Darkseid vs Culture

The Culture decided enough is enough and they want to destroy Darkseid themselves. Darkseid is visiting one of the planets he has control over, and he doesn`t have boom tube to help him escape. How does this go?

Who is the Culture?

Who is the Culture?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Culture

The Culture decided enough is enough and they want to destroy Darkseid themselves. Darkseid is visiting one of the planets he has control over, and he doesn`t have boom tube to help him escape. How does this go?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Culture

Since when did Darkseid have the capabilities to mind control computers?

Since when did Darkseid have the capabilities to mind control computers?

You really need to read up some the little link I gave you. Jeez...this board is too gay for me. I'm leaving. peace!

You really need to read up some the little link I gave you. Jeez...this board is too gay for me. I'm leaving. peace!

what? What@Baltoro said:

@nischel said:

You really need to read up some the little link I gave you. Jeez...this board is too gay for me. I'm leaving. peace!

You'll have to do better than link a wikipedia article to beat Darkseid on these forums.   Goodluck wherever you go kid.

DS already took over the internet with the ALE. He takes this handily.

@nischel: Please read the site rules, do not insult other users if you have an issue with a user then contact a mod. as such this will be your first warning, future warnings can result in a ban.

Am I the only one who read it as Darkseid vs Culture? Hah!

Ok, then Darkseid wins on account of no one having a clue what the hell the Culture is. Baltoro was right, it's just yogurt as far as I'm concerned.

Darkseid > fungus

1. Darkseid didn't subvert the internet. Simyan and Mokkari did.
 
2. Darkseid very much can mind control people on his own. Read Great Darkness Saga. 
 
3. Culture minds are a bit above the internet in complexity. And by little, I mean fifty orders of magnitude.
 
4. The culture throws around an insane amount of power when they fight. They could easily destroy the planet Darkseid's on. Hell, they could easily destroy the whole solar system. Their ships also have insane reaction times, measured in microseconds, and have something like, light year long weapons ranges or something. On the other hand, Darkseid has that lovely time and space manipulation which the Culture cannot replicate, and the OB which they cannot block. If Darkseid knows they're coming I can see him prepped enough to withstand them. If not, I can see Culture winning in a mother of all blitzkriegs.

Darkseid > fungus

First post that I won't be immediately deleting, surprised that people here don't know what The Culture is...

The Culture is a anarcho communist civilization that is widely considered to be a utopia. It exists within and is considered to be a major player within the Milky Way Galaxy. The vast majority of their citizens are humans and other biologicals. The second largest proportion of their population are droids, these think far faster than humans, can move far faster and are much stronger, they have some impressive feats that are irrelevent because they have nothing which compares to the smallest group inside The Culture, The Minds. Benevolent 'machines' (Machine is just the best word I can think of) that exist within hyperspace to avoid having their thinking speed limited by light speed. Every ship including their warships are controlled by one of these and one exists at the centre of every Orbital. Their warships (Rapid Offensive Units and General Offensive Units) are what do the fighting so I'll focus on them for a bit now.

They move ten of thousands times faster than the speed of light, they think several billion times faster than humans and have reactions times best measured in pico seconds,  their effectors are capable of manipulating anything computer related (including biological computers like our brains) and perhaps more importantly triggering stars to explode. Their weapons are also capable of annihilating Solar Systems with ease. Their shields are also sufficient to allow them to hide within stars. Oh and they're not morons, they're well used to planning out events to avoid having to actually fight without giving up on their main objectives. Although this is more the domain of General Contact Units and General Service Vehicles. 

Also as a cool aside, Special Circumstance agents have anti matter reactors inside their brains. 

Edit: Also, Iain M. Banks has actually put some effort into making The Culture consistent, sometimes he fails but he has the sense to realize that if things can do A then they can do B. Comic book writers seem to be terrible at this...

Edit2: Oh I thought this Culture quote was kind of cool: "Never forget I am not this silver body, Mahrai. I am not an animal brain, I am not even some attempt to produce an Al through software running on a computer. I am a Culture Mind. We are close to gods, and on the far side. We are quicker; we live faster and more completely than you do, with so many more senses, such a greater store of memories and at such a fine level of detail."

darkseid has been outwitted by batman and beaten up by superman.  He doesn't have the slightest chance here.

@Nessy said:

darkseid has been outwitted by batman and beaten up by superman.  He doesn't have the slightest chance here.

No he has'nt,stop reading Loeb comics.

@entropy_aegis said:

@Nessy said:

darkseid has been outwitted by batman and beaten up by superman.  He doesn't have the slightest chance here.

No he has'nt,stop reading Loeb comics.

Stop pretending Loeb is the only writer who's had Superman beat him.

@entropy_aegis said:

@Nessy said:

darkseid has been outwitted by batman and beaten up by superman.  He doesn't have the slightest chance here.

No he has'nt,stop reading Loeb comics.

Stop pretending Loeb is the only writer who's had Superman beat him.

This is kind of why I mentioned consistency, the power of Darkseid seems to depend on the writer's interpretation as much as anything. 

@CitizenBane said:

DS already took over the internet with the ALE. He takes this handily.

I wish I'd seen this before, this isn't a feat worth mentioning. I'm pretty sure a Culture drone could do this and they aren't comparable to the Minds which certainly can. The only reason they don't go around putting planets under complete surveillance (such that they see everything that happens to the extent that they know what everyone on the planet is thinking) is because they respect the right to privacy. 

And just so you all know, a Culture Drone that I keep saying is nothing, could easily take on Superman. 

Darkseid stomped this thread but I still don't get what The Culture is even approximately four years later. They can't beat him regardless...there were some real weirdos on this board back then.

Darkseid wins due to appeal to ignorance?

The Culture are a Kardashev 3+ (depending on which scale you're using) civilization. They use energy on a galactic scale the way humans today flip on light switches. They draw power from the interstices between space and hyperspace. They don't live on planets, but Dyson spheres and rings around entire stars.Their citizens simulate 12 dimensional universes in their heads to stop being bored. Their diplomatic ships are completely unarmed and harmless, by their standards, and can still obliterate planets. The individual rank and file soldiers are planetary holocausts and have nanomachines in their teeth. The Culture has hand guns (in the short story "A Gift From The Culture") that can blow starships to hell.

Citizens can be immortal but they find it tacky so they only live a few hundred years or more, if they feel like it.

Their big guns, which they don't generally use because they're technically pacifists but if you piss them off..., use gridfire which is the weaponry of the end of the universe using space itself as a weapon and smashes a star-sized wall of FTL antimatter down your throat.

The Culture wouldn't even notice Darkseid and his candyfloss colored eyebeams.

Unless he made a nuisance of himself. Then they might send ONE ship to have a talk with him. Perhaps the "Attitude Adjuster" or the "Frank Exchange of Views."

If he continued, they'd have Special Circumstances deal with him discreetly. Or just destroy Apokolips.

Thi is Iain M. Banks' Culture? Lol. The Culture has friggin bug sized drones that can stomp supes. They rewrite Darkseids brain from a couple solar systems out.

Whether not they then decide to god stomp pretty much the entirety of the dc universe hinges entirely on whether or not the gsv mind finds it amusing. And it would only take one...and making it a GSV is being EXTREMELY generous with it.

Why would this be a good battle? If the Culture is truly as advanced as others are saying why put them against Darkseid? Doesn't seem fair that's all.

Hell of a first post for this account.

@sly_141: It really isn't fair. I think some people just are not really familiar with the culture. I'm sure the majority of battle threads are just people trying to find out about characters or verses they read about in other battle threads.

The Culture can effectorize Darkseid from star systems away while parked in another spacial dimension. They're minds displace most of their processes into hyperspace so they aren't limited by lightspeed thinking. A single culture ship engaged in combat at over 140 TRILLION c wiping out an entire fleet across an area of LIGHTYEARS...the entire battle took 11 friggin milliseconds. They're weapon systems including teleporting artificial blackholes directly onboard your ship. By the end of the series, a culture General Systems Unit was 200000 Kilometers long and housed BILLIONS.

Manufacturing? A single culture ship over a period of 30 years, using only SOME of it's secondary bays, was able to build 80000 ROU's, in SECRET while it was being watched.

OP? There was a manufacturing plant in one of the books of another species that could put out a quarter billion warships capable of 2000+ c speeds with planet busting anti matter weapon systems in a matter of weeks. When it was stated that they could take over a Galaxy with such a force, the builders said that a single Culture GSU coul probably eliminate the entire armada inside of minutes without ever having to fire a shot.

They are capable of unlimited energy to matter conversion, and can teleport so well that they can trapdoor accidental explosions that happen point blank in your face into the grid before you ever even feel the effects. That is just a run of the mill safety feature...if you fell of a cliff and were a ulture citizen, a drone would be teleported to catch you before you hit the ground.

This is spite. Darkseid absolutely get's god stomped into oblivion.

@wf_mxyzptlk

thanks

"Why would this be a good battle? If the Culture is truly as advanced as others are saying why put them against Darkseid? Doesn't seem fair that's all."

Valid point. But it's deeper than it seems on the face of it. Most of the battles here seem to avoid any story or character elements in favor of pure emphasis on all the powers they can bring to bear in the most effective way possible, perhaps to avoid PIS.

But this would be a great conflict because The Culture is essentially hippies in space. So Darkseid would probably push them. Then keep pushing them. And they would respond with little ships, diplomats and so forth saying "hey, c'mon, cut it out. Let's be cool"

So Darkseid would go on, mobilize his war machine and look like he's really starting to do damage. The neat thing about The Culture is how layered and complex it is. Darkseid would make what looks like headway with his parademons because he would be fighting regular Culture citizens. The regular citizens are transhuman but Darkseid would be able to handle them. Basically like low-level Supermen. And their equivalent of the police would be akin to the New God Himon/Bekka/Lightray level. Smart, they can build 10 light hour speed starships in their garage, and long lived, but not real fighters. So Darkseid, and Apokolips could handle them, but there would be some resistance there. Then he would get to the Takion level guys, the "staties" level cops. And he'd have to really start fighting.

The thing is, even though the civilian forces aren't as powerful, there's 50-odd Billion of them because The Culture is an Intergalactic power. So weight alone they could just overwhelm Apokolips. But, like Superman, they hold back. Unlike Superman, they turn utterly coldblooded and ruthless once someone else crosses the line.

And crossing the line is what Darkseid DOES. So he would finally get the attention of The Culture's military or Special Circumstances. Which would all make a great story because The Culture's schtick is to really, really, try to reason with you while explaining that they are very seriously dangerous because they want to protect being laid back and having great sex while relaxing on some cool drugs and being friends with everyone. Until you piss them off. This is pretty much the plot of all of Bank's books.

And Darkseid's schtick is to not ever be reasoned with and want to kill/dominate all life in the universe and ignore threats that can't be immediately backed up. Like when he fought Galactus for no reason other than he just won't roll over. A great story on that (as y'all probably already know) by John Byrne is "Darkseid vs Galactus: The Hunger." There's absolutely no reason for Darkseid to not say "There's no lifeforce on Apokolips for you to eat Galactus, so just leave." But he doesn't. He fights. No matter how pointlessly, because he's a total nihilist.

Which would be a HUGE clash of philosophy with The Culture.

Which would end with The Culture saying "to hell with it" and flaying Darkseid alive with nanomachines while he relives all of his worst nightmares.

And that's terrible.

OTOH, Darkseid could consider that a win. He could say "for all your Utopian ideals, you're worse bastards than I am." Of course The Culture would shrug and go back to weird genders, kinky shapeshifting sex, and bizarre mental dimensions on drugs.

@casaubon: We seriously need a rec button on this site. Because that post was pretty golden.

@casaubon: that living worst nightmare only once by a ship called meat fu##er other than that if they know what has dark seid done and what he is capable of they will just blow apocalypse then they move on to do what ever they were doing .

And seriously people tought hacking internet is comparable cracking a ship lightyears away with ftl computer moving at ftl speed and teleporting black holes into your brane???????