You Are Darkseid (you keep your memories, not his)

#1 Edited by lorbo (1541 posts) - - Show Bio

I started this but it ends with YOU.

If I were Darkseid I would do things differently:

1. Forget the ant-life equation. Would that not make life boring if everyone did as I said like robots? No free will? Not my cup of tea...no thanks.

2. I would change things on Apocalypse so people stop calling it a hell hole. If anyone decides to revolt or dissent my policies I will just banish them to Earth---Gotham city to be exact. Once Joker or any of the Gotham rogues get their hands on them they will wish they were back on Apocalypse.

3. I would not bother Supes anymore. My face is already cracked enough, I don't need any more.

4. I would marry one of the female furies, since granny goodness is not attractive at all. Maybe Lashina, she seems like the most level headed one. I don't think any other women would want me.

5. I would still maintain a military force for defense, just in case any of my numerous enemies thought the time was right to attack since I wasn't being a jerk anymore.

6. My omega beams are awesome, if they can time travel like I have been led to believe, I would do that for fun. Maybe I would be like Doctor Who, just far more intimidating due to how I look.

7. I would ditch the blue diapers that I wear for something more fashionable. I might even don a wig, for laughs if nothing else.

#2 Posted by sesquipedalophobe (4691 posts) - - Show Bio

I would start my own BDSM clothing chain called the Darkseid of Things. It'll crush Hot Topic.

#3 Posted by joshmightbe (24601 posts) - - Show Bio

Conquer the world but not in the bad way. You all can keep your freedoms and elect leaders and such you'd just pay me tribute in the form of cash, lots of it, I wouldn't pay taxes and I'd force the governments to actually do their jobs cause the minute I have to deal with any of the mundane crap that would actually be involved with ruling the world I'd lose my patients so your leaders would be completely terrified of screwing up and forcing me to come over.

#4 Posted by ArticulateT (189 posts) - - Show Bio

@sesquipedalophobe said:

I would start my own BDSM clothing chain called the Darkseid of Things. It'll crush Hot Topic.

This made me laugh, I applaud you.

If I were Darkseid, I'd leave without saying a word, thus ensuring my absence will cause a civil war to get hold of my previous power. I'd then flee to a place in the universe where none will find me, and then find a way back into my original body while preventing my own escape from wherever I am before I do, so if my leaving of Darkseid give it back to the original Darkseid, he's at least hindered from being back on the warpath to Earth.

#5 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
  1. Destroy the Universe
  2. Watch Arrested Development
#6 Posted by TheAcidSkull (17271 posts) - - Show Bio

i'd walk down the streets yelling

' F*ck you! i'm DARKSEID! i'll do what i want!

#7 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

Wow haha, you really put a lot of thought into this.

I'd probably do the following:

1. Leave Apokolips because frankly that place is not only hostile but its population is also unbearably...well, hostile.

2. Return to Earth, and use my matter-manipulation powers to transform my body back to my old self.

3. Then continue to secretly live the rest of my normal life (which I'm perfectly happy with), while having all of Darkseid's powers.

3b. Abuse said powers by mentally-controlling the Oscar board to give more nominations to the Avengers and DKR. Or maybe using my Omega Beams to cook Cup Noodles (THREE minutes! That's how long it takes for those things to cook! THREE! MINUTES!).

#8 Posted by Sliver Titan (20 posts) - - Show Bio

Open a bar and resturant, and lead a completely normal and uneventful life just to mess with Superman's head. Probs try and chat up poison ivy and giganta. Then crush my enemies. Usual stuff.

#9 Posted by Ms. Omega (4403 posts) - - Show Bio

@lorbo: Lashina is kinda sexey in a dominatrix sort of way......I approve this.

#10 Posted by StrangeMan (407 posts) - - Show Bio

I'd probably do the same as he does, sit around in other people's couches playing with my action figures.

#11 Posted by DarkDay (503 posts) - - Show Bio
#12 Posted by evilvegeta74 (4521 posts) - - Show Bio

@DarkDay:

Mickey's waiting!

#13 Posted by TDK_1997 (14456 posts) - - Show Bio

Rule the world!

#14 Posted by DarkDay (503 posts) - - Show Bio

@evilvegeta74:

LOL
#15 Posted by DH69 (4258 posts) - - Show Bio

1. find way to make self less fugly

2. destroy Apocalypse it bores me

3. ???

4. profit

#16 Posted by Joygirl (18504 posts) - - Show Bio

Sit down, have lunch. Matter manipulation for perfect body. Probably toss Apokalips (seriously people, Apokalips, not Apocalypse) into the sun because it honestly has no redeeming qualities. Quick shower. Dinner. Begin drafting plans for the rest of my life.

#17 Posted by Joygirl (18504 posts) - - Show Bio

*Apokolips (of COURSE I mispelled it)

#18 Posted by lorbo (1541 posts) - - Show Bio

@Joygirl said:

Sit down, have lunch. Matter manipulation for perfect body. Probably toss Apokalips (seriously people, Apokalips, not Apocalypse) into the sun because it honestly has no redeeming qualities. Quick shower. Dinner. Begin drafting plans for the rest of my life.

OK, If Darkseid can look better than he does, why does he not bother with changing his look? Do he's powers depend on looking like a rock? Maybe if he looked human his skin would be softer and easier to damage? Didn't know he could do that...

#19 Posted by Dextersinister (5765 posts) - - Show Bio

@lorbo said:

@Joygirl said:

Sit down, have lunch. Matter manipulation for perfect body. Probably toss Apokalips (seriously people, Apokalips, not Apocalypse) into the sun because it honestly has no redeeming qualities. Quick shower. Dinner. Begin drafting plans for the rest of my life.

OK, If Darkseid can look better than he does, why does he not bother with changing his look? Do he's powers depend on looking like a rock? Maybe if he looked human his skin would be softer and easier to damage? Didn't know he could do that...

He's all about the image, nearly anyone of his subject's would die if he asked so he doesn't need to look appealing he chose his look for the intimidation factor. Orion's real face is more like his.

#20 Posted by joshmightbe (24601 posts) - - Show Bio

@lorbo: Well when people are absolutely terrified of you looks don't matter. I'm sure everyone he asks assures him that he is the most handsome right before they beg him not to kill them.

#21 Posted by JonSmith (3988 posts) - - Show Bio

@lorbo said:

OK, If Darkseid can look better than he does, why does he not bother with changing his look? Do he's powers depend on looking like a rock? Maybe if he looked human his skin would be softer and easier to damage? Didn't know he could do that...

You're you, no powers to speak of. You have the choice to meet one of two evil dictators. Both are completely the same except in one respect: While both have all the power of Darkseid, only one has his rocky, charred, skin and burning eyes, and is around twice the size of the average human being. The other looks human. Which would you be less intimidated to visit?

On topic: Do we HAVE to become Darkseid on Apokolips in the DC Universe, or can we just become Darkseid in actual reality on Earth? Because in the case of the former, most of us would be struck down quickly: While we would have all of his power, Darkseid deals with people who are his near equal in strength and power on a regular basis, and only wins because of his experience and ruthlessness, attributes none of us would have. So we'd probably be defeated rather quickly and lose our Omega Effect, the key to a lot of Darkseid's powers. Not to mention that everyone who decides to head to Earth will probably be tracked down, either by the League or Apokalips' new ruler. The former will be looking to force us to abandon Earth immediately, while the latter will be looking to kill us. Not to mention that the latter will be equipped with the only weapons that can hurt us: Radion. Not to mention, Lorbo, that most of Darkseid's followers follow him BECAUSE of the aforementioned evil ruthlessness. If you began acting like yourself, meaning soft, they'd descend on you and rip you apart in a heartbeat. Then again, Darkseid has all of Orion's Rage, which is genetic, not a psychological thing, he just knows how to control it. Without that same experience, we'd probably be driven into a berserker rage as well, just like Orion is prone to.

All around, kinda sucks being suddenly transformed into Darkseid in the DC Universe. I'd still go for it, I'd just destroy all of Apokolips, change shape to something more palatable, explain to the New Gods the change in personality, regardless of whether or not they believe it, then head to Earth and live there as a superhero, hoping no one finds out who I used to be, though it'd be inevitable and I'd be turned upon in an instant, probably exiled from Earth, and hunted by the Green Lantern Corps.

Now in our reality, without all the rage? Oh, I'm much more open to that. No one could stop me. I could do as I pleased, and there would be no force on Earth capable of halting me.

#22 Posted by hart7668 (2294 posts) - - Show Bio

@jonsmith: You say, 'hunted by the Green Lantern Corps' but apparently the Guardians of the Universe had no knowledge of Apokolips at all. Do they even know who Darkseid is?

Speaking of Apokolips, I'd rule it with an iron fist and come by and destroy the latter half of the solar system before I made my way to Earth, daring Super-wimp and his wonder chick to try and stop me. I'll just burn the martian.

#23 Posted by Herokiller12344 (987 posts) - - Show Bio

Do things differently.

Well, let's see...I'd show up more for 1.

2. Menace/job to more people than just Superman so I can fool them into thinking I'm just all hot air and then WHAM, I curbstomp everyone in the latest JLA issue.

3. Go to Earth and make myself a secret identity so that I can keep an eye on my enemies.

4. Kill Superman.

5. Get a sidekick.

#24 Posted by Osymandias (128 posts) - - Show Bio

Depends where I have to be, and what constraints. If I'm Darkseid on Apokolips then I would run the planet as he would. I wouldn't have his experience but I would have his intelligence and I am capable of being just as ruthless. I would kidnap either Wonder Woman or Zatanna to be my bride, or find a willing partner in someone like Black Cat (marvel I know but still), Circe, or best choice Talia al Ghul.

If I were Darkseid and just had his powers on earth I would create an imposing human form and demand tribute from the world's leaders and offer them protection from outside nations/planets in return. I would live in a fortress and destroy any who oppose my will with Omega Beams

#25 Posted by Frozen (10911 posts) - - Show Bio

Since I'm a multi-dimensional being, I'd put my effort into moving through dimensions to see if the Multiverse actually exists, then destroy planets and only increase my power. I would destroy planets to see if I could create a chain of 'Apokolips' planets, all under my own control.

#26 Posted by Cloakx14 (2358 posts) - - Show Bio

i've rule the world, make wonder woman wife and kill superman.

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