Rated MA. These characters are owned by various CV writers & posters. These are some of their ideas from when they were kids, drunk, being overly creative and the plain old wtf! They have been given a new lease on life.
The All American Royal Super Squadron
Way back in 1954 the British & American governments endorsed a super hero team be created. But because like most governments, they couldn’t agree and the charter lay dormant and unused. But in 1957 on the verge of statehood, the Hawaiian superhero King Surfer King created the All American Royal Super Squadron under the charter. And it was a success…for about six weeks.
The ragtag group fell apart. Over the years the group was reformed by various heroes, never too much acclaim. But then after the arrival of Space Horse in the late 90’s A.A.R.S.S was reformed amateur scientist Dr Dallas Day aka Band-Aid Man. The current line-up contained some of the finest heroes the world had ever seen: Grappling Cook, Spatulus, Algebraic Man, Space Horse, Barf Man.
These are their adventures…
Motor City, Illinois, USA
The speed demon Spinister looked the mysterious man up and down "You called me here?"
"Yes!" Sir Smart said as he dramatically emerged from the shadows, cape flowing.
"I presume your metallic brain has concocted some ridiculous plan!" scoffed Spinister "Hopefully it's better that turning all the city’s traffic lights red, Sir Smart"
"IT WAS INGENIOUS!" roared Sir Smart throwing back his cape in disgust "Better than your tawdry efforts of spinning like a top, robbing banks like a common thief, Spinister!"
"You used the commotion to rob a bank, you hypocrite!" snapped Spinister his hands beginning to twirl at hyperspeed.
"Bah you're beneath me, what was I thinking?!" groaned Sir Smart.
"I'm going to spin you into a barbed wire fence"
"ENOUGH!" roared Penmanship who stepped from the shadows "THIS, THIS IS THE REASON WE GET BEATEN! ALL THE TIME!"
Spinister and Sir Smart looked at the man formerly known as Jarellian Markotunsil, now the deadly assassin known as Penmanship. Able to transmute pencils into pens, he made the saying the pen is mightier than the sword a deadly reality.
"WE NEED TO STOP THIS SQUABBLING, NOW!" the masked assassin glared at the two villains "We are here to work out we eliminate that pain of A.A.R.S.S from our lives forever!" He grabbed a pencil from his bandoleer, turned it into a pen and jammed it into the table, spraying ink and plastic shards everywhere.
"Did you have to?" Sir Smart said derisively as he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped off the flecks of ink on his cape "This is dry clean only"
Penmanship threw a disc onto the table and a holographic projection appeared of the All American Royal Super Squadron; Grappling Cook, Spatulus, Algebraic Man, Space Horse and Barf Man. "This is A.A.R.S.S!"
"We know!" said Spinister rolling his eyes "We've fought them before!"
"I wasn't talking to you," sneered Pensmanship as he pointed in a circle to the dozens of Scottish ninjas who had appeared out of almost nowhere and surrounded the trio of villains "I was talking to them!"
Del Boca Vista, Florida, USA
Bistro the chimp supreme, ashed his cigar with his toes and slowly breathed a cloud of smoke of his mouth as he looked at the group of Scottish ninjas surrounding him. He tossed the wet nub away "So which one of you pyjama people is in charge?"
The group was silent before parting, as a gigantic man wielding a Claymore stepped through the group "You are associated with A.A.R.S.S, you shall die!"
Bistro barred his teeth "I think you'll find I'm not just a talking chimp!" Bistro leapt into the air and flew at the giant pummelling him with all four limbs in a blistering whirlwind attack. The man was unconscious before he hit the floor like a felled tree. Bistro's eyes flared with yellow laser sparks.
"So who's next?"
Bistro lit up another cigar as he sat on a pile of unconscious ninjas, fishing around his belt pouch "C'mon, where are you?" Finally he pulled a communicator out and blew the dust off it.
"Never thought I'd need to use you again!" Bistro muttered as he turned it on, it hissed with static as it came to life. Bistro took another drag on his cigar before he spoke into it "This is reserve A.A.R.S.S member Bistro calling in. I think we're in big trouble!"
A.A.R.S.S HQ, Coney Island, New York, USA
Dish-Man’s blood soaked hand fumbled across the console trying to activate the beacon to receive Bistro’s call. The Scottish ninjas had popped in from almost nowhere surprising him and taking over the Squadron’s headquarters.
“H-h-h-han…gon…monk…eee” gasped the Latino hero as he tried to get the call.
A Scottish ninja slowly stalked him, twirling the weighted end of his manrikigusari “Your children put up more of a fight than you!”
Dish-Man looked over to Bus-Boy and Bus-Girl, his sidekicks, lying in pools of blood. His eyes welled with tears “Why?”
“Because you are an A.A.R.S.S!” stated the ninja “We have been paid to end you all”
Dish-Man coughed up some blood and teeth, shakily getting to his feet “I-I I’m not dead…yet!” And with that he slapped his hand on the red klaxon alert “And neither…a-are my amigos!”
The manrikigusari flew across the room slapping Dish-Man across the mouth.
Space Horse floated in the void grazing away at the hard cold rocks that floated between Mars and Jupiter. Suddenly his ears pricked up and his head shot upright, looking in the direction of Earth.
He flared his nostrils and rocketed back to his adopted home planet
To be continued
(Thanks to everyone who let me use their "terrible" ideas. Hope we can prove the theory there are no bad characters)