#1 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

Alright guys it's time for the contest of the season. Two people walked into the contest and only one can be crowned the victor. You have until the 7th of December to cast your votes.

<-- The other one from Mass Effect

In the Red Corner we have the Thunder from Down Under, the Boss who sleeps under the Southern Cross, the guy with 74 reasons to write. Batkevin74 (For some reason the images didn't copy over sorry)

2025, Mauna Kea Military Observatory, Hawaii

“Sir…” the young lieutenant at the far desk raised his hand. General Neil Grissom acknowledged and strode over to him on the far side of the NASA listening post.

“What is it son?”

The lieutenant pulled off his head phones and handed them to the general, pointing at the screen “I don’t know sir”

Neil scowled and put on the headphones as he looked at the patch of the universe this young man was “looking after”. The near seventy year old commander listened intently as he looked at the images from the deGrasse-Tyson lunar orbiting radio telescope.

“Sweet Jesus!” he exclaimed near whiplashing himself as he bolted upright.


“Triangulate the signal son, we need confirmation.” Grissom regained his composure “LISTEN UP! Everyone needs to focus upon the Aldebaran quadrant which is…”

“Screen 2841 sir” whispered the lieutenant.

“Screen 2841!” added Grissom “Also as per Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice and the espionage Act of 1917, nobody leaves this room! Colonel!”

An MP at the back of the room snapped to attention “Sir, yes sir!”

“Lock the doors! Every cell phone, blackberry, smart phone, pager is to be collected and destroyed. If any of you have a problem with that,” General Grissom drew his sidearm “Then we will talk about it. Someone get me a line to the President!”

The White House, Washington D.C

Newly elected US President, Antonio Kwai Rubio, stood looking out the window of the Oval Office to the crowds gathered at the fence of his home. He smiled as he looked at the placards and banners, knowing that this honeymoon period would be over soon enough. Like Obama way back in 2009, Rubio was the first of his kind; the first Cuban-Asian President and also the first homosexual in the top job. The fundamental Christians on both the left and right nearly exploded in bigot rage.

“Mr President.”

He took a few moments to realise that the Secret Service agent was talking to him. Antonio smiled his broad smile, the sunlight gleaming behind him giving him an angelic appearance “Yes?”

“Could you come with me please?”

The War Room

President Rubio looked around at the Joint Chiefs and the dozens other gathered in the room. Up on the big screen was General Neil Grissom in Hawaii.

“Aliens? Like little green men?” said the President as he flipped through the phonebook sized stack of papers in front of him.

“We don’t know sir!” replied Grissom “But it’s a definite signal from the Aldebaran quadrant…”

“Which is where exactly General?” interrupted General Keith Brooks, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs.

“If you look at the screen sir, it’s…the large orange star. Located just under…seventy light years away it’s the direction…we launched Pioneer-10 back in 72,” said the General, obviously parroting the information from a scientist off-screen “Pioneer stopped transmitting back in…2003 but it seems due to the plates that…Dr Sagan insisted on putting on the deep space probes...we’ve got a response!”

President Rubio smiled to take his mind of the enormity of the information “If it’s in Klingon, my daughter can decode it.”

“No sir, binary” replied the general, missing the joke “It comes out as 01010111 01100101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00001010 01010111 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110101 01101110 01101001 01101101 01110000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110011 01100101 01100100”

The President look around the room and then back at the general “I can see that general, but what does it mean? I don’t speak binary!”

“We can see you, we are unimpressed”

The whole room went quiet. The president rubbed his forehead “Did...we just get dissed?”


(Notes: Gen. Neil Grissom is a combo of astronauts Neil Armstrong & Gus Grissom.

President Antonio Kwai Rubio is based partially on Marco Rubio, potential US future president and the picture is actually a friend of mine Adam who I asked if I could use his pic. Adam is neither Cuban, Asian, American, homosexual or president to my knowledge, but he does have a daughter and is pretty darn cool :)

Gen Keith Brooks is based on Gen Vincent Keith Brooks a current US Pacific general.

Pioneer-10 was launched in 1972 and the stats about it are factual)

And in the Blue Corner you have the Huntress from your nightmares, the woman who chokes on noodles frequently, the sleep deprived ecologist. Impurest Cheese

The Last Journey of the Cirkel van Liefde

<Status Offline – Awaiting Activation Code>

<Query – Search Directory for Activation Code>

<Response – Activation Code Required – Check Manual for Emergency Activation Code>

<Code Input – E472-FUM1-00QX>

<Code Accepted – IVI (Model 0013) On-line>

<Search Request – Recorded Infractions (11/12/2881 to 11/01/2882 – Sol Standard Calendar)>

<Request Complete – 4 Records Found>

<Accessing Record Log (Most Recent – To Oldest)>

<Report 1 (of 4) – Submitted: 17:38PM 10/01/2882 Submitted by: Martin <No Crew Records Exist> Length of Transmission: - 00:01:58 (H:M:S)>

“This is probably the last transmission to leave the Cirkel van Liefde we are running out of time not to mention ammunition and food. Still if anyone finds this message within the next few hours I urge them to hurry. When we started defensive actions there were eleven of us but now it’s down to me, Jade and Owen. There is some good news, before he died Ian fixed the atmospheric generators and managed to reduce the level of oxygen down to normal ratios. The Orumcek are getting sick and their strength has been reduced down to just ten individuals, the same number of haz-mat suits they have onboard. They come every few hours, testing the perimiter but so far the bridge defence network has stalled any major attack. What, oh right Jade just informed me to talk about the cargo, just for any salvagers who pick up this beacon.”

<Key Storkes can be heard – Logged as Cargo Bay Capicity Scan> - “All Cargo was jettisoned on the 05/01/2882. Unknown vessal retreived all jettiosned supplies.”

“Yeah so our employer Mr Fargo should have got what he ordered. That should mean help will be coming except we all signed contracts that allows him to cut us lose if we get into trouble. Still as soon as I die my daughter becomes a rich woman thanks to the insurance clause that is valid if we die on mission. Used to hate all the paper work but now...well I know we won’t be coming back. Still I’ve got five shots left in my M45 Pistol and a 20% charge in my Energy Cutless, whenI go I’m going to take as many of those eight legged freaks with me.”

<Log Terminated by the Sound of Gunfire – Structual damage to Bridge Terminal>

Report 2 (of 4) – Submitted: 09:23AM 31/12/2881 Submitted by: Martin <No Crew Records Exist> Length of Transmission: - 00:02:19 (H:M:S)

“It’s almost New Years Day but funnily enough the Auld Lang Syne spirit hasn’t reached this bug infested bucket. Today we had a supply drop in the aft shuttle bay as agreed with Mr. Fargo. We’d been doing well recently, holding off the Orumcek despite the problems with the atmosphere generators. Mainly we’ve been using flechette pistols, strobe grenades and the two remaining T77 Chemical Sprayer rigged to deliver a cryogenic blast strong enough to freeze anything in a ten meter radius. There were eleven of us left this morning, all civilians back home which just shows the spirit of our group, a rag-tag band of defenders holding off trained soldiers at least until earlier today. Eleven of us went out to claim the supply package and only four of us left.”

<Five Second Pause - Sound of Running Water is recognized in Background>

“We went in and set up a perimeter when Liam started yelling, turns out he wanted off the boat and had decided that the only to leave was through suicide. And as a member of the clergy he decided that he would offer us all the same salvation. So he strapped a pair of PAGe Bombs under his jacket and waited for the right moment and lifted his arms to start his journey to kingdom cum taking Laura and Chazz with him. As the flash cleared the doors opened up and the Orumcek surged in; Peyton and Hope were cut down immediately and that was when I made the decision, that the food and bullets could wait but if we stayed we’d all be dead. Fortunately the others had come to the same conclusion and bolted, still Elektra and Danny were cut down before they could reach safety.”

<Three Second Pause – Sound of Pump Shutting Down>

“With no food we’re going to lose strength quickly, something the Orumcek don’t have a problem with. Any species that practices ritual cannibalism probably has little qualms about making their dead into a staple part of their diet.”

<Log Terminated due to Power Loss at Aft Water Processing Plant – Please Alert Maintenance Immediately>

Report 3 (of 4) – Submitted: 22:08 PM 21/12/2881 Submitted by: Martin <No Crew Records Exist> Length of Transmission: - 00:02:39 (H:M:S)

“It’s been ten days since the assault started and the ship we’re in, well it looks like it’s been under attack for ten years, virtually nothing is working either due to attrition or sabotage from both sides. There are no real days anymore, just periods of fighting followed by silence something worse then the sound of ion shots or gunfire. I don’t sleep anymore; nobody sleeps anymore not in the constant twilight, not with the Orumcek on the prowl. They have all the advantages; numbers, strength, speed and superior night vision. Hell even the atmosphere is on their side; they supercharged the oxygen content up to around thirty percent to mimic their home world. That’s another reason nobody sleeps, it’s kind of hard to get shuteye when you feel constantly nauseated.”

<Six Second Pause>

“Now it’s time to take stock of what we have on our side, honestly it’s not a lot. Well for starters the super oxygenated environment means conventional firearms are useless although we all still carry a sidearm. Most of us are armed with the AN-45K/A Carbine, a rifle that was built for amphibious operations and fires darts using a gas compressor. We also have two T77 Chemical Sprayers and a XM82 Micro Neutron Gun, both of which would be illegal back in the colonies. Besides that we have grenades; mostly Strobe Grenades because the Orumcek evolved on a world with almost no natural light or M11 ‘Mudpuppy’ Grenades that release a quick sealing adhesive. All that against a species that wrote the book on warfare in these conditions assuming the Orumcek can read or write that is.”

<Two Second Pause – Audible Inhalation>

“Because of that one of my guys; Minerva decided that we should use the enemies’ weapons. Turns out that’s a bad move, the DNA lock keeps us from firing them and the triggers are laced with a gene catalyst. A day after testing Minerva was already mutating, growing the extra eyes and elongated fingers of the enemy. She claimed that her mind was still her own but we didn’t believe her and doctrine states any compromised soldier is to be terminated immediately. We didn’t take chances, one clean cut from an energy sabre and the problem was dealt with. Minerva was an idiot and she died because of that, and because of that her compensation is void. Always did have a thing for ‘the bugs’ claimed we were in the wrong. No is sorry that she’s dead.”

<Terminal Cannibalised – Replacement Data Processor Required before Full Transfer>

Report 4 (of 4) – Submitted: 07:44 AM 15/12/2881 Submitted by: Martin <No Crew Records Exist> Length of Transmission: - 00:01:25 (H:M:S)

“Mr. Fargo wants regular reports from all Cohort Leaders so I guess I’ve got some things to say. First is the dream of coming out here and finding aliens and I mean good looking aliens had been over for decades. Turns out in the grand scheme of things we are the most aesthetically pleasing SOBs out here, and while the other five races are all ugly the Orumcek are the worst. They stand eight feet tall and walk on four legs freeing up two pairs of arms with long venomous fingers to manipulate objects. They have four eyes that glow yellow in the dark placed above, well calling it a mouth would be generous, a maw would be more accurate with long curved fangs. In essence they are spiders on steroids and their ships just reinforce that, elongated and sleek with massive arrays of photo-voltaic panels that can be deployed to form an energy catching web.”

<Extreme Vibration Detected – Locking Terminal for Five Seconds>

… craft was brought aboard and the team was slaughtered in seconds, it was only until the third wave that they got a foot hold. Using that the teams pushed deeper and deeper as the rest of the boarding teams surged in after them. We managed to secure maintenance before the bugs could separate the ship but the controls were to badly damage to deploy the cargo for pick up. Back at work my friends often ask me what I do for Mr. Fargo. I wonder what they would say if they knew I acted as technical support for a gang of pirates.”

<Record End>

<Sending Data to Tegethra and Sol Legal Departments for Analysis>

<Location of Joint Tegethera/Sol Stolen Government Aid – Unknown>

<System Power will Fail in 00:00:10 (H:M:S)>

#2 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio
#3 Posted by cbishop (8980 posts) - - Show Bio

Wow, with only two contestants, it's like picking the next to last kid in a kickball game. Which one will be left standing there in the shame of being picked last? That's as difficult for the picker as the pickee, btw. Now that we've established that...batkev' gets the vote. (Sorry Imp', you're still a heckuva kickball player!) :}

#4 Posted by cbishop (8980 posts) - - Show Bio
#5 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Okay so one for BatKevin. As long as I come second or better I'm fine :-)

<--- At least I'm a better loser then this guy

#6 Posted by cbishop (8980 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: Yeah, that's a pretty sore loser, but I love the pencil thin mustache on that skull. lol

#7 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Yeah that's the Don of the Dead, my new favorite 'I think I'll be a Mexican Gangster despite being a gringo' hitman. Hmm I wonder if he deserves a series of his own...?

#8 Edited by cbishop (8980 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese:My personal feeling is villains never deserve their own series, unless you can keep them as true villains. When they get their own series, it's hard not to make them empathetic, and from there, they become anti-heroes, or worse, villains with a heart of gold. You pulled off Jester's 11 though, so maybe... :)

#9 Edited by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: I'll just settle with making him less of a joke and more of a threat. Just came across an amazing character called Dead Zone who has a lot of potential to be a real badass. If only he wasn't a Moon Knight Foe he might have made it big in the canon already.

<-- Former Serial Killer/Vigilantie + A Botched Execution = This Guy

#10 Posted by batkevin74 (12273 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: Two of us...well I can't vote for me and voting for you in this two horse race isnt a good option, coz if you win by one vote it'll be my one vote you win by...I will watch from the sidelines as this voting round plays out

#11 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Wow cold. I'm giving you my vote because it's the right thing to do. I'm not going to sacrifice my integrity just to get ahead in a two horse race.

#12 Edited by cbishop (8980 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: I'll just settle with making him less of a joke and more of a threat. Just came across an amazing character called Dead Zone who has a lot of potential to be a real badass. If only he wasn't a Moon Knight Foe he might have made it big in the canon already.

I dunno- looks like a Whiplash wannabe. Whips are always cool looking, but it's hard to make them a credible threat amongst a bunch of super powers.

@batkevin74: Gotta go with I'Cheese on this- voting for the other guy is just sporting. "Pays your money, takes your chances," as my history teacher used to say. You don't have enough wins, that you have to stack the deck this time? You'll have other wins, I'm sure, and the prize is only picking the next contest, and hosting it, which frankly is a pain in the arse. lol

#13 Posted by batkevin74 (12273 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: @cbishop: Wasn't intentionally cold just seemed well silly voting for each other (or even yourself) since it is just the two of us...and considering the turnout it may just be our three votes in the thing which is also disappointing.

My vote goes to impurestcheese, the best competition a person could ask for.

Please fellow vine dwellers, read and vote. It's only two stories, you'll be done in 9 minutes which is 9 games of bejeweled blitz or a minute longer than sunlight takes to get from the Sun to Earth or 3 times listening to the radio edit of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida! I'm looking at you @pyrogram and @joshmightbe and @spideyivydaredevilfan26 and @the_poet and @tommythehitman Thank you :)

#14 Posted by Pyrogram (42534 posts) - - Show Bio

Hm.....Impurestcheese. Nice work.

#15 Posted by batkevin74 (12273 posts) - - Show Bio

@pyrogram: Thanks!

And now we gots ourselves a game! Deadlocked on 2 votes a piece! The clock is ticking

#16 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio
#17 Edited by batkevin74 (12273 posts) - - Show Bio
#18 Edited by joshmightbe (25871 posts) - - Show Bio
#19 Edited by lykopis (10868 posts) - - Show Bio

Like usual, this is always so difficult. I read them twice and with just a slight, slight lead I am going with @batkevin74

Seriously -- both of these writers are literary titans on this site. **big applause**


#20 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio
#21 Posted by TheManInTheShoe (3996 posts) - - Show Bio

I vote for @impurestcheese. And the reason is that her story reminded me of Black Science

#22 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio
#23 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

One Day of Voting Left.

#24 Posted by wildvine (10740 posts) - - Show Bio


#25 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio
#26 Posted by wildvine (10740 posts) - - Show Bio
#27 Edited by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: It's going around. I had the same problem with cbishops and themanintheshoe's comments. Couldn't see them at all. Check now and see if you can see the previous comments. Whatever the case it looks like another trip to the bug page.

#28 Posted by CatalinaIC (83 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm voting to Batkevin. His work feels more real and as such I have no problem in believing it. Plus knowing how Impurest 'Witch who types 100 words a second' Cheese churns out stuff like this he probably put in more effort in writing this.

#29 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

@CatalinaIC: Repost or something I can't see what you wrote.

#30 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

@joshmightbe: @cbishop: @pyrogram: @batkevin74: @lykopis: @themanintheshoe: @wildvine: @impurestcheese: @catalinaic: Well it looks like BatKevin takes it. All hail the long time lord of literature. A sincere thank you to everyone who took part in whatever way, I know that in such two way ties are hard to chose a single vote. The sad thing is the future of this kind of thing seems to be unsure at best. That's why if or when Contest #20 comes out I implore everyone who reads to take part. Together we can do anything. Until then I wish you all the best. Once more Many Thanks.

Impurest Cheese

#31 Posted by RazzaTazz (11939 posts) - - Show Bio

I was going to vote for Cheese

#32 Posted by cbishop (8980 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: It's the holidays, so people are probably busy with other stuff. It'll pick back up. Not every Art Forum contest has great turnout either.

Congrats, @batkevin74

#33 Edited by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio

@razzatazz: That's real kind of you Razz but it did arrive after the deadline so as an honour bound host I can't accept. My thanks to you once again, it's great you turned up to participate. There is always the next two way gun fight between me and Batkevin.

#34 Posted by batkevin74 (12273 posts) - - Show Bio

There is always the next two way gun fight between me and Batkevin.

Hmmm you may have inspired the next contest

Thanks for the votes (though we had to pull teeth. Next contest up soon!

#35 Posted by ImpurestCheese (7404 posts) - - Show Bio