Character Creation Contest #9 VOTING THREAD

They called him Agent O, Agent Orange. Working undercover for the US government in Somalia.

The operation was called Op Perspicacity, Beacuse of the nature of the operation.

He was no ordinary man, Hell..Was he even a Man? All the US gov new about this thing was that it had come out of nowhere, turned up at the FBI headquarters and forced them to give him a job...yes - Forced.

Nobody could look this thing in the eyes, he did not even have eyes to look into.

The US scientists had tried to study Agent O, even down to his Quarks - The only thing that was visible was orange, nothing else - Nothing more. He was a universal constant of orange.

-

Agent O walked through the Tundra fields as the sun hit his face, Somila was a desolate location..So much crime and terror. Orange's only mission was to find and kill Mister Blue. He had been tracking him down for over 6 months....He stepped down onto the beach as he followed a trail of blue paint left by the man, If he could he would have let out a smile, this was going to be easy.

He looked around , people were staring at him. Turning his head he was faced with a terrible sight, one that made him fall into the sand in terror - Agent Blue!

He smashed backwards into the sand as he regained his composure. He shot up and attempted a punch to the mans blue face, Agent blue turned into a pile of paint as Orange missed the shot, the paint suddenly turned into a man again, grabbed O from behind as a knife suddenly came out of his stomach and impaled orange in the back. He then vanished into the mist...

Orange was left bleeding orange..nobody would ever know he was bleeding to death..that was the curse of the orange man...his blood was orange..

The end.

…were her first names (seriously). She hated them. She always lived her life to the fullest. She hated that, too.

May sound odd, but the explanation as to why, is simple.

Her parents, a female cat and a bowl of soup (Carpe wound up being, surprisingly, a human with three legs and a fox tail) had wanted a great life for her. That she would lead an exciting life, seize the day. Hence the name, which gave her (names wielder) the power to uncannily, and unlike her fellow humans, take every possible opportunity by the throat, and squeeze it dry.

This meant that ever since her baptism, during all her years of life, she didn`t have a moment of peace, and her life was filled with unpleasant (and pleasant) moments.

During the following years, she, for example:

Skydived 15 times in a row, sang 100 songs on top of a 100 mountains, spent a year in the Tundra, cut off one of her fingers, smashed that finger, walked to school naked, ran away from home thrice and 11 times from school, fornicated with 4 of her clones (dozens seeing her), almost got herself killed in extreme situations for 1006 times, saved 16 people from dangerous situations, ate 7 pounds of ice cream at once (didn`t end well), stylished her own hair 17 times (14 times, it ended with her having a disastrous haircut), rubbed mouse urine to her face, bullied her own reflection, bullied someone elses reflection, joined the army & the navy & the violent caterpillars society & the boy scouts, enlargened a quark (which almost ended the world), had a sex change twice, made an oath to never drink water again (Meaning, anything with water in it. She was wise enough, to take the chance to discard the oath, as soon as she had the possibility to do so.), fathered a jelly bean, juggled her consciousness and two chainsaws at the same time, creted a halo out of meat, swam across the Pacific Ocean, spent 1,5 years alone in space, adopted a cannon, hijacked a fat elephant and did other mad things.

Sure, not all of it was bad. But it really drove her crazy, and being a pessimist, she thought that there was more bad experiences than there were good.

Which is why, she was always angry with her parents. Partly `cause she was a teenager (15 years old) during the time of the following events. Those events, start right about….…now.

“You perspicacity eating porm wranglers!” Shouted Carpe.

“Meouw-hissssss!” Shouted her mother. It means: Language!

“Shut up! I`m sick of you two! You`ve made my life a Dantes Inferno! I hate you both, forever!” She shouted, melodramatically.

“Honey, you know as well as us, that it`s not possible to change ones name. The world would melt.” Said his father, whose voice had always sounded fonetic.

“I don`t care! I`ve tried to pretend that I don`t have a name at all, that I have a different name, that the spell doesn`t have real power…but nothing helps. And I swear that when I get the chance…”

She pulled an orange gun from her pocket.

“…I`ll kill you both. And I just got the chance.” She said, with scary determination sprinkled in to her voice.

"HOLY JESUS IN HEAVEN!" Her parents shouted.

"Sweety...I think you`re overreacting...” Her mom said in cats tongue.

“I donated my stomach to medicine, just because someone asked me to! Then some idiot accidentally dropped it to a cement mixer! I`m a million miles away from over reacting!”

They stood there quietly.

“Bye Mom. Bye Dad.”

Her parents had horror and sadness in their eyes.

She looked at those eyes. The eyes of two lifeforms who had taken such good care of her for 15 years.

Whenever she would do something like sell Ebay on Ebay, they would stop her in time. Whenever she had forgotten to do her homework `cause she just HAD to go to a party, they`d help her with them. Whenever she couldn`t sleep, because something she just HAD to do, had kept her awake, they would spray anesthetic gas to her room. They also did everything that other parents have to do, too.

Because they were her parents. And they loved her. And they also felt guilty because of what they had done to her.

Then Carpe decided that she didn`t wanna kill her parents, `cause she didn`t hate them that much.

She dropped the gun to the floor, and ran away.

She stole a car.

“Come back!” Her father shouted.

But she didn`t. She drove to a cliff.

Climbed out of the car.

She stood on the cliff. There was 50 feet of free fall.

She thought (by using her unfortunately unstable brain): “This life of mine, is way too difficult. I can`t live any longer.”

She said.

“Carpe Diem.”

Snow Job

Siberia

The wind howled across the tundra as two people stood on the flat white permafrost.

“So what did one space duck say to the other space duck?”

Agent Yellow looked up from her telescopic sight and glared at Agent Purple “What have I said about jokes during missions?”

“Give up? Quark! Quark! Quark!” laughed Agent Purple as he popped three pills under his tongue “Get it?”

Yellow went back to her task, ignoring the idiot she often got paired with. She adjusted the scope on the rail-gun and took aim again.

“Are you cold?” asked Purple as he exhaled rings into the air “I just took my orange ones but you…”

“Do you ever shut up Purple?” snapped Yellow as she stood up “I get you’re easily bored, but I’m trying to kill a red headed guy seven kilometres away with an experimental gun! Please!” Yellow returned to her gun. Purple kicked the densely packed ground with his boot, making chok sounds as he dug a hole. Yellow turned from her weapon to glare at him.

“What?” yelped Purple “I’m being quiet!”

Yellow scowled “Well, go be quiet over there”

“Where?” said Purple as he spun in a circle “There is absolutely nothing else around here but snow and flat!”

“Well…” Yellow motioned as one shoos flies “Off you go”

Purple grumbled and trudged off across the flat featureless plain of cold. He shoved his hands into his pockets and fished out more orange pills “Maybe you should take your pills, make you less of a bitch” he muttered

“I HEARD THAT!”

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TOO!”

“SHUT UP!”

Purple threw his hands up in frustration “I want a transfer when we get back”

“KEEP TALKING AND YOU WON’T GET BACK!” yelled Yellow “NOW SHUT UP!”

Purple jumped up and down like a child as Yellow returned to her shot. The wind picked up. Purple looked around, miles and miles of white and flat. He opened his mouth trying to catch a snowflake on his tongue.

“What are you doing?”

Purple screamed. Yellow had somehow snuck up beside him “DON’T DO THAT?”

“Seriously Purple, settle down” warned Yellow “This is an Omega level mission”

Purple threw another pill into his mouth “Operation Perspective”

“Perspicacity” corrected Yellow

“That’s what I said, purse per whatever you said” mumbled Purple

“Did you read the mission brief?” asked Yellow

“Don’t you have a ginger to kill?” sneered Purple as he in return shooed her back to her weapon. Yellow gritted her teeth in anger before heading back to the rail gun. Purple danced around, enjoying his little victory. Yellow took up her position.

“Hey Yellow?”

“WHAT?” she snapped

“What is purse pack animal?” asked Purple

“Perspicacity!”

“Yeah that. What is it?”

“I…have no idea!” said Yellow “Can I just take my shot?”

“Did YOU read the mission brief?” mocked Purple.

“Oh that’s it!” Yellow walked up and clipped Purple across the head “SHUT UP!”

“Hey that hurt!”

Yellow waggled a finger in his face “You think that hurt. You interrupt me again and I’ll shoot you in the face!”

“Okay, okay jeez!” whimpered Purple “Psycho!”

Yellow resumed her position and then looked over at Purple, who put his hands up defensively and then covered his mouth. Yellow returned to her shot adjusting the dial again.

Purple did a handstand and wobbled on his hands across the tundra. He collapsed headfirst in a heap, his mouth filling with snow. He brushed himself off, turned and came face to face with a polar bear. Purple went to scream but the cold from the mouthful of snow locked his throat as the animal, perfectly blended against the environment, rose up on its hind legs towering above him. Purple turned tail and ran, the polar bear in hot pursuit. He ran towards Yellow.

“I warned you!” growled Yellow at the sound of footsteps.

Purple leapt over her as Yellow pulled the trigger. The railgun roared like a demon and the projectile sped off. Yellow looked at Purple who was lying flat on his back looking up at her. She pulled her pistol from her belt.

“I warned you!” yelled Yellow pointing the weapon at him. Purple pointed like an epileptic charade player but Yellow had enough “Any last words Purple?”

“Polar bear” he gasped as the giant arctic creature knocked Yellow’s head clean off like a golfer tee’s off. Purple scrambled to his feet and ran as fast as his orange pill infused legs could carry him, screaming all the way.

Judge Mandy had a problem, she looked at her latest list of middle-aged, male criminals and all of them are repeat offenders. She tried every punishment in the book, community service, rehabilitation, even letting them train puppies for a shelter. She tore her Florida orange hair in anger. She didn't happen to have her stress relieving orange plushie nearby.

“Where is my perspicacity when I need it, Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I need to know.”

She straightened up and thought along the tangent of the thought, “School.”

She gathered all the people on her list and gave them their sentences in short moment.

She bowed her head. “I found out legally that there is a loophole for all of you.”

The inmates instantly celebrated and hugged, high-fived and bumped each other instead of looking to rip each other’s throats and some other places from a few seconds ago.

Mandy wasn't finished, “Your sentences are to help filling the desolate tundra of research in science. Also since you don’t know about research, you’re going back to school.”

The mood of the inmates wound down like a flashlight out of batteries.

Judge Mandy then sent a security team and send them into a bulletproof school bus playing “Staying Alive”. The school looked like a psychotic facility than a school with steel barred windows, 5 meter stone walls and ugly gargoyles for overkill points. The convicts cowered in fear.

8 months later…

Judge Mandy received a report from the Pasnic Research School about the inmates. She burst out laughing after reading.

The project they were in was a survey on favourable smells, we found 50% of them were allergic to flowers, 15% had gagged or swore when whiffing methane, 10% liked smelly shoes and 100% of them didn’t want to repeat the experiment.

For marks, all the inmates failed science with satisfactory marks on other subjects. One memorable response for a science question what is the relationship between p and quarks? had one student howling “I don’t Noooooooo!” with giant teardrops rolling off his face. The teacher has a PhD in Physics from Waterloo.

Judge Mandy wrote a note back. “Hope y’all get better in prison.”

@cbishop THE ENTRY:

“Do you prefer quirks or quarks?”

“Quarks. They're science. Science is knowable. Quirks make people unpredictable.”

“Tundra or Tundro?”

“Oh, no question, Tundro. He's a triceratops with eight legs and a horn that shoots fireballs. What's not to like? Might be best to strand him in the tundra though.”

“Favorite word?”

“Perspicacity.”

“Perspiwhatnow? I can't even say that word.”

“Exactly. That's why I like it. You can't say it.”

“I'm tired of this game.”

“I'm tired of being orange, but I'm not complaining.”

“Bivolvo won't budge, huh?”

“When the Rainbow Raider says he's going to turn you orange, you should believe him.” Flash furrowed his brows, looking at his reflection in the passenger side mirror, still disturbed that he couldn’t see his own reflection, even if it was orange. The change had made him blind to the color orange, so he couldn’t risk moving at super speed, for fear of what he would’t see. He might accidentally plow through a road worker on stop sign duty, or get tripped by traffic cones, or any number of stupid things the Rogues might come up with, to try to use his orange handicap against him. “I think he was just happy his plan worked for once.”

“Wouldn’t you be?” asked Robin. “The guy’s a few party bulbs short of being Doctor Spectro. He does have a sizeable Internet fanbase though – The Rainbow Ravers.” Tim Drake was wheeling the Redbird towards S.T.A.R. Labs, where Cyborg and Emil Hamilton were waiting, hopefully with some ideas on what to do for Flash. Batman was sidetracked with Clayface’s war on “Eel” O’brien, and Nightwing was out of town, tracking down Magpie, of all people. The JLA teleporters were out of commission since Nero attacked the moon, so pretty simply, Wally West needed a ride, and Tim Drake was one of the only heroes he knew who had bothered to get a license.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“I am, but you weren’t sure of it.” Tim grinned. “We’re here. Orange you going to go inside?”

Wally shook his head, as he stepped out of the car. “That the best you’ve got? Grayson’s wit did not come with the costume, I see.”

“Hey, you could’ve had Beast Boy for this trip!” Robin said through the car window. “You two would’ve gone together like peas and carrots!”

Wally groaned. “Terrible. Just terrible.” As he started towards the building, he muttered, “I hope Cyborg and Hamilton have something for me.”

The Redbird honked as it pulled away from the curb. “Later, Carrot Top!” hollered Robin.

West waved over his shoulder. “Never heard that one before,” he sighed, as he ran his orange fingers through his hair.

The desk clerk only gave him one funny look, then recovered himself, and became once again the jaded guard that had seen all manner of super beings pass through the lobby of S.T.A.R. Labs. He was escorted up to Doctor Hamilton’s lab, where Cyborg called out, “Wally!” and waved him over, chuckling only once as he got close.

“What? You got something for me too, buckethead? I figured the way you call Gar ‘Salad Head’ all the time, you’d have something better than Tim’s trys by now.”

Victor Stone winced, and said, “Yeah, that boy can not deliver a punchline. Anyway, my favorite nickname for Gar is ‘Green Genes,’ but it’s true, man: nothing rhymes with ‘orange.’ Sorry to disappoint.”

***

That's it, get voting. May the best orange thing win. Vote for yourself if you wish also if @the_poet or @razzatazz could maybe pin this and put some spoiler/pop-up hidey box things so this isn't a giant page of text, that would be grand