grabbed Lee by the neck and slung him out the door, then went outside to take him out. Bruce was already up and ready to fight. Chuck tried to punch him, but Bruce grabbed his fist, and threw Chuck into a nearby field. Chuck laughed it off. They then engaged in combat, one throwing punches, the other blocking, and vice versa. Then after about 30 minutes, Lee landed an upper cut on Chuck. He rocketed in the air, then Bruce jumped up and fights him in aerial combat, but then Norris pulled a move that Bruce Lee did not expect the chin fist! Chuck punched him as he rocketed in to the ground, THEN THRU IT! Lee ended up in the earth’s core, covered in lava, yet somehow he survived, and he jumped out as Chuck was walking away and lunged at him, Lee grabbed him behind the neck and threw him so hard he went around the world 3 times, then Norris hit the ground. Bruce went over to see if Chuck was down and he appeared so, Bruce came closer, and then BOOM; Chuck hit him with the chin fist. Chuck jump into the air and roundhouse kicked into the ground. He hit the ground so hard that he blew up the whole continent, which was only slightly smaller than Australia. Then Chuck followed him through the ground. They were going so fast that they came out the other side of the earth and went into space, where they landed on the second moon, Laura. They were both bloodied (Note: Watch out for passive voice), scarred, and bruised, but they could not give up. They looked at each other with pure hatred; this just got personal. Without saying a word, they started to fight again. Bruce Lee gave his most powerful punched, Chuck Norris gave his most powerful roundhouse kick, and the attacks hit each other! The second moon, Laura, exploded and the combatants sped like a comet to the ground. They landed somewhere in the desert. The dust started to clear, only one person was standing, It was..............BRUCE LEE! He stood in victory, looking down at Chuck's lifeless body.

About 1 month later, Bruce was chatting with his friends in japan. They were at a bar, chatting about Bruce’s fight. Suddenly a knife started to float in the air, Lee could see Chucks Ghost, and he wanted revenge. He dodged the first couple of slashes, but he could not hit the ghost, in time Bruce Lee was tired and stabbed to death.

Now, since neither of them could go to hell or heaven, they would get into fights and wreck the place. They had their own universe create for them, where they could fight forever, spawning whatever they needed to fight, like a video game with whatever cheats you wanted, but in real life! Now only the most BAMFs could go there to fight with them.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

P.S. I had no clue if you meant continents or "contandents was something different.

I concur with the above. Also is it dual as in two or DUEL as fighting. Japan needs a capital J. And for a 12yr old, WELL DONE!!

#4 Posted by joewell (6401 posts) - - Show Bio

I can't write

#5 Posted by Referee (7829 posts) - - Show Bio

@joewell: Sorry it took 4 months to respond, I just found the thread for the first time, I loved it. The whole thing was just one good laugh. Now I know nothing about writing so I can't help you there, but i can say kudos on the originality. PM me when you write more.

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