SELINA KYLE IS... BATWOMAN! Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
It's been clear for some time now: the Cat must become one with the Bat!
Eeew, not Dick Grayson! Batwoman!
Nooo, nice, but no. Catwoman must become Batwoman! And there's no better time than now, as Barbara Gordon suits back up as Batgirl.
Just think of the story possibilities: Kate Kane suffers an injury in battle against Alice or better yet, the Joker! As she convalesces, Barbara rises from the mists to reclaim the Mantle of the Bat and take down the Joker, insuring that he never again harms --
Hey, who's that with the clip-on cape, pointier-than-usual ears... and whip?! And sporting a Power Girl-esque lack of decorum in the, ah, Bat symbol area? Is that Catwoman! I'm freakin' Oracle, and even I didn't see this coming!
Selina, take that batsuit off!
SELINA: Well, hello to you too...!
(Stephanie Brown drops from the rooftops to Babs' side. In the darkness nearby, Cassandra Cain approaches.)
STEPHANIE: Huff, huff! Guess you really are good as new, uh, Batgirl! Omigosh, Kate! I thought you were t - holy God, you're Catwoman!
CASSANDRA CAIN: I'm speechless...
BABS: Cassie! You're back, oh thank God! You have no idea what I've had to put up with --
BABS: - - uh, from the Calculator! Tech zombies, tech puking on me - and I'm not even kidding.
CASSANDRA: DC crammed me in a spiderhole like I was Saddam-freakin-Hussein! Finally escaped and - um, is she stripping?
BABS: Selina, what?! Wait 'til we get back to...well, your apartment.
SELINA: Way to blow my identity, BARBARA! And after I finally got the mask right... calm down, I was just finishing my adjustments...
STEPHANIE: Where's the Bat symbol? There's just an oval hole where it should be!
SELINA: Ye-ah. Well, see I felt all empty inside, and ah, I wanted to be like Batman, but I was kinda emo, so -
BABS: Yeah, yeah, I've heard it already! Wait, what's that over your Bat-belt? In the back? A BAT-TRAMP-STAMP!
SELINA: Well, Sugar, "Batman, Inc." and what-not... I'm just another corporate sell-out now...
STEPHANIE: I'm not sure that's what you're selling...
SELINA: Excuse me, Blondie, but I'm wondering where Bruiser Bat got the black and red threads?
CASSANDRA: Batwoman made it when she was young; a Halloween costume for her - for a friend. She called me from the hospital, said she liked my combatives, wanted me to go back on active duty.
BABS: Welcome back, honey. We've got a lot of catching up to do. Right after Selina explains where she got the batsuit? Is it your costume, modified -
SELINA: Oh, God, no! I just stole one of yours from the Batcave!
BABS: You... penetrated the BATCAVE?!
SELINA: Hmmm, yes. It's defenses weren't the only thing I had my way with...
STEPHANIE: Well, no one said our Bat boss was a boy scout.
SELINA: Ooh, not Bat MAN, child; been there, loved that. Mmm, no... it's so hot seeing the Boy Wonder get his Bat on...
BABS: Dick! YOU TOOK MY DICK! NNNARRRGGGHH!
STEPHANIE: Batgirl - Senior! a catfight at your age, you should be ashamed! You should... listen to me? Ca- uh, Black Bat, do something!
CASSANDRA: So can we make you Bat Teen and her Bat Girl, or are we doing Bat A and Bat B?
STEPHANIE: Making you Bat C? My head hurts... Selina, you slut, I can't believe you did the D- uh... Oracle kick her ass!
KATE KANE: Guess I'm the only Bat Woman here...
CASSANDRA: Batwoman! You stole Daredevil's first costume?
KATE: >>sigh<< No, dear, Grant's on acid again. Ladies, can we set a better example for the next generation? Five more minutes of wrestling, then it's time for bed!
BABS: Hnh, hnh, hnh! Batwoman, they released you from the hospital?
KATE: Yes. And can you release Catwoman from the headlock?
BABS: How did you know...?
KATE: Her build is distinctive. Why'd you let her use your costume?
BABS: I DIDN'T --
SELINA: I didn't think you'd need it! Besides, it was in one of those pneumatic tube things, like a demo. And you clearly have your own now - I think you could use me.
STEPHANIE: War on crime and all... why not?
KATE: I'd love to see a new recruit... but this is Batgirl's decision to make.
STEPHANIE: Then it's -
KATE: Not you.
BABS: Fine. But after we take down Lady Shiva and Poison Ivy's operation I'm taking them both back.
BABS: The suit...and Dick.
There you have it, true believers! Grant Morrison, cry your eyes out in the corner! 'Cause it's time for FEMME BATS! BATWOMAN, INC.! THE BATWOMAN SQUAD OF ALL NATIONS! BRUCE'S BATS! (see, like Charlie's Angels?) Just advance me one or two hundred... dollars, and all their adventures can be yours! Oh right, this is a forum... uh, this is a great idea, RIGHT? Don't troll, just extol...
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