#1 Edited by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

Rated Teen for some language and violence.

Johnny Blazer : Chapter One

Johnny sat up, alone, on his double bed. He scratched his head and propped his feet on the ground, steadily. His alarm clock read 5:00 AM. Johnny yawned and was amazed at how time went by so fast when he was asleep. He felt like drifting back to the comforts of rest again.... it was tempting.... but Johnny knew he couldn't do that today. This was the day he had been waiting for for years. Johnny slowly walked to his alarm clock and turned it off. He then walked to his bathroom and quickly brushed his teeth. He took a shower, which shook off his sleepiness, and definitely refreshed him. Johnny, now dried off and in his street clothes, opened his closet and gazed at it for a second. He swiftly threw away a tuxedo suit, a relaxed set of jeans, and a T-Shirt. Under the heap of worthless clothes, was his bright and vivid set of spandex he had used months of his time to create. It was a costume with a huge, fiery J in the center of the chest area. A circle surrounding it was colored blue. The entire rest of the spandex suit was in a black, except for each arm/leg joints which was colored yellow. The helmet was also black, with a yellow top and small slots for the eyes. Johnny took a deep breath and put the spandex suit on. Johnny felt like a new person in the suit...... and he felt relieved. He knew now, at this moment, that his years of martial arts training would pay off. All his blood, sweat, and tears would not be in vain. He would now avenge his wife.

Johnny remembered the exact day his wife perished. It was on a Saturday, at dusk. They were walking in the park, and they were having fun. They were playing with their son, Timmy. The day had been very energetic, like an Olympic athlete in a race. Jenny, his wife, had just brought ice cream for his son, and they were heading for their car. Johnny noticed a dark, shady figure in the corner of his eye. "It's nothing. Just a homeless person probably," he thought. He had just entered the car, and Jenny had buckled Timmy up in his seat. His 7 year old son gleamed as he licked his vanilla ice cream cone. "I like ice cream!," he exclaimed. Johnny laughed and nodded. "I'm sure you do bud!" Jenny had closed the door and smiled at Johnny. "Let's go home now." But before Johnny could even step on the pedal, a man in his late 40's, with a beard and wearing a trenchcoat pounded on Jenny's window, carrying a gun. "DON'T DRIVE AWAY OR I'LL SHOOT!" the man said, whose voice was muffled by the window. He was waving around a Revolver of some sort, and kept tapping on the window. The both of them were obviously in shock. "Uh- Uh..... unroll the window honey. Just give him all the money we have..." Jenny nodded and unrolled the window, but as soon as she did so, the man punched her, and put his arm in to reach for the handle. "NO, GET OFF MY WIFE!" Johnny screamed. He tried grabbing the Revolver, tried tugging it, sinking his nails into his hand;anything to release the man's grasp of the weapon. But he failed. The man screamed in pain and accidentally pulled the trigger, causing a fatal shot to his wife. "Oh shit!" said the thug. His eyes widened in horror, as his wife started pouring blood from her chest. The street thug quickly dropped the Revolver and ran away, his footsteps pounding on the pavement..... his son's screams ringing in the night. "Oh my god... honey... this is all my fault!" exclaimed Johnny. "Don't.... blame yourself.... Johnny.... it... it isn't your fault....." Jenny's eyes rolled back as she took her last breath. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Johnny's screams filled the night air for hours.

Johnny's tears trickled down his red, puffy cheeks, which soon turned to slanted eyebrows and grinded teeth in anger. "I won't let you down." Johnny snatched his binoculars on his desk and peered through the window, with his newfound and increased vision. He scanned the night street for any hostile thugs of any sort. He found nothing, searching for hours, until he finally found a bald, chubby man in a jacket and a T-Shirt in an alley cornering a lady with a purse. "Straight out of a comic book..." Johnny said under his breath. He quickly grabbed 2 knives and his brass knuckles from his kitchen sink, and shoved the knives in his utility belt. He slipped on the brass knuckles and, before storming out of his apartment room, payed a small visit to his sleeping son, and kissed him in his sleep. Johnny ran down to the first floor and made sure nobody was there to see him. He quickly dashed out of the apartments and tracked down the same alley he saw in his hotel window. The man was still there, using the night as his protection, to prey on the innocent. "Gimme your purse you whore!" the fat thug shouted. Johnny walked to the man, who was unaware of his presence, and grabbed his shoulder. "Don't call her a whore you bastard!" The man turned around in surprise, only to see a fist pounding against his face. "Aghh!!!" The man quickly thrusted his hand into his pocket and whipped out his Revolver pistol. A flashback of the man in the trenchcoat shooting his wife played in his head. Johnny snapped back to reality, and now angry, shouted "NOOO!!!" Johnny continued his barrage with a uppercut and 2 jabs to his stomach. The dazed street thug, obviously in no condition to fight, stumbled back a few steps, as Johnny gracefully finished with a strong kick to the fat man's face. A heavy thud interrupted the floating dust around the alley as the man fell, and his Revolver pistol scurried away and fell under a garbage can. "T-thank you sir!" the woman whispered quickly, obviously in shock. "No problem ma'am, just be more careful next time you roam in the night alone." Johnny smiled as he said that, and before leaving, dialed 911 on the lady's phone. "One down, who knows who many the hell is left..."

END CHAPTER ONE.

So what did you guys think? This is only the tip of the iceberg! More will come soon! Send any feedback please, and thanks for reading!

Chapter Two : http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/awesummed-comics-johnny-blazer-2/683262/

#2 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek: This is really well written for your first fan fic.

I'd suggest more body language/dialogue/thoughts however.

Some descriptions need work but overall this is quite impressive.

#3 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53 said:

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek: This is really well written for your first fan fic.

I'd suggest more body language/dialogue/thoughts however.

Some descriptions need work but overall this is quite impressive.

Thanks! I really appreciate it! More will come soon! And this is not a simple "wife dead, go out as superhero and fight thugs" story. It will become a lot more complex soon, so stay tuned!

#4 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek: I will!

Let me know if you need any help/tips with your writing. PM me if so.

#5 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53 said:

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek: I will!

Let me know if you need any help/tips with your writing. PM me if so.

Alright, I will.

#6 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

EPICNESS!

#7 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout said:

EPICNESS!

Thank you!

#8 Posted by batkevin74 (10428 posts) - - Show Bio

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek: Nice, very nice. Maybe a bit of spacing because it does look a little WALL-ish! But asides from that the story is engaging, well written and let's see a second chapter :)

#9 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

Chapter Two is out!

#10 Posted by BatWatch (2366 posts) - - Show Bio

It seems like you have a very clear vision of what should happen and that comes across in your writing. I do have one suggestion and at least one question. Suggestion: I suggest you slow it down a tad. In this chapter, we basically have setting, flashback to tragedy, and heroic action...all in the course of three paragraphs. I have a hard time getting a feel of Johnny's apartment. I had no idea, for instance, that his son was with him until the last paragraph. It surprised me. It is always sad to hear someone was murdered, but without seeing the couple interacting together, it is difficult for the death to have much emotional resonance. The fight scene is fine, but perhaps it might have more weight if we knew if this was the first time if Johnny had fought or the hundredth. Basically, I just wish I knew more which is a good problem to have. It means you have story with lots of room to expand and become better.

Questions: Why does Johnny have brass knuckles in his sink? Is Johnny Blazer related Johnny Blaze, and if so, how?

Sorry if I was giving too many ideas. I graduated with an English degree, and I had a brief unsuccessful seven months as an English teacher, so I have lots of thoughts, but they might not be worth much.

#11 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

@PsychoKnights said:

It seems like you have a very clear vision of what should happen and that comes across in your writing. I do have one suggestion and at least one question. Suggestion: I suggest you slow it down a tad. In this chapter, we basically have setting, flashback to tragedy, and heroic action...all in the course of three paragraphs. I have a hard time getting a feel of Johnny's apartment. I had no idea, for instance, that his son was with him until the last paragraph. It surprised me. It is always sad to hear someone was murdered, but without seeing the couple interacting together, it is difficult for the death to have much emotional resonance. The fight scene is fine, but perhaps it might have more weight if we knew if this was the first time if Johnny had fought or the hundredth. Basically, I just wish I knew more which is a good problem to have. It means you have story with lots of room to expand and become better.

Questions: Why does Johnny have brass knuckles in his sink? Is Johnny Blazer related Johnny Blaze, and if so, how?

Sorry if I was giving too many ideas. I graduated with an English degree, and I had a brief unsuccessful seven months as an English teacher, so I have lots of thoughts, but they might not be worth much.

Around the sink not in the sink. I should have put more details into that. I kind of rushed this though because I had to go in like 15 minutes, so I made this in like 10 minutes.

The second one is a lot more slow and subtle and more detailed. :D

#12 Posted by The Poet (8302 posts) - - Show Bio

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek: very cool. and to answer you question that is the correct way to put the rating. No need to censor it.

Moderator
#13 Posted by ChaosBlazer (3930 posts) - - Show Bio

This is actually very cool, some of the ideas are a little cliche (death of the wife, no powers, training in martial arts, all are kinda like the Punisher, or Batman), but I'm sure this will become even more interesting later on. Expanding on details a little more would also help the visuals alot more. Gonna keep on reading your work, nice job on this!

#14 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

@The Poet said:

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek: very cool. and to answer you question that is the correct way to put the rating. No need to censor it.

Oh okay. Thanks for answering that.

@ChaosBlazer said:

This is actually very cool, some of the ideas are a little cliche (death of the wife, no powers, training in martial arts, all are kinda like the Punisher, or Batman), but I'm sure this will become even more interesting later on. Expanding on details a little more would also help the visuals alot more. Gonna keep on reading your work, nice job on this!

Yeah. Don't forget to read the second one! I put more details into it and it expands the story a bit. Also its a lot longer. xD

#15 Posted by joewell (6266 posts) - - Show Bio

nice man, its really good

Online
#16 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

Chapter 3 will be up soon!

#17 Posted by wildvine (8431 posts) - - Show Bio

Coolios. Very good.

#18 Posted by Project_Worm (3347 posts) - - Show Bio

Very good man. The pace is a little choppy, but I'll definitely check out the others.

#19 Posted by TheCannon (17971 posts) - - Show Bio
#20 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19951 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCannon said:

The second one is better.

#21 Posted by AweSam (7373 posts) - - Show Bio

It's really good, but you made the mistake of describing everything he does. When he got up, you described (although it was short) his morning routine. I know you don't want to leave some stuff out and just skip ahead, but being too descriptive can bore the reader. It's only minor, so don't worry about it too much. Good story, though.

#22 Posted by VyseCarma (258 posts) - - Show Bio

I see you said the second is better, and everyone else already covered my nit-picks. To Number 2 I go!

#23 Posted by Cozy_Da_Djed_Eye (9957 posts) - - Show Bio

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek: You write well, man.

I need to take notes!

#24 Posted by gumflabica (2170 posts) - - Show Bio

after reading this i realize that the fan-fic board is the perfect place to write my fan-fic. i have had multiple stories for quite a while and nothing to do with them because i am a horrible artist.