Cyclops: the worst leader

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#1 Posted by ramj (21 posts) - - Show Bio

was scrolling through tumblr and came across this http://doctordisaster.tumblr.com/post/12328429710/cyclops-the-worst-leader-an-interview little humor. what do you think?

So, you’re a teacher at a school where mutant kids can learn to control their powers. What tricks do you use to keep your powers under control?

I don’t. I have a special pair of glasses that does it for me.

[awkward pause]

Without them, I am helpless and blind.

Well, designing them must have taken considerable ingenui—

I didn’t design them. The Professor did.

Oh. Well, that was kind of him. He also asked you to lead his team of mutant superheroes, the X-men, from their inception. What qualities led him to trust you to lead at such a young age?

I am a natural leader.

Er, yes. How so?

I am very good at leadership.

But what aspects of leadership?

The part where I am the leader of the team.

Let’s try this another way. How did a teenager handle the responsibility of making decisions under pressure without Xavier’s help?

By asking him psychically what to do.

…I’m sorry?

For the first few years, he stayed in constant contact with the entire team using his psychic powers every time we went on a mission. He would come up with plans, coordinate our actions, and make critical decisions in the heat of battle.

Oh. Um. Well, what did you do?

I led the team.

What were your responsibilities as team leader, I mean?

I would tell them to carry out the Professor’s orders, mostly.

So, the Professor would come up with a plan, and you would say, “do that?”

Yes. With my natural leadership skills, it was easy.

I see. Well, you said this was only for the first few years. What happened after that?

For a while, we all thought the Professor was dead. It was a very difficult time.

Oh! So, you stepped in to fill in his role?

No. Around that time, Jean’s telepathy developed, so she took over the Professor’s old duties.

And you…

…led the team. I would tell them to carry out Jean’s plans. Which, it turned out, were also the Professor’s orders.

Really?

Yes. It turned out the Professor hadn’t died after all. He had to fake his own death in order to focus on a critical long-term threat.

He let his own students think he was dead?!

Yes. Except for Jean. He made sure to tell her what was going on.

So he faked his own death, entrusting his responsibilities and the knowledge of his survival to one student, and that student was Jean Grey.

That’s correct.

And you… led the team.

Exactly.

Moving on, then. Let’s talk about the personnel change that many say redefined the X-men. The entire team left, except for you!

Yes. I wanted them to stay, but they ignored me.

You had to rebuild the team from scratch.

It was the hardest time for me as a leader. There was no one to lead.

What was your role in the recruitment of the new cast of international heroes?

I mostly had to be patient while the Professor recruited them. It was very difficult.

Surely there was more to it than that?

Well, of course. First he had to scan for them with Cerebro. Then he had to build dossiers, drawing on his contacts in the government and his abilities for any information he could find, trying to decide whether they were suitable for the team. Then he had to fly all over the world, trying to convince them to sign up.

Ah. And, if I may venture a guess: you led the team?

No. There was no one there to lead. I thought I explained this.

Sorry, my mistake.

For a while, it felt as though my role as leader was just an empty title.

How sad.

But then the Professor came back with a new team for me to lead! It was a great moment.

And then you went back to telling the team to do whatever the Professor told them to do.

Of course not. First, I had to train them.

Oh, really? So you trained the new team? Teaching combat skills must be a great challenge.

It sure is! Fortunately, the Professor built a special room full of automated training machines and scripted a whole series of programs for me to use.

…Oh.

The Danger Room is amazing.

But you still had to tutor them in controlling their powers, at least?

Well, this team was made up of adults rather than teenagers. They already knew how to use their powers. Many had been relying on their mutant skills for a living. Some even had combat training.

So what exactly were you teaching them?

How to work as a team.

That does sound important… So, you forged them into a coordinated fighting force?

Well, that was the goal of the training. Unfortunately, they weren’t very good at it.

So you were unable to teach a group of combat-trained mutant veterans with good control of their powers to function as a team?

Yes. I told them to work together, but they wouldn’t. I mean, sometimes they would, when they felt like it, or when it was their own idea. But for some reason, I could say “work together” all I wanted and they still wouldn’t.

What did you do to teach them the value of teamwork?

Well, I told them teamwork was valuable and that they should work as a team. I don’t know what more you could ask of me than that.

Really?

Some of them seemed to actually get a kick out of ignoring me. Heck, a lot of them still do.

I can’t imagine.

I still maintain that Thunderbird might have lived if we had been more coordinated.

You lost a team member?

On our second mission, yes.

That must have been terrible.

I told them, “This is what happens when you don’t work as a team! Next time listen to me better!”

And you must have reexamined yourself as a leader after that.

Well, it certainly made me feel like less of a leader.

Understandably.

I mean, one day, I was leading seven people. Then the next day, I was only leading six.

…That’s it?

Well, six isn’t that few. At the beginning, I had only been leading four.

But you didn’t reconsider your leadership style?

I thought about it, sure. But the problem wasn’t my leadership style, it was their following style. I said “work as a team,” and they didn’t work as a team. I think it’s pretty clear where the problem was.

So you seriously think leadership responsibilities begin and end with “tell people what to do”?

You forgot the training part.

Which didn’t actually work.

Correct. They were impossible to train.

You said many of them already had training.

Yes. In things like combat, espionage, acrobatics, thievery, and controlling their unprecedented superhuman abilities. Learning to look out for your teammates must be harder than all those other things.

One of them was a Russian communist! You couldn’t teach a child of the Soviet Union to think of the common good?

Well, he did seem a little more promising than the others.

So, you don’t recruit, you don’t plan, you don’t make decisions, you don’t control your powers, no one listens to your orders, no one trusts you with important information, and your idea of training is “tell someone what to do and then hope they do it.” Do you do anything? Conduct job interviews? Help your teammates with their personal lives?

I’ve never thought of that. I bet I would be really good at dealing with people’s personal problems! I mean, no one who hasn’t been there knows what to do when your true love dies in your arms.

Finally we’re getting somewhere! What do you do in that situation?

Well, the first time—

The first time?

Yes, the first time, I married her exact physical duplicate who wasn’t related in any way, and quit the team.

What?

Well, technically I was forced off the team by Storm, who thought I should concentrate on my wife and son.

Son?

But then I heard my original girlfriend was still alive, so I abandoned my family with no explanation to join a new team with the original girlfriend.

What??

Of course, I didn’t tell the original what was going on, either, and swore everyone who knew I was married to secrecy so I could go back to dating my resurrected girlfriend in peace.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

When my wife came to find me, demanding to know what the hell was going on, things looked pretty grim for a while.

Hard to believe that would bite you in the ass.

But fortunately it turned out that she had been a clone all along.

So you mean totally identical, unrelated women aren’t that common?

Also, maddened by jealousy, rage, and grief at our son’s kidnapping—

Kidnapping?! You didn’t think this was worth mentioning?

—she had struck a bargain with a demon to give her incredible powers so she could take revenge.

Why ever would she want to do that?

So we just defeated her like any other supervillain, and she committed suicide. Things sorted themselves right out after that!

Well, on the bright side, now I know why people don’t come to you for help with their personal problems. On the other hand, this interview is over, asshole. Rot in hell.

Wait? Don’t you want to hear what I did the second time she died…?

#2 Posted by Kallarkz (3303 posts) - - Show Bio

Don't understand how 90% of the things here could even be considered to be counted against Cyclops.

#3 Posted by WarMachineMarkV (1214 posts) - - Show Bio

- While the fake interview is pretty funny, and has some legitimate, overall it is hard to take everything said without looking at the situations that surrounded it.

1 - A lot of the cracks about his leadership ability and real impact on training were when his was an untrained teenager himself. This does not take into account the growth he had in later years when his experience allowed Xavier to take off the training wheels and let Scott handle more on his own.

2 - Many characters use weapons and equipment they did or design or build themselves, not every character is an inventor or engineer.

3 - I am quite sure over the years Cyclops has developed many danger room scenarios, probably more than anyone except Xavier and maybe Forge.

4 - The whole Maddie-Jean, and now Emma-Jean situations are pretty damning, for someone who for most of his life has been shown to be the ultimate nice guy he has serious relationship issues.

#4 Posted by Alch21 (210 posts) - - Show Bio

Cyclops is the greatest leader. ever.

#5 Posted by BlackArmor (6149 posts) - - Show Bio

@Alch21 said:

Cyclops is the greatest leader. ever.

I agree 99% it would be 100% if you boldend the ever and made it all caps and added exclamation marks

EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#6 Posted by Billy Batson (58265 posts) - - Show Bio

This was stupid.
BB

#7 Posted by God_Spawn (38232 posts) - - Show Bio

@Billy Batson said:

This was stupid.
GS

Moderator Online
#8 Posted by SC (13299 posts) - - Show Bio

Wait was this serious? Grrrrrrr *goes to type overly defensive statement* 
 
Oh wait... well I thought it was funny lol... but then again, I was the guy that ripped into my own favorite characters in the characters you hate thread lol 

Moderator
#9 Posted by Larkin1388 (1760 posts) - - Show Bio

@ramj: LOL.

#10 Posted by hydrabob--defunct (14860 posts) - - Show Bio

Good thing repetition is funny......

#11 Posted by soccersss (537 posts) - - Show Bio

Lol. This was so hilarious. Overly exaggerated but extremely funny nevertheless. Scott just makes himself an easy target for this kind of things

#12 Posted by PowerHerc (85153 posts) - - Show Bio

@ramj: I like this and think it's over due.

#13 Posted by Gambit1024 (9890 posts) - - Show Bio

I still maintain that Thunderbird might have lived if we had been more coordinated.

I laughed at this for like, 20 minutes, lmao.

#14 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@Alch21 said:

Cyclops is the greatest leader. ever.

@Billy Batson said:

This was stupid.
BB

These statements are accurate. 
#15 Posted by Joygirl (20135 posts) - - Show Bio

This makes me so full of joy. Joyful Joygirl is joyful. *draws a stick figure picture of Cyclops with daggers in his neck*

#16 Posted by entropy_aegis (15472 posts) - - Show Bio

Man people really hate Cyclops.

#17 Posted by slick23 (460 posts) - - Show Bio

That was pretty funny haha.

#18 Posted by The Devil Tiger (1263 posts) - - Show Bio

It's quite overdue (And I hate the guy...) but it's funny as hell !!!

#19 Posted by ntb1124 (949 posts) - - Show Bio

Cyclops fan, but this was pretty funny... I am a leader!!!

#20 Posted by RainEffect (3240 posts) - - Show Bio
@FadeToBlackBolt said:
@Alch21 said:

Cyclops is the greatest leader. ever.

@Billy Batson said:

This was stupid.
BB

These statements are accurate. 
That was rather ... restrained of you, honey. xD
#21 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@RainEffect: Eh, it was just a joke thread, it it was serious, I'd have brought the pain =P 
#22 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@entropy_aegis said:

Man people really hate Cyclops.

Yeah, people can be really freaking dumb. 
#23 Edited by Dernman (15439 posts) - - Show Bio

I want to see a Cyclops mini.

#24 Edited by RainEffect (3240 posts) - - Show Bio
@FadeToBlackBolt said:

@RainEffect: Eh, it was just a joke thread, it it was serious, I'd have brought the pain =P 

Ah! Now my feeble mind understands. I was like "Where's the Cyclops smacketh dowenth?"
 
downeth* even
#25 Posted by Wise Son (1772 posts) - - Show Bio

@Billy Batson said:

This was stupid.
BB

Co-sign.

#26 Posted by Markall (174 posts) - - Show Bio

Cyclops is the best leader.

But this was still very funny.

#27 Posted by D3athstroke (4081 posts) - - Show Bio

Cartoon ruined him for many people

#28 Posted by Jonny_Anonymous (34287 posts) - - Show Bio
@god_spawn said:

@Billy Batson said:

This was stupid.
SB

#29 Posted by One_Eye (783 posts) - - Show Bio

@Wise Son: At least it was a joke. Now how about one where other comicbook characters are ripped into?

#30 Edited by PrinceIMC (5422 posts) - - Show Bio
@soccersss said:

Lol. This was so hilarious. Overly exaggerated but extremely funny nevertheless. Scott just makes himself an easy target for this kind of things

This.
 
And I really hope someone comes up with similar articles for other 'leaders' in comic books. Most of them have made really questionable calls.
#31 Posted by stu (379 posts) - - Show Bio

@Alch21: yep!

#32 Posted by One_Eye (783 posts) - - Show Bio

- While the fake interview is pretty funny, and has some legitimate, overall it is hard to take everything said without looking at the situations that surrounded it.

1 - A lot of the cracks about his leadership ability and real impact on training were when his was an untrained teenager himself. This does not take into account the growth he had in later years when his experience allowed Xavier to take off the training wheels and let Scott handle more on his own.

2 - Many characters use weapons and equipment they did or design or build themselves, not every character is an inventor or engineer.

3 - I am quite sure over the years Cyclops has developed many danger room scenarios, probably more than anyone except Xavier and maybe Forge.

4 - The whole Maddie-Jean, and now Emma-Jean situations are pretty damning, for someone who for most of his life has been shown to be the ultimate nice guy he has serious relationship issues.

1.. If anything, we've gotten the chance to view his development and see him make mistakes versus other characters whom possess a nearly flawless record which in my opinion makes those characters not as believable.

2. Exactly, it's not as though Captain America made his shield, Thor constructed Mjolnir, or even Hal Jordan constructs his own power rings. Yeah, he can't control his powers but not everyone has a magical, infant, messiah that can magically cure what ails ya.Yeah, let's just ask Hank McCoy, the go-to guy on mutant cures because the last time he tried to cure his mutation that totally worked out for the best.

3.

4.Yeah, Cykes is just the biggest target. I'd even argue that Marvel just likes elevating their cash-cows at the expense of their non-mainstream roster, however, at this point I've grown used to it from them. Yeah,this interview is a parody((not a funny one really as it's all tired stuff that I've heard near-countless times.)) But I remind myself of the fact that Cykes doesn't have it as bad as Hank Pym where the last invention that he created was apparently on constructed so that he could revive is late wife,mind you he's still suppose to be seeing someone else at this point..O_o

#33 Posted by BlackArmor (6149 posts) - - Show Bio

I was actually reallly confused by people saying lol and that it was funny, but then i pictured Jack Black wearing a cyclops costume and read it again and actually chuckled it's still not funny but i see why someone would views it as humorous.

@D3athstroke said:

Cartoon ruined him for many people

That and the movies. the movies are to cyclops what super friends was to aquaman

#34 Posted by The Stegman (25487 posts) - - Show Bio

Cyclops isn't the best leader...at all, but he's far from the worst 
 
and this was pretty freakin funny

#35 Posted by White Mage (18747 posts) - - Show Bio

True or not, The exaggerated, blatant comments made me LOL so hard.

If I can hear Huey Freeman make comments about Storm's ethnicity, and still giggle, then I can giggle at Cyclops

Aquaman fans also have to deal.........all superheroes are fair game.

#36 Posted by John Valentine (16335 posts) - - Show Bio

Waste of time.

#37 Posted by entropy_aegis (15472 posts) - - Show Bio

@FadeToBlackBolt said:

@entropy_aegis said:

Man people really hate Cyclops.

Yeah, people can be really freaking dumb.

True.

#38 Posted by TheCrowbar (4286 posts) - - Show Bio

@entropy_aegis said:

@FadeToBlackBolt said:

@entropy_aegis said:

Man people really hate Cyclops.

Yeah, people can be really freaking dumb.

True.

#39 Posted by InnerVenom123 (29510 posts) - - Show Bio

@spiderbat87 said:

@god_spawn said:

@Billy Batson said:

This was stupid.
SB

#40 Posted by ramj (21 posts) - - Show Bio

Lots of views since I last saw. glad you guys are liking it :-)

#41 Posted by VesKaGan (103 posts) - - Show Bio

Hm... I admit it, once or twice it made me laugh, but... most answers simply show a lack of character knowledge, sorry. Examples:

So, you’re a teacher at a school where mutant kids can learn to control their powers. What tricks do you use to keep your powers under control?

I don’t. I have a special pair of glasses that does it for me.

[awkward pause]

Without them, I am helpless and blind.

No, he's not. He is far from helpless (see "Hindsight") and blind by choice.

Oh. Well, that was kind of him. He also asked you to lead his team of mutant superheroes, the X-men, from their inception. What qualities led him to trust you to lead at such a young age?

I am a natural leader.

He wasn't exactly thrilled at first, too. It was Xavier who told him, that he has the abilty to lead and inspire others (X-Men Origins: Cyclops. "Eyes Wide"). Also, there are enough examples for his leadership skills without Xaviers guidance.

#42 Posted by TheWitchingHour (1340 posts) - - Show Bio

The article was super funny... but I still think Cyclops is a great leader and don't know why he gets so much hate all the time. I think he's even better than Cap.

#43 Posted by Honor_Finesse (270 posts) - - Show Bio

@FadeToBlackBolt said:

@Alch21 said:

Cyclops is the greatest leader. ever.

@Billy Batson said:

This was stupid.
BB

These statements are accurate.

^

@RainEffect said:

That was rather ... restrained of you, honey. xD

How well you've come to know him ;p

#44 Posted by kiss_lamia (1247 posts) - - Show Bio

Haha i don't like him so i found it hilarious loool

#45 Posted by Markall (174 posts) - - Show Bio

@kiss_lamia: He is my favourite character and i still found it hilarious.

#46 Posted by kiss_lamia (1247 posts) - - Show Bio
@Markall: Humour FTW ROFL
#47 Posted by Sir_Deadpool (461 posts) - - Show Bio

cyclops what do you do? im leading haha. funny!

#48 Posted by WarMachineMarkV (1214 posts) - - Show Bio

- To everyone offended by this, you need to take off your Cyclops fanboy hats for once and take it as the parody it is.

- If there were an Iron Man version of this I would think its funny, not cry in my blankie that people do not like him as much as I do and are making fun of him.

- Every character has aspects to them that are open to being manipulated for a purpose, even your beloved Scotty is no different.

#49 Posted by God_Spawn (38232 posts) - - Show Bio

@WarMachineMarkV: And who exactly is offended by this? Some people like it, some people don't. I don't see anyone raging about anything.

Moderator Online
#50 Posted by Andy Steven Summers (5234 posts) - - Show Bio

@John Valentine said:

Waste of time.

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