Why 'Batman' Would Make A Terrible Boyfriend

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Posted by No_Name_ (12593 posts) - - Show Bio

If you were to ask me who my favorite comic book character is, I would say, without question, it's Batman. Batman books are what initially interested me in reading comics. To me, he's quite possibly the most compelling, complex character in the DC Universe. He's dark, brooding and mysterious. He's always serious, and he's a master detective. Some of his best stories are the most cerebral, and leave you in suspense at every turn. He has both the most interesting lifestyle as well as the most compelling rogues gallery, and his rich character history is part of what makes him such a fantastic character. Yet as great as he is, Batman/Bruce Wayne would probably make for the absolute worst boyfriend, period. And here's why.

== TEASER ==

He's consumed by the death of his parents

...and he's dedicated his entire existence to avenging them. Like it or not, Bruce Wayne's dead parents come before you do, period. See,"Bruce Wayne" died when his parents were killed that fateful evening on the way back from the theater. In his place, Batman was born, propelled by a thirst for vengeance and retribution. Bruce Wayne wanted justice, and after training to fight the war on crime his entire life, he has taken justice into his own hands and strived to eradicate lawlessness; but it's at a great cost to himself. Batman is completely absorbed by avenging his parents death, and as a result, he'll have very little time for dating you.

He's kind of crazy

Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is "doing the same action over and over again, expecting a different result." Isn't that exactly what Batman does? Over and over again he puts on the costume, goes out and fights crime, and then throws the criminals he catches into Arkham in hopes that the insane asylum will rehabilitate them. Not to mention, just how sane is a guy who runs around in a costume fighting crime can? Not very.

Additionally, many of the criminals that began to spring up in Gotham City can be viewed as a result of Batman's existence. There's a question of whether or not his existence as Batman is what led to the creation of villains like the Joker, for example. The Joker seems to exist solely to wreak havoc on Batman -- to give him a hard time, to get under his skin. Would the Joker exist were it not for Batman's existence? I bring up the Joker because the two compliment one another a little bit too well in that they are both seemingly insane. Take for example the Joker's appearance in 'The Killing Joke' where he questions Batman's sanity and infers that he (Batman) is just as "crazy" as he (the Joker) is. Not to mention, Bruce does seem to have a mild case of schizophrenia; I mean just look at all of his different alter egos...Batman, Bruce Wayne, Matches Malone...

Bruce Wayne, billionaire playboy

When he's not out fighting crime in that crazy costume of his, or solving mysteries from the comfort of his bat cave, Batman hangs up the tights for a night on the town as Bruce Wayne, the billionaire playboy. Now, someone didn't just give him the "playboy" reputation; Bruce had to earn it. And earn it he has. Wherever he is, there's always an attractive lady on his arm, and it's rarely ever the same woman. Just this month alone Bruce got a little physical with both Catwoman (in Catwoman's self titled series) and reporter Charlotte Rivers (Batman: Detective Comics #2). Do you really want to deal with the headache?

Chances are, he won't trust you

If there's one thing Batman is known for it's his inability to trust the people around him. You can be Dick Grayson, the boy he raised, and he still won't trust you. Why? Because Batman doesn't trust anyone. Not only will he second guess and dissect everything you say, but he'll likely interrogate you. Oh, and do you have some deep, dark secret you don't want anyone knowing about? Did you wet the bed until you were 12? Play with Barbies until you were 15? Yeah, Batman probably knows all about that, too, so there's no use hiding anything from him. Don't even dream of a "girls night out" because Mr. Paranoia will likely be all over that and raining on your parade. I guess the only advantage to this is that he'll always know what to get you for your birthday because chances are, he already knows everything about you...

You'll be living in constant danger

Once his enemies find out about you and who you are, you can damn well guarantee your life will be in danger. All the time. Look at what happened to Jason Todd? He got beat with a crow bar. What about Barbara Gordon? She was shot in the back. Whoever Batman/Bruce Wayne brings into the fold immediately becomes a primary target for his adversaries. How do you get to the man you can't catch? You catch the people he cares the most about.

But wait, your life won't only be in danger at the hands of the joker; oh no! You'll be in big trouble once his ex girlfriends find out about you and Brucey! You really want a lady like Talia al Ghul trailing your every move? Oh and Catwoman, you do not want to get on that woman's bad side. She's scratch out more than just your eyes. And I'm sure the last thing anyone needs is some yellow journalism leaked in Gotham's most distinguished newspaper by none other than reporter Vicki Vale...

Batman is a lot of great, wonderful and marvelous things; but he's most certainly the last guy any girl in her right mind would want to date. Or I should say, should want to date; because lets face it; you really can't choose who you fall for. Good thing he's not real.

#1 Posted by PrincessSolaria (151 posts) - - Show Bio

I honestly I think Batman is not suitable for long-term relationship

#2 Edited by Daveyo520 (2447 posts) - - Show Bio

First you won't date Hal, and now not Bruce. When will it end?! (ya, they would would both suck)

Who are people that are good to date? Besides Ezio.

#3 Posted by Xyberius13 (26 posts) - - Show Bio

another great article

#4 Posted by GundamHeavyarms (695 posts) - - Show Bio

Not bad babs, still waiting for that Namor article though.

#5 Posted by MrGutts (246 posts) - - Show Bio

We all know you don't want Batman as a "boyfriend" wink wink nudge nudge.

#6 Edited by johnny_spam (2020 posts) - - Show Bio

I do not think Batman would be suitable for anyone's love interest no arguing it. But I do not agree with Batman being insane Grant Morrison and Greg Rucka disagree with you.

Skip to 3:55.

I also think Bruce is over his Parents deaths and has moved on being Batman and that if he never did be Batman he would slowly become even worse. His paranoia is just a unfortunate side affect of the eighties in stories like OMAC Project it is a bad thing and does not serve the character him being paranoid actually hurts the character more than helps. Him sleeping around is the mistake of editorial...or giving Tony Daniel a Bat Book. He does know women in his life would be in danger which is why he normally avoids serious relationships or is teased at being in one with another costumed person so they are already in danger and can chose to be with him.

#7 Posted by TheCrowbar (4286 posts) - - Show Bio

@Daveyo520 said:

First you won't date Hal, and now not Bruce. When will it end?!

Namor.

#8 Edited by RedheadedAtrocitus (6836 posts) - - Show Bio

He's the kind of man you can fall for I would think but know deep down that he's just not right for you. It's that simple. Bruce refuses to let anyone get close to him, for to let them get close is allowing to compromise his mission that he swore from the time he was a child. No, the only hope for him is to get Thomas and Martha Waynes' corpses into a Lazarus Pit and bring them back for him to stop his emo-depressive-obsessive ways. Perhaps only then he will be proper boyfriend/husband material.

#9 Posted by Daveyo520 (2447 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCrowbar: I always think that is a joke, because c'mon winged feet.

#10 Posted by Dernman (15703 posts) - - Show Bio

eh He's a bad boy. He may make a bad BF but he will never be hurting for volunteers.

Online
#11 Posted by clumsyninja (143 posts) - - Show Bio

Bad boy always are FUN plus he has ton of money. Do you rather date a poor journalist from kansas?

#12 Edited by Vortex13 (12264 posts) - - Show Bio

You mean he has dissociative identity disorder not schizophrenia. Dissociative identity disorder is where you have split personalities. Schizophrenics just hear and/or see things. We're always the same person though. Common mistake though. :)

#13 Posted by gangly (106 posts) - - Show Bio

At least he's super-mega-crazy rich?

Also, gotta agree with previous posts that he's not crazy. I think Babs kind of misinterpreted that section of The Killing joke. The Joker does make the point that he thinks Batman is just like him, but what they are isn't crazy. The ol' catch-22 is that crazy people don't think they are, so if you say you're crazy, you're not.

The Joker says that when his life somewhere took a turn, and he saw the infinite number of awful "jokes" we're all victims of, he CHOSE to go nuts. Bruce's life is "crazy" when compared to ours, but he chose it. So, really really creepily obsessed? Absolutely! But not crazy at all.

#14 Posted by iLLituracy (13494 posts) - - Show Bio
@johnny_spam said:

I do not think Batman would be suitable for anyone's love interest no arguing it. But I do not agree with Batman being insane Grant Morrison and Greg Rucka disagree with you.

Skip to 3:55.

I also think Bruce is over his Parents deaths and has moved on being Batman and that if he never did be Batman he would slowly become even worse. His paranoia is just him being crazy and him sleeping around is the mistake of editorial...or giving Tony Daniel a Bat Book. He does know women in his life would be in danger which is why he normally avoids serious relationships or is teased at being in one with another costumed person so they are already in danger and can chose to be with him.

That's great understanding of the character.
#15 Posted by Wattup (646 posts) - - Show Bio

Hearing him sing on the Justice League cartoon melted my frosty heart. 8 )

#16 Posted by FoxxFireArt (3404 posts) - - Show Bio

I certainly know that for the first few dates. Don't even so much mention your mother. You don't want to come across as a momma's boy. When you think about it. Would Bruce's parents want him to be so obsessed with his revenge. You'd think they would also want him to live a life outside of that.

Isn't "playboy" just the modern interpretation of the old term "confirmed bachelor". Millionaire/Billionaire Playboy just flows better as a description.

The fact he doesn't trust anyone is a reasonable critique. One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. It's also one of the hardest things. He's going to know what to get for your birthday, because he's a detective. He'll have you figured out just by that.

I never liked Vickie Vale. She's always seems like a poor imitation of Lois Lane.

#17 Posted by PrincessSolaria (151 posts) - - Show Bio

@FoxxFireArt: I don't like Vicki Vale, as you said it is a bad and poor imitation of Lois Lane

#18 Posted by battyfan1 (203 posts) - - Show Bio

i don't like how bruce/batman was changed into this dark and paranoid freakazoid.......dark batman fine.....he can be cautious fine.....but the paranoia and complete distrust he conveys towards family.....uncalled for....and overused.....

i actually believe that he can have a long and stable relationship with a woman that is in his league and like him.....i.e catwoman/selina.....we just don't have writers that are willing to tackle stories like that...

morrison did a fabulous job in batman Inc.....i just wish he finished the damn arc before this 52 DCnU business started......

#19 Posted by No_Name_ (12593 posts) - - Show Bio

@GundamHeavyarms said:

Not bad babs, still waiting for that Namor article though.

pffft that one's EASY ;)

#20 Posted by Cakeman3000 (50 posts) - - Show Bio

@Daveyo520 said:

First you won't date Hal, and now not Bruce. When will it end?! (ya, they would would both suck)

Who are people that are good to date? Besides Ezio.

Barry Allen
#21 Posted by johnny_spam (2020 posts) - - Show Bio

@battyfan1: @battyfan1 said:

i don't like how bruce/batman was changed into this dark and paranoid freakazoid.......dark batman fine.....he can be cautious fine.....but the paranoia and complete distrust he conveys towards family.....uncalled for....and overused.....

i actually believe that he can have a long and stable relationship with a woman that is in his league and like him.....i.e catwoman/selina.....we just don't have writers that are willing to tackle stories like that...

morrison did a fabulous job in batman Inc.....i just wish he finished the damn arc before this 52 DCnU business started......

Completely agree paranoid Batman is overused. December is such a long way away until Batman Inc comes back only to go away again.

#22 Edited by Mbecks14 (2029 posts) - - Show Bio

Let's be serious, I'D even date batman.

#23 Posted by I_Stay_Puft (58 posts) - - Show Bio

He's freakin Batman!

#24 Posted by VanTesla (511 posts) - - Show Bio

@johnny_spam: I think Batman is insane for he has the power to fix Gotham by using his mind and money to end political corruption, better training and funding for police, fixing the ghettos, make more jobs for the people that have none, get rid of Arkham, and create his own better built facility. He put's children in danger by making them like him, He has all the tech in the world yet he still wears a suit that can be penetrated by bullets, he always thinks he is right even when he is wrong, and his no killing is nonsense for he has killed many people in the crossfie accidentally by chasing bad guys.

#25 Edited by Migz13 (170 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome article. I did LOL a a few times before I finished reading it.

Actually, these are just some of the few reasons why Bats is such a very interesting character. He's an enigma himself.

Yeah, he's an obsessed, schizoprenic, paranoid and anti-social individual. Who cares!!

He's the EFFING BATMAN!!!:D

and that doesn't stop him from getting his chicks!

#26 Posted by HexThis (920 posts) - - Show Bio

While he is remarkable criteria for a nutzo boyfriend he isn't actually anything close to schizophrenic. Patients with schizophrenia suffer from hallucinations or paranoia and while they're not always self-aware, they definitely don't harbor multiple personalities. Bruce/Batman has disassociative personality disorder if anything.

One thing that did skeeve me out was the panel in the most recent Catwoman issue where she says there was a certain "anger" in their sex....yikes.

#27 Posted by B'Town (2336 posts) - - Show Bio

I wonder if Selina can tame him? hhm.

Fun & Funny article, thanks so much.

#28 Posted by Gordo789 (201 posts) - - Show Bio

@Migz13 said:

Awesome article. I did LOL a a few times before I finished reading it.

Actually, these are just some of the few reasons why Bats is such a very interesting character. He's an enigma himself.

Yeah, he's an obsessed, schizoprenic, paranoid and anti-social individual. Who cares!!

He's the EFFING BATMAN!!!:D

and that doesn't stop him from getting his chicks!

I approve of this wholeheartedly.

#29 Posted by BatUniverse (120 posts) - - Show Bio

Yep! Batman could be the coolest character in the Comic Book Industry, but he will be scaring as a Boyfriend, or even a husband! But, with Selina both are similar, both are crazy in terms of being in costumes and have the black color on their suits...

Let's see... Bruce is mad for his parents murderer case... Selina is mad for MONEY!!!

They match...

#30 Posted by VaizD (248 posts) - - Show Bio

@Migz13 said:

Awesome article. I did LOL a a few times before I finished reading it.

Actually, these are just some of the few reasons why Bats is such a very interesting character. He's an enigma himself.

Yeah, he's an obsessed, schizoprenic, paranoid and anti-social individual. Who cares!!

He's the EFFING BATMAN!!!:D

and that doesn't stop him from getting his chicks!

He's so pimp that he steals women from other universes.

#31 Posted by bybeach (10 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm suprised schizophrenic. Functionally insane, plus depressed, maybe even manic if his life experiences triggered something. But shizophrenic would really mess with his ability to be rational and really to percieve immediatte conditions. Batman is hyper-rational, thats part of what takes him into insanity. A mental thing rather than a chemical imbalance. Though that could happen to some degree as a result. If he did suffer schizophrenia, he would have breakdowns and impaired fuction..which could be plausable perhaps.

#32 Posted by entropy_aegis (15438 posts) - - Show Bio

Like he cares.

#33 Posted by daredevil21134 (12630 posts) - - Show Bio

@entropy_aegis said:

Like he cares.

lol

Online
#34 Posted by daredevil21134 (12630 posts) - - Show Bio

Maybe you might like Dick Grayson Babs

Online
#35 Posted by narutoman5 (2 posts) - - Show Bio

batman dates cat woman who is an anti-hero... she is already in constant danger, and i do not think that batman is crazy. Also he does not expect for the criminals to be rehabilitated from the metal asylum he wants them to pay for what they had done... but if he teamed up with cat woman their team would be pretty good and work well if they were together as well

#36 Posted by frozenedge (1343 posts) - - Show Bio

Well no superhero can ever have a relationship with anybody else unless that person is also a superhero themselves

#37 Posted by JoseDRiveraTCR7 (1008 posts) - - Show Bio

@johnny_spam: Grant Morrison actually does agree with Babs. Here's a quote from his Rolling Stone article. "When I wrote Superman, it was like contemplating Buddha, I really felt elevated. Everything seemed more beautiful, more precious. Batman’s different. I try not to go into Batman that much because he’s nutty, and I don’t really want to feel like Bruce Wayne.”

#38 Posted by RedOwl_1 (1664 posts) - - Show Bio

Yeah, He's half mad but just the half, the other part still right

And PLEASE we know he didn't be a good boyfriend but he still being soooooo f***ing HOT :F

But you got alternatives (Some likely but little bit less-mad) Like:

  • The guy who grow up in a circus then with the same crazy guy but has a exquisite sense of humor... yeah hot too
  • A badass guy who kills murders, hate clowns, have a cool non-spandex costume, has been killed with a crowbar and have return of the dead, cute too but just cute (too much badass for my like)
  • Or other guy with traumas of parents dead's, schizophrenia, and adopted by the same crazy guy SO HOT TO THINK ABOUT HE WITHOUT DROOLING :F

U can guess about who I'm talking about? Yeah is easy

#39 Posted by SicKid (13 posts) - - Show Bio

I don't think you know what it actually means to be Schizophrenic, or else you wouldn't be calling Batman that. It's considered to be one of the worst possible mental diseases that anyone can have, and having personally been around other Schizophrenics, I can assure that Batman is definitely not one.

#40 Edited by dewboy01 (1499 posts) - - Show Bio

Superheroes like batman has more responsibilities by fighting crime, instead wasting time dating women.

#41 Posted by Maki_P (275 posts) - - Show Bio

You forget his brat. Now, having a child isn't usually a reason not to date a man, usually, this is Damian Wayne we're talking about.

But I don't think Batman would have a relationship anyway. He'll probably die alone (unless he managed not to drive his children away, that is)

#42 Posted by etragedy (792 posts) - - Show Bio

Babs - as I recall, I'm still waiting on your pick for the dateable one. *tap* *tap* *tap*...
 
@Babs said: 

@etragedy said:

Wow, this is getting too easy, Babs. Got a deadline? Find an undate-able superhero! I challenge you to post a 'Why ___ would make a great boyfriend' article!

Challenge accepted.

#43 Posted by TheBlackHood (408 posts) - - Show Bio

@Babs: You make me laugh. Batman would be a bad boyfriend, you hate Cyclops but you love Namor?! Namor is the biggest douche bag in comics, the guy only goes after women that are either married (Invisible Woman) or in long term relationships (Emma Frost). I would say though that the best boyfriend in comics would have to be Tim Drake. He has all of Batman's intellect but doesn't have to maintain a playboy image like his dad. He also isn't a horn-ball like Nightwing or a killer like Jason Todd. Though if Jason Todd sounds like Jansen Ackles it might be close.

On the girlfriend front, you totally have to go Black Canary, assertive without being crazy. Sexy without being skanky. She is damn near the perfect super hero girlfriend.

#44 Posted by Gerhabio (16 posts) - - Show Bio

I really would prefer if Batman had no relationships at all.

#45 Posted by lightfright12 (95 posts) - - Show Bio

Your being disingenious, especially with your comment about batman being insane. Yes he puts on a costume, but so do a thousand other heroes in the D.C. universe. Sure most of them have powers, but that means we just need heroes like batman and green arrow even more. Having heroes that are mere mortals but have the will, ingenuity (and money) to keep up with the those with powers shows that they are true heroes.

#46 Posted by Quixotist (35 posts) - - Show Bio

Agreed 100%, Batman is crazy. Doesn't mean he's not the man though. 'Cause he is.

#47 Posted by leokearon (1785 posts) - - Show Bio

Great Article

#48 Posted by entropy_aegis (15438 posts) - - Show Bio

Wait when did Batman become crazy?

#49 Posted by Stronger (4948 posts) - - Show Bio

@Babs: The same happens with all the other superheroes

#50 Posted by Eyz (3042 posts) - - Show Bio

@etragedy said:

Babs - as I recall, I'm still waiting on your pick for the dateable one. *tap* *tap* *tap*...

@Babs said:

@etragedy said:

Wow, this is getting too easy, Babs. Got a deadline? Find an undate-able superhero! I challenge you to post a 'Why ___ would make a great boyfriend' article!

Challenge accepted.

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