Things You Won't See in a THOR Movie

Thor officially opens in theaters in the U.S. Friday, May 6. It's already opened in some countries and in the U.S., you might have been lucky enough to see an early screening (like we did). Marvel has already announced that there will be a sequel to Thor after his appearance in next year's The Avengers. If you've seen our 3-Minute Expert video or have read any of the past issues of Thor, you know he has an...interesting history.

When it comes to adapting comic books for the big screen, there will always be changes made and omissions in the characters' story. Some tweaks are made because things simply change over time. Story lines written in the 60s wouldn't translate well and other concepts might be too difficult to accept in a live-action presentation. 

After talking to Ryan from Giant Bomb on last week's Happy Hour Show, here is a list of some things that you will not see in the Thor movie or any future sequels. == TEASER ==

Thor Fighting Wizards  

There is a sense of magic when it comes to Asgardians. The way they exist and are able to do the things they do can almost be called magic. We also have characters like Loki and Enchantress that use magic to give Thor a hard time. 

Despite this acceptance of magic in Thor's mythos, we're not going to see him fight a robe-wearing wizard. The Harry Potter movies may have been a successful franchise and with the release of the final movie, there will be a void left with audience members that crave onscreen magic. It doesn't matter if they try getting Merlin or even Dumbledore, you will not see any magical wizards in a Thor movie.

Thor and Mjolnir Defeated By Magnets 

First of all, unless Marvel can reacquire the rights to the X-Men from Twentieth Century Fox, clearly Magneto stands no chance of fighting Thor in a movie. More importantly, we won't see Thor's mystical hammer succumb to the forces of magnetism. Yes Mjolnir is made from metal but it's made from Asgardian metal. It also has Odin's magical touch and powers added that makes it more powerful than the average Asgardian weapon or tool.  If it were affected by regular magnets then all anyone would have to do is lure Thor to an old junkyard. They could kidnap Jane Foster or something. As soon as an unsuspecting Thor walks under a giant electromagnet attached to a crane hanging over his head, the hammer would get pulled away and the bad guys could rush and tackle Thor. It seems that without his hammer, he doesn't have his full strength (he does get taken out by a taser in the movie). This is just something we won't see in the movies or current comic books.

Thor Fighting Dragons  

I don't care what kind of mystical Asgardian creatures there are, we're not going to see Thor fighting dragons on the big screen. People did enjoy the How To Train A Dragon movie and we do see Frost Giants (and a certain creature native to their land) but dragons won't appear. If we had a movie set strictly in Asgard, there could be a possibility. Filmmakers might try to go the full fantasy/adventure route and have Thor fighting fantastic and enormous beasts...but dragons? I say thee nay.

Thor With a Machine Gun  

He's a god and has a magic hammer. Why would he need a machine gun? Marvel already knows that the movie-going audiences don't necessarily want a gun-totting character on the big screen (look at Punisher: War Zone). I was surprised (and pleased) that we will see Captain America using a gun in his movie. That makes sense since he was a soldier and in a war setting. Thor should never use a gun. As seen in the movie, even without the true power of Thor, he is still capable of putting up a good fight. He doesn't need to resort to firearms. And as Ryan Davis said, let's hope we never see, "No more Mr. Nice God" again.

Surtur  

Again, if we had a movie set mainly on Asgard, a battle against Surtur could make a good story. He's been a major force of evil against Odin and the Asgardians several times. With the movie being grounded in movie-reality, accepting some of the other...residents of Asgard might be harder to accept. 

Surtur is a big demon made of fire. Big characters will look weird on screen. I'm sure this is part of the reason we didn't see a proper Galactus in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Comic readers love Galactus but even if he wasn't dressed in purple, a gigantic dude wanting to eat a planet would be more humorous than threatening. If Surtur appeared the way he does in the comics, he'd bring a new meaning to the word hotpants.

The Rainbow Bridge  

It's actually known as Bifrost. Yes it exists in the movie but it doesn't appear as it does in the comics (looks more like a Disco Bridge to me). I remember watching the old 60s cartoons on a syndicated channel as a kid and I was always confused how Asgard appeared to be out in space and Thor traveled back and forth on this Rainbow Bridge, which actually looked more like a slide. We may have it appear in the movies as a way for Thor to travel back and forth but it simply will not be as colorful (or fun looking) as it's been in the comics. Things could change when and if the bridge appears in another movie. It could undergo some remodeling but you definitely won't see Thor, Loki or anyone else sliding down a colorful bridge of this nature.

Odin's Pajamas 

Odin has gone in the the Odinsleep a few times in the comics. This probably shouldn't be a spoiler but the Odinsleep does appear in the movie. What I have noticed over the years is when Odin does undergo this rejuvenating slumber, he appears to be wearing an interesting pair of pajamas. Maybe it gets really cold in Asgard at night or maybe there's some power-absorbing nature to his suit. It reminds me of the William Shatner "Terror at 20,000 Feet" Twilight Zone episode. It's just always appeared as a little odd to me.

Thor Touching Jane Foster's Nose 

This was an odd thing I came across in old issues of Thor...more than once. Granted it was dealing more with Don Blake and Jane versus Thor and Jane. Maybe it had to do with the time but I can't say I've heard anyone call someone "Button Nose" and feel the urge to tap them on the nose (unless we were talking about a child). Then again, maybe this is a common practice in other people's relationships. I have touched the nose of my 3 year old niece and made a little "boop" noise but I can't say I ever felt the urge to touch my wife's nose in that manner. Boop!

Thor Using a Wallet 

The God of Thunder would never carry a wallet with him. I could totally see him carrying a pouch of Asgardian gold attached to his money belt but not a wallet. I never really thought of it before but I'm not even sure Thor's pants have any pockets. He doesn't carry car keys. He probably doesn't need to comb his Asgardian hair. Why would he need pockets? Some writers in the past made it so Superman's cape had a pocket where he could somehow fold his Clark Kent clothing and store it for later use. That just seems like it would unnecessarily weigh down the cape.

In the picture to the right, the wallet actually belongs to Don Blake, his alter ego. I'm not sure if that makes it better or if it means Thor stole the wallet from himself. Either way, no wallet for Thor. Maybe if he kept it attached with one of those wallet chains.

Frog Thor 

Let me clarify, Frog Thor was cool. So cool, a different version of this idea is seen in the current Pet Avengers stories. Loki, being the evil triskster he is, managed to turn Thor into a frog. When he finally made his way to Mjolnir and managed to lift it, he gained the power of Thor...even though he was still a frog. 

Thor Frog is cool and hilarious. But given the nature of the movies, it's not something we could or should see. I know some may feel that since Disney owns Marvel, this might be something they'd want to do. That's simply not the case. They may own Marvel but they know better than to try to force something like this. 

These are just some of the things that I've come across over the years of reading Thor comics that I don't see happening in future Thor movies. You do have to have a strong sense of disbelief when dealing with Asgardian Gods given human form and fighting along side humans in a live-action movie. The movie does a superb job in bridging the gap between the two. For as fantastic as some of the Thor stories have been, there's just some things that won't work. I'm curious to see how other Thor fans feel about this and whether or not some of what I mentioned has a chance in future movies.