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#1 Posted by Project_Worm (3464 posts) - - Show Bio

Those of you who have wandered into the Artist Show-Off board should have a pretty good understanding about how the Triple C works. For those of you who are not however, allow me to explain. It's pretty simple really, I give you a theme and all of you wonderful writers create a character based on that theme. The winner of this contest will be in charge of starting the next one, so on and so forth... Alright?

Theme:

That's right just make a short story about an original character (Male or Female a Hero or Villain) based around the concept of a NINJA.

To ensure optimal participation and quality: NO STORIES MAY BE SHORTER THAN 150 WORDS OR LONGER THAN 360.

Deadline is October 6th

Good luck!

#2 Posted by Irishlad (589 posts) - - Show Bio

Do we just post it here or what? :P

#3 Posted by Project_Worm (3464 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad: Yessir!

#4 Posted by BlackArmor (6142 posts) - - Show Bio

Cool.

#5 Posted by The Poet (8338 posts) - - Show Bio

This will be an interesting project...

Moderator
#6 Posted by Jonny_Anonymous (33974 posts) - - Show Bio

I will own this...... If I'm not lazy 

#7 Posted by TDK_1997 (14991 posts) - - Show Bio

I may try this.

#8 Posted by Luster77 (137 posts) - - Show Bio

I already got a concept I was working on since grade school. I just might own this or tie or come in at a tight 2nd.

#9 Posted by batkevin74 (11005 posts) - - Show Bio

@Luster77: @TDK_1997: @The Poet: @BlackArmor: @Irishlad: @Project_Worm: Here's my entry 305 words in total, enjoy!

**

The boat gently rocked in the harbour. Robert sat at the far end of the table, his head hung low. His father, the captain of The Ranger, sat eating at the other.

“But why?” asked Robert, his tone a mix of confusion and pleading.

“Because that is how it is Robert” was his father’s stern reply

“Why?”

The cabin went silent, except for the lapping of the waves on the hull and the creaking of the boards. “If you weren’t my son I’d have you flogged for insubordination!”

“I will take my punishment,” said Robert as he looked up at his father “So long as you tell me why?”

The captain grumbled and ran his fingers through his thick black beard. “It is because that is how it is Robert. You cannot be Pope or King either”

“I could!” Robert stood “I could take the crown and become King. I could go to a monastery and learn about God and be Pope! I can learn how to be a doctor or I could even become a painter like mot…” Robert stopped talking as he watched the look wash over his father’s face at the mention of her “I can be anything, you told me that”

The captain looked at his son “Aye, but you can’t Robert. It’s not the done thing”

“Well I’m doing it!”

“NO SON OF MINE IS GOING TO BE A NINJA!” roared the captain as he upended the table in anger “Pirates DON’T become ninja’s!”

Robert stared his father down. He could hear the crew scrambling on deck “Father….Captain. I will be leaving the Ranger to study the ways of the ninja, whether you like it or not”

The captain’s hand clasped his cutlass “Don’t do this Robert”

Robert’s hand slowly went for his own weapon “I’m sorry, but I must”

#10 Posted by The Poet (8338 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: cute

Moderator
#11 Posted by BlackArmor (6142 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Really interesting opening, are you going to take it farther?

#12 Posted by batkevin74 (11005 posts) - - Show Bio

@BlackArmor: Maybe, but since this is just for this comp. Maybe after it's all wrapped and done I might use this and explore Robert's life, world etc

#13 Posted by BlackArmor (6142 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@BlackArmor: Maybe, but since this is just for this comp. Maybe after it's all wrapped and done I might use this and explore Robert's life, world etc

@BlackArmor said:

Cool.

#14 Posted by batkevin74 (11005 posts) - - Show Bio

@The Poet: Thanks :)

#15 Posted by TDK_1997 (14991 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74:It looks pretty good.

#16 Edited by Irishlad (589 posts) - - Show Bio

pffft I might as well give up right now since you're writing xD

#17 Posted by batkevin74 (11005 posts) - - Show Bio

@TDK_1997: Thanks man

@Irishlad: :) Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I dare's you to enter! Hell everyone should enter! I don't want to be the only entry thus winning by default...that's a hollow victory and will give me a complex.

#18 Edited by Irishlad (589 posts) - - Show Bio

My turn 356 words, try to enjoy :P

I still remember her tears dampening my vest as she gasped for breath, trying to utter the name of the one who took her from me "G...G" Her eyes shuddered as she fell back. It was as if she was sleeping, but I could never wake her up, as much as I shook, as much as I prayed or screamed there was no sound, no movement....no hope. For 5 years and 27 days I'd jailed my emotions, the only hope I knew now was for the man who killed her to die, and as I crouched behind the door peeping in the key hole , I cracked a crooked smile as he sat swinging in his chair,gazing at the ceiling. I clicked open the door quietly as I snuck into the shadows,I could have kicked the door,but I was a shinobi that wasn't how I was taught. I had been planning this moment in my dreams ,in my nightmares in every second of every day. I could feel my heart racing with each step,"just two steps more" I reminded myself,squeezing the blade tightly."Don't do it" a voice in my head screamed "I MUST" I screamed back as the man turned from his chair with a grin"It's a funny game life" I swiped across his throat causing the blood to spatter and dampen my vest, just as her tear did.I sit rocking on my chair, 60 years since that day and as the wrinkles carried wisdom I can't help but feel the voice was right.Killing the man did not make up for her,because he was nothing and she was everything.Can you forgive me God? is the question I ask every night as I gaze up into the stars.Will I get to see her beauty again or will I see the mans cold harsh smile laughing at me as my punishment for revenge.I can feel the shockwaves erupting through my chest "What is my Destiny?" I whisper " "Life can be funny" God whispers back as I push down the handle to enter the afterlife of the unknown.

#19 Posted by Jonny_Anonymous (33974 posts) - - Show Bio
@Irishlad: nice and cryptic :) I'll be posting mine tomorrow 
#20 Posted by tomdickharry1984 (837 posts) - - Show Bio

I am one of the million nameless studo ninjas used by Holywood and chinese cinema in action films. I have died countless times. You may recognize my work, you may not...you probably wont...you dont care. Your interestd in jet li and Jacky CHan, not the guy on the left who getz a sword to the eye!!! But its a living

#21 Posted by Jonny_Anonymous (33974 posts) - - Show Bio

LOL

#22 Posted by TDK_1997 (14991 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad:It's interesting.

#23 Posted by batkevin74 (11005 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad said:

"Life can be funny" God whispers back as I push down the handle to enter the afterlife of the unknown.

That's (cute's not the right word, but its apt) really good! Reflection upon taking a life, very good stuff

@tomdickharry1984 said:

I am one of the million nameless studo ninjas used by Holywood and chinese cinema in action films. I have died countless times. You may recognize my work, you may not...you probably wont...you dont care. Your interestd in jet li and Jacky CHan, not the guy on the left who getz a sword to the eye!!! But its a living

Short, funny (you really need to work on your spelling and grammar) but cool

#24 Edited by BlackArmor (6142 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad: awesome short, it was pretty engaging

#25 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

Here's my entry. 357 words:

Being a ninja isn't all that. The people you work for are jerks, and talk to you like you're nothing, even though you could rip their heart out with the right punch, or cut their head off in an eye blink. They all think they're these evil grandmasters, moving ninjas like pawns against their enemies, when all they are, really, are some spineless cowards who want someone else dead, but don't have the guts or the skills to do it themselves. Yet they expect you to act with honor, because that's what they've seen in a hundred martial arts movies, or they think we're all bound by the mores of a culture that's thousands of years old. Give me a break.

The martial arts are part of our way of life, and I took to kung fu, because frankly, I liked the idea of being able to whip some ass. Turned out I was really good at kung fu. Also turned out I whipped ass on the wrong self important, self entitled bully one day, and he came back with a band of friends late in the night - some biker boy, Yakuza wannabes - and wiped out my entire family in retaliation. Missed me though, because I was with the bully's sister - the reason we had been fighting to begin with. Got back just in time to see them retreating into the darkness on a bunch of Yamahas.

So I buried my family, sold what was left of their holdings to interested buyers in Kyoto, and I went to the real Yakuza, offered all of my money to the biggest boss I could get to, and told him all I wanted in return was to be put in touch with some ninjas. He laughed, but amazingly enough, he arranged the meeting. I told them I wanted to be a ninja. They laughed, and then one of them tried to kill me. Like I said, I'm really good at kung fu, so one dead ninja later, and I started learning ninjitsu, and I've killed a lot of people since then. Just not the one I want.

#26 Posted by batkevin74 (11005 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

I whipped ass on the wrong self important, self entitled bully

Very nice, actions have consequences. Good story

#27 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

Very nice, actions have consequences. Good story

Thanks. Liked yours too - ends on a good cliffhanger. There's a few good entries. This'll be an interesting vote.

#28 Posted by Project_Worm (3464 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump?

#29 Edited by VyseCarma (259 posts) - - Show Bio

United States of America Agency: CIA.

Agent Name: Jericho Adoms

Code Name: Cold Case

Case #183-322117

The shadows hid me, they always do, even in my light blue clothing. Tip from my mother, "Always work in the dead of night," thanks, Mom. Even in the busiest city in China, they can't see me at midnight if I hug the shadows. Rooftops are my greatest love, and I jump lazily from one lover to the next, Highschool all over again.

The target is some where ahead, in the tall building covered in gaurds that don't quite fit with the locals. At least I always get the fun jobs, anti-American terror cell not even the Chineese want in their country. Normally they'd care for this problem themselves, but they don't want the blood on their hands. Fine by me.

The first to gaurds are quick, clean, and silent, I still have kunai for this reason alone. Move passed, work my way up the stairs, hugging the walls. Two more gaurds coming down the stairs, AK's tucked under their arms. I wait for the first to pass and leap for the second, knocking him over the railing. The first turns to me, weapon raised, he manages to get a few rounds off before I move in close and stab him in the neck.

Thats my que to move before more gaurds come. I'm dashing up the stairs when the idea hits me. Elevator is faster.

Must have been an odd sight when the elevator doors swung open with no one inside, at least until I tossed the flash bang out from my hiding place, holding the roof by the way. The flash went off and I stepped out, well more of flipped out and rolled. Two kunai to the first gaurd, one to each of the others.

Then the man himself, cowering under his desk, didn't even bother to grab the pistol laying on it. Two rounds to the skull, like I was ordered. The Chineese police are looking into it, but I think the case will go cold.

#30 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@VyseCarma: Nice. My only quibble: what about this character marks him as a ninja? The blacked out bits ID him as a CIA assassin.

#31 Posted by batkevin74 (11005 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

@VyseCarma: Nice. My only quibble: what about this character marks him as a ninja? The blacked out bits ID him as a CIA assassin.

The redaction bits don't quite work for me but the dialog is good. Is it Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat who is the cold case?

#32 Posted by VyseCarma (259 posts) - - Show Bio

: Mainly the way I have him all drawn out in my mind, he works silently, and his out hit looks like a mix between the classic ninja and Raziel (Legacy of Kain)

: Cold Case is an original Character from the comics I've been trying forever to write DISC and he's the top assassin in the CIA. I wrote a little bit for DISC #3 Here on CV called "Who is Cold Case?" but it really didn't get any views so I gave it the drop and started working on other things while I work out the kinks in the 60 odd issues I have written up.

#33 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad: @tomdickharry1984:

@batkevin74 said:

The redaction bits don't quite work for me but the dialog is good. Is it Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat who is the cold case?

Ah, "redacted." That was the word I couldn't think of. :) I liked it okay - it was sort of an added coolness that you could highlight over them, and read what was redacted. Made it feel like the reader was getting a peak at the top secret stuff they aren't supposed to know. Nice way to take advantage of the medium.

@VyseCarma said:

: Mainly the way I have him all drawn out in my mind, he works silently, and his out hit looks like a mix between the classic ninja and Raziel (Legacy of Kain)

: Cold Case is an original Character from the comics I've been trying forever to write DISC and he's the top assassin in the CIA. I wrote a little bit for DISC #3 Here on CV called "Who is Cold Case?" but it really didn't get any views so I gave it the drop and started working on other things while I work out the kinks in the 60 odd issues I have written up.

It's cool that you've put so much work into Cold Case, but having it drawn out in your mind doesn't cut it, if you can't get it in front of the reader. The goal of this contest is to present readers with a ninja in 360 words or less. You gave us a decent character with a cool name, but nothing about the scene says "ninja." In the context of the contest, the reference to the belt full of knives made me think, "That must be the ninja influence," but had I read it outside of the contest, I would have assumed this was an assassin with a heavy use of bladed weapons.

Please don't misunderstand me. I read a scene that made me want to know more about Cold Case. In that, you did excellent. I just don't see the connection to ninja, in this scene specifically. I wouldn't mind seeing you tweak the entry to make it a stronger contender.

Batkev' did an excellent job of immediately giving us a multi-layered history to his characters - names, family history as pirates, the son's desire to become a ninja, and a cliffhanger that makes you want to know how that fight's going to come out. Frankly, I think Batkevin74 might have the edge on us, this contest.

Tomdickharry1984 did an amazing job of making me want to read more, to find out about the character, in very few words (in fact, I'm wondering if he met the minimum count requirement). I came away with the distinct impression he fired that off of the top of his head, and with further effort, he could walk away with something very cool.

Irishlad gave a unique perspective, telling the defining and final moments of a ninja's life. The distinct difference between that scene and the Cold Case scene being that he mentions his training as a shinobi. Without that, the character wouldn't have necessarily said "ninja" to the reader. Both his and TDH84's entries are cool, but need serious grammatical tweaking.

For my own scene, I intentionally didn't name the character - I didn't want to waste the word count. I wanted to get as much origin backstory in there as I could, conveying as much of the character's attitude as possible. I was going for modern sensibility in an ancient profession. Personally, I think I may have fallen a little short on it, but I'm okay with that. The word count restriction was my biggest challenge (as this lengthy reply may have indicated by now) and I met that, so I feel good about it.

I'm trying to oil some rusty writing gears here, so I don't really expect a home run right out of the gate. I just want to get done with this contest, and see what the next one is going to be. It's been a long while since I participated in online writing challenges, and it's always a kick. The (mostly) instant feedback you get on the 'Net is helpful too (as long as it's constructive, and not combative).

This is going to be fun.

#34 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@Jonny_Anonymous said:

I will own this...... If I'm not lazy

@Jonny_Anonymous said:

@Irishlad: ...I'll be posting mine tomorrow

@TDK_1997 said:

I may try this.

@Luster77 said:

I already got a concept I was working on since grade school. I just might own this or tie or come in at a tight 2nd.

Hey, folks - just wanted to say I hope you enter. The more entries to vote on, the more interesting these contests will be. And everyone needs feedback on their writing, no matter how good or bad it is. This can be fun. I honestly want to hear what everyone has to say about the stuff I write, and I will give honest feedback in return. If I think it's cool, I'll say so, and if I think it needs work, I'll say so and why. Writing's a constant development. I hope you all jump in on this.

@Project_Worm said:

Bump?

And hey, Mr. He-Who-Started-This, are we going to be seeing an entry from you? ;)

#35 Edited by VyseCarma (259 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: I've no problems with that analysis, I had alot of points in my head, that I'd like to do, but can't in 360 words. I like to write and I got lost in the writing, I knew the second I clicked post it was going to be WAY off from what was wanted, but you can delete something already posted but chances are its already been read so I just left it.

#36 Posted by batkevin74 (11005 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

@Jonny_Anonymous said:

I will own this...... If I'm not lazy

@Jonny_Anonymous said:

@Irishlad: ...I'll be posting mine tomorrow

@TDK_1997 said:

I may try this.

@Luster77 said:

I already got a concept I was working on since grade school. I just might own this or tie or come in at a tight 2nd.

Hey, folks - just wanted to say I hope you enter. The more entries to vote on, the more interesting these contests will be. And everyone needs feedback on their writing, no matter how good or bad it is. This can be fun. I honestly want to hear what everyone has to say about the stuff I write, and I will give honest feedback in return. If I think it's cool, I'll say so, and if I think it needs work, I'll say so and why. Writing's a constant development. I hope you all jump in on this.

@Project_Worm said:

Bump?

And hey, Mr. He-Who-Started-This, are we going to be seeing an entry from you? ;)

Well said! Any stories ready to launch in the next 4 days ???

#37 Posted by Project_Worm (3464 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: @batkevin74: A story from me? Possibly it's up in the air right now...

@VyseCarma: It's understandable. 360 words sounded like more in my head.

#38 Edited by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@VyseCarma said:

@cbishop: I've no problems with that analysis, I had alot of points in my head, that I'd like to do, but can't in 360 words. I like to write and I got lost in the writing, I knew the second I clicked post it was going to be WAY off from what was wanted, but you can delete something already posted but chances are its already been read so I just left it.

360 words was a problem for me too - I totally get that. You can edit what you post though. ;) [bottom right corner of your post]

edit: I'm just going on about it, because I like your post, and think it would be served well by an edit. ;)

#39 Posted by Project_Worm (3464 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

@VyseCarma said:

@cbishop: I've no problems with that analysis, I had alot of points in my head, that I'd like to do, but can't in 360 words. I like to write and I got lost in the writing, I knew the second I clicked post it was going to be WAY off from what was wanted, but you can delete something already posted but chances are its already been read so I just left it.

360 words was a problem for me too - I totally get that. You can edit what you post though. ;) [bottom right corner of your post]

edit: I'm just going on about it, because I like your post, and think it would be served well by an edit. ;)

Totally, I'll be reposting all of these on the voting thread. It'll give people the chance to reread all the stories and allow only the finished drafts to be voted on.

#40 Posted by VyseCarma (259 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm said:

@cbishop said:

@VyseCarma said:

@cbishop: I've no problems with that analysis, I had alot of points in my head, that I'd like to do, but can't in 360 words. I like to write and I got lost in the writing, I knew the second I clicked post it was going to be WAY off from what was wanted, but you can delete something already posted but chances are its already been read so I just left it.

360 words was a problem for me too - I totally get that. You can edit what you post though. ;) [bottom right corner of your post]

edit: I'm just going on about it, because I like your post, and think it would be served well by an edit. ;)

Totally, I'll be reposting all of these on the voting thread. It'll give people the chance to reread all the stories and allow only the finished drafts to be voted on.

If I click edit can I just rewrite the whole thing?

#41 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@VyseCarma said:

If I click edit can I just rewrite the whole thing?

Yep. :)

#42 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm said:

Totally, I'll be reposting all of these on the voting thread. It'll give people the chance to reread all the stories and allow only the finished drafts to be voted on.

Cool. I'm all done. Although...I've never thought to ask this before, because this is the first contest I've participated in, but can we enter more than once?

#43 Posted by VyseCarma (259 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: I'll have to do that today

#44 Posted by Project_Worm (3464 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: What do you mean? Like enter more than one story per contest?

#45 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm said:

@cbishop: What do you mean? Like enter more than one story per contest?

Yeah. By the time I get your response, the deadline will be up for this one, but it would be good to know for future reference. I think it would make things a little messy, but it could be interesting. Thought I'd ask, since I was thinking about it. I think there should be a condition that the multiple entries not be connected though, so that they stand (or fail) on their own.

#46 Posted by Project_Worm (3464 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

Yeah. By the time I get your response, the deadline will be up for this one,

You don't give me enough credit man :P

I think it would make things a little messy, but it could be interesting. Thought I'd ask, since I was thinking about it. I think there should be a condition that the multiple entries not be connected though, so that they stand (or fail) on their own.

No, I think one per "contestan" is fine. Like you said it could get messy, this way everything is nice and even. Know what I mean?

#47 Posted by cbishop (8740 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm said:

@cbishop said:

Yeah. By the time I get your response, the deadline will be up for this one,

You don't give me enough credit man :P

Nah, wasn't like that. I was thinking I wouldn't be back on until the 6th. Late night work schedule.

@Project_Worm said:

I think it would make things a little messy, but it could be interesting. Thought I'd ask, since I was thinking about it. I think there should be a condition that the multiple entries not be connected though, so that they stand (or fail) on their own.

No, I think one per "contestan" is fine. Like you said it could get messy, this way everything is nice and even. Know what I mean?

I do. That's probably best.

#48 Posted by Strafe Prower (11887 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm: Here is mine! It's my first attempt at fan-fiction, so be nice! It's 201 words.

Glamour is for the Fortunate

What am I? The steel blade sliced through the air with a quick motion as crimson drops splattered on his clothes. A loud thud rung through his ear drums as he lowered his deadly weapon. Why am I doing this? He bowed his head in reverence as he cleaned his blade with the small silk cloth. He only wished that something could do the same for him. I want something more. The man stood erect over the cold dead pieces of his last opponent. The poor fool didn't have a chance.

I have to stop this. The man frowned behind the black mask that sat gently on his cheeks. He grew tired of the bloodshed and violence. He yearned for something more. There is no point. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked to the sky. His destiny was as clear as the tears welling in his hazel eyes. Bitterness was the only emotion present in his posture.

His face was worn with the pain and regrets of battle. The life of a solider is hard, but it must be done for the good of those he holds dear. Doubting that fact shows only weakness. Everything comes at a price....

#49 Posted by Irishlad (589 posts) - - Show Bio

That was very good for your first try you should try writing other fan fic stories could be cool.

ONE MORE DAY! :D will there be a 1st 2nd and 3rd? or just 1st?

#50 Posted by Project_Worm (3464 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad: Just 1st there aren't many things the runner up could win..