When Does Batman Use the Bat Room?

Posted by BatWatch (2721 posts) - - Show Bio

Yes, that is the actual topic for today. When does Batman stop to go potty?

To see this article with more images, Click Here.

Now, this might seem like a joke topic, and certainly, it will be somewhat tongue in cheek, but it is also serious. I've read a lot of Batman comics, yet I cannot think of a single time he has ever stopped to use the restroom, and that's a serious problem.

Batman seems to spend almost all the nighttime hours prowling the darkness and meting out justice, so on average, Bats spends about twelve hours a day on duty. The average human bladder takes about ten hours to become full, so by the end of shift, Batman would have a very pressing need to relieve himself.

“So what?” you say. “This guy can take bullets, knife wounds, and body slams from metahumans all day long. Do you really think a full bladder is going to stop him?”

Fair point. No doubt Batman could withstand the annoyance and discomfort, but would it affect his performance? It almost certainly would. Science has proven many times that ignoring a full bladder causes cognitive processing to decrease dramatically. Peeing is one of those basic human functions that your body demands of you.

There are also implications for combat. You know how you feel when you have to pee really bad and you don't want to bend or lift anything for fear the extra pressure on your bladder might make you wet yourself? Now imaging being in a fight needing to pee. One uppercut to the stomach from the villain of the week, and Batman could easily wet his Bat Britches.

There is no way Bruce would let something as simple as urine interfere with his war on crime, so how does the World's Greatest Detective handle the urge to pee?

Helping Batman Pee

I've come up with numerous solutions to the problems most of which are fundamentally flawed and/or gross.

1. There are a lot of rooftops in Gotham. What's to stop Batman from just dropping trou on a rooftop and taking care of business? Well, its gross for one thing, but few people are actually on the roofs, so it would probably go completely unnoticed and the smell would wash away quickly. In addition to being gross, it would be dangerous. Bruce might be seen by neighboring buildings, and it would give an enemy an excellent opportunity to strike. That option is definitely off the table.

2. Public restrooms are for everybody. Fighting crime is a dirty business and not for the faint of hearts, but would even the mighty Batman be willing to brave the stench, filth and cockroaches of a public restroom? Sure he would! Would it be safe? Not completely. Batman would still be at a disadvantage if someone attacked him, but at least he would only have to guard from one direction, and besides, if you saw someone in a Bat costume enter a public bathroom, would you really think it was “The Batman” or just some weirdo doing cosplay. I think Bruce could probably get away with this stunt without much risk of interference.

3. Readers, for your intellectual horror, I posit the Bat Diaper. There are people who do put their selves in harms way for the good of mankind who engage in frequent combat and often have no time to use the restroom. I am speaking of the U.S. Marines and diapers are often taken with them into battle. Now, some marines claim that those are used only for patching up wounds and that no military man would ever pee his pants, but come on! There are better tools than diapers for triage. The painful truth is that if you are operating as a sniper, you might have to stay in concealment for days at a time without moving while waiting for your target. I'll let you work out how that situation works.

4. If you found the last paragraph horrifying, read no further because I present yet another theory, the Bat Catheter. Okay, gross yes, but seriously, if Bruce could spend ten minute more fighting for justice, by...inserting a catheter, are you going to tell me he would not consider it? The waste could go into a little compartment on his leg armor. It's a good plan.

The Real Answer

Okay, Batman is not real, and as far as I know, Batman's bathroom breaks have never been officially discussed, so I do not know how Batman “really” handles this, but there is a reasonable theory. It has been established in numerous comics that Batman has various Bat Bunkers spread throughout the city with various equipment. It would only make sense to equip these Bunkers with a restroom, some food bars, a water tap, a first aid kit, and a bed so he can rest up. I am not sure how many of these bunkers are around town, (the number twenty-four is in my head for some reason. I might have read that somewhere) but there are certainly plenty of Wayne Enterprise buildings around Gotham that could easily have a rooftop addition.

There is still a security risk with how Batman could enter these Bunkers unobserved. I suppose one solution is that he could just put them on the highest nearby buildings which would eliminate most chances of him being observed. Also, he's stealthy, he's wearing black, and he could probably just kill all the roof lights on any given Wayne Tower buildings with a few simple computer inputs.

We also have the Batmobile and the Bat Plane which are frequently used by the Caped Crusader to get around town. Jet fighter pilots have a special “relief bag” which has a one way flow tube and some absorbent material in the bottom. Bruce certainly could and probably has designed one of those for all his vehicles, and if we get right down to it, all Bruce would really need is a coke bottle.

Conclusion

As amusing/disturbing as it may be, the Batman probably does not use public bathrooms or a Bat Diaper, but the Dark Knight must have some way to answer nature's call, and I for one would be interested to see some exploration of the more mundane elements of Batman's war on crime presented in a comic. I don't want to see his business done on panel, but its always interesting to see how Bruce has prepared for every eventuality, and that would include handling the need to pee.

Keep an eye out for Monday's article, “What's wrong with Birds of Prey?”

#1 Posted by Lvenger (19854 posts) - - Show Bio

There's a ridiculous scene from a comic a few years ago when Batman admits that during a confrontation with some criminals (based on a GA scene) he wet himself in the process. Gross. Also did you get the link I sent you on Batwatch?

#2 Posted by Markus_Langbourn (387 posts) - - Show Bio
@Lvenger said:

There's a ridiculous scene from a comic a few years ago when Batman admits that during a confrontation with some criminals (based on a GA scene) he wet himself in the process. Gross. Also did you get the link I sent you on Batwatch?

This was in a Kevin Smith story. It's best to treat it as a non-canon since, much like everything he does, it's stupid and juvenile. 
 
There's a magical catheter in the Bat-Suit that sends all human waste to Marvel HQ to the outbox marked "Bendis' Scripts"
#3 Posted by JonSmith (3996 posts) - - Show Bio

In regard to the public restrooms, in the JL cartoon, Batman once went into a coffee shop and demanded a triple in full costume, cutting in front of the line and all. If he has no issue with doing that, I'd imagine the restroom would be fine.

However, I find the Batbunker idea most efficient. More likely than not, he has rooftop access to most Wayne Enterprises buildings. Given that Wayne has come out as supporting Batman with Batman, Inc., I wouldn't be surprised if Bats drops by for the restroom when necessary. Before that? He did the same thing, more discretely. He kind of can't use the catheter or batdiaper because he frequently works with a guy who has x-ray vision. The day he starts using either, Clark's going to sit him down and give him a firm talk about making sure to stop for the necessities.

#4 Posted by Saren (25674 posts) - - Show Bio

Moderator
#5 Posted by TheAcidSkull (18032 posts) - - Show Bio

*head explodes*

#6 Posted by Kangaxx_54 (306 posts) - - Show Bio

Interesting question if a bit disturbing :D. There's this image from some Nightwing comic. I have no clue what issue it is, just fell over it on Tumblr a while ago. Luckily, it makes options number 3 & 4 less likely.

#7 Posted by FatihBATMAN (1389 posts) - - Show Bio

haha, like this thread! and nice scan there!

#8 Posted by BatWatch (2721 posts) - - Show Bio

@Lvenger said:

There's a ridiculous scene from a comic a few years ago when Batman admits that during a confrontation with some criminals (based on a GA scene) he wet himself in the process. Gross. Also did you get the link I sent you on Batwatch?

I did. It just took me awhile to get it on the site, but its up now, and I thanked you for giving me the heads up on it in the article. Many thanks.

Batman wet himself? Why?

@Markus_Langbourn said:

@Lvenger said:

There's a ridiculous scene from a comic a few years ago when Batman admits that during a confrontation with some criminals (based on a GA scene) he wet himself in the process. Gross. Also did you get the link I sent you on Batwatch?

This was in a Kevin Smith story. It's best to treat it as a non-canon since, much like everything he does, it's stupid and juvenile. There's a magical catheter in the Bat-Suit that sends all human waste to Marvel HQ to the outbox marked "Bendis' Scripts"

Wait, DC did not mention Marvel in their comics, did they? And magical catheter? Really? What issue?

If this is true, it kind of justifies my dislike for Kevin Smith as a person. He's always bugged me every time I've seen a show about him.

@JonSmith said:

In regard to the public restrooms, in the JL cartoon, Batman once went into a coffee shop and demanded a triple in full costume, cutting in front of the line and all. If he has no issue with doing that, I'd imagine the restroom would be fine.

However, I find the Batbunker idea most efficient. More likely than not, he has rooftop access to most Wayne Enterprises buildings. Given that Wayne has come out as supporting Batman with Batman, Inc., I wouldn't be surprised if Bats drops by for the restroom when necessary. Before that? He did the same thing, more discretely. He kind of can't use the catheter or batdiaper because he frequently works with a guy who has x-ray vision. The day he starts using either, Clark's going to sit him down and give him a firm talk about making sure to stop for the necessities.

Nice about the JL cartoon. Man, that was a great series.

(laughs) I really enjoy picturing that conversation between Clark and Bruce.

Clark, "You need to stop this."

Bruce, "Crime never stops!"

@CitizenBane:

(chuckles) No, you don't Bruce. Take a bathroom break.

@TheAcidSkull said:

*head explodes*

In a good way, or a bad way? I choose to believe it was from the awesomeness of this post.

@Kangaxx_54:

That's great! Love it.

@FatihBATMAN said:

haha, like this thread! and nice scan there!

Glad you enjoy it. (grins)

#9 Posted by FatihBATMAN (1389 posts) - - Show Bio

Hmm, it might take away Batmans manliness if there were a scene where hed go to pee...

#10 Posted by roboadmiral (546 posts) - - Show Bio

Batman doesn't have to excrete waste. He is biologically sustained by justice.

#11 Posted by FatihBATMAN (1389 posts) - - Show Bio

hmm, I just had a thought, when he or if he ever pees....someones could dna test his pee and know "oh wait, guys thats Bruce Wayne that just peed there" lol

#12 Posted by roboadmiral (546 posts) - - Show Bio

@FatihBATMAN: Well, his DNA would have to already be in the police database for that to work, and I don't believe Bruce Wayne's is.

#13 Posted by End_Boss (736 posts) - - Show Bio

This thread's pretty silly. And who's to say he doesn't take a leak off a gargoyle in between brooding sessions?

#14 Posted by Phaedrusgr (1672 posts) - - Show Bio

and

#15 Posted by FatihBATMAN (1389 posts) - - Show Bio

great stuff lol

#16 Posted by BatWatch (2721 posts) - - Show Bio

@FatihBATMAN said:

Hmm, it might take away Batmans manliness if there were a scene where hed go to pee...

You are saying urinating is ladylike?

@roboadmiral said:

Batman doesn't have to excrete waste. He is biologically sustained by justice.

(laughs)

@FatihBATMAN said:

hmm, I just had a thought, when he or if he ever pees....someones could dna test his pee and know "oh wait, guys thats Bruce Wayne that just peed there" lol

(grins) Fair point except everybody who works for Bruce has his DNA and fingerprints wiped from every database. That was actually in an issue somewhere. I would say that blood Batman leaves all over the place would give him away before the occasional potty break.

@End_Boss said:

This thread's pretty silly. And who's to say he doesn't take a leak off a gargoyle in between brooding sessions?

No one. That was theory #1 actually.

@Phaedrusgr:

Heh, I saved the first one. Pretty cool. I saw the second, but it was a little gross for me to include in the article. I do have several fun pictures in the link though.

#17 Posted by FatihBATMAN (1389 posts) - - Show Bio

@BatWatch well, its not "Cool" if theres a scene where he goes to the toilet, etc. id say its not worth the ink... hehe

#18 Posted by BatWatch (2721 posts) - - Show Bio

@FatihBATMAN said:

@BatWatch well, its not "Cool" if theres a scene where he goes to the toilet, etc. id say its not worth the ink... hehe

Well, you could just mention how Batman answers nature's call in the internal dialogue. You would not have to show it. Nobody wants to see that.

#19 Posted by FatihBATMAN (1389 posts) - - Show Bio

@batwatch well yea, i wanna see it :D haha jk

#20 Posted by conradoaccorsi (301 posts) - - Show Bio

He don't need to make pee he's Batman.

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