#1 Edited by Floopay (8721 posts) - - Show Bio

Santa Claus

Santa Claus is sick of these so called heroes and villains in their universe running around causing mischief and creating all this collateral damage and hurting so many people. Well guess what? He knows who's been naughty, and he knows who's been nice, and it's time for Santa to kick some serious ass!

But wait? Santa has no feats, how can we possibly match him against others? Well here's the thing, Santa does have feats!

  • In a 24 hour period, Santa Claus visits roughly 800 million homes around the planet, plus has to make stops at each one, eat cookies at each house offering them, etc. etc.
  • Santa's speed has got to be approximately 98% the speed of light. This is about right, because he also needs time to actually stop, and make it down the chimney, carry and drop off presents, etc.
  • Santa's body can store extraordinarily high amounts of mass. Assuming 1 in 10 households serves Santa an average of 4 cookies, weighing in at 4 ounces each....Santa will have to consume approximately 6,803,885.55 kg. Wow! That's a lot of cookies. But wait, there's more! Assuming each of these households leaves him a 10 ounce glasses worth of milk, that also means he must consume 83,460,996.08 kg of milk. In just milk and cookies alone that means Santa consumes approximately 90,200,000 kg of sustenance. Contained in a 6 foot tall pudgy body, that gives him
  • Santa knows when every individual person on the planet Earth has been naughty or nice the precise moment they do something. That means Santa is an empath on a planetary scale.
  • Santa knows when someone is sleeping or when they are awake. He is most likely a telepath to some minor level.
  • Now then, Santa knows when someone is naughty or nice, and gives them a gift accordingly. It would be impossible for him to build, or buy these gifts from the time someone goes to bed until the time he gives them their presents. This means to some degree, Santa can create objects at a whim, or has some sort of reality or matter transmutation properties.
  • Santa has to at least be able to carry his massive weight for the duration of a day, which means his strength class has to be around 90.2 million kg, or 199,000,000 pounds.
  • Santa is at least a thousand years old, maybe more. He has had limitless free time, and nothing better to do but to spy on the world of men. Santa, more than likely, has had time to study almost every topic known to man, as well as perfect his abilities. He is more than likely a genius on every topic, and knows almost all martial arts styles to some degree (as he is a male, and has had so much time to kill these past thousand years).
  • Santa is a preparation master, as he is able to plan his route and his gifts every year, and change his gifts every year.
  • For the purposes of this thread, Santa can traverse dimensions, so he has dimensional travel over and above this, meaning BFR is next to impossible against Santa.
  • Remember, at the speeds he travels, Santa's mass increases, along with the force behind his blows.
  • Santa will be assumed to have combat speeds that match his travel speeds, as he's had thousands of years experience starting and stopping over and over again while traveling at these speeds.
  • Santa wields an adamantium saber, and a prometheum broad sword.

Battle Conditions:

  • Santa: Morals Off / Bloodlusted
  • BFR: Enabled
  • Win via: KO, Death, BFR, Incap, etc.
  • I will add new opponents every day until I get bored of this. Please state why he wins or loses.

Santa's first challenge:

They have no idea he's coming, but they are spending Christmas together. They have all the gear shown in the picture.

Batman

Superman

Wonder Woman

Thanks for reading,

Floopay

#2 Posted by joewell (6438 posts) - - Show Bio

@Floopay: Nice, Santa speedbliztes Batman and Wonder Woman, and creates kritponight to kill Superman,

#3 Posted by Malonius (892 posts) - - Show Bio

@Floopay: I don't think Santa has super-speed. Santa, rather, is a time-manipulator. Many children see Santa (according to his will) each Christmas indicating to me that no amount of speed would accomplish his feats. He is going backwards and forwards in time or even appearing in multiple locations at once.

Likewise, I would dispute that Santa is a molecular manipulator. He reaches into his magic bag and pulls out the appropriate gift, which indicates to me that the bag is a trans-dimensional portal to his North Pole Workshop, which resides in a mythical dimension sharing an axis with Earth, similar to Asgard. His gift prep is essentially flawless in his area of specialty, which leads me to the conclusion that he has a very narrow omniscience within his domain rather than the global empathy/telepathy you suggest.

Santa also has the ability to spiritually possess millions, perhaps billions of people leading up to Christmas. I can attest to this as the father of a young child finding myself filling stockings, writing Santa's name on gift tags, and even eating the cookies and milk myself. I also strongly suspect, on careful scrutiny of the handwriting on the gift tags, that my parents were also likely possessed by the spirit of Santa Claus when I was a child.

One of Santa's greatest abilities that you don't mention is his ability to circumvent every known security measure in the process of delivering gifts. Santa has delivered presents inside prisons, in homes without chimneys, and even inside the White House.

As to your battle: The DC Trinity would have no defense against Santa Claus. He would deliver the perfect gift to them causing them to surrender to his goodness, no matter their resistance or prep. It's possible that Wonder Woman, being raised outside of Human culture would be able to call upon her own gods to defend her, but it's likely that one of them is a culture-specific interpretation of the same Spirit that Santa Claus embodies.

You would have to go truly Alien, perhaps Trans-Human and possibly even Trans-Mortal to get to a being that could truly defeat Santa Claus.

#4 Edited by XImpossibruX (5180 posts) - - Show Bio

Santa effortless curbstomp, clears.

#5 Posted by Floopay (8721 posts) - - Show Bio

@Malonius: lol, nice analysis.

Round 2:

Santa is already in the DC Universe, and decides that these folk have been extra extra naughty.

Remember, Santa has the following devices with him:

  • Magic Satchel
  • Adamantium Sabre
  • Prometheum Broadsword

Thanks for reading,

Floopay

#6 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (20387 posts) - - Show Bio

Oooh. This is an interesting one. If you are sticking to the speed theory, Santa could be beat here. These guys have experience with speedsters.

However, if you're going with the time manipulation theory, it'll go down the same as Eobard Thawne/Hunter Zolomon vs. Flash Rogues.

#7 Posted by Floopay (8721 posts) - - Show Bio

@YourNeighborhoodComicGeek said:

Oooh. This is an interesting one. If you are sticking to the speed theory, Santa could be beat here. These guys have experience with speedsters.

However, if you're going with the time manipulation theory, it'll go down the same as Eobard Thawne/Hunter Zolomon vs. Flash Rogues.

Remember though, Santa also has immense mass and density beyond that of a normal Flash, meaning he is several times more durable.

Thanks for reading,

Floopay

#8 Posted by nickzambuto (14150 posts) - - Show Bio

Floopay gets a follow for thread of the year.

IMO, teleportation is more likely than super speed/time manipulation, though he'd still need some degree of super speed to actually place the presents and eat the cookies, etc. However, if I'm incorrect and he actually does do what he does through raw speed, then we have to remember that the numbers calculated in the OP are an absolute minimum. It probably doesn't take Santa the entire night to finish his routine.

In any case, I'm sticking with the teleportation theory. It makes sense that his bag is the source of this ability, as it also allows him to reach back into the North Pole and pull through the gifts for whatever house he's currently at, and would also act as a great place to dump the excess cookies.

My hypothesis: Santa isn't overly powerful, but is rather a genius on the galactic scale. His intelligence is to the point of playing God, constructing an army of biological elves and reindeer to assist in his endeavors.

Opinion on Battle: Theoretically, Santa's great intelligence, both technological as well as strategic, should allow him to beat most anyone with prep. Otherwise, I doubt he makes it past neither the Justice League trio nor rogues.

#9 Posted by Vouile (678 posts) - - Show Bio

This thread...

Vouile

#10 Posted by TheCowman (461 posts) - - Show Bio

Santa already conquered the martians. This is a cake walk.

#11 Edited by Wolfrazer (7181 posts) - - Show Bio

Lol I love this thread Floopay. Santa ftw! You should do one for Easter, for Bunny when it comes around.

#12 Posted by sync1 (2980 posts) - - Show Bio

@Floopay said:

Are we allowed to use feats from Movies? etc.

#13 Posted by Bane_of_sith (2796 posts) - - Show Bio

THIS IS BY FAR THE BEST THREAD I'VE READ ON THIS SITE...I'VE BEEN IN SUCH A LOUSY MOOD (after the terrible rubbish in the news) THIS TOTALLY CHEERED ME UP!!! That said Santa would totally clear every round, the feats were spot on and I do believe that by some extent he is also a time manipulator as well as extremely fast. Thanks Flooplay

#14 Posted by GodDamnIronMan (1553 posts) - - Show Bio

Haha.

Santa Claus Thread? Applause .

Batman can come out something that can Counter the time-manipulation.

#15 Posted by whydama (1093 posts) - - Show Bio

What a mind blasting thread.

Santa is at least herald level. He blitz everyone here. Santa has the ability to make wishes come true. Hence, Santa is a cosmic cube being.

#16 Edited by PrinceAragorn1 (18816 posts) - - Show Bio

@Floopay: Heavens. You're crazy, with a crazier imagination. :D

You get a follow :)

#17 Posted by Floopay (8721 posts) - - Show Bio

@sync1 said:

@Floopay said:

Are we allowed to use feats from Movies? etc.

Sure, why not? :P

@PrinceAragorn1 said:

@Floopay: Heavens. You're crazy, with a crazier imagination. :D

You get a follow :)

Thank you good sir :P

Thanks for reading,

Floopay

#18 Posted by Soothing_Sounds (1718 posts) - - Show Bio

The second round will be a challenge, but i see Santa clearing it. Also, great, creative thread. If we have them, i'll be nominating this for best battle thread of the year.

#19 Posted by Floopay (8721 posts) - - Show Bio

Well, after voting, it looks like Santa has cleared this round.

Santa clears, but now he's going up against one heck of a villain. He has to conquer Lex Luthor. However, Santa isn't coming unprepared. he has stolen some of the items from the Flash Rogues!

Next Round!

Unknown to Santa Claus, Lex Luthor has been trying to steal X-Mas Elf technology for years. Because of this, the instance he knew Santa Claus was going to be coming to town, and going to town on his bald @$$, he began prep work for Santa's Arrival.

Lex Luthor had 7 days prep time. However, 4 of those days were spent entirely on calling for assistance from the villains I will be presenting. So only 3 days of prep was dedicated towards creating anti-Claus technology. However, Luthor was completely unaware Santa would be fighting the Flash Rogues, and stealing their technology. So he is completely oblivious as to the added tech Santa will be provided with.

He has the following to assist him:

  • Sinestro (With a single Qwardian Ring)
  • Solomon Grundy (Standard showings, not the one that took down the entire JSA)
  • Black Mantis
  • Cheetah
  • Joker
  • Bizzaro
  • Gorilla Grodd
  • Black Adam (Pre-WW3)

Santa has the following items now:

  • Captain Cold's Freezer Gun
  • Captain Cold's Ice Field Generator
  • Weather Wizard's Wand
  • Heat Wave's Handheld Flamethrower
  • Mirror Master's Laser Gun (the one that also turns people to glass)
  • Magic Satchel
  • Adamantium Sabre
  • Prometheum Broadsword

Thanks for reading,

Floopay

#20 Posted by Floopay (8721 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump!

Thanks for reading,

Floopay