I’ll save it for the endcap, you guys. Sheesh.

Okay, starting off, Gotham City Sirens. Holy crap, was that an awsome issue this month. The art is as fabulous as always, even with David Lopez taking a short break and letting Andres Guinlado have a crack at the girls, and Paul Dini has been the first person in a long time to make me actually sort of impressed with Doctor Aesop. Sort of.

And now, a moment of silence for Edward Nigma’s sanity.

Between having a bomb go off in his face and his ‘friends’ using him as bait to solve the mystery of who was trying to steal their home, dear Eddie has been having a hard time as of late. Was the ladies’ little trick the jumping off point for him? Will the Riddler be returning full-force? Oh, I hope not. I rather enjoy the concept that a one-time supervillian can change their ways, which is actually the theme of the book. I mean, if Ivy can be the new head of the Gotham branch of S.T.A.R. Labs, Eddie can keep his nose clean, right?

Anyway, moving on.

In Teen Titans this month, the gang is learning that Dakota is the city of BADASS. And also that Gar is a creepy, creepy young man. Seriously, do not miss the opening panels. What? But back to the badassery.

And what badassery it was. When it comes to Dakota villians, they just don’t get much badder than Holocaust. So with half the team being held captive and the other half trying to find them, what do our heroes do? Laugh about how bad Cassie’s escape plans are. No, really. Eight panels of just mockery.

I’m giving this issue an 8 on the WTF was THAT about?! scale.

It gets better, though. The focus cuts away to Cyborg talking to two people about retirement. My first thoughts were, D: no Vic! Don’t go live at S.T.A.R. Labs! My fears were completely overridden when I eventually realized that, oh duh, he was talking to Bart and Kon. So one ceiling/wall crash and three bad puns later, THE BOYS ARE BACK! Woo! I’m not even going to talk about the Ravager second feature. I’m tired of it, it’s tired of itself. Let’s just agree that it is awful and get on with our lives.

Adventure Comics: Pretty art, but if I had a dollar for every page I actually understood…

See, I don’t pick up Superman or Action Comics. They’re not my thing. I mean, I like Big Blue, but he’s just not my favorite person to read about. But unfortunately, if I’m going to understand anything that’s happening in the current Last Stand of New Krypton arc, or the upcoming War of the Supermen series, I’m going to need to start skimming through some back issues, toute suite. To tell you the truth, I have little to no interest in the whole New Krypton thing. In fact, if Adventure Comics, Supergirl, and the upcoming Legion of Superheroes books weren’t tied heavily to it, I’d probably just ignore the entire thing. But I can’t, not if I want to understand the story.

Speaking of having to pick up several different books to completely understand the story…Blackest Night, anyone?

SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER 

That clear enough?

Okay, so Blackest Night. I only have one thing to say.

WHAT.

Since issue #1, Blackest Night and its miniseries’ have had some of the strangest gimmicks to up readership in any comic that I’ve ever seen. Ralph and Sue Dibny killing Hawkman and Hawkgirl? Black Lantern Hawks versus completely unkillable Dove? Undead Terra making out with Gar? Ressurected characters going from Black Lantern to White Lantern? Lantern deputies? What?

But the final issue topped them all. With one word, twelve people were brought back to life. And from the conversations that followed, it seems that the revolving door that is death in the DCU has been closed for good.

But why those twelve?

Well, Zoom is going to have a huge part in the new Flash series, as is Digger, I assume. Carter and Kendra were going to be resurrected anyway, it’s just the way the characters are. Arthur is going to play a big part in Brightest Day, I assume, if the cover to the second issue is any indication. With Holly dead, Hank’s return may signal a new Hawk and Dove mini? Please? As a Black Lantern, Ronnie Raymond killed the other half of the Firestorm matrix, Gehenna, and now he and Jason are the new Firestorm. Jade is back for the sole purpose of stirring up relationship trouble for Kyle, methinks. Or, if she and Soranik get along, a Christmas-colored threesome. Boston Brand…who knows? He was an agent of Rama Kushna in death, so who knows what life will have in store for him? Amon Tomaz…that’s another mystery. Black Adam and Isis are currently stone statues. Kahndaq is back to the way it was before Adam and, I assume, leaderless. Perhaps Osiris will be the new ruler of Kahndaq. Perhaps he’ll attempt to rejoin the Teen Titans or join up with the JSA in a tribute to his brother-in-law. This is one character I want to watch out for.

And then there was Maxwell Lord.

Waaaay back in Countdown to Infinite Crisis, Max showed his true colors as a madman when he killed Ted Kord, took control of Superman’s mind, and then had his neck snapped by Wonder Woman.

Let me tell y’all something. There is no fandom on the face of the earth that has bitched more about a character death than us Blue Beetle fans. Even five years later, we’re still pouncing on every scrap of evidence that Ted may have somehow cheated death. And that rat bastard Max Lord gets a pass to walk? WHAT. Oh yeah, I’m freaking indignant as hell.

And while they’re bringing back Rogues, why was Digger the lucky one? What, would bringing back Lisa have made Len too cheerful or something? He is Captain freaking Cold. The man will be a BAMF until the day he shuffles off this mortal coil. Or what about the Top? Roscoe is a great Rogue. He’s a nutjob, yes, but he’s still great. Or Inertia, who isn’t a Rogue but y’all know my thoughts concerning him.

But that’s a rant for another day. I’m off to reorganize my longboxes now, see you next time.