#1 Posted by The_Martian (37399 posts) - - Show Bio

Put your favorite Family Guy quotes here.

Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.

#2 Posted by The WeatherMan (3261 posts) - - Show Bio

Chris: Okay, this time, I swear it's not kitty!

Megan: Ahhhh... Is it kitty?

Chris: Get out OF MY HEAD!!!


#3 Posted by Nightelf (56 posts) - - Show Bio

i got one:

“Mom, shut up or that threesome is never gonna happen!”

-Glenn Quagmire

#4 Posted by zero edge (3990 posts) - - Show Bio

Peter: You know what really grinds my gears? You America, f* you!

#5 Posted by Cosmic Sentinel (3733 posts) - - Show Bio

Peter Griffin: I only drank so that the Statue Of Liberty would take her clothes off.

#6 Posted by Cosmic Sentinel (3733 posts) - - Show Bio

Peter Griffin: I only drank so that the Statue Of Liberty would take her clothes off.

#7 Posted by zero edge (3990 posts) - - Show Bio

Peter: Well you've come to the right place. I'm Han Solo, Captain of the Millenium Falcon and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie.

#8 Posted by Resonate (14552 posts) - - Show Bio

"Only saying his name backwards will send him back to the fifth dimension"

#9 Posted by Graaaaaaa (72 posts) - - Show Bio

Lois walks in on Stewie torturing a bully.

Stewie: We're playing house...

Lois: But that kid is all tied up!

Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.
Post Edited:2008-03-17 06:21:00

#10 Posted by DragonGateAcer (5463 posts) - - Show Bio

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.

Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over

Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.

P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.

P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.

Stewie: Damn, must have pulled something playing hoops last week. (Goes to flashback of Stewie playing basketball.)

Stewie: I know you ain't puttin that rock up from here, cause you ain't got no J! (Stewie trips basketball player)

Baskeball player: Yo man, that's trippin!

Stewie: Brotha please, you're the one who's trippin'! Now go on! Cry home to your momma! She waitin' for ya!

Basketball player: Now don't make me stick my size thirteens up yo narrow ass!

Stewie: Oh, sweet! Bring it on bitch! Now how you gonna act?! (Basketball player walks away.) Jeeze! Bringin that trash in here. Dis is my house!!!

Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?

Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.

Peter: What?

Doctor (revealing comic he was reading): Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.

Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?

Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.

Peter/Lois: Argh!

Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...

Peter: Argh!

Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.

Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!

Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.

Lois: Oh my goodness!

Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.

Peter/Lois: Oh!

Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.

Lois: What?!

Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now-

Lois: Please, please, we can't take any more schtick.. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?

Doctor: Oh, yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.

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