which supposed superhero(ine) could YOU take in a fight?

who's the wussiest, weediest, most useless superhero or villain you can think of? could you take them in:
 
3 rounds of mixed martial arts in a cage with ufc rules? 
 
a gunfight? 
  
a forest with tools, axes, knives, etc?  
(fights not restricted to these scenarios, these are just ideas)

Rules: 
 
1. you and the "super"hero must be on equal footing 
if you have a gun, he has a gun 
if you are armed to the teeth, he has arms coming out of his wazo.....no that doesn't sound right. 
2. any version of the superhero (but no superhero toddlers)
 
3. if the superhero has a weakness, you cannot both start with that (e.g., you cannot fight superman with the armament being a kryptonite rock strapped to both your fists
 
4. you cannot fight in any environment that would inherently give you an advantage.  
 
5. if you cannot beat any superhero, you must name your minimum conditions and weapons so that you could beat up a lesser hero 
 
Personally, I'm am almost 100% confident that I could beat up robin. He's a little kid, and I have ample strength, conditioning, and fighting skills to take him out. 

And if you don't want to fight yourself, what real life person could take down a hero, given these circumstances?

Hmm...Arcade.

@whacknasty: lets pretend i'm brock lesnar sized, lol. He could definitely beat up robin

Nite-Wing.
Ill kick his ass

I'd tip Oracle out of her wheelchair....

Spider-Man, if I'm on equal footing that is.

@CitizenBane: I was talking about damian, and even a teenager won't have enough hand to hand skills to take out some one much bigger than him. I am not much bigger than him, but robin is no master of combat. I also am not, but that would put us at the same level. and seeing as you can knock someone out in comics by throwing them to the ground, he shouldn't be too hard to knock out (JK). Still, IRL, fighting works a lot differently than in comics. you can't one punch someone, they aren't knocked unconscious from a hip throw, and you don't stand with your fists at your sides leaving your face to absorb all the punches.   I believe I would be able to win by desicion in a mma bout Wait, dick is faster than batman?

Snapper Carr possibly.

Hulkless Bruce Banner would get real acquainted with my Mac Hand.

the joker :)

Oo beating up banner sounds fun, I'd become his new enemy. I'd beat up nerd Banner, he'd hulk out, I make him laugh and he goes back to Banner and do it again.

Do said opponents have gadgets?

I'd tip Oracle out of her wheelchair....

Cho on ritalin I'd kick his a$$ so badly.

I could beat up Killer Croc with the amount he jobs.

lol at anyone here beating any version of robin or killer croc..

I could beat up Killer Croc with the amount he jobs.

Oh and I could take Darkseid, I would just need some stairs.

Oh and I could take Darkseid, I would just need some stairs.

If i had to be same height and all that i would probs take down robin because punch him down with brass knuckles and if he had brass knuckles i would just take his off him and then punch him. 

Empowered.

Do said opponents have gadgets?

@AMS said:

I'd tip Oracle out of her wheelchair....

Lol. Nice strategy.  I'd do the same, and then probably end up getting tapped out when I get too distracted checking her "vitals" to make sure I didnt kill her...

@AMS said:

I'd tip Oracle out of her wheelchair....

Lol. Nice strategy.  I'd do the same, and then probably end up getting tapped out when I get too distracted checking her "vitals" to make sure I didnt kill her...

I am 100% sure i could beat professor X in hand to hand :)

I could take on trillions of Pre-Crisis Kryptonians who have absorbed 1 googolplex eons worth of yellow sun radiation. I could kill them all bare-handed! Just kidding, but on a serious note I probably could take Cypher hand-to-hand. I mean, the only thing the guy's good for is translating languages.

Dernman can beat Superman. Because Dernman talks in the third person.

I would try and fight deadpool, but he'd make me laugh and we'd get tacos....

Spider-Man, if I'm on equal footing that is.

Haha all you would have to do is run around Hulk and confuse the poor dumb fellow, than shoot at his eye he'll get real dizzy lol...

I could totally curbstomp Pre-Hulk Bruce Banner without prep.

Depending on how mad Hulk is, you could use the Spider-Man method and tell him jokes to change him back into Banner.

I could beat up Killer Croc with the amount he jobs.

venom

I think pretty much anyone could defeat Arm-Fall-Off Boy.

I know for a fact i couldnt take any super hero that doesnt suck its just not happening.Maybe Kick Ass or someone of that caliber

I'm going  up against the Walrus from Deadpools fear itself tie-in....

I could slaughterstomp pre-Super Soldier Captain America with ease. 
 
And don't get me started on what I'd do to Galactus.

I could slaughterstomp pre-Super Soldier Captain America with ease.  And don't get me started on what I'd do to Galactus.

@CitizenBane said:

I could slaughterstomp pre-Super Soldier Captain America with ease.  And don't get me started on what I'd do to Galactus.

Im intrigued now what would you do?

@Sherlock said:

@CitizenBane said:

I could slaughterstomp pre-Super Soldier Captain America with ease.  And don't get me started on what I'd do to Galactus.

Im intrigued now what would you do?

I'd lock him in my basement to maximize his hunger. And then I'd hit him with the Ultimate Nullifier I picked up on ebay for $4.99.

                                                                                         
I'd like to see him get out of that.