#1 Edited by poze (223 posts) - - Show Bio

Hello new story new universe! I'm sorry for my not perfect English and that's really short,but I hope you like it and I'd love to hear some feedback and critics and pleas comment!



It was raining through the holes in the roof,the rain droops felt in my flaming hands.I looked my opponent in the eyes he got a catfish like head.But suddenly he lifted his hand at me and shoot a blue energy wave at me I dodged it and threw a card at which started to burn in my hands,the card stuck in the old wall behind him.I ran at him and hit his fish face with my flaming fist;he flew against the wall next to the card which exploded just after that.It seemed that like he wasn't even hurt!I looked at him surprised but then he disappeared and reappeared in front of me and hit my nose which started too bleed! Then he grabbed my neck and tried to throw me to the ground but I have him another punch in the guts.Then I clapped in my hand to release a giant fire wave at him ,he protected him self with his hands after that he put his hand down opened his mouth and shoot a beam at me! It hit my stomach and I felt on the ground my belly was open! My enemy grabbed my neck and tear me out of the abandon't house and threw me in the woods!

It can't end like this!!!

#2 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

Nice. I would suggest making it a but longer, though, and add more dialogue.

#3 Posted by poze (223 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53: yes but part 1 will be different

#4 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53 said:

Nice. I would suggest making it a but longer, though, and add more dialogue.