Carnage ?
One of Marvels most anticipated issues and I found myself having a hard time looking for Carnage issue number 1 out of 5, because for some reason Marvel didn’t have Carnage on the front cover of his very own issue.
So after buying what I thought was a new version of Spiderman’s Marvel Team-up, I was ready to read the starting event of some serious maniacal bloodshed that Marvel’s beloved Carnage used to give. Sadly, I didn’t get none of that, that one ingredient that made Carnage match up to his name wasn’t seen nowhere in this issue.
So I’m seeing something that looks like Lex Luthor with blonde hair giving a demonstration on the newest prosthetic limb and obviously got THE BAD GUY WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PROBLEMS OF CARNAGE 1-5 sign written all over his face, wow as if it couldn’t be anymore obvious to where Tony Stark (who was in the audience) had a hunch that this assclown wasn’t up to no good.
Then we see the “unexplained” return of Doppleganger screaming mommy in crappy alien grammer through the streets of New York, gaining the attention Iron Man and Spiderman, who was just finishing his full bowl of Ka-Boom cereal before arriving onto the scene.
Then as soon as Iron Man and Spiderman was about to get into some action, two Power Rangers fly into the scene and attack the heroes for no legit reason at all, besides showing off and acting like two assclowns.
And why didn’t Spiderman and Iron Man take down these two, f*** I know
So as much am I spoiling this comic right now, I’m gonna leave the rest for whoever wants to waste a stinging four dollars and ten minutes of their life for another cheap comeback that didn’t go right.
I remember Carnage as a maniacal murdering monster that would probably be seen dancing in a shower of blood, probably giving poor Spiderman something much worse to deal with than the Gauntlet.
But no, we don’t get that, we get to see Marvel turn one of my favorite personal villains into a rape victim as he’s harvested for technology purposes, possibly for those two dips*** power rangers.
It isn’t the stinging price, the wasted ten minutes, or the pointless trip to the comicstore that had me send this comic back to Marvel in a box of collected dogs***,
It was the fact that I waited for this issue, waited this moment, this event for months and for some reason Marvel f***ed it all up when they decided to put non-experienced Zeb Wells as the writer for this limited series.
Now, non-experienced may be a harsh word for Zeb Wells, because it’s not him who im mad at, but why would Marvel put a guy who isn’t experienced at creating something new with Spiderman instead of mostly using characters by totally re-arranging them or re-telling their histories.
Basically, I don’t understand why they put a writer with mixed reviews on this issue with a famous symbiote-veteran artist, it doesn’t match-up, and it didn’t match up with this story at all.
But you know who was telling the story, Clayton Crain.
Exactly why did I get the impression that it was the artist who was telling the story more than the writer? I don’t know, but that’s not how it goes when it comes to making a comic.
You can easily tell that so much extra space and panels could’ve been used if Clayton here didn’t had a little too much pride in his work to where he used this issue to show off.
Barely any teamwork between artist and writer, hardly no control over the storytelling, barely any research besides reading Maximum Carnage, showing off artwork, no real murdering or any sign of murdering mayhem in a "CARNAGE" storyline, Carnage being raped for greedy purposes (harvested for those who are sensitive about this issue and Carnage), obvious outcomes, horrible new characters and new character names, a stinging unfair price of 3.99, and f*** I could just go on and on.
I could even safely call this an activity book, because as much unexplained moments there are, I feel like im telling the damn story instead of the writer. “Where did Doppleganger come from?”, “Where was Shreik all along”, “Who’s Michael Hall and how does he know Tony Stark?”
Too many damn questions that can have too many answers.
F*** I care if self-proclaimed Venom fans disagree with me, because this was probably another huge let down from Marvel. And if you are a righteous Venom symbiote follower and you DARE say that this issue was an EPIC comeback.
“B****SLAP”
Personally from me to you.
If your looking for a “REAL” Carnage storyline, THEN STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THIS ISSUE, don’t be stupid and waste your time with this comic, because it just may break your heart like mine when seeing our beloved badass baddie become somebodys plaything.
If you want to see the newest version of Marvel Team-up starring Spiderman and Iron Man as they go against Blonde Hair Lex Luthor, Cherry and Blue Berry flavored Iron Men, and some Symbiote that’s probably going to be traumatized for awhile after this limited series. Then by all means, buy this issue.
Thanks to Marvel trying to solicitate Carnage, Im That B****ing Badguy saying thankyou for reading, and make sure that you non-rec me if your on something and say that this issue was awesome, and also pray and hope that the “real” Venom isn’t next on the list.
