Hello, my respected fellow viners!
Here's my super mega awesomz idea for a plot of Marvel's next possible huge crossover event. I hate to brag, but the sheer stupidity of it could easily elevate me to the heights of much beloved comic book personalities such as Quesada, Bendis or even Fraction (okay, maybe not Bendis and Fraction, since they also tend to write good stuff every now and then, but you get the point). I'd like to present this loveable little abomination of a plot, hope that you'll enjoy it, and challenge you to come up with something similarly Eisner-suspicious.
Here you go:
During his most recent quest for planets to devour, Galactus discovered a pretty new galaxy full of synthetic planets. Bedazzled by its tempting smell of artificial colorings and favorings, the destroyer of worlds couldn't help himself but start munching them one by one. But all this plastic goodness has taken its toll: not being able to digest all the admixtures, Galactus soon became morbidly obese. His complexion distorted by miriads of zits the size of a larger ox and his stamina sunken to depths previously unheard of by any universal entity, he soon became the laughing stock of the whole multiverse.
Desperate to rid himself from his plagerous extra kilos, he visited Reed Richards on Earth, pleeing him to find a solution. Reed and the Avengers agree to develop an optimal workout program with the help of Superpro. Cyclops, however, has another plan: he proposes the world eater to lethis X-men use their uncanny gifts to surgically remove all the obsolete fat cells from under his skin. Against all warnings from Reed and co.'s side,Galactus chooses the more radical but also easier procedure offered by the mutants.
Little does everybody know that Cyclops has ulterior motives. The calculating leader plans to confiscate Galactus's surgically removed blubber and to mix it with the semen supplies of every sperm bank on earth. Saturated with the power cosmic, Galactus's fat cells should be able to superpower the feti of every artificially impregnated women, resulting in a mutant baby boom on a scale previously unheard of. conquering his desire to stab Galactus with the excuse of merely performing surgery, Wolverine does the right thing and tells on Cyclops to his fellow Avengers. Declaring the act of impregnating women with cosmically powered goo without unawares a despicable crime against the freedom of all American citizens, Captain America orders his troops to attack Utopia once again.
As the heroes are occupied with beating the living crap out of each other and the mighty devourer of worlds rolls his thumbs with anticipation, the villains from all around the world seize the opportunity and take over the world within two days. The day is later saved by Spider-Man, who sells his control over his bladder to Mephisto in exchange retconning the whole mess to kingdom come.