You vs Alfred Pennyworth

Location:

Rules:

Round 1:

• Combatants are in character
• Combatants have basic prior knowledge but no prep time
• Alfred is armed with nothing but you may start with the closest object to your left as a weapon
• Combatants start 15 meters from each other
• Incapacitation, KO or death count as a win

Round 2:

The same as round 1 only morals are off and you start with the closest object to your right as a weapon

Bonus: You may chose one of your friends to help you if need be

Alfred beat up Superman, we all die

You do realize that Alfred is an ex MI6 agent, right?

I get to try to beat alfred with a Ipad.....Great...

*Moves to toolshed* Nevermind I get to fight him with a chainsaw, Well I think I might be able to win this.

ALFred wins.

Alfred curbstomps

@fuzzylittlerodent: Yep, but some people on this site seem to think of themselves as the peak of physical perfection so I'm testing that. Plus, he won't want to get the manor messy with morals on...

Replace Superman's head with mine.

@ordinaryalan: Plot twist, that's Superman sucking Alfred's blood through his nose

@thedandyman: Then what about round 2? You honestly think that Alfred would give a damn if he makes a mess with his morals off?

I would stomp Alfred. I have just watched kill bill and now have knowledge on how to use a blade.

@fuzzylittlerodent: No, that's where it helps to have a flamethrower next to you.

Alfred.

*tips fedora*

Alfred Does What Batman Cant!!!

@thedandyman: Specify then, do I have access to the Batcave? Because finding a flamethrower conveniently lying around somewhere in the Wayne manner building wouldn't be an easy task :P

@fuzzylittlerodent: The weapon you are allowed is the object next to you in real life. And, uh, I definitely don't keep flamethrowers next to my laptop...

Alfred.

Seems legit

Alfred. Easy hahah

@thedandyman: Oh, ok then......Still, Alfred stomps. What, am I supposed to bore him to death with a Lev Tolstoy book?

@fuzzylittlerodent: Paper-cut ftw.

A detachable window to my left and a knife kit to my right. Regardless... I loss because I get one shot + blitzed. Bonus round is an invitation for a friend to feel my pain....

Alfred was in the British version of the Marines or something like that, and he recently beat up a bunch of arkham creatures (not sure what they were but they weren't human) with Bane, then took out bane when he wasn't looking.

I lose

Great, I can be the victim the butler did in.

Alfred would stomp every user of this website simultaneously while making Batman a fresh cup of coffee. What chance do I have.

I try to convince him to convince Bruce to make me a Robin.

I get one solid punch to his face before he educates me in pain

With basic knowledge on Alfred, I cry like a little girl, soil myself and assume the fetal position and Alfred has mercy on little ole me. So I basically win.

We all die miserably.

LOL at you people getting stomped by a 90 year old butler.

Be glad. I have a post-it.

Unless we're talking actual LEFT. In which case it's a chair.

@milliardo said:

LOL at you people getting stomped by a 90 year old butler.

There's no shame in it, it's like losing to Chuck Norris if Chuck Norris worked for Batman.

Alfred.

Alfred lol stomps everyone all rounds

Spite

I cockstomp alfag

I'm Batman.

Batman is Alfred's b!tch.

I am The Goddamn Chew-Force Bat-God with Prep!

I'm God_of_Batman

Anyway, for the thread...

We all get stomped

@god_of_batman said:

@mysticmedivh said:

I'm Batman.

I'm God_of_Batman

Anyway, for the thread...

We all get stomped

I said it before you.

Alfred kills you with a tea cup.

No he doesn't. I'm infinitely above omnipotence.

Alfred kills you with a tea cup.

No he doesn't. I'm infinitely above omnipotence.

Alfred kills you with a tea cup.

No he doesn't. I'm infinitely above omnipotence.

Lol, I'm a bit cheaper, so I got a 70$, 7 inch tablet to beat him with (dear god help me)

I win. Alfred weakness is his OCD. All I have to do is make a mess and when he goes to clean it up, That when I strike......

Closest object to my left is a sword (by my bed, I don't carry a sword around with me or anything. Lol).. Round 1 is looking pretty good for me.

Does my dog count as an object? He is to my right. He is almost as large as Titus, who has been doing really well for a non-kryptonian, non-magical, non-big-red dog against enemies such as hell-creatures from Apokolips.

I actually might have a chance... Against an old, old man. I'm gonna be the diabetes to his Wilfred Brimmley. I'm gonna take advantage of him like QVC (or other shopping network) does to other old people. I'm gonna... Wait I've got one more... Um... I'm gonna hit him like the financial collapse and recession in the US did to so many elderly (so hard that the only job he'll be able to do afterwards is greeting shoppers at Walmart). That got kinda dark...

Alfred probably wins a majority over me due to sheer grit. I may pull 3/10 thanks to osteoporosis and andropause though.

Alfred wins automatically, it's hard to fight someone as nice as him