Title says everything. You are walking with your friends and your girlfriends in The Cascade Mountains. When you have a terrible idea of camping in the mountains and everybody accepts. While climbing the mountain, you hear strange noises from animals but you don't care. Close to your destination an Apache chopper shows up with an Apache Indian inside it. He tells:
"Those who disturb the Great Beast Lair shall be banged."
And then he goes back to his casino. You finally met your camp location. Everyone drinks and you go to your tent with your girlfriend (I see what you did there). In the morning, you wake up in the top of a tree. You are able to climb down just to find your camp destroyed and everyone dead. For the exception of the girls. Then you find these huge human like footprints and hear a scream:
"Jesus, save me!" Jesus is your name.
Then you make your way trough the forest like an ultimate badass killing bears and mooses to find The Bigfoot almost banging your girlfriend. You interrupts and he jumps on you. Who wins?