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22 Comments
Posted by Delphic

@wildvine: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Once I get through the next chapter I can start exploring possibilities with this series a little more. Personally, I felt this one was a little forced.

Posted by wildvine

@delphic

Really nice. Again, love the bit about the illegal cloning. That will come out in my series too. Can't comment on the dialogue, but I liked the flow. Really felt the chaos and panic of the situation. Maybe the best chapter thus far.

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Posted by batkevin74

@delphic: "Round them up," Connor said tossing the rebel to the Hawkman, "Have your men search the city, and arrest any stragglers. I have to get to Washington. There's a lot of work to do still."

"Yes, sir" He replied and took the rebel away, and began briefing the other Hawkmen on what to do. Connor looked at the cheering crowd one last time, before looking to the sky and taking off. He wasn't sure how he heard the voice of one little girl over that entire crowd, but nevertheless her words rang clear in his ears.

"Mommy, Mommy, look! It's Superman!" the little girl piped. Connor didn't really know how to take that statement, but for some reason, he couldn't stop from smiling.

Excellent work! Really good dialog

Edited by RazzaTazz
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Posted by Pyrogram

@razzatazz: Learn to fly. Just go about your business freely, do nothing wrong and nothing will happen. I learnt to be legit, you never strayed from the path!

Posted by RazzaTazz

@pyrogram: right, but enough people don't trust me that I tend to try to walk around on eggshells.

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Posted by Pyrogram

@razzatazz: True, also depends on how you go about being critical. How you give the feedback etc..

Posted by RazzaTazz

@pyrogram: Depends on the person, those that don't like criticism think that critical = mean and vindictive.

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Posted by Pyrogram

@razzatazz: Critical is not a bad thing so whatevs

Posted by RazzaTazz

@pyrogram: No I was just trying to be helpful, not critical, though I guess I usually come across as critical for some reason.

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Posted by Pyrogram

@razzatazz: Ohh...Sorry I thought you meant having it all bunched up! lol sorry!

Posted by RazzaTazz

@pyrogram: I am not sure if you picked up on what I was talking about, it is nearly correct, just the punctuation is a little off.

Correct:

"I am too arrogant," she said.

Wrong:

"I am too arrogant." She said.

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Edited by Pyrogram

@delphic: Personally I like the dialogue intertwined with descriptive things hence me doing it lol But yeah, I get you.

Posted by Delphic

@razzatazz: Thank you for the help. ^_^ Also I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

@dngn4774: I'm glad you liked it.I hope you'll stayed tuned for the future. It's going to get real exciting.

@pyrogram said:

@razzatazz said:

@delphic: Good stuff, from a technical standpoint, you are formating your dialogue incorrectly.

Not really. That format is applicable in the RPG section and that is also how I write, a real novel is written like that also so? FanFic format I guess you are talking about?

- On topic -

Loved the story man, your writing never ceases to impress! Nice length too!

Thank you, and it's okay, I would trust Razz's advice on dialogue formatting. I've always struggled with it, and she writes so much more than I do. I'm actually going to apply her advice to my future writings.

Posted by Pyrogram

@delphic: Good stuff, from a technical standpoint, you are formating your dialogue incorrectly.

Not really. That format is applicable in the RPG section and that is also how I write, a real novel is written like that also so? FanFic format I guess you are talking about?

- On topic -

Loved the story man, your writing never ceases to impress! Nice length too!

Posted by dngn4774

@delphic: I really liked how Connor's conscience is gradually submerged by his desire to make Superman proud. You can tell that there is still room for his morality to shift further towards either direction, but I think that's what keeps Connor so interesting in this series.

Posted by RazzaTazz

@awesam: Yes I know, just trying to help.

Moderator
Posted by AweSam
Posted by RazzaTazz

@delphic: Good stuff, from a technical standpoint, you are formating your dialogue incorrectly.

Moderator
Posted by Delphic
Posted by AweSam

Connor's really making Superman look good. Can't help but feel that's a bad thing. Good job! Surprised to see Cap and Adam.

Edited by TommytheHitman

Wow! That was awesome! Really this needs more views. Also... can we write more then one title for Corrupted?

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