5th Column Comics: Diver #11

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knightofthechronicle

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Chapter 11: The Social Event of the Season

I twist my neck and pull at my collar in a vain attempt to loosen the choke hold my bowtie has on me.

"Ed, stop that," Jane whispers through the side of her mouth.

"You know I don't like these things," I whisper back, smiling at a group of people as we walk past them. "People are already staring at me anyways."

All around me I can feel everyone's eyes on my back, the bulge of my water tank giving me a hunchback look. My instincts tell me to run, to get as far away from all of this uptown glamour as fast as possible and tear this tuxedo off. Jane's arm however, wrapped around mine, anchors me to the ballroom.

"Well then, they can stare," Jane says, looking straight ahead. "Carrier's are becoming more accepted in society and I want my husband to be accepted too."

"I want to be accepted too, honey," I say, waving at a guy who I don't know but who was staring at me bug eyed. "I just don't think all of your parents' friends need to know I've got a metal tank attached to my back."

"Nonsense, now shh! There they are!" Jane breaks away from me and hurries over to her parents, who've just walked into view. "Mom! Dad!"

Jane gives them a hug, which they lovingly return, but then they turn to me and all love practically vanishes. Jane's father, or Mr. Dobbs as he likes me to call him, recovers quickly and forces a smile.

"Ed!" He exclaims, shaking my hand. "It's…so nice to see you again!"

Translation: "Ed! I can't believe you're still alive! Shall I have one of my people fix that for you?"

Obviously neither I nor Jane's parents like each other. When she first brought me home their security almost kicked me out because they thought I was trespassing and when we got married she practically had to force them to come and be a part of it. She's never said it, but I can tell that Jane's parents will never like the fact that their daughter married a guy that came from a blue collar family.

"Always nice to see you, Mr. Dobbs," I lie, smiling. "Quite the party you've put together."

"Oh, just the regular Friday night social," Mr. Dobbs says, motioning at the ice sculptures, the string quartet and about a hundred of Indigo City's 1%-ers. "We're so glad you could make it by the way."

Translation: "You actually OWN a suit?"

"Well, Jane really wanted us to be here," I say, thankful that I see their attention reverts back to Jane.

"You always did love a good party," her mother, Maria, says. "Remember that one time when…"

I seize the opportunity and make my way to the bar at the other end of the ballroom. While I wait for a drink, my mind wanders to the battle royal that Wind Duster and I got into last week. I'd take going toe-to-toe with a gang of Carriers than being here any day of the week.

"Ah, there you are!"

Mr. Dobbs spins me around, grabs me by the shoulder and walks me away from the rest of the party. We end up in a small hallway away from the main ballroom. Mr. Dobbs looks around to see if no one else is around and begins:

"I've been meaning to have a little one on one time with you, Ed." He says seriously. "Jane's told us about everything that's happened over the past year…and personally I can't help but feel as if I had something to do with it."

"Excuse me?" I ask, wondering where he's going with this.

"I was the one that recommended you to Caleb Sinclair when you were looking for a job. I had no idea though that he would ever think to put you in that kind of situation. And to have it affect my daughter in such a way…I…"

For the first time since I've known the man, I see genuine emotion in his eyes as he looks at me. Genuine sadness.

"I'm truly sorry for what happened to you, Ed," Mr. Dobbs finally says. "That's why I'm offering you a job."

Did I just have a stroke? Did the father-in-law that hates my guts just offer me a job?

"You…want me to work for you?" I ask, the words tasting weird in my mouth. "I wasn't aware you were in need of an accountant, Mr. Dobbs."

"Not as an accountant, no," he says. "As a bodyguard."

"Uh, Mr. Dobbs," I say, flustered, "I don't know if this suit's adding on to my frame or anything, but I'm not much a bodyguard type."

Mr. Dobbs looks back behind him to make sure we're still alone. "Jane's told me about your powers, Ed. She's told what you can do and how you've been helping people."

When I get home, I'm going to have to explain the term 'secret identity' to Jane.

"I think you'll be perfect, Ed."

Before I can say anything, our private moment is interrupted by the sound of footsteps.

"Mr. Dobbs, there you are!"

I'm still so dumbstruck that I don't even look at the new guy. Mr. Dobbs turns around to look at him and I'm left staring at the back of his head.

"Ah, wonderful," My father-in-law steps back and my vision suddenly tunnels. "Ed, I'd like you to meet Malcolm Young, my new head of security. Mr. Young, this is Ed Turner, my son-in-law and new bodyguard."

Malcolm extends his hand and smiles. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Turner."

To be continued

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TommytheHitman

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Good Lord this issue made me chuckle. The opening was pretty Damon funny and the translations also gave me a smirk.

So Diver's got himself a job? I was gonna offer him a position in the CBTF but never mind.

Also nice reference to Wind and Water. Gonna have to mention that in the next issue of WD.

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#4  Edited By ImpurestCheese
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knightofthechronicle

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#6  Edited By ImpurestCheese
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knightofthechronicle

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@impurestcheese: A terrorist is working for his father-in-law and Ed wants to bring him down. Normal got thrown out the window a long time ago

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#8  Edited By ImpurestCheese
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@knightofthechronicle: This was hilarious. Especially the translations.

And loved the bit at the end there with the return of Malcolm. Can't wait for more on that.

I'm so sorry I haven't gotten back to you on what I wanted to tell you about Selfless. I'll get on that ASAP.

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