Fine, I'll stop complaining about it
It's been a while since we've looked at Demon Knights. I always fall behind in the summer unfortunately. Today we have an issue that I have a sneaking suspicion was written after Paul Cornell read my previous reviews and decided to explain why Etrigan doesn't Rhyme as often as he should. Okay Paul, let's see what you got.
So, we start this review with our old pal, Vandal Savage trying to cover his ass by explaining that he had planned to betray the horde all along. Naturally, no one buys it, accept the Horsewoman but by her own admission, she's taken several blows to the head.
The conversation turns to Xanadu as everyone is naturally curious as to how she got in this situation with Jason and Etrigan. So she decides to tell her story. It seems she was once Merlin's apprentice. She thinks she can do certain spells better than he can, but ends up conjuring up a deadly hell snake. Merlin scolds her, but also commends her for her willingness to take risks. Jason walks in and tells Merlin that the King needs him, which humorously annoys Merlin.
Anywho, Jason and Nimue (as was Xanadu's name at the time) grow close over time until some sort of attack on Camelot separates the two and Jason is bound to Etrigan in the intervening time. Xanadu somehow notices that she's immortal, something to do with a lake, I don't know, and after staying in one town too long, the peasants get ready to burn the witch, even that one guy who got better after she turned him into a newt. Etrigan arrives (rhyming this time YAY!!) and frees her and that night, Xanadu and Jason make love. This apparently pisses off Etrigan So much that it makes him unable to rhyme. Okay, that's over simplifying it a bit. Apparently Rhyming is something one does in order to maintain rank in hell. I guess Satan loves his poetry. However, when Etrigan gets angry, he loses concentration. Okay, it's not as strong an explanation as it could be, but I'll take it. Xanadu holds back the Demon with her powerful magic, which evidently arouses the Demon so much that the next day he proposes that they get married and have massive amounts of wild, passionate sex for long periods of time by offering her a dead sheep. Xanadu agrees to help the Demon out with his situation, but turns down his proposal. Maybe next time he should kill more than one sheep. Later, Jason and Nimue attempt to wed one another, and Etrigan ain't happy, as evidenced by the smoking carcass of the dead priest in the burnt down church. So, to keep Etrigan at bay, Xanadu agrees to love the Demon, or at least pretend to.
Back to the present... sort of, Etrigan emerges from Jason and the gang inquires as to his side of the story. Etrigan's version is a lot shorter and Xanadu has a much greater appreciation for raw mutton. The whole scene feels like flashback for the comedy where the guy tells a ridiculous story of him being a super stud, even though there's no way that the story can be true.
We end with Merlin getting stabbed in the back buy a guy with multiple purple glowing tongues. Don't worry, he's not dead. This is just the Teselector. The real Merlin went off in the TARDIS to go fight in the time war. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Well, they explained why Etrigan doesn't Rhyme. Fine, you win I'll stop complaining. Aside from that, this is a great issue. The origin story is great, balancing humor and horror, the sort of thing I've come to expect from a former writer for Doctor Who.
I would have liked to see exactly what it was that attacked Camelot, it looked like a UFO descending but that's all we get. Until that's explained, I'll just assume it was the Daleks.
I don't have a closing statement so I'll just say a few words that will go somewhere along the lines of bingle bongle dingle dangle, yickety do yickety dah, ping pong, lippy tappy to tah.