An Awful Comic and a Worse Doom Patrol Comic
The Good: Umm.... It's weird? And Martian Manhunter's in it. That's cool. And I guess all the JLA are pretty decently written. Look, when I'm reviewing something this bad I have to count my blessings. Oh, yeah, if the title hadn't let you on, this issue is really bad.
The new characters seem kind of interesting, and I somehow like the precedent that aside from the constant Robotman, every Doom Patrol needs some new members unique in the entire DCU to that iteration of the Doom Patrol. Kupperburg's had Celsius, Tempest, Karma, and Scott Fisher; Morrison had Crazy Jane and Danny the Street; Pollack had.... a bunch more; Vol 3. had Fever, Kid Slick, Freak AND 'Neagive Man'/Fast Forward. Even Giffen's run had Black Hole. So I'm kind of interested in these newbies here.
Robotman is one of the most consistently written characters in comics. Even in this pile of trash, it's good to know they still couldn't screw up Cliff.
We got that out of the way? Good.
The Bad: Let's start with the obvious shall we? This Doom Patrol is a reboot. First question, why? It's not like the Doom Patrol's history is all that confusing. Giffen managed to nail down the basics in one issue, including this train wreck. Second, it REALLY fucks up continuity on a whole other level. If the Doom Patrol never existed before, how did Beast Boy get adopted by Elastic Girl and Mento? And why does everyone hate Mento? Of all the original members, he's reappeared the least. Whatever, that's another story. Anyways. Even though this is the Doom Patrol 'Together Again For the First Time!' as the cover so blatantly states without the shame it rightly deserves, why are the Doom Patrol a team that is already established? There was a definite feel that the team of Robotman, Elastic Girl, and Negative Man; led by The Chief; was something that had been around for some amount of time. Maybe it only retconned death of the original DP and all the follow ups? Well, no, that wouldn't negate the Beast Boy thing.... And we've got new members here causing some kind of vague reaction with the old ones. Or, actually its more like the old members are very accepting, and the new ones feel awkward for no adequately explored reason. Explain to me how this is the Doom Patrol together 'For the First Time!' if they were already together and had implied adventures prior to this issue? OH WAIT.
APPARENTLY it's a follow up to some JLA story. So I'm required to read an arc of JLA to understand ISSUE NUMBER ONE of Doom Patrol. Crossovers can be fine, and normally they're not totally necessary, short, or well balanced. (Batgirl/Red Robin, Doom Patrol/Secret Six, Batgirl/Batman Incorporated; respectively.) This however is completely forced and unbalanced. It appears I have to read a full arc of JLA before I begin Doom Patrol from the beginning. That's already a bad sign. A first issue that hinges on reading an entire arc of an unrelated comic. And it's implied that this is more of an epilogue, as in, you don't need to read this if you read the JLA arc, but you have to read the JLA arc to read this. And it's a crappy plot too. It just feels like it's nothing more than scraps and leftovers from the big JLA arc. Cleaning up the crumbs it left behind.
So it's confusing on several levels. But 'Oh ho!' one might say. "Was it not so that Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol was so great because of how little sense it made?" And then I'd smack one for talking like that. And also because Morrison's Doom Patrol was layered in thick heapings of complexity, depth, and COMPLETELY BONKERS WEIRDNESS. This... isn't any of that. It's a pretty standard superhero comic with heroes who might have been consider rejects once, but the modern word (This came out in 2004 even) hardly get an eye batted towards them in the DCU. So there's that, nothing that makes this stand out in any way whatsoever. So big symbolism, and nothing weird. So why is it confusing? Terrible writing, and terrible planning.
And now we come to the meat of the story. I of course speak ironic because, let's face it, there IS no meat to this story. Just some tofu that's somehow dry and shrunken like old meat. The artwork looks really outdated. I say Dan Jurgens art is kind of stale, but mostly fine. John Byrne's art here is moldy. If you want some contrast, Jim Lee was drawing Hush when this was coming out. That's right. Now stack up Jim Lee and John Byrne side by side. What's that? Jim Lee is an unfair example? How about this, the previous Doom Patrol series, from 3 years ago. The art there looks WAY more modern and kinetic. Byrne's art is just stale and static. And frankly, it's really dull and bland. Oh and also the writing. This just feels so outdated in pretty much every fashion. The 'reboot' has brought back more of the original Doom Patrol than any before it, and it doesn't try to make them new. It just keeps them old. We've got a comic that's really wordy, and dialogue that's generally pretty stiff and uninteresting, top that off with the moldy and dull artwork; and this is just something that's so outdated it couldn't possibly be as new as it is. But it is. And that's just terrible.
In Conclusion: 0.5/5
This comic is just a horrible horrible mess. It's fitting that this was the shortest lived incarnation of the Doom Patrol because it's just HORRENDOUS. It's a bad comic. It feels dank and musty from every part of its creation. It relies on a poorly conceived crossover. And these are just the reasons its bad by principle. Slap on the Doom Patrol logo with a contradictory message about it's reboot, and you have the equivalent of a 20-something page appalling insult. Unfortunately it's too late for me to warn people off of it, but its good to know this series didn't last long. If you're thinking about getting into Doom Patrol, do yourself a favor and just stay the hell away from this. As the score reflects, this is quite possibly the worst comic I have ever read, and definitely the worst one I've reviewed. And yet I've condemned myself to 17 issues more of this torture. Yes, I love the Doom Patrol THAT MUCH that I'd put up with this shit for the sake of completing a collection. But what do you expect from a man who tried to undo one of Morrison's greatest works? Thank GOD Giffen set things right.