Darth Malgus vs Three Force Sensitive Rancors

Deceived Malgus.

Rules

• Darth Malgus is naked, and starts in a swimming pool at -21 celsius from room temperature
• He's mildly disgruntled but not angry at anything in particular and has itchy balls
• The three Force sensitive rancors are dressed in tutus
• One rancor has an eyepatch on but still has both eyes
• Another rancor has no eyepatch and one eye
• The third rancor is eyeing up three iPods on his iPad when the fight starts
• If any combatant says anything they lose the fight by default
• Only the second rancor is allowed run faster than 600mph at any given time
• Malgus is entitled to one free of charge holocall should he feel he won't be leaving the fight alive
• If Malgus's holocall is a sufficiently emotional final goodbye to any loved ones, the third rancor will burst into tears, enter into a frenzied bloodlust, and try to kill the other two rancors by hitting them with his iPad
• This fight is until the death or incapacitation. If anyone is rendered unconscious, they win.

Who takes it?

Malgus is a great tactician, so I feel like he uses the holocall and then it's Malgus + rancor vs. two rancors. Malgus's team should pull it off because of the second rancor's partial blidness.

What the f*ck is this?

Malgus using the holocall would require him to speak, so he loses that way. Anyway, Rancors stomp.

Don't you think regular battles involving just standard characters and poor, boring feat comparison without no tactics and interesting circumstances are getting old?

Malgus is entitled to break the rule for the holocall.

Malgus falls asleep out of boredom, hence winning the fight due to unconsciousness.

@jkbart: No, not really LOL

Haha.