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36 Comments

Where Does Batman Hide?

What is the source of his sneakiness?

Batman always has the jump on the common street-thug. The second a crime is committed, Batman pops out of nowhere and makes that thug pay. Normally, we know where Batman is hiding: on top of a building, in the shadows, or in a window, but where else does Batman hide before getting the jump on the criminal? Although I may have no scientific evidence, I read Batman extensively and have theories of my own that Batman hides in many other places before getting the drop on the town baddie.
 

Garbage Can/Dumpster

Obviously, in Gotham City, there are tons of garbage cans and dumpsters laying around, and times when you may feel as though you're just dropping in on people way too much, jumping out of a pile or trash, covered in banana peels, is just as effective/scary as hanging off a randomly placed gargoyle.  Although this may be very effective, it's quite smelly and it may take weeks to get the smell of week old Chinese food/diapers out of the BatSuit.
Effectiveness: 7/10
 

Lying Under A Car

 It's all about the execution. First, he'd have to find a car tall enough to slip under easily, but not so tall that it will blow his cover. He would really have to make sure that he A. laid on his back, so his belt doesn't scrape on the ground and B. wait for the thug to say something like, "no one will ever stop us!" That's when Batman would strike. As cool as it may be to slip from underneath a car, Batman really has to do a lot of wiggling, which is neither that tough nor sneaky.
Effectiveness: 4/10
 

Piggy-Back Ride

This is the true test of how sneaky Batman can be: Hines Ward sneaky.  As with the rest of these places Batman could hide, I've never seen him hide on a thugs back, but I know it can happen: He's just that darn good. Little does Mr. Thug know that while he's been planning the crime of the century, Batman has been listening to the whole thing, and taking notes, while riding on his back.... Epic. Is this possible though? Well, either it's going to be the biggest failure at stopping crime in the history of super-heroes, or Batman will fail miserably. There is no middle ground.
Effectiveness: Either 1/10 or 10/10
 

Hot Air Balloon

Bruce Wayne (What? You thought I was talking about  Dick Grayson? No sir! Bruce is much sneakier/ninja-like) has millions of millions of dollars, and on top of that, he loves taking ladies out for a night on the town. What do ladies love more than anything else? Hot air balloon rides. Science fact. So, how can billionaire Bruce Wayne utilize his romantic piece of transportation at night? By jumping out of it onto the bad guys. The only thing he'd have to watch out for is flying too low because then the possible villain could hear the flames shooting into the balloon. Otherwise, this is a perfect way to help Batman hide from the villains.
Effectiveness: 10/10
 

Pizza Delivery Guy

Laugh it up, but how effective would it be? IMMENSELY! A bunch of criminals meeting in their local thuggery, planning the next "big score," and the pizza guy shows up. The thugs pay the man for the pizza, and BOOM! POW! SNEAK ATTACK! They were never expecting Batman to be the pizza guy, were they? Heck no! I'm sure after the 8th-15th pizza, the bad guys would catch on, but  then they'd probably order from Pizza Hut instead of Domino's, and Batman would catch on quickly and just switch uniforms. This is the most effective of all the hiding spot theories I have, as long as Batman has a direct connection to everyone ordering a pizza and every pizza shop in Gotham. Seem impossible? Yes, but he's the G.D. Batman!
 
These are all incredibly plausible, but what place do you think Batman hides in before he jumps on the bad guys?
36 Comments
Posted by Salamander

LOL, this is great

Posted by Scoobypuff

most of his bad guy encounters seem to be in alley ways so i would say he'd hide on a fire escape stairway in the shadows so not to been seen.

Posted by aztek_the_lost
@inferiorego: what if the bad guys switch to ordering salads to stay healthy? o_O
Moderator
Posted by Mr.Hulk_Smashin'!

Dumpster? Ok, the Car thing, what if someone turns on the car not knowing batman's under it? he could be run over!

Posted by The_Martian

LMAO! I want to see a comic where Batman rides on someone's back now.

Posted by gotjoe11

hahaha, good article! Funny stuff with the pizza guy

Posted by haydenclaireheroes

LOL all of them at once.

Posted by .Mistress Redhead.

ha ha Hot Air Balloon.... Tony Stark could do so much better ;)

Posted by Superevil225

He hides in your mom's jeans.
 
or in the closet.

Posted by Gearo

I think he has secret tunnel all around Gotham and that's how he sneaks around there. Everywhere else, he either sticks to the shadows to surprise them or he comes out in the open.

Posted by Dracade102
@aztek the lost said:
" @inferiorego: what if the bad guys switch to ordering salads to stay healthy? o_O "

They're Evil fiends... They don't care about carbs, Unless it's one of those Skinny Nutcases like Ragdoll or Scarecrow..
Posted by Primmaster64

He's Batman...he hides in the shadows because he's Batman!

Posted by doordoor123

LOL. this is great.

Posted by KRYPTON

Did you know Bruce wayne's online screen name is JonDoe297?

Posted by Golden Cod

The pizza delivery makes me think of The Killing Joke and how Joker was let in the door.
 
Bats has mastered the art of silence so he just needs to be out of view.   Think of all the times he gets the drop on Commissioner Gordon or disappears without the Commissioner realizing it!
 
I could see Batman pretending to be an inconspicuous hobo until the time is right.   Stealth is just as much about creating the illusion of safety as it about keeping out of sight.   Think Assassin's Creed crowd mechanics but applied in many more ways.

Edited by jamdown

pizza delivery guy: "Hi I have 2 orders of JUSTICE!!!!!!! for stan.
Posted by norman

the shadows!!!!
 
also, nobody ever looks up.

Staff
Posted by InnerVenom123

LOL Epic win!

Edited by Jordanstine
Posted by CylonDorado

He taps into the "Sneak Force".
Posted by CylonDorado
@Jordanstine:
Batman didn't win that fight either, he just managed to live.
Posted by spiderguylll
@jamdown: HAHAHAHAHA good stuff
Posted by Prizm

he hides in a vent, a big gaping vent.
Posted by The_Warlord

LOL at Piggy back ride

Posted by ILuvMsMarvel

He bumps his fists together and says "Batman Sneak Powers.... ACTIVATE!" then no one can see him.

Posted by blaakmawf

Behind a mask and a skewed sense of justice.

Posted by Argentino_18

He hides were none can find him, in the common sense of a Fanboy....

Posted by aouric
A Crispy Cream Donuts delivery truck!
 Bad guys like donuts just as much as the police! So why not surprise them when there at the weakest for Crispy Cream donuts... There nothing like a surprise attack from behind a stacked 
tray of glazed donuts! : )
Posted by inferiorego
@aouric: Everyone loves donuts. It's the American way! Batman popping out of a delivery truck, especially covered in week old donuts, is awesome!
Staff
Posted by BatChaz

big al says bad guys can't look up so jumping of stuff onto them is sure fire
and as he's so ninja it would suprise me if bats could hide in the bad guys own shadow
follow him around without hi even knowing
that'd be sweet!

Posted by spiderguylll

He's magic

Posted by Emperor Gonzo Noir

Bat-Hidey Hole

Posted by 00 Raiser

I always found that a little fake. I mean Im not a big Superman fan but come one has he ever considered using his heat vision to stop such a attack.

Posted by Lustwish

IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Posted by EdwardWindsor

Bat's must of stole a predator cloaking device when they fought and re designed it to suit his needs.

Posted by loganreme

LMFAO :D :D