Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio
DateIssueTitleViewRead the...
08/09/131st Issue Special #3Batman: Terrible Sadness(Blog) (Forum)Disclaimer
RatingRating Explanation
MFor gun violence.
Last Issue: Flash Color Me Humiliated
Intro:<deep breath> Well, here it is. My first foray into the Fan-Fic forum, without posting in the Character Creation Contest first. It feels...good. Here's hoping you enjoy it as well. -cb

And now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Batman: Terrible Sadness~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gotham City, May 16, 1927

A man and woman strolled arm-in-arm through the affluent Park Row neighborhood, a young boy hopping back-and-forth before them, gesturing excitedly, as he told them his favorite parts of the movie they had just seen- The Bat. “…And the teeth that went warglhargawarlh, wiggling everywhere when he talked!” He giggled as he waggled his fingers in front of his mouth, imitating the teeth on The Bat’s rubber mask. “And the cape, and the mask with the big bat ears! And the way he stole the money, but only from the other badguys! And…” the boy shuddered, “…the way he killed them. Oo, he was scary.”

His mother raised an eyebrow and smiled at him knowingly, as they turned down the alley to go to their car on the next street. “Scared you, did it?” She winked at her husband, and he chuckled back.

“Oh, yeah,” the boy replied, spinning in front of his parents as they walked. “I mean, he had that...” Mid-spin, he bumped into a man in the alley, and finished with “…gun,” as he stumbled backwards.

The man he had bumped into gave him an overexaggerated smile, full of yellow teeth, and said, “Heyyy, kid.” He then pulled a gun from his belt and asked, “Did it look like this?

The boy’s eyes grew wide, and his father yelled, “Bruce!”

“He’ll be doin’ just fine, if you hand over your wallet. Make it quick!”

“Thomas?” said the woman, a bit frightened.

Thomas put one hand on his wife’s arm, while reaching for the wallet in his inside coat pocket. “Fine,” he assured the gunman. “Take it. Nobody wants any trouble.”

“I’ll take that watch too, while you’re at it,” he demanded, licking his lips in anticipation.

“Fine. No problem,” said Bruce’s father, without hesitation.

Looking at Bruce’s mother, he added, “The pearls too, lady. Hand ‘em over.”

“Oh!” declared the woman, her hands instinctively covering her necklace.

“Now, lady!”

Her hands shook. Looking at her husband nervously, she said, “Thomas?”

“Give him your pearls, Martha.”

Now, lady!” The man jumped at her impatiently, grabbing for the pearls, knocking Bruce down in his haste, and then everything happened at once. Martha screamed, Thomas lunged for the gunman, the pearls snapped and clattered on the pavement, and then there was a thunderclap.

Time froze.

Martha stiffened in fear, and Thomas teetered between her and the gunman, who was now muttering, “Nonononononono…”

Thomas gripped his chest, looked down haltingly at the blood that seeped between his fingers, and then over the gunman’s shoulder at Bruce, who just stared in wide-eyed horror. He tried to turn to look at Martha, but collapsed.

Martha still stood ramrod straight, looking down at her dead husband, her arms moving stiffly at the elbows, in time with her shocked gasps, which were rapidly increasing to hyperventilation.

The gunman was frantic now, “Don’t scream. Don’t scream, don’t scream. Don’tscreamdon’tscreamdon’t…”

Just then, Bruce ran up from behind, and kicked the man in the ankle. Flailing at the man’s back, he hollered, “Don’t you hurt my mom!” The gunman hopped twice from the kick, spun and backhanded Bruce, knocking him several feet backwards.

Then Martha screamed. Thunder followed.

“MOOOMMMMM!” wailed Bruce.

“I told her not to scream! I told her not to scream! ItoldherItoldherItoldher…”

Bruce yelled in primal rage, scrambled to his feet, and charged the gunman. The killer looked at him dumbfounded, then pointed the gun. Thunder again.

Long minutes passed.

Bruce lay on his back, looking straight into the night sky, breathing laboriously, eyes darting back-and-forth, head not following. He heard shouts in the distance, then sirens, then barely, somewhere behind him, a flutter, like wings. Perhaps an angel was coming to save him? He heard a light scritch and tapping somewhere near his head. In too much shock to feel the pain, Bruce shakily craned his head to the right and as behind him as he could manage.

There was another flutter, and a large black bird landed in front of him, pecked the ground, then looked at him. It cawed loudly. Bruce blinked at the bird, his head rocking slightly with the effort of his still labored breathing. The bird’s head twitched to one side, then the other, it’s eyes never seeming to leave his. Bruce felt himself slipping away, and as his eyes began to close, he was sure he heard a voice say, “It’s not death if you don’t accept it.”

Please let me know what you think, and thanks! -cb
#1 Edited by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio
#2 Posted by batkevin74 (10816 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Excellent!

And if this is what I think it is, by the cryptic ending and strategic picture on the right of screen, you may be combining two excellent ideas, lets see if 1) I'm right 2) you pull it off!

#3 Edited by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: :} I have my doubts, to be honest. It is most likely what you're thinking, and I really don't know if I can pull it off or not. Where it stands now, there are serious hurdles for him to overcome to still be the hero. I've thought many of them through, but at the moment, this is as much as I've got, which is why it's posted as one of my "1st Issue Special" one-shots, instead of as "Batman: Terrible Sadness #1." I definitely want to write more, so we'll see what happens.

#4 Posted by evilvegeta74 (4530 posts) - - Show Bio

nice

#5 Edited by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio
#6 Posted by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio

This is written so beautifully -- even though I knew what was coming up I just read on, eyes unblinking, possibly not breathing judging by how dry my mouth is right now.

Lovely.

#7 Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis: Aw, thanks lykopis. I know it's kind of "The Waynes die again," but I'm hoping that the ending is what will get people. :)

#8 Edited by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio
#9 Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio
#10 Edited by ImpurestCheese (5135 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: I will admit I know almost nothing about Batman but I know good writing when I see it. :-)

#11 Edited by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio
#12 Posted by batkevin74 (10816 posts) - - Show Bio
#13 Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: I haven't forgotten. I've just been busy the last couple of weeks. I'm just hoping to get my CCC entry done this week! :}

#14 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1673 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: This is very, very good. An interesting blend of Batman and The Crow (it is the Crow right? Or I've totally missed the point) Have you done any more? I'll look but it's easier if you tell me. Good job!!

#15 Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson: Thanks. This is a personal favorite, and yes, it's Batman and the Crow. No other chapters exist yet...I was sort of interrupted by my own grief, and other real life stuff. I do hope to get back to it though.

#16 Posted by BumpyBoo (9425 posts) - - Show Bio

Very nicely done mate! I do hope you pick this back up at some point :) Also, very sorry to hear of the circumstances you mention above that prevented you from doing so.

Moderator
#17 Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: Thanks. :) ...As far as the grief goes, it's part of life. I'm not wrecked by it, but it has slowed me down a little. I'll be alright. I always appreciate the kind words. ;)

#18 Posted by kfhrfdu_89_76k (3762 posts) - - Show Bio

Either those pearls were REALLY important, or Martha Wayne is kinda of a horrible person in this version. Or maybe it was the shock. Sorry if I seem like a (expletive deleted), based on that comment.

I could follow the action in this one well. I also like the twist ending.

SPOILER REGARDING FLASHPOINT: BATMAN!

SPOILER!

SPOILER!
SPOILER!

Sure, it was done in Flashpoint: Batman before, but not on Bruces POV.

Did you get the idea before it, or based the story on it, slightly?

The last sentence got my imagination running.

#19 Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio

@kfhrfdu_89_76k: Martha's hesitation was intended to be due to shock, but for some reason, I have caught flack from several people over it. It's like everyone wants their female characters to be strong like Lara Croft. I thought it was a normal reaction for someone who would probably be insulated from that kind of street level crime at most times.

I haven't read Flashpoint: Batman, so I'm not sure what you're saying was done there. Do you mean they killed Bruce? I've had this idea for years, since before The Crow: Stairway to Heaven stopped airing on the now defunct UPN network.

This whole chapter was a calculated risk. It's really just "Ho hum, the Waynes die again, been there, read that like twenty times now." I was willing to risk that reaction, hoping that Bruce getting shot would shake the apathy for that scene just enough to make the ending wow readers. That seems to have worked a little, so I'm happy with the outcome.

Now, if I can just keep it good in following chapters...whenever I can get back to it. :}

#20 Posted by kfhrfdu_89_76k (3762 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop:

Not one of those peeps. But, since you didn`t write something like "Martha was in a state of shock", the reader can`t be certain why story has a part like that. But, since it was due to shock, I can appreciate it.

Yeah, that`s what happened in it.

More chapters...hm. Not a bad thing, really. This works fine (for me) as a done in one, too.

#21 Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio

@kfhrfdu_89_76k: I kind of like it as a one-shot as well- kind of the way the Amalgam one-shots gave this suggestion of further story, without ever intending to follow up on it. Still, I had intended for there to be more chapters, but I got stalled. I do have reservations about whether or not I can deliver anything as awesome as what the reader's imagination might dwell on, after that last line.

#22 Posted by kfhrfdu_89_76k (3762 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop:

Wanna know what I thought of, or would you be intimidated by what I came up with?

#23 Posted by cbishop (8253 posts) - - Show Bio

@kfhrfdu_89_76k: No. Our ideas are too often similar. Wait until I've posted another chapter (whenever that is) and tell me if it was close. ;)

#24 Posted by kfhrfdu_89_76k (3762 posts) - - Show Bio