Roughly two weeks ago, I talked about some of the worst 'Batman: The Animated Series' action figures, just the Batman ones though. After checking out all the products I loved as a kid, it got me thinking: What else didn't make sense about action figures during the 90s? After a bit of research, I quickly figured out almost nothing made sense. Many other toy lines all have the same problem: Terrible action figure accessories. We're not talking about extra tiny weapons or interchangeable heads here. We're talking about play-sets, vehicles, and unexplainable plastic garbage that will cost you $20 minimum.
Growing up in the 80s and 90s, we had a ton of extra things to add on to our figure collections. If you liked He-Man, you could buy Castle Greyskull. If you liked Thundercats, you could buy the Thundercat Lair. It continues from there. You could also buy vehicles, super-large weapons, etc. When it comes more comic book related accessories, things get a bit ridiculous. After scouring the internet, the best I could, I found 5 action figure accessories that were so terrible, I couldn't help but make fun of them.
Capture Claw Spider Chopper
I've never even got to ride in a helicopter and Spider-Man has a customized one? I call shenanigans! I hope the incredibly low blades cut your smug head off! Seriously though, how can Peter Parker afford this? He makes mere pennies in the world of journalism, yet he has a helicopter that I'm sure is worth at least $100,000.
Why does Spider-Man need a helicopter? Sure, if he somehow lands in the suburbs, where there are no buildings to swing from, I can see a reason for it, but he loses all his sneakiness with those giant loud blades swinging above his head. Can we also establish that the helicopter is stupid looking? I really don't think I have to explain why it looks stupid, all you really have to do is look at the thing. Although it looks horrific, at least it has a "capture claw" because for years, Spider-Man's villains were escaping because Spider-Man had no way to contain or trap them... Oh, except for the webbing... Yeah... So, a less efficient capture claw is mounted on there. Pretty awful overall. I know this is part of the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon line, but there is nothing Spectacular about this. It just looks plain boring.
Iron Armor 4X4
AMERICA! Sorry, but every time I see a 4x4 or a Hummer, I have this sudden urge to shout something patriotic. BALD EAGLES! It's like patriotic tourettes. There's no doubt that Tony Stark can afford this. He could afford an army of these puppies, but the question that needs to be answered here is why is Tony going so low-tech?
The Iron Man suit is a feat within itself. Not only can it fly, shoot pulsar beams, and do every other trick in the book, it can also keep a man magically safe inside when he hits the ground or a wall going 300mph. Now we have the Iron Armor 4x4, which, apparently, can shoot a missile from the roof, and that's about it. I don't even think this puppy can fly, to be honest. It's just a sleek, red hummer that an Iron Man figure can fit into. So, if you want Iron Man to take a trip to the local field to go "muddin," then this is the toy for you. If you're smart, you'll know Iron Man doesn't need a Hummer to ride around in. 'MERICA!
Magneto Magnetron
This is my favorite/worst accessory I have ever seen. It is 100% wrong on every single level. Toy Biz was usually really good with their X-Men/X-Force line back in the 90s. They only put out action figures based on how the characters looked in the comic book. Sure, there were like 5 or 6 Wolverine and Cable figures, but those guys had a lot of "looks." Their accessories, however, were awful.
Someone please explain the purpose of this monstrosity to me. Essentially, Magneto can fly (let's not get into the details of him "flying," just sit tight with me on this one), and Magneto, since he can control all things metal, can "fire" pieces of metal at people whenever he wants, so why does he want to ride around in a three wheeled car, which looks a lot like a Reliant Robin? (car reference!) Everything about this car goes against Magneto's character and it is completely counter-productive. On a side note, is Magneto flexing while he drives? Maybe he's directing ladies to the "gun show" or the zoo to see the "pythons."
Matrix Conversion Coupe
Gross! As a man who likes a good car, may I say this car is darn ugly. This is a toy that has no idea what it wants to be. Is it a car? Is it a flying machine? Is it a place for Clark to make a quick change into Superman? No. It's all three! Superman has been hiding his secret for years that he is Clark Kent. And what better way to keep that under wraps than cruising the skies in a flying machine! Couldn't he just drive a Honda Civic? At least no one will be distracted then.
My biggest problem with that toy is that it's advertised as a place for Clark Kent to change into Superman. My main concern is that the whole top and front of the car is glass and 100% transparent. Not only is it going to be hard to change because it's a glass roof, but everyone will be staring at you because you're driving a really odd car. I know phone booths don't exist anymore, but can't you find a alley the change in? I wonder if this thing fires missiles...
Riddle Launcher
Ain't nothin' but a gangster party. And when it comes to parties, Riddler always keeps it gangster, probably because he is a gangster. The Fisher-Price DC Super Friends line are toys for little kids (3-8 for this line), but that doesn't mean they aren't immune from my cynical rants.
We all know Riddler. He's a great detective himself, but for some reason, he always leaves clues about his crimes. Not too smart if you ask me. Anyways, he's not a criminal who will go at Batman with his fists. He chooses to use his intellect, yet, with this toy, he has decided to do otherwise. I understand a Riddler toy can be pretty boring for a little kid, but does Riddler really need a giant question mark firing weapon? You know what's more effective than that? A gun. At least a gun is portable. This thing probably needs a few henchmen to lug it around. At least he has a Batman target to fire at. By far, this was the most ridiculous accessory, even though it comes with a Riddler figure, that I found on the net.
There you have it. Some of the most worst comic book accessory toys ever made, by real toy companies that is. What do you guys think of these? Is there an accessory you think is worse?